Children were strange and difficult.

Despite my wolf's now serious attachment to the children, it didn't give us an innate ability to raise them. Her enthusiasm didn't give us any knowledge towards what to do with them and their care. The little female, Nina, while sweet smelling and something we felt extraordinarily possessive over, was a noisy little thing that woke up every four hours for feedings. Lander had to show me how to make the bottles. The hospital had only given me one small canister of formula that I had narrowed my eyes at. My wolf wanted to feed the little female from our breast but I knew her enthusiastic want could not help with all things, especially that.

When I had lead the boys home, cradling their little sister to my chest, the four of them had curled up on the living room floor, unwilling to leave the comfort of each other's presence. Lander drug a cradle out of some place, it had been dusty but it had been good enough for Nina once it was wiped down.

After that my wolf had forced herself out and she had lay with the four boys, ignoring the fur pulling that Eli did and nuzzling Caden as he cried. She had spread her scent over their exposed skin, saturating her new futures as a warning for others to stay away and as a beacon stating that they were hers.

For their part, the boys took her attention well. Even she she started to groom them. Their hair had stuck up and out in numerous cowlicks when she was done but she had been satisfied. She had only let me out when the little one decided to show off her impressive set of lungs. We had both panicked at the sound before Lander had started to mix up the bottle for her. We had watched him carefully as he did, while I had rocked Nina, patting her diapered bottom awkwardly as I tried to get her to calm down.

I didn't know how to be maternal and my wolf only knew what her instincts told her but she lacked finesse. It was awkward for all of us and I followed Lander, watching him carefully as he did things for Nina and his brothers. I cooked and I held them if they requested it but there was a stiffness that I couldn't shake. While my wolf found herself enjoying the time, I felt slightly cornered.

I could not simply leave the mountains anymore. We had little people to look after now, a tiny family full of futures that relied on us. Bella had handed them over, thrown me the mantle of responsibility. While I balked at it, my wolf ran head first into the fray. She wanted her own futures, wanted children and we always assumed a mate was the only way we could get it. Now she had the futures she wished with no mate in sight. I understood her joy and her intense want. I did but in the same breath I would ache for my freedom.

The children were strange to me, foreign. The boys were very needy creatures, much like their sister. Eli demanded attention as Caden demanded comfort. Graham talked relentlessly, asking questions about everything demanding answers while Lander sat in silence. It had been a long night. None of them had slept, except for a few sporadic naps that were had through the night. Their grief had been palpable and I had simply allowed my wolf free reign to comfort them because I didn't know where to begin.

I let out a huff of air before adjusting my arm around Nina. I was still trying to find out where she would sit the most comfortable against my chest. She gave soft little suckling sounds and sighs but I didn't think she was truly eating, just suckling on the nipple to comfort herself. I looked down and my wolf rose upwards, wanting me to nibble on her exposed flesh as her little hands opened and closed. She was so tiny.

"Is oa'meal done?" Caden sniffled as he looked up at me and I shook my head.

"No, child. A few more minutes." The smell of cinnamon and apples hung heavily in the air as I slowly pulled the bottle from Nina's mouth. I watched as her little face scrunched up for a faintly heart stopping moment before she settled again. The next part always made me stiffen. I was afraid I would drop her as I gently adjusted her so she was resting on my shoulder. I patted her back firmly, like Lander had taught me. My hand felt big compared to her, I had never seen a creature more tiny.

There were faint trailings of pain in my system that were now a constant. We had spent so long avoiding children because of the hurt it brought that now it was a constant stream of it as we stood in the middle of them all. It was like a never ending flow of it. We didn't like that type of pain, it brought us no clarity or focus.

It simply hurt.

I didn't want to think of our boy. I didn't wish to remember how badly it had hurt and how badly I had simply wanted to hold him as I was holding Nina. The comfort we got from holding her, even as awkwardly as we did, almost hurt a bit. She wasn't a replacement for my wolf or I, we were well aware that she was not our boy but we still gained that small comfort from her and it hurt us.

"Up!" Eli tugged on my shirt and I shook my head, waiting for Nina to burp so I could put her down in the crib. The children were growing more needy for my attention. Their mother's words must have been ringing in their heads. I was now the sole provider for their needs, physical and emotional and they were becoming more and more aware of it.

