"Eli." It was a low tone and voice that had him freezing and the giggles evaporating. "We will not behave as such. Put your snow pants on." It was a low but firm order and I was vaguely aware that my father had used the same tone on me when I was young. It was a tone that demanded obedience and respect. I was rather pleased that it worked on the little energy ball. He looked up at me, his face crumpling into a pout but I ignored it as I crouched down and tugged the pants back up.

"We will be well behaved and we will listen." I made eye contact with him and he nodded slowly.

"Ewi wisten." His bottom lip trembled as I put his toque on, pulling it over his ears so they wouldn't get cold.

"Yes, Eli will listen." I gave him a stern look as I did the zipper up on his jacket.

"Ewi saw'ry." His chin quivered as he reached out and hugged me as best as he could. I pulled him close and held him for a moment. My wolf was content with the actions. She didn't wish for them to go without us but we knew they needed too. Nina needed to stay where it was warm. "You mad?" He sniffled as I let him go and I shook my head slowly.

"No. I am not mad." I adjusted his toque once more before cupping his chubby face. "I am disappointed when you choose not to listen."

"Ewi wisten. 'Omise." He nodded and I pressed a kiss to his forehead, allowing my marking scent to saturate his skin even further. I liked how they all smelled like me, it put me and my wolf at ease. The lower shifters would smell the power of our scent and leave them alone. We could mask our power, hide it all we wanted but out scent never lied. It was a subtle warning that most took in subconsciously but it worked all the same.

"Go wait by the door." I gently pushed him away before I grabbed Graham by his jacket sleeve and pulled him closer. I ignored his slight protests as I did up his jacket and tugged a toque onto his head.

"I don't wanna toque on." He stuck his bottom lip out and I wanted to roll my eyes at his rather blatant dramatics but I refrained.

"It is cold out and you will wear it." He would not be getting sick or frostbitten on my watch. I would not allow it. His pout deepened and I ignored it as I straightened his jacket out. Once I was satisfied he was dressed appropriately, I pointed to the front door where Eli was sitting on the floor, staring at his fingers that he appeared to be counting on. "Go wait by the door." He looked like he wanted to say something but I held up a finger and gave him the same stern look I gave Eli. He let out a dramatic huff and walked away, his shoulders tense with his pouting. I felt my mouth twitch as my wolf huffed her amusement out.

I stood up ignoring how my knees clicked with the movement. Caden walked over and grabbed my pocket. I looked down at him, he appeared to be covered well and I turned my gaze to Lander.

"When you are done with the ceremony, send one of the helpers here to alert me so I can bring Nina to the bath house." There was no need for them to walk all the way back to the house and then have me walk them back to the compound. I would meet them there and then we could come back to the house together. It would also give me time to clean the small house.

"Okay." He nodded, scuffing his foot against the worn floorboards and I looked at him for a moment. He looked rather morose and I studied him for a moment. With the three youngest it was easy to tell what they wanted for comfort but Lander was more difficult to read.

"Do you require a-" I stopped myself so I could figure out the right word to use. "A hug?" He gave me a small look of surprise before shaking his head.

"I'm okay." His shoulders still carried a heavy burden, I could see the weight of it pressing down on him. My wolf and I didn't believe for a moment that he was simply okay.

"Are you sure?" I tilted my head as I tried to decipher his expression. I wasn't good with reading children. They were random and usually told a person what they required. Well, that was from my current experience with them. I tended to avoid children so I was a bit lost as I tried to gather my bearings.

"I'm fine." At that I moved over, ignoring Caden's protests at my sudden movement as I pulled Lander to my chest. It would not take him long to surpass me in height but at the moment he was small enough to tuck under my chin. I held him to my chest, holding the back of his head so he couldn't move away. "I said I'm okay." Despite his words, he pressed against me, his small, thin form seeking the comfort I was attempting to provide.

"And I, nor my wolf, believe you." I ran my fingers through his hair, grooming it down, attempting to fix the cowlicks my wolf had given him. She seemed rather affronted at my thoughts of fixing her grooming. I simply shook my head at her before letting him go. I stared into his eyes and titled my head as I smoothed down more of his hair. "If you feel the need for an embrace or simple comfort. Ask. I cannot read minds." It would take me a while to decipher his moods but then it would become even more difficult as he was a juvenile and they were prone to mood swings.

