A week later

I was pulled from sleep by the bed shifting under me slightly as someone climbed onto it. Small hands grabbed my exposed shoulder and gave me a small shake.

"Mama?" Caden's quavering voice had my beast holding back her teeth at the interruption of her sleep. She gave a low whine before curling up and covering her eyes with her tail. Stupid beast was able to simply go back to sleep. I had to deal with the children this early in the morning but she could sleep all she wanted. I poked at her in my mind and she flashed me a toothy grin as her tail lifted a fraction.

"Hey big man. Let's let mama sleep." Azrael's voice was thick with tiredness as his considerable bulk moved on the bed behind me. I stiffened for a moment before he grabbed Caden and they both left the room.

I let out a sigh and buried my face into the pillow. I actually had no clue how that had happened. One day he was simply lying in bed with me, making sure I was healing from the bear's tag on me and the next he had moved his pillow and blanket into my room. The children questioned me heavily whenever I attempted to kick him out as they said they preferred it when we shared the room and they didn't have to choose which person to go to when they had nightmares or couldn't sleep. I gave them what they wanted because I was weak willed person who didn't like seeing the hurt confusion in their puppy dog eyes.

My wolf was absolutely no help. She didn't care, as long as he stayed to his side of the bed and we had our space, she could care less where he sleep. I felt like I was the last to be let in on a secret and I didn't like it. As my wolf didn't fight it, I gave up and stopped attempting to as well. It was hard when one half of you was utterly apathetic towards the thing you wanted to be upset about.

If I had thought my bed was small after the boys all crammed onto it, then it was even worse with Azrael deciding to join in on that fun. He was a large male. I usually didn't pay attention or truly care but in regards to him intruding on my sleeping space, I definitely noticed. It was hard not to notice. He took up nearly over a third of the bed and the boys took up over a third and I was left with a tiny sliver of bed to myself.

Although I figured a large part in why I hadn't really noticed when he had moved into my bedroom was the fact that he had done so while I was down and out after the bear attack. My wolf made a satisfied noise at that. She was quite proud that we had managed to take down such a large beast. When she had noticed that it was attempting to attack Azrael she had snapped and focused completely on the large beast and on making sure it was dead. We hadn't even realized we had been wounded until the adrenaline had worn off and the searing pain had set in shortly after I hauled the healers to fix the idiotic Alpha who bore the brunt of the bear's fury.

I gave a small huff of air. We should have noticed the wound sooner. True the bear had flung us a fair distance but we still should have noticed. It would have saved me the entire trouble of feeling like I should make my wolf ribbit instead of bark. The damn Alpha was getting me used to his presence little by little and he had taken the opportunity to take space in my room. It wasn't just him, I blamed the damned bond just as much as him. Whenever I stopped ignoring it to see what it was doing, it was moving around and vibrating like an over excited puppy.

The damn thing was also the reason I got better sleep. I had forgotten the small perks that a bond had when it came to sleep. I hadn't realized how poor my sleep had been before Azrael had started invading my bed space. There was no waking up startled at every sound I heard, no being unable to fall asleep due to my anxieties, nothing but instant unconsciousness. It was something I grudgingly admitted that I did perhaps like about the situation.

The door to the bedroom creaked open and I cracked an eye open, Eli's small form made its way to the bed. He rubbed at his eyes, holding his ragged blanket to his chest as he patted my face.

"Mama, sleepin?" His voice was a hushed whisper that wasn't an actual whisper. He had yet to master a true whisper but I didn't doubt he would figure it out but not before he disturbed every aspect of my sleep for the next few years.

"Not anymore." I watched him carefully and even my wolf lifted her tail to look at him with me. His blond hair was everywhere and he looked just as tired as I felt.

"Can I come in wichu?" He rubbed his blanket on his face and I didn't answer but simply pulled him onto the bed beside me, pulling the blankets up and over us both. He wiggled slightly as if trying to get comfortable before he closed his eyes. I allowed mine to shut as well and I slowly counted down in my head. His small hands touched my arm, tracing the scars with his fingers. "Wuz you scared of the bear, mama?" His voice was the loud whisper and he continued his tracing.

