Font: Bold is Allen's pov and italicized is Kanda and Allen at the same time. Regular is Kanda

Has God forsaken me?

How could I lose him twice now. He's the most important thing in the world to me and I can't even protect him. Has love made me weak. Why can't I save him...

I'd rather die than be taken again. But here I am, cold and alone. I'm lost again and I can't imagine the tortures I'll face if this is reality. I feel like my sanity is slipping while I sit in this darkness alone. Where is Kanda. Is he okay. Is he dead. Where is he? Thinking about him being dead made my throat tighten. It's so hard to breath what's going on? Oh I'm hyperventilating. This world feels so strange. I wonder if I'm dying.

Why is this world so dark. Am I dreaming? I don't understand this darkness. Why is it so hard to exist in this world. I've never been this scared before. I'm not used to feelings of fear. I'm scared to admit that I'm terrified of losing Allen for good this time. I used to give him so much trouble when he first joined the order, but maybe it was because even back then I liked the moyashi.

It's getting worse. There's a ringing in my ear that won't go away. What the hell is happening to me. Where am I again. What was I doing before this? Oh right I was with Kanda. Who's Kanda again? Oh that's right he was someone in the black order. Wait who am I? Why am I in so much pain right now, I can't remember. Can someone please tell me.

I just need to focus on my thoughts of Allen to overcome my fear. I feel so frozen when I think of losing him forever. I need to overcome this to save him though. He's counting on me right? But why does my heart ache so much right now. Is this what love feels like. It hurts so much.

Has God forsaken me, why is this life so difficult? Please someone save me.