"Okay." He nodded and I patted his cheek before I let my hand drop.

"They should be here soon." I could hear footsteps approaching and people talking. The house muffled some of my hearing but the helpers weren't entirely quiet in their approach.

"How can you tell?" Lander looked towards the door and I reached out fixing the hair hanging in front of his eyes. My wolf was in charge of most of my actions, I allowed her that, unwilling to fight with her. It was a grudging acceptance of what was now my life. She deserved the happiness the children brought her.

"I can hear them." The footsteps grew louder until someone knocked on the door. Caden wrapped his arms around my leg as Lander moved over to answer the door.

"I wanna stay." Caden's bottom lip quivered and I shook my head as I removed his arms from around my leg.

"You must go." I watched as he struggled against my grip. The open door showed a larger male and a smaller female, they smiled at the boys and I resisted the urge to bare my teeth at them.

"I stay witchu." His words drew my attention back even though my wolf was focussed intently on the two strange shifters standing just outside the door.

"Not this time."

"P'ease!" It was an unpleasant screech and I crouched down in front of him, meeting his gaze eye to eye. He didn't flinch from it as most people would have. Children were unaffected by dominance and power until they received their wolves.

"I will not tolerate such behaviour. You are to go with your brothers to finish the ceremony." There would be no screeching or harsh noises of protests. I understood he was upset but I would not tolerate that behaviour.

"I wanna stay witchu." He gave a sniffle, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I know, little wolf, but you must go." I wiped away his tears with precise movements, pain flaring from the cuts on my wrist. I ignored the pain as I tilted my head, staring at the young boy.

"If I leave, you go. Like mama." He sniffled again, the fear was clear in his voice. He believed I would disappear like his mother if I left his sight. It was a terrible fear for one so young.

"No, not like your mama." I shook my head as I tugged his toque on further.

"You p'omise?" He looked up at me, his chin quivering and for a brief moment I wanted to promise him. I wanted too but then I remembered why I did not deal with promises. I resisted the urge to grab the wounds under my shirt to chase off those memories.

"I cannot promise you anything, Caden. Words mean very little to me but I am telling you I will not leave." It was all I could give him at the moment and he blinked at me, his brown eyes watery from his tears.

"Come too?" There was a hopeful tone in his voice and I slowly shook my head. I needed to stay at the house with Nina.

"I need to stay with Nina."

"Don' leave." His voice was like a croak and I shook my head. My wolf paced unhappily in the back of my head, she didn't like his fear, she wanted to be able to reassure him but there was no way she could adequately communicate with him.

"I won't." I stood up and glanced at the two intruders, forcing my face to remain blank. I wanted to curl my lip up, bare my teeth at them to show my agitation with their presence. I refrained as I turned to look at Caden.

"P'ease." It was a faint whimper that had me running my fingers through his soft brown hair. He let out a shuddering breath at the contact, as if it had soothed some of his anxiety.

"I will see you at the compound." I would not leave now. I couldn't. My wolf was currently too invested in them to simply leave. It would hurt her and I didn't wish that pain upon her again. I ignored the lancing pain that struck my chest at the reminder of our lost boy as I watched Caden nod.

"Okay." He rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hands as I lead him to the door. I stared at the two helpers they had sent and both avoided my gaze.

"I am entrusting them to your care. They are not to be distressed, harmed, or hurt in any way." I flicked my gaze from the large male to the female, she hunched under it. "I assume you were there in the courtyard so I am simply going to say this. If anything happens to them, I will not make it as quick for you." I stared between them intently. I wanted my warning acknowledged.

"Yes, ma'am." The large male's voice was a bit strained and he nodded, the female followed his lead, nodding quickly.

"Stay safe, stick together and if I have to come to the compound to retrieve any of you, I will not be happy." I wasn't too concerned with them doing anything strange or dangerous but they needed to stick together. There was safety in numbers and they needed rules and structure regardless of who was watching them.

"Be mad." Eli looked up at me and I gave a short nod.

"Yes."

"No like mad." He shook his head quickly and I pointed at him, my expression stern. He hunkered down under it and I had to fight against the twitching my mouth did as I watched him.