"No." I brushed my thumb across his pudgy arm. They were all in good shape and my wolf and I were incredibly proud of that fact. Even Lander was starting to put on the muscle he should have had months ago. Good meals and good training was bringing out a lean but slightly muscular form. It would be a long time before he bulked up but that muscle base was important.

"Why? Bears are scary. It hurts dada." His voice trembled and I pressed my face into the side of his head as his small fingers sought out the large scars the bear had left on me. I lazily allow my arms to shift and trailed my fingers through his hair to comfort him.

"Because there are more things in this world that you should be afraid of than a bear. It does as its nature dictates. It has no mind for corruption or evil acts. It is a mindless beast. It did not plan to hurt your dada, he simply got in its way." Animals were mindless and incapable of true evil. It was people one needed to fear, it was those that would lie and deceive, who would hurt and kill for fun. It was people who had the ability to see right from wrong and choose wrong. He fell silent as he used his fingers to make a pretend person walking down my arm.

"Are you mad dat yer wings are broked?" He turned his head to look at me. His innocence was soothing and I gave a low chuckle as I kissed his forehead.

"No, silly boy. They aren't broken. The bear simply took off a few feathers." The bear did not come even remotely close to breaking me. A few days to rest was not a breaking. It was a mini vacation.

"It looks broked." His face scrunched up as he looked at me and I kissed his nose. He was adorable and my wolf urged me to lick his cheek in affection. I pushed her thoughts away. I didn't need him asking me why I licked him. I had already done enough of that explaining.

"I think the bear deserves that reminder. He fought well and he fought hard. He was a warrior but bears don't have Grieving Walls. There would be nothing to show that he lived if I didn't wear his mark proudly." I doubted he would be able to understand what I was saying but it was as simple as I could say it. The bear had fought hard and he deserved to have a reminder of his life. From one warrior to another. I would honour his life by carrying his deep marks on my back.

"It roons the pritty pikture." He still looked perturbed and I gave him a half smile, my mouth twitching upwards a fraction. I was still getting used to the feeling of my mouth doing a motion that had been so easy as a child.

"I know. I wanted it too." A reminder of a new time period of my life and the ending of a chapter. It had a finality to it. The bear had destroyed my carefully crafted marks and with it the reminder of trying to keep it that way, of making it perfect, of completing the mural I had turned my body into.

"Why?"

"Because life isn't as simple or as perfect as lines on skin." It was a hard lesson to learn but it was one that I was slowly getting through. Almost a month without an incident and I was trying very, very hard to be better for my little ones.

"Mama makes no sense." He huffed and crossed his little arms over his chest with his bottom lip sticking out. He would understand when he was older but for now I liked him confused and pouting.

"No she doesn't." I hugged him tightly, pressing kisses all over his cheek and his temple until he giggled, wiggling to get out of my grasp. I stopped with a low chuckle as he kissed my chin with a bright smile that crinkled his eyes.

"Where's dada?" He wiggled slightly, pulling his blanket up to his face and rubbing his chin on it.

"Probably getting Caden breakfast." That was probably what Caden had wanted me to get for him so it was more than likely what Azrael was doing.

"Come for bekfast too?" He squirmed in excitement and I nodded before running my fingers through his hair and down his cheek.

"We can get breakfast too." There was no way I was going to go back to sleep. I wasn't the type of person to sleep in. Despite the better rest I was getting, I wasn't one to sleep in or lounge around. Once I was awake, I was awake.

"Oa'meal?"

"Yes, oatmeal." I nodded and slowly let him go as I sat up on the bed. I stretched until my muscles protested before I slowly came out of it and grabbed the silk house coat that Larissa had given me. It was impractical and foolish but it was either that or risk Eli getting loud enough to wake Nina while I got dressed. I had taken to wearing it more often in the mornings, not that I truly enjoyed the practice. Although it had its benefits, like keeping Azrael's eyes off my skin as he was so fond of looking at when my back was turned.

