I slowly made my way over to Lander, ignoring the male that was standing behind him. Lander's hands and face were coated in a dark coloured mortar. In fact all the boys had it on them. I could see what Lander had meant when he said they would need to go to the bath house after the ceremony.

"How is Nina?" He looked at the little bundle in my arms and I shifted her against my chest as she squirmed slightly, yawning.

"She is alright. Fed and changed." I patted the bottom of the bundle in an attempt to make sure she stayed asleep. I didn't need her to start fussing and me start having another issue with anxiety as she did so.

"She wasn't fussy?" Lander shifted on his feet as if he was concerned. My wolf and I liked that he was so concerned about his siblings. He was a good boy, very caring and my wolf and I wanted to foster that behaviour in him. There was no weakness in being kind. We would make sure he was strong but strength also came from the ability to show those you loved that you cared.

"She was alright. She acted as infants do." I gesture to the building with my head. "We should get you four washed up so we can head back to the house." I moved towards the front door and Lander moved in front of me, taking the position of protector as he opened the door. I wanted to smile at him, my wolf thought it was cute and I resisted the urge to make he step behind me. He was simply trying to protect his little sister, I understood and accepted that.

I entered the building and the air was warm and humid. I could hear the sounds of water splashing and the murmur of conversation from further into the building. It was a simple log and stone building. I looked around warily as I entered the unfamiliar territory and held Nina a bit tighter as I stepped further into it. A female shifter smiled brightly at me and moved towards me.

"I was wondering when you would be coming in." Her voice was welcoming and I flashed my teeth at her in warning. She stopped short and her smile turned a bit more wary but she seemed to shake it off quickly. "Welcome to the bath house. You can strip down here. We wash the clothing and there are numerous others you can take in return." She gestured to open cupboards that were filled with clothing, they were labelled by size.

"You have a little one so you are going to need a basket." She went to a small stack and grabbed a strange looking foam bowl that had a wicker looking interior. She slowly moved over, holding it out towards me. Lander took it from her and gave her a small smile before he gestured me towards a counter. I moved over and I set Nina down gently before I slipped off my jacket, setting it beside the bundle.

"Get nekked?" Eli came over as he tugged as his jacket and I nodded before crouching down and helping him take his jacket off.

"Yes, take off your clothes so we can have a bath." They all needed one and it would help them wash away what lingered on them. Even if it was just for a moment, it would help them relax and simply be children. Eli nodded as I stood up, the woman had backed off but my wolf still didn't like her presence near the children. "Lander, please help your siblings." I gestured behind me before I pulled my shirt off and kicked out of my boots. I shimmied out of my pants before I picked my clothes up, setting them beside my jacket.

I unbundled Nina carefully, I didn't particularly want to undress her completely. I didn't need to deal with the issues of putting her back in her diaper at the moment. She wiggled slightly as I unsnapped the buttons on her jumper. She smacked her lips as I pulled her jumper off her. I picked her up, it was a strange feeling being skin to skin with the small life. The female moved a bit closer and I bared my teeth at her, a low growl rumbling in the air as a warning. My warning must have been taken in by the boys because I could feel them slowly move towards me, seeking protection away from my perceived threat.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to show you how to use the basket." She looked uneasy as she glanced at me and I shook my head slightly.

"Do not approach me without asking. My wolf will kill to protect the pups." It wouldn't be intentional or have anything do to with the female herself. My wolf had a deadly need to make sure these futures lived to have their own futures. She didn't wish to lose another boy to the angel of death so she would fight with tooth and claw to make sure her futures were safe.

"I-I'm sorry." The female squirmed under my gaze and I tilted my head as I pressed Nina to my shoulder.

"Apologies mean very little to my wolf and I, female, and you will be incapable of saying them when your throat is torn by our teeth." There were no infliction to my tone, it was a simple warning that didn't need emotions to deliver.

"No." Eli pressed his face into my thigh and I ignored him, surprisingly so did my wolf. She had a message to deliver to the female.