"Then be good and listen." I watched as he nodded.

"Ewi wisten. 'Omise." His blue eyes were wide as he looked up at me and I looked over at the other boys.

"The rest of you? Will you listen?" I watched as they all nodded. I gave a sharp on in return. "Go and finish the ceremony." I herded them towards the door, staying away from Caden so he couldn't grab my pockets and hold on. He clung to Lander's side, his brown eyes looking at me with such a stark sadness that it almost made me want to call him back.

Once they were all herded outside I watched from the door way as the helpers lead them down the path. Eli waved at me frantically, a wide smile on his chubby face. My hand twitched to wave back but I refrained. I watched until I lost sight of them. The entire situation made me highly uncomfortable. My wolf didn't like having them away from us and our protection. I grabbed my wrist and squeezed the wounds. The pain was biting and harsh and drove all feelings from me as I stepped out of the doorway and closed the door.

I could hear Nina's even breathing as I moved to the blanket nest the boys made. I listened to her, attuned to the sound of her soft breath as I picked up the blankets, folding them carefully. I would put them back in the appropriate room later. I moved into the kitchen, filling a large pot with water and setting it on the stove to boil. I went to move into the hallway but instead found myself standing beside the crib. I watched her sleep for a moment before I reached down and brushed my knuckles over her soft skin. She turned her head towards them, her mouth making a suckling motion as she searched for food.

She was small but she was perfect. Everything about her was fully formed. She had ten fingers and ten toes, her skin was soft and I had to resist pressing my face to her and inhaling lungfuls of her scent. The thought made me shake slightly before I grabbed my wrist and pinched hard. The pain pulled me away from the lingering thoughts of what our boy would have smelled like.

I managed to force my legs to move away from the crib as I moved towards what used to be Bella's room. I pushed open the door and wrinkled my nose. It smelled of sickness, stale sweat, and blood. It was almost stomach churning in its sour intensity. The room needed to be flushed clean.

I looked around, there were no windows and the dresser looked like someone hd ransacked it. However the majority of the clothes were on the bed, from the size of them I guessed they were more than likely Bella's mate's. In her grief she would have sought out things that reminder her of him, she would have sought out his scent where ever she could find it. I curled my lip up slightly. All she truly needed to do was inhale her children's scent. It would have been enough of his to hold it at bay but she had chosen his clothing and the memories of him instead.

It was pathetic.

I moved over to the bed and wrinkled my nose as the smell became stronger. I yanked the blanket and the sheet off the mattress. They could not be salvaged for my use. I would not force myself to use blankets that were tainted as they were. I would burn them. I knew there were spares in the chest at the foot of the bed. I carried the offending blankets out of the bedroom and tossed them outside. I didn't want their stench to continue to foul the house.

I closed the door and moved back to the bedroom, my wolf was completely focused on the sounds Nina made in her crib, allowing me to focus on other things. If she made a noise my wolf would alert me so we could check on her. I started pulling the clothes off the bed and from the dresser. I wanted to throw the clothes out but I knew it was better to simply give them away. Someone else could use them.

I slowly cleared out the room, the scent was still heavy in the air and I became aware that the water was boiling on the stove. I carried the clothes out and dropped them on the table before I grabbed the pot by its handles and drug it off of the hot spot. My hands burned at the contact but I ignored the pain as I grabbed a bucket I had found from under the sink. I threw some bleach into the pail before adding a bit of cold water. I didn't mind pain but I didn't want to seriously injure my hands by dipping them into scalding water.

I added some of the hot water before I grabbed a cloth and retreated into the bedroom again. The bleach in the bucket was nearly enough to chase away the sour smell from the room. I started washing everything down in an attempt to get rid of the sour smell. I scrubbed every surface I came into contact with, paying special attention to the floor.

Bella's water had broken when she stood up. I was thankful that she hadn't done it while she was lying on the bed. The mattress would have been thrown out, there was no coming back from that. I needed to make sure the room was clean. I wanted to open the front door and let the cold wind blow the scent away but Nina did not need that coldness rolling over her tiny body.

I scrubbed at the floor intently, letting my mind fall to silence. My body did the motions but my mind was almost in limbo. I still wasn't sure about my new position. My wolf was, I wasn't. I wasn't used to people in general and I avoided children to avoid the pain of remembrance. Now I was stuck with it. I hadn't wished to think on it, to think on my boy.