"Not now." I patted Nina's back, supporting her bum like Lander showed me, as I continued to search for her burp. Lander was stirring the pot of oatmeal under our watchful eyes. We were overly cautious about them now, we didn't want for any of them to get hurt under our watch. The mantle of responsibility weighed heavily on our shoulders.

"Pwease! Up!" Eli stretched his little arms up and his face turned red with frustration. He needed more sleep, he was cranky. I didn't have to know children to see and understand that.

"Your sister needs to burp." I jostled Nina a bit hoping to force the air upwards better than the patting.

"Neenaa?" He tilted his head at me, the redness retreating as he rubbed at his eyes. He was so tired. My wolf wanted to nudge him towards the blanket nest on the living room floor so he could nap.

"Yes, Nina needs to burp." I continued my ministrations on the newborn, I hoped she burped rather than spitting up. The smell was always a bit too sour for my nose.

"Den up?" He stuck his bottom lip out and I looked at him carefully.

"Maybe."

"Den up." He said it firmly before he walked toward where Graham was napping on the couch. Children were so demanding. Nina gave a small burp and I almost sighed in relief. She had been getting a bit fussy and her piercing cries were not pleasant to listen to. The demanded instant attention and I now understood why new parents always looked so tired.

"The oatmeal is done." Lander said it softly as I moved towards him. I brushed my cheek across his forehead, spreading my scent on his skin as I gently placed Nina into his arms. He was more sure about carrying her than I was but I still watched him intently.

"Put her in the crib and I will dish you and your brothers up." I watched as he carried his sleeping sister to the crib in the living room. He was whispering to her about how strong he thought she was, how beautiful she looked. He was such a loving, caring boy.

I turned away as he placed her in her crib and pulled the bowls out of the cupboard. I had spent an hour figuring where everything was placed in the kitchen and in the house in general. The children stayed here so I needed to as well. It was best to get to know my territory intimately. I dished up the four bowls and put them at their respective places before I walked over to the couch and picked up Eli. He gave a tired and heavy sigh and leaned his head on my shoulder as I crouched down, smoothing Graham's hair back from his face.

"Breakfast is ready." I stroked his soft skin, my wolf fulling my actions more than anything. His eyes cracked open as he yawned.

"Oatmeal?" His voice was groggy and I let my hand drop as he sat up. He rubbed at his eyes and I patted his head as I stood up.

"Yes." I adjusted Eli as Caden came to stand by me, sniffling slightly. The poor boy didn't know how to grieve without his tears. I placed my hand on his head as I turned and lead him to the table. I placed Eli in his high chair and then lifted Caden into his seat as Lander sat down on his own. Graham made his way over, yawning widely. "Eat. You will need to go back to the compound afterwards." Some people were coming to collect the boys for the rest of the death ceremony. I didn't particularly like the thought of them leaving my sight but Nina was too young to be taken outside for long periods of time. Especially since it had snowed last night.

It was for her safety, she was too little to be out in the cold. My gaze travelled to her crib where she was sleeping peacefully. My wolf wanted to go and pick her up but I forced myself to turn away, she needed to sleep in order to grow. Her life would be simple, sleep, eat, and comfort. There was little else she needed in her life.

I watched as the boys ate for a few moments before I turned to the sink and wet a cloth. The three youngest would need their faces cleaned, they were messy eaters. Eli was the worst of them but I did not begrudge him for it. He tried his best and his independence from feeding was all that we truly cared about. They needed to become independent individuals and productive members of their pack when it was their time.

The wounds on my wrist burned but I ignored them as I left the cloth on the counter to pull the pot of oatmeal off the stove. I moved over to the table and put more in Lander's bowl. He needed all the food he could get. He gave me a quiet thank you and I ran my hand though his hair for a brief moment. He leaned into the touch before he turned back to his breakfast.

I moved onto Graham and gave him a bit more oatmeal. He leaned his head against my arm, pressing a sticky kiss to it. I smoothed down his sleep ruffled hair as I move to Caden and gave him some more. He reached up for me and I bent down to allow him to press a sticky kiss to my cheek.