"Hush, child." I moved towards the female and she backed off, the scent of fear heavy in the air around her. "Look, listen, and think. You do not approach a feral animal without first gauging the danger there is to you." I could feel her eyes on my skin but she wasn't looking at me, keeping her gaze away from my own. I could feel her tracing my scars with her eyes, so many usually did when they first saw me.

"Do not touch my things. They are to remain as they are and I shall return for them. You may clean everything else, but do not touch what is mine." I didn't like anyone touching my things. My backpack was hidden where the boys couldn't find it and when I returned to the house it would be placed in my space. The female nodded quickly and I pointed at the foam basket. "I set the pup in that and it will float on the water so I do not need to hold her?" I could not get the boys to clean themselves appropriately if I were to hold Nina out of the water the entire time.

"Y-yes. There is also some homemade shampoo and conditioner in various spots around the springs. Feel free to use them." She glanced up at me, her shoulder hunching and I tilted my head before giving her a nod of respect. She was a smart woman, a bit slow on the uptake but she was helpful to an extent. She looked a bit stunned and I carefully pointed at the basket, making sure Nina was secure as I did so.

"Grab that, Lander, my hands are full." I glanced at Lander and he nodded before he grabbed the basket for me. I looked at the rest and nodded, Lander had helped strip down the rest of his siblings and everyone was ready for bathing. I turned and headed towards the large stone arch that I figured was the entrance to the baths.

The springs were larger than I thought and I was almost impressed with it. The air was more humid and I was able to see the various people who were in the springs. Many of them looked at me with smiles that froze when they took in the scars that roped across my body. I was used to the reactions. It took a lot to scar a shifter and the fact I had so many large scars spoke of a harsh life that many could not understand or imagine.

I ignored all of the shifters as I walked on the stone floor towards what looked to be a shallow pool. Steam curled off the water slightly and I stepped into it carefully. It went up to my knees, the water was warm but not hot. Graham and Caden quickly climbed in after me with laughter as they started moving around in the water playfully.

"Down, pwease." Eli grabbed at my arm and I shook my head slowly before I turned to look at Lander.

"Can I go with my friends?" He pointed to a group of juveniles and I gave another shake of my head. I needed his help before he wandered off.

"I need you to give me the basket and then help Eli into the water. After that I require you to find me the shampoo and conditioner." I blinked at him, my tone even. "Then you may go be with your friends." I wouldn't keep him from them. He had a life before his mother died and I wasn't about to deny him that. He nodded as he stepped into the pool and set the basket down before he lifted Eli into the water.

"I'll be right back." He looked at me and I gave him a small nod of permission. I grasped the floating basket and gently placed Nina in it. It had very little wobble and kept her out of the water. Eli grabbed my arm as I sat down, babbling incoherently as he traced my scars with his small fingers.

"Ouchy?" He looked up at me and I shook my head as I started to take my braid out. My hair was soft on my fingers as I dragged them through it to take the braid out. I reached out with my free hand and brought Nina's basket closer to me.

"Not any more." Scars carried very little pain. He didn't need to worry himself with them.

"Kisses better!" He kissed the large scar on my arm and my wolf wanted to lick him affectionately for the action. I held back that urge and settled with awkwardly patting his cheek. It was enough to settle my wolf down.

"Here you are." Lander carefully set down some bowls near the edge of the pool. He pointed to one. "This is the shampoo and this is the conditioner." He moved his hand to point to the other bowl and I nodded. He had also brought another empty bowl and few wash cloths that he had set beside the other bowls

"Go be with your friends but do not forget to clean yourself." I didn't need to be focusing on a juvenile's cleaning habits. He was old enough to clean himself and shouldn't need me to supervise to make sure he was doing as he was supposed too.

"I won't." He shook his head and I reached out and grabbed a wash cloth, dipping it into the warm water.

"Good." I grasped Eli's arm and started to wipe down his skin, cleaning the mortar off. He sang a nonsense tune as he tapped his fingers along my scars. I kept my eyes on Nina's basket, carefully pulling it back every time she started floating away. Graham and Caden were playing in the other end of the pool and I was having a hard time focusing on all of them at the same time.

"C'ean?" Eli looked at his now clean hands and I nodded.

"Yes."