Once I had it tied tightly around my waist I picked Eli up and, with a quick cursory glance at Nina that let me know she was okay and still sleeping, I left the bedroom. I could hear Caden complaining almost immediately and could smell the startings of oatmeal on the stove. Eli chewed on his blanket slightly as I stepped into the room. Azrael was attempting to stir the oatmeal and placate a tired and hungry looking Caden.

"I hope you don't mind. I started the oatmeal. Its what Caden wanted." He glanced at me before he turned to Caden who was sniffling and complaining in a rather whiny voice that I had scolded him over numerous times. One couldn't convey what they needed when one spoke like that. I gave a half shrug as I adjusted Eli on my hip and patted Caden on the head while giving him a look that told him his tone was not appreciated.

I took the wooden spoon from Azrael and passed him Eli as I took over the job of cooking breakfast for the mass of children we shared. I could hear Azrael scratch at his beard as he sat down on the chair. He talked to the boys, his tone low and soothing as he asked how they slept. I tuned it out as I stirred the oatmeal before grabbing the cinnamon from where I kept it beside the stove. I frowned slightly as I realized we were getting a bit low.

"Mama, is it bath day?" At Caden's question I nodded.

"Yes it is." All the kids got excited for bath days. It was a good time for them to socialize with children their own age. Even Caden was getting better at that. True he didn't leave the pool I was in but if the other children came to him he played with them. I was just happy he was opening up more and becoming more social.

I stirred in the cinnamon before pulling out a cutting board and a knife. I grabbed an apple and set about cutting it up for the oatmeal. I would need at least two to actually have a decent batch of oatmeal. I sliced the apple neatly. I kept the knives sharp, meticulously running them over a whetstone to keep their edges. The intense focus and concentration needed for the job helped relax me. It kept my brain from being too loud or busy. It was a task that brought blissful silence.

"Mama, iz hungry." At Eli's voice I grabbed a few slices of apple before turning around. I gave one to Caden before giving one to Eli and finally giving one to Azrael. As much as I didn't particularly like giving him food, I was teaching the younger boys about sharing and being fair and equal. If I didn't give one to him they would alert me to the fact I wasn't being fair and demand I make it right. It was best to avoid the fight all together.

I turned back to the cutting board and finished cutting up the apples I needed before dumping them into the pot of oatmeal. Nina started crying and I could hear Azrael standing up. I held out my arm and he passed me Eli. I tucked my youngest boy on my hip and continued stirring the pot. The smell of it slowly filled the kitchen and Eli laid his head on my shoulder. He was getting big.

"Mama?" Caden tugged on my robe and I looked down at him.

"Yes?" I raised an eyebrow slightly and he gave me a bright smile that showed off his dimpled cheeks.

"I loves you." His eyes crinkled and I set the spoon down so I could cup his cheek. My heart felt full at his words as it did every time on the boys told me they loved me.

"I love you too." I stroked his cheek with my thumb before I turned back to the stove. "Please sit at the table. Oatmeal is ready." I moved the pot off the warming plate and then carried Eli to his spot. He was now in a booster seat, the high chair was now reserved for Nina. We had her on a mashed foods and she liked being able to sit with everyone. I set Eli down and kissed the top of his head as Azrael came back into the room with a gurgling Nina in his arms.

"She's in a happy mood." He walked over to me so I could give her, her morning kisses. I peppered her face with them, putting my scent on her as she giggled and grabbed at my face. I pulled away to pull the bowls out of the cupboard and Azrael once again sat at the table.

"Ninah likes me." Caden giggled and I watched as he patted her belly as she smiled at him.

"Of course she does." Azrael ruffled his hair and I dished up two bowls before setting them in front of the boys.