"Tank you." He looked up at me and I pressed my cheek to his, marking him with my scent.

"Its thank you, Caden." I enunciated the word and he gave me smile. One of the first I had ever seen on his face. He had dimples. My wolf rumbled out her pleasure at how adorable he looked.

"You say my name!" He looked so excited at the prospect that I almost smiled, instead I pointed at his bowl.

"I did. Eat." I watched as he nodded quickly. It was nice to see the black cloud of grief lifting off him for a brief moment.

"Okay." As soon as he started eating I move over to Eli. He held out his grubby hands with a giggle.

"Kisses too!" He reached for me and I bent down, letting him kiss my cheek as his brother did. Oatmeal smeared across my face but I didn't mind as he pulled back and clapped his sticky hands before patting his oatmeal covered cheek. "Kiss. Kiss." He looked at me with hopeful blue eyes and I watched him carefully.

"Did you finish your oatmeal?" I said it carefully as I pointed at his bowl. I knew he ate it all but I wanted him to tell me.

"Yah." He nodded enthusiastically and I pointed to the pot in my hand.

"Do you want more?" I tilted my head and he shook his head with a giggle, pushing the bowl away.

"No. I full." He smiled at me and I took his bowl off his tray.

"Okay. We can negotiate kisses in a minute." I moved away and put the bowl in the skin before setting pot on counter. I grabbed the cloth and wiped my cheek and arm before moving back over to Eli who was squirming in his seat as he attempted to escape. His chubby face was slightly red with the exertion.

"Kisses?" He patted his oatmeal covered cheek and I grabbed his hands, wiping them carefully as I made sure all the sticky oatmeal was cleaned off.

"You need to be cleaned first." I ignored how he squirmed with irritation as I finished his hands and fingers before moving to his face. He moved his face away from the cloth and I stopped. "I will give you two kisses if you let me clean your face." I wasn't above bribing a two year old to get what I wanted.

"Yah!" He sat still a I cleaned his face. He smiled up at me as I finished and then patted his now clean cheek. "Kisses." He gave me a bright smile.

"Two kisses." He patted his other cheek as well and I pushed back a slight smile as I lifted him out of his highchair. I held him to my cheek, my arm under his bum before I pressed my lips to one chubby cheek and then the other. My wolf influenced the action as I marked him with my scent before I set him on the floor.

"Go play for a bit." I gently pushed him towards the living room. "And do not screech, Eli. Nina is sleeping." It was a heavy warning that he nodded at before he bolted for the blanket nest, giggling enthusiastically. I turned away and rinsed the cloth out in the sink.

"Lander, what will need to be done when you return from the ceremony." I looked over my shoulder and he tensed slightly, the grief weighing him down.

"Need to go to the bath house. The ceremony is dirty." He moved his spoon around his bowl, clinking the metal against the sides of the porcelain. He leaned his head against his hand and I turned around, the cloth in my hand. I moved over to him and ran my fingers through his hair, pressing his head to my hip. He let out a shuddering breath and pressed his head to me a touch harder.

"We shall do that then. It will do you well to wash away the grief for a moment." I patted his head gently before I moved towards Caden, lifting him off his chair. His small legs wrapped around my waist as I picked up his empty bowl. I carried it over to the sink before I set him on the counter.

"I'm sad." He sniffled slightly, the faint happiness he felt a few minutes earlier was now gone. My wolf whined at the thought but there was little we could do with his grief.

"I know." I cleaned his face and tried to ignore the tears that welled up in his eyes as I did so.

"I miss mama." His chin trembled and he wiped at his eyes with the back of his small hands. I gently grasped one of his hands in mine and wiped it clean.

"I know." I picked up his other hand and cleaned it as well. As soon as I was done I set the cloth in the sink and he sniffled.

"Hug?" He held out his arms and I looked at him for a moment before I gave a small nod. It was a little thing to give him some comfort, my wolf demanded her futures be comforted and despite how the thought clenched my heart, they were my boys now too.

"Okay." I wrapped my arms around him, lifting him off the counter as he wrapped his arms around my neck. I carried him towards the living room and as I moved past Graham, I ran my fingers through his hair. The action was something I barely realized I was doing as I did it. My scent hung around the boys heavily and my wolf felt satisfied with it. They would be leaving the house without me and she wanted to make sure that everyone else was well aware that the boys were hers. I set Caden down on the couch and Eli climbed up beside his brother with a giggle.