"C'ean hair now." He lifted up a lock of my hair with a smile and I nodded again before reaching out and grabbing the shampoo bowl Lander had brought over. It smelled like evergreens and mint and I took a small scoop of it before I started to massage it into Eli's hair. I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing but I figured doing to him what I did to myself when washing hair was good enough. The shampoo didn't bubble excessively and I carefully made sure I had gotten all of his hair coated in the shampoo. He gave me a big smile that had me looking away as my heart clenched slightly. I grabbed the empty bowl and filled it with water as Eli titled his head back.

"No in eyes. Hurts." He covered his eyes and I frowned for a moment before a pressed my hand to his forehead and poured the water over his hair, trying to make sure the shampoo didn't go into his eyes. I reached out and pulled Nina closer to my body before I repeated the action of rinsing out his hair. Once I was certain all the shampoo was gone I grabbed the bowl of conditioner and spread it evenly through his hair.

"Go play for a few minutes and let that sit." I nudged him away and he moved towards Caden and Graham with a high pitched giggle. I watched them for a moment before I once again pulled Nina's basket towards me. She was still sound asleep and I was thankful for that.

I glanced over my shoulder, looking for Lander. I spotted him among the group of juveniles, he was giving them small smiles as they attempted to give him comfort and reassurance. He wasn't ready to let go of his grief, to work through it. The wounds were too fresh but it was good that he had a support system he could lean on when he decided to work through what plauged him.

I grabbed the bowl of shampoo and took some for myself before dipping my head into the water. I was efficient in washing my hair as I watched the boys, making sure they were okay. My wolf didn't like the separation between us and the children. She wanted them within reach but I needed breathing room. I still wasn't entirely comfortable with the thought of all the responsibility that came with taking care of children.

I quickly rinsed out my hair, trying to comfort my wolf's anxiety about not having the boys in sight. It was confusing for her because she had quite a few instincts she wasn't sure what to do with. To make matters worse was her instincts were bleeding into me. It was the blind leading the blind. I followed her because this path made her happy but it didn't mean we knew what we were doing.

I grabbed the small bowl of conditioner and ran it through my hair with my fingers. Caden walked towards me, his expression crestfallen. My wolf gave a small whine at the sadness that radiated off of him.

"What is wrong?" I set the bowl of conditioner back on the stone ledge of the pool as I stared at him.

"I jus' sad. Can I sit witchu?" He sniffled and I nodded as I twisted my hair into a bun, leaving it sit at the top of my head. He sat down beside me, wrapping his arms around my arm and pressing his cheek to my skin. "Why do I hurt?" He sniffled and I reached out and gently shifted Nina's basket closer.

"Because death sometimes leaves a wound that we cannot see. It causes a different kind of pain." Physical pain was sharp and biting, emotional pain was like a rolling thickness that could consume you in the pain it carried.

"Not like ouchies?" He looked confused and I didn't blame him, the concept of emotional pain was a bit beyond his age level.

"Deeper than that. It hurts in here." I pressed my hand to where his small heart beat in his chest. The rhythm soothed my wolf, relaxed her. "It will fade over time but there is nothing that can make it go away." The only way I knew was to use physical pain to drown it out but there was no way I was going to tell a child that.

"I don' wanna hurt." He sniffled again before he let out a shuddering breath. I let my hand drop before I grabbed the cloth and picked up his arm, wiping at his skin. My wolf wanted to groom them but she grudgingly allowed me to do so instead.

"We never do." No one ever wanted to deal with the pain. It was not something anyone truly wanted. It was inevitable but it did not mean you enjoyed its presence.

"You hurt too?" Caden wiped at his eyes as I gently rubbed the mortar away from his skin. It was easier to focus on the task than on his tears.

"Yes." I gave a short nod and set the cloth down. He looked up at me with how wide brown eyes and I avoided his gaze. Children were unnerving at times.

"Deeper than yer ouchies?" He lowered his head as he trailed his fingers along my scars much like Eli had done. I wasn't sure why they fascinated the children. It was either the designs or the scars themselves. Small children had a very limited grasp of what could cause such marks.

"Yes, much deeper. Surface pain is treatable, the deeper pain clouds everything out. There is no cure for it. No bandage to use on it." There was nothing to be done for it, it was there and one had to deal with it as it was. There was no other option for it.