"Mama, papa needs some." At Caden's demand I wanted to roll my eyes. I was happy they wanted things fair but I should have seen that coming. I dished up another two bowls before setting one in front of Azrael's spot and placing the other in front of Lander's spot. I would wake him and Graham up as soon as I was done doling out the oatmeal

"Yes he does but I only have two hands." I ruffled Caden's hair before doing the same to Eli. I dished up the last bowl and placed it in Graham's spot before heading to the boys' room. Graham was sprawled out over his covers and Lander was curled into a small ball. I shook both of them awake with a tiny smile. "Breakfast is done. Get dressed and come and eat. I was happy that Graham no longer constantly woke up with nightmares. It happened but it wasn't a constant issue anymore. He was a growing boy and needed the sleep.

They climbed out of their beds with blurry eyes and messy hair. I gave a small smile at them before I headed back into the kitchen. Azrael was attempting to feed Nina some oatmeal and seemed to be succeeding for the most part. I made sure both Eli and Caden were eating before I dished myself up a small bowl and leaned against the counter to eat it.

It wasn't long before Lander and Graham came into the kitchen, rubbing at their eyes and yawning widely. Once they sat down to eat, I let my mind wander. There wasn't much we had to do today. It was a weekend so school was off for Lander and Graham. Lander might go to visit Brin and Clary and Tandi might come over to play but other than the bathhouse we had nothing else we needed to do for the day. I liked that. I didn't much care for the days when we were busy out and about. I preferred to stay in or around the den. It felt safer when there were less people around.

I finished my bowl of oatmeal and I watched as the boys became more lively, waking up from their half-asleep stupors. Chatter and boyish laughter filled the small house as they started growing more and more exuberant.

"Hey, hey. No fooling around at the table." Azrael's voice was stern and the boys quieted down. "If you are done, please thank your mama for breakfast and put your dishes in the sink. Then you may go play." Nina spit out oatmeal at Azrael and then giggled. I smirked at it slightly before I was distracted by the sound of dishes hitting the sink and quickly said thanks as the boys attempted to run off.

"Eli and Caden." They stopped at my words and I quickly wet a cloth and moved over to them. I wiped off Caden's face and then Eli's before cleaning Eli's hands. I kissed them both on the cheek and pushed them gently to go play. I handed the cloth to Azrael so he could wipe the oatmeal off of his face. Nina was getting quite accurate with her spitting when she wished to be.

"Your daughter is turning out to be quite the little monster." Azrael attempted to clean the oatmeal from his beard with the cloth and only seemed to be smushing it further into the sandy strands. I bent down and kissed Nina's oatmeal covered cheek which caused her to giggle and coo as she turned to look at me.

"She is adorable." I smoothed my hand over her head and moved to the sink. The dishes needed to be done before the oatmeal dried to them. I had learned that the hard way and it was not something I wished to repeat.

"I won't deny that." He gave a chuckle as I ran the sink full of water. Nina cooed happily, slamming her hands against her tray. "Look at you making noise. Want more oatmeal?" She let out a happy screech at his words and banged some more. I slowly started washing the dishes, only half listening to the boys screech out happily and Azrael talking to Nina as he attempted to get her to eat more before her bottle.

The day passed by rather quickly with a flurry of activity and Azrael recounting the tale of me and the bear. I did not know why he has started to tell them the story as entertainment but he had. He made it seem fanciful, like a story in a book. He didn't downplay his own part in the story. He let the boys know that the bear bested him, that the beast had taken him down and was ready to make their dada meet the moon. He didn't hold that from them like I knew most would. He would then exaggerate his movements, growling and grumbling like the bear as he told of the beast's size. It seemed to grow every time he told the story.

For some reason he seemed to want the boys to view me as the hero of the tale, as his hero. He looked at me as if I were his very moon. It was unsettling for me. I never had a male look at me like that before. My wolf and I didn't like it, we didn't like being unsettled by it.

The bathhouse didn't take much time either. Nina enjoyed this bath far more than the previous one. She actually splashed in the small pool, giggling as the water sprayed everywhere. I liked it when my little ones were happy, it made me and my wolf content to see them experience the joyful childhood that I had. I had a lovely childhood and I didn't ever want them to feel lacking because of me and my shortcomings. So the bathhouse wasn't something that was exciting. It was what happened after that gave a bit of excitement to our day.