I liked living in a state where I was able to push all those memories away. The memories of what the Sol Warriors did to me were more bearable than the memories of what had happened the two weeks before I had been given to the Warriors. The physical torture hadn't been nearly as painful for me as the emotional torture I had been put through during the week before that.

I was accepting of what my wolf wanted. She was happy with the thought of having futures, of having pups. The loss of our boy hurt her like it hurt me but her nature made it easier for her to accept another chance at a future. The humanity in me made it harder. She mourned and moved on. It still hurt her but she didn't linger in them unless I did. It was harder for me to simply let go of what could have been.

I had loved our boy, she had too but she was an animal, they grieved differently than humans. I had been so invested in the small life and she had too but pup death was common in natural wolves. She grieved for our boy but she was ruled by her nature. When a pup died she would grieve but her nature would push for her to have another one.

I scrubbed at the mattress with the cloth. Bella's sour scent was close to saturating the mattress but the bleach was a bit more potent, drowning it out. I needed the room clean if I were to take it over. There were only two rooms in the house, minus the small bathroom. One was for the boys and the other was this one. I needed a space and it was the only one available.

My wolf nudged me, alerting me to Nina making noise and I gave the mattress one last swipe from the cloth. It would do for now, all I could smell was the bleach. I moved out of the bedroom, going directly to the crib. Nina was wiggling, her small face scrunching up. I moved over to the stove and placed the pot of water on the burner again. She would need a bottle.

I mixed the bottle quickly but Nina started to fuss, her whimpering grating on me and my wolf. It tugged me towards her urging me to stop it. I finished the bottle, sticking it in the pot before I moved across the space to the crib. Her cries were growing in intensity and I picked her up, cradling her small life to my chest. She nuzzled me, her instincts driving her to find food. I held her to me, praying the bottle would warm up quickly before she started to cry in earnest.

I cupped her head in my hand, smoothing my thumb over her cheek. Her skin was soft and her dark hair was like down feathers. A pain lanced my chest and I closed my eyes. Holding her was a bitter sweetness that made my chest ache. My wolf was doing her best attempting to pull me out of the pain but it was enough to almost drag her down as well. I moved over to the pot as it started to boil, Nina was getting fussy, squirming relentlessly as she searched for sustenance.

I pulled the bottle from the pot and swirled it around before dripping some onto my inner arm. The liquid was a bit too warm and I swirled the bottle around. It had to be the right temperature or it would upset her stomach. She gave a small cry and I shushed her bouncing her slightly in an attempt to calm her. She settled and I placed the bottle on the counter before adjusting her in my arms.

I couldn't help it as I pressed my cheek to hers and closed my eyes. Her scent was soft but I could smell her strength, she was a warrior in her own right. I lifted my head and her mouth opened as he face scrunched. The wail she let out was loud and harsh as her small back arched with her displeasure. I bounced her slightly, shushing her as my anxieties rose up. Lander wasn't here for me to rely on. He was good with her, he had practice with his siblings. I had nothing of the sort.

I couldn't take care of children, of an infant but I had to struggle through. My wolf wanted her futures and I needed to make sure she had them. I tried to calm my breathing to keep the panic at bay. It would do the situation no good if I grew just as upset as Nina. Her wails were loud and I grabbed the bottle, testing it again as I winced from her wail's pitch. The bottle was the right temperature and I rubbed the nipple on her bottom lip like Lander taught me. Her cries faded off as she searched for it.

She suckled hungrily, her appetite from her last feeding coming back more vigorously. She had fallen asleep before her last bottle had been finished. Her hands open and closed rapidly and I let her grab my pinkie. Her grip was strong and she sighed as she held on tightly. She was so small in my arms, so tiny, her weight was barely noticeable. I closed my eyes and breathed through the hurt I was feeling. It was hard. I knew it would be but it was still hard.

I opened my eyes right as hers fluttered open, her dark eyes peeking out at me. The true colour of them wouldn't show for a while. She stared at me as she drank greedily, her eyes were slightly unfocused but she was looking at me. I stared back, my wolf's joy was apparent but it didn't stop the pain that I felt. There were so many emotions wanting to choke me, none of them were pleasant. She gave another sigh and closed her eyes, gripping my pinkie tightly in her tiny hand.