"Makes me sad." He looked at me and I washed his face before I reached out and pulled Nina closer. The basket had slowly drifted away and my wolf didn't like her out of arm's reach.

"Then don't think on it." It was the only thing I could think of to help him. I didn't want him sad but I didn't know what else to say or do to fix it. I was virtually useless when it came to long term battling of grief and sadness. I knew how I dealt with it wasn't healthy but I didn't care. It worked for me and that was all I needed.

"How?" His bottom lip stuck out slightly and I once again grabbed the bowl of shampoo.

"Think about the various things in your life that you enjoy instead." I stared washing his hair and he was silent for a moment before he looked at me again.

"I like oa'meal." His face brightened slightly and I nodded slowly as I made sure I got the shampoo through all of his hair.

"That is good."

"An' playin' wit my brothers." He gave a tentative smile and I gave another nod before I grabbed the empty bowl and started to rinse his hair out.

"That's better." I tried to keep the shampoo out of his eyes as I rinsed out his hair and he was quiet for a moment before he started following my scars again.

"An' hugs. I like hugs." His smile grew a bit and I reached out and grabbed the bowl of conditioner.

"Just think on the things you enjoy and the sadness won't hurt as much." I made sure to coat his hair evenly before I reached out and brought Nina closer again. Caden sat beside me and seemed content to trace my scars with his fingers. He didn't question them, simply followed their paths on my skin. I motioned for Graham to come over, ignoring Caden's tracing. I corralled the small floating basket once more as Graham huffed dramatically and moved towards me, Eli following him. I grabbed the small bowl of shampoo and held it out for him. "You are to clean your own hair." He needed to learn to be partially independant from a parental figure. He took the bowl and nodded before sitting down beside me. I motioned for Eli to come closer.

He smiled at me brightly and I started to rinse his hair, careful of getting it into his eyes like he was protesting. His hair was soft like down on my fingers as I finished rinsing. He sputtered slightly and rubbed at his eyes.

"Done?" He blinked quickly as if unsure if he should open his eyes and I nodded as I ran my fingers through his hair, checking for knots. He smelled clean and fresh like the pool we sat in. I could smell the faint minerals that stuck to his skin from the water I knew came from deep within the mountain.

"Yes, we are done." I patted his head and looked into Nina's basket, she was still sleeping peacefully. I started rinsing out my own hair. I pulled it over my shoulder and Caden inhaled.

"You have wings!" He sounded excited as he touched my back, tracing the lines of the wings I had carved into my skin. "Like a birdy!" He giggled as he traced the thick lines on my back. I finished rinsing my hair out and Caden touched my shoulders.

"Watzit say?" He trailed his hand across my shoulder, his fingers going over the letters I had carved above the wings. It seemed a bit bitter now but I didn't particularly care enough about it to let it bother me.

"Its is the name of the angel of death." I had felt it was fitting when I had gotten the mundane to carve the wings into my skin. "I need to rinse your hair." I reached for him and he shuffled towards me so I could rinse his hair. He allowed it with less complaining than Eli had. Once I was done I stood up and reached for Eli, lifting him out of the pool.

"It is time to go." I didn't want to be in the springs anymore. There were too many people. I could sense them coming into the bathhouse. My wolf and I preferred it if the children didn't see me mutilating pack members because we had become agitated. I helped Caden out and Graham climbed out himself. I carefully picked the basket out of the water, holding it carefully as I climbed up the small set of stairs that lead to the pool.

I looked over the various pools, scanning for Lander's skinny form. I found him quickly, he was still with the juveniles but was hanging around the outer edges of their group. I stared at him and I could tell he could feel it because his shoulders hunched and he started looking around. He met my gaze and I gestured with my head that we were leaving. I didn't want to be stuck in the building with such large amounts of unknown shifters. Even the thought of it was enough to have my wolf's teeth bared and her hackles raised.