"Ca'en play." He tugged on his brother's arm and I moved away, leaving them to amuse themselves. I couldn't help myself as I moved over to the crib to look down at Nina. She was still sleeping peacefully, her tiny chest moving up and down as her hands clenched and released every so often. She had her blanket tucked around her and I had a heavy compulsion to lay my hand on her chest. After a few moments of my hand rising and falling with the motions of her breathing my wolf and I felt satisfied enough to pull our hand away.

I moved over to the sink and ran some hot water into it before turning and opening the fire hatch for the stove and setting another two logs into it. The hot water was warmed through the stove. I had yet to figure it out but I knew that given enough time I would be able to. Bella hadn't just given me the boys and Nina, she had given me the full control of her old life. What used to be hers was now mine.

The thought made me feel a bit trapped. I had never truly liked staying in one place for long but now I was stuck. I wasn't entirely sure how to make the feeling go away. It felt strange being in a house that didn't smell like my own. I had my own den when I ran the forests after the Sol Warriors. That had been mine. It had been the only true home I had since I left my family. I could only imagine something else had moved into it by now. My home was no longer mine, nature reclaiming it from me as nature does with all things we believed we owned.

I pushed my sleeves up to my elbows before I cleaned the bowls and the spoons, placing them in the wire dish rack. I scrapped out the pot, eating the small amount of oatmeal that was left in it. There was no use in letting it go to waste, even though I didn't particularly wish to eat anything. I set the pot in the sink before I turned and picked up Lander and Graham's empty bowls.

"Help your brothers get ready to go outside." I nodded my head towards where Caden and Eli were quietly playing in the living room. Lander nodded and he moved away from the table. Graham slid off his chair before pushing towards the cupboard. I watched him with slight curiosity as I set the bowls in the sink. "Why are you doing that?" I watched as he climbed onto the chair and watched me as I scrubbed the inside of the pot. The wounds on my wrist were healing well but the stung harshly when the hot water hit them.

"I just wanna watch." He put his chin in his hands as he watched me finished scrubbing the pot. I set it into the rack before grabbing a dry cloth from the cupboard under the sink before I handed it to him.

"If you are going to watch, you are going to be put to use." I grabbed the bowls I had washed and set them in front of him. "Dry those for me." He seemed a bit perkier at the thought of helping and he immediately set about attempting to dry the bowls. I knew he wasn't truly drying them well. It was clear he had never had to do it before but he made up for his inability with enthusiasm.

It was silent for a few moments before I grabbed the spoons and I placed them in front of him.

"Where did you get those?" His pointed to the scars on my arms and I stared at them before I pointed to the large one that I had received from the Sol Warriors. They had split open my skin, peeling it back so they could watch how my bones moved when I shifted. That was how I had gotten all of my large scars.

"I received that from the Sol Warriors." I pulled my arms back, continuing to wash the sparse amount of dishes that were left.

"The what?" He tilted his head as me looked at me, confusion twisting his features.

"The Sol Warrior are mundanes that hate all the supernatural beings." I truly did not wish for him to have more monsters to be afraid of but he had asked. He did not need details but for him to understand he needed to know some.

"Why do they hate us?" He looked concerned and I let out a sigh as I set a bowl on the counter in front of him.

"They fear the unknown." It was all it was. They did not know what we truly were and that fear was what drove them to do as they did.

"Why did they hurt you?" His voice was small and I frowned slightly, wiping down a spoon with the cloth. There was no need for him to learn about Damascus and his betrayal. He needed to have faith in his pack and his Alpha. In time he would learn there were some shifters one could not trust but he was still a child and he needed to remain blind to those types of people.

"I was an experiment to them." It was the simplest explanation I could give him with what happened to me. He didn't need to know that my skin was pealed back from my bones and muscles and I was forced to shift repeatedly. He didn't need to know any of the horrors that had been inflicted on me.

"Why?" It was an almost warbling question and I washed another bowl before I let out a small sigh.

"Because they wished to know what happened to shifters when put through certain tests."