I looked away, breathing through it, wishing I could grab the wounds on my wrist again. The pain they gave was a slightly dull throb, it wasn't enough to drown my emotions out. I walked around as I fed her. There were two parts to me, one that wanted me to put her down and never look at her again because of the pain and the other never wanted me to let go. I didn't like the feeling of being torn in two but I knew I needed to deal with it.

Her sucking grew less and her bottle was nearly empty. When her sucking stopped completely, I pulled the bottle away and set it on the table. I shuffled her awkwardly, terrified I would drop her as I placed her on my shoulder so I could burp her. She fussed for a moment before she settled. I patted her back firmly, wandering around the small kitchen and living room.

I felt awkward with her, with the boys. It wasn't their fault, the fault lay with me but it didn't stop it. I wasn't supposed to have children after what had happened. We had agreed to no mates and I never thought for a moment there could be a chance for my wolf to have a future without a mate. Now here we were and I was completely unprepared for the implications it had. I would do it for my wolf because I loved her but it didn't stop how unprepared and awkward I was.

After a few moments of patting Nina let out a burp. I was relieved that she hadn't spit up, the sour milk smell made my nose curl up in disgust. It was a bit too potent of a smell for me. I moved her so she was tucked into the crook of my arms as I walked over to her cradle. I stared down at it but my wolf didn't want me to release her just yet.

She wiggled slightly, as if trying to get comfortable to sleep. She gave a large yawn, snuggling her face into my chest with a little exhale. I moved away from the crib, giving my wolf what she wanted. A contented rumble vibrated our chest and Nina jerked slightly, her arms going above her head before she tucked them to her chest as if in a self hug. It was a strange movement but she seemed to settle quickly after it.

I couldn't figure out how to wrap her like the nurse had so I just draped a blanket over her, some what wrapping it around her small body. I just hoped it was enough to keep her warm and comfortable. I moved around aimlessly, there was little I could do around the house while carrying the tiny bundle. She demanded my entire attention and it made it impossible to do anything else. I sniffed the air tentatively and repressed the urge to recoil.

Nina had soiled herself as infants usually did after a feeding. I let out a sigh and moved over to the table, setting her blanket down before I placed her on it. I didn't have a lot of diapers for her. The nurse had only given me three clothe ones. Lander had been the one to show me how one changed a diaper. I still didn't get it quite right, it always sat wrong on her. I left her on the table as I retrieved a warm wet cloth and the last diaper I had. I had washed the other ones in the sink but they were drying by the stove.

I moved back to Nina and started to unsnap her jumper, her skin was soft and she gave a small shiver as I pulled her legs out. I was a bit anxious. I had never changed her without Lander present and I wasn't sure if I would do it correctly. I unsnapped the sides of the cloth diaper and tried not to shudder as I opened it up. The smell nearly burned my nose and I turned away for a moment, trying to collect myself. It was simply a dirty diaper. I was stronger than gagging over it.

Nina started to fuss, she didn't like the cold and I didn't blame her. I quickly cleaned her, wiping away her mess as her cries grew louder and she squirmed, her back arching with her verbal anger. I shushed her softly as I pulled the soiled diaper away and set a clean one under her, trying to get it snapped up quickly. My fingers fumbled as I tried to get her diaper to sit properly on her tiny body. My anxiety skyrocketed with her every wail.

"Shhhh little wolf. Hush, child. This is just as bad for me as it is for you." My voice and hands shook from the panic as I tried to snap her diaper on with her legs sticking out rapidly. She wasn't happy and I wasn't sure what to do. I finally managed to get her diaper on and quickly picked her up, leaving her jumper and blanket on the table as I tried to calm her angry wails. "Hush, baby. Its okay." I shushed her as I bounced her gently, holding her to my chest and rubbing her back. Slowly but surely the crying stopped and she let out several shuddering breaths before rubbing her face into my shoulder. Her little hands grasped the fabric of my shirt, grabbing and releasing repeatedly as she calmed down. I felt almost drained from the experience as I sat on the couch, holding her to me tightly.

I didn't know what I was going to do.