I didn't wait for him as I spotted a large shelving unit with what looked to be towels. I lead the three boys over and crouched down, putting Nina's basket down carefully as to not disturb her. I pulled a towel off the shelf and threw it over Eli's head before grabbing two more and giving them to the other two. I grabbed Eli and pulled him closer, rubbing his towel covered head quickly, trying to dry his hair. I wrapped the towel around him before grabbing myself a towel and drying my hair as best as I could. I threw the towel over my shoulders before I hastily finger combed my hair and braided it. I tied it off before wrapping the towel around my body and picking Nina up out of the basket. She kicked her legs out slightly but settled down when I pressed her to my shoulder. Her skin was slightly damp from the steamy atmosphere but I ignored it as Lander finally made his way over to us.

"Get dried off as best as you can. We will be returning to the house." We had only been in the bath house for an hour but it felt like a bit too much socialization for me and my wolf. We didn't like people in general and so having them around us was a task for us. I wanted to grimace as the large crowd we had heard finally entered the bathhouse.

My wolf stiffened and gave a low rumbling growl at their loud, rowdy behaviour. We didn't care for the fact they were between us and the exit. I shoved the feeling away but allowed her, her wariness. We needed to keep an eye on them. They weren't a threat to me, I could deal with them as I could but the fact I had an infant and four children with me made me feel a bit trapped. I couldn't go on the offensive like my nature demanded, I was being forced to be defensive and it was grating.

I walked along the outer edges of the wood and stone building. My wolf was focused on the large group of shifters that had come in. There was some splashing as several of them jumped into the large pool that was in the center of the room. It seemed to be the deepest one. I was aware of the various mothers and their children in the smaller pools. The chatter everyone gave off was almost headache inducing. I preferred silence and it was hard to tune them out. My wolf gave a low whine and scratched at her ears.

We made it to the entrance and I stepped into it, looking around the room. The boys' clothes had been picked up but mine were where I had left them, there were also four other small stacks of clothing with winter gear next to my own. I moved over to them quickly. The female was digging in a supply closet and I ignored her as a threat as I lay Nina back onto her blankets. She wiggled for a brief moment as I tucked her back into her jumper and doing it up before she fell still. I kept my eye on her as I motioned Eli over. I helped him dry off before I folded the towel. I grabbed the smallest set of clothing, it seemed to match Eli's size and I quickly helped him into them.

I repeated the gesture for Caden before I dried myself off and pulled my own clothes on. I carefully wrapped Nina up and cradled her in my arms as I waited for Graham and Lander to finish. It didn't take them long and once they were dressed I led them outside and towards the house. My wolf and I didn't want to be anywhere near the numerous shifters. She wanted their blood and I wanted them far away.

It was simply safer to retreat to our den. We didn't like the idea of retreat. We never retreated but my wolf's focus was on making sure her futures reached an age where they could survive and create futures of their own. It was her instincts that drove her forward and I simply followed behind. She and her instincts had never lead me wrong before.

We made it to the house and I gave a low warning growl to Lander to stay back as I handed him Nina. I would be the first to enter the house to make sure that the shifters were gone. I opened the door and looked around. Everything was clean and in order and I took a step inside. Their scents lingered but I could faintly smell vinegar and the house was a bit cooler and crisp with mountain air. I motioned for the boys to follow me as I looked around, searching of anything out of place.

I made my way to my chosen sanctum and wrinkled my nose in distaste. The old mattress and bed frame was gone, a larger one had been put in. I didn't like them changing it but I appreciated the fact I had been given a different mattress. I doubted I would have been able to completely remove Bella's sour and sick scent from the fabric of the old one.

The bed was made with fresh linen and there were several stacks of clothing on the bed as well as a note. I walked over and picked it up. It smelled as Gabriella did and I looked at the flowing writing.

Lace,
As you can see I replaced the old mattress and bed frame. I doubt Bella's scent would fully leave and I figured you deserved something that didn't have the past clinging to it. I also brought you some clothes as I noticed you have very little of them.
I stocked more food and I brought you in a small ice box, it is beside the stove. I will help keep it stocked in ice until you become more familiar with the territory. I placed some venison in it, please feel free to use it for supper. Lander is a growing boy and he will need all the food he can get.
I took the rest of Bella's and Rafael's clothing with me and I took some of the boys' clothing to be washed. I will return them tomorrow when I come back. I and Uriel are in the fort if you need anything.
Gabriella

I stared at the letter before crumpling it and moving out of the room. Lander had placed Nina in her crib and the three other boys were playing with suspiciously new toys on the floor. I ignored the niggling aggravation that came with the thought that Gabriella had provided for them. I spotted the icebox and moved over to it. The meat was there as she said it was. As much as I didn't like the thought of her providing for them, I was incapable of hunting with an infant that required attention.