"Tests that caused those." He pointed to my scars and I nodded. He looked almost slightly afraid as he looked at them. "Will they come to get you again?" Fear was prevalent in his voice and I leaned closer to him, my wolf and I wishing to offer him comfort from his fears.

"No." They wouldn't come back for me, they were dead. He shouldn't have had to worry about such people. My wolf and I didn't wish for him to think of such things.

"Did you kill them?" He looked up at me and I nodded slowly.

"Yes."

"Did killing them make you a bad person?" It was that heavy question again and I gave an equally heavy sigh. He worried too much about morality, he was too young to be pondering those types of questions.

"In some ways yes but if I hadn't destroyed them all, they would have hurt others." The way I had killed them might have defined me as a bad person but the act of eliminating them could have labelled me a good person.

"Oh..." He stared at the counter before he glanced at me. He was scared and it didn't sit right with my wolf or I. "Where do they live?" It was a timid question and I frowned as I finished washing the last spoon and pulled the plug in the sink.

"Everywhere but they stay away from packs and claimed territories." I was trying to put him at ease to let him know there was a very small possibility that he could run across such people. "They also stay away from large mundane cities. They prefer isolation to perform their tests." I set the pot in front of him before grabbing a second drying cloth and picking up the dishes. There was silence as he tried to dry a spoon properly.

"What if they take me?" It was a small, fear filled question that had the hackles on my wolf raise up from the back of her head to the tip of her tail, a vicious growl rattling her throat so violently that it nearly escaped my own mouth. I could almost feel the line of hackles prickling my skin with her rage. She would not allow such a fate for one she claimed as her own.

"I would retrieve you." The words were clipped as I leaned against the counter, spreading my hands out on the flat surface, trying not to let my claws come forward with my wolf's rage.

"What if you couldn't?" He was a bright boy, an intelligent boy but despite his bluster and blow he was just a scared pup who lost his parents. His father must have been his hero and he had been trying to bolster himself, trying to be strong but beneath it all he was lost and more than likely felt like he was without protection. It was why he questioned me as he did. I turned to look at him, my hand reaching out and cupping his cheek.

"I have fought off death, child. I tore of his wings and wear them as my own." I drew my face closer to his as I said it. "There is very little I couldn't do. Retrieving you from the hands of Sol Warriors is something that I wouldn't think twice about." They were the truth. I would not think on my actions, I would simply do. I would retrieve him and kill those who dared to take him from my protection.

"You would come get me?" Tears filled his brown eyes and I stroked his cheek with my thumb, rubbing under his eye.

"Without question or hesitation." And I knew the angel of death and Mene would have no mercy on their souls. My wolf and I would be swift with our vengeance on something that harmed what was ours. I watched as his chin trembled.

"Why?"He must not have understood what his mother had meant when she told them what I now was. It was a shame, she should have at least given them that before she died. She should have given them the understanding they needed to truly grasp what was going on in their world.

"You are my charge and I must protect you." I would do what was needed to make sure he and his siblings were safe. They were under my protection, under my charge. They were claimed by my wolf and that was no light thing, not for us.

"Do you promise?" His voice wavered as I slid my hand from his cheek to the back of his head, threading my fingers though his hair and pulling him close.

"I cannot promise you but I have stated I will and so it shall be." I pressed my lips to the top of his head, inhaling his scent as I held him to me, allowing him the comfort he needed. I released him after a moment. "No more of this. It only serves to trouble you. You and your brothers must get your outside clothes on." I pulled down my sleeves and turned away as I started to put the now dry dishes away. I watched him from the corner of my eyes as he had his head down before he reached out and hugged me around the waist tightly.

"Thank you." The words were muffled but I could still hear them clearly. I ran my fingers through his hair once more. If it would have been my wolf she would have licked him affectionately. I pushed the thought away as he let me go and climbed off the chair, hurrying over to where Lander was putting jackets on Caden and Eli. I turned away and finished my task before grabbing the chair and placing it back in the appropriate spot. I didn't particularly need Eli or Caden climbing on counters.

I moved over to help Lander corral his youngest brother. The little boy was giggling happily as he wiggled out of his snow pants. I crossed my arms over my chest, there would be none of that behaviour.