I was well aware there was a lot of things I was now incapable of doing and I hated every instance of it. My life was no longer completely mine and it was a feeling I would need to get used to because it wasn't likely to go back to how it was. After all, I would do anything for my wolf. She was my closest family and my only ally and I only ever wanted her happiness. Nothing more than that, nothing less because if it wasn't about our survival or her happiness. I simply didn't care.

I closed the ice box door and turned around, taking in the scent of the house. It was clean and fresh, it relaxed my wolf and I slightly. It was like a clean slate that we could work with. The boys were busy with the toys and Nina was sleeping in her crib so I moved back to the bedroom. I dug my pack out and started pulling the books Mari had given me out, setting them up on a high shelf in the room. I pulled out my knives and the temptation to use them was strong but the faint sounds of the boys in the living room had me setting them up on the shelf as well. I set my empty pack on the floor before I slid it under the bed with my foot.

I grabbed The Hobbit and sat on the bed before opening the book, picking up where I left off. The story was interesting but it was a bit slow. However it was a gift and I would read it. The book progressed and I became aware of someone coming into the room. Caden climbed up onto the bed and I stared at him for a moment before turning back to the book.

"Readin'?" He moved towards me and tucked himself close to my side.

"A book. Shush, child. It is rude to interrupt." At my warning he remained quiet and as more time went by he fell asleep, his head resting on my lap. My wolf nudged my hand and I let it fall to his head, stroking his hair gently as I continued my reading. I wasn't sure how long I stayed like that but the rest of the boys gave cries that they were hungry and I had to shift Caden off my lap to go feed them. It was dark out, the lights had gone off but Lander had lit the lanterns and it cast a glow through the living room and kitchen.

Supper was easy to make and they ate in slight silence before Nina started her cries, demanding to be fed. I mixed up her bottle and tried to ignore her piercing cries that were filling the air. I fed her quickly, changing her diaper before rocking her to sleep. I had Lander bring her crib into the bedroom, placing it beside the bed. I lay her down to sleep before I picked Caden up and carried him to their room, setting him on one of the four small beds that were in the room.

I ushered the other boys to bed, allowing them to hug and kiss me good night before I returned to my own room, stripping off my clothes and crawling into the bed. The sheets felt smooth on my skin. I had slept outside the first night, curled up in my wolf form. It was nice having a bed to sleep on. My wolf was still slightly agitated and I reached out, tugging the crib closer before I reached through the bars, resting my hand on Nina's chest. The action soothed my wolf and she settled down.

I hovered over the edge of sleep and wakefulness and became fully awake when Eli crawled onto the bed, holding a small blanket tightly in his hands. He moved to lay beside me, tucking himself under my outstretched arm, wiggling in place as if to get comfortable.

"Go back to bed." I didn't look at him but he simply wiggled a bit more, pressing himself closer to me.

"Sleep wit you." He said nothing else as he curled up, his breathing going deeper. It felt a bit strange to have someone in bed with me but I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep but I was interrupted when Caden joined us. I let out a sigh but said nothing as he curled up on my other side. He too fell asleep and within a few moments after I fell back towards sleep as well.

I was tired and I needed the sleep but Graham joined as well and he was followed by Lander a few minutes later. I opened my eyes and blinked as their bodies shifted on the bed. Children were irritating. I simply wanted to sleep but now my bed was filled to capacity.

I wasn't aware of the time but I knew it was in the early morning hours and I rubbed at my gritty eyes and tried once more to fall asleep. I had almost reached it when Nina let out a wail, alerting us to her precense. I stifled a groan and a scowl as I sat up. There would be no sleep for me tonight and I doubted any other night afterwards.