There is something about stares that makes them unique. Just with one stare you can understand if that person is mad at you, if they hate you, if they´re in love with you, if they’re happy about something you just said and more, but the ones I’m getting right now make me feel like everyone wants to kill me or that they really don’t like me.

“What?” I ask Anne when I see her looking at me like something bad just happened.

“There’s something you need to see…” she says giving me her tablet.

I take it, in my hands, frowning my eyebrows as she makes a stare indicating me to read what’s on it. I scroll through what seems a list of names with a dirty secret afterwards.

“What’s this?” I ask still confused.

I’m not getting where she’s going with this.

“See who wrote it…” she says and I scroll until the end and see my name right there.

“Me? I obviously didn’t wrote this!” I almost scream.

“No one cares if you wrote or not!” She says pushing me aside letting Harry and Niall alone. “You need to read all of that! Whoever wrote this knows a lot of secrets that only you know!”

“Is there one about you?” I wonder scared about the answer.

“Yes, but it’s not that bad…” she says and I look at her insisting for her to tell me what it is “It just says that I’m a virgin, not that bad, but there are a few that are pretty bad.”

“Like what?”

I’m scared to know the answer. One thing I know is that I do know secrets about a lot of people, secrets that they only told me.

“I didn’t let Niall read this yet because the secret about him only 5 people know, my dad, my mom, him, me and you…” No, please no! Niall is gonna kill me. “It says that he’s adopted.”

Fuck.

From all the secrets in the world that this person could have post, it had to be this. Niall is super sensitive about his adoption. Not everyone from his family knows and one day after I met him, he told me and begged me to not tell anyone else in name of our friendship. I’m so screwed.

“I gotta go talk to him about this.” I state going on his direction but Anne grabs my arm making me stop.

“There’s more!” she says and takes a deep breath “It also says that Liam was kicked out from his place because his parents couldn’t accept him… it says that Louis’ father abandoned him and his family when he was little… it says that Tessa had drug problem when she was 15… it says that Zayn looks like a bad boys but he likes to spend time with his mother and sisters because he has no dad and it says that Harry has a millionaire dad and that his mother died from a car accident that he was in…”

I’m so fucked up. All the secrets are intimate things, things that only I know. I mean I didn’t knew that Harry’s father is a millionaire or that he was in the car when his mom died but apart from that I know everything. But I didn’t do this! Who the hell knows the same secrets that I know?

“You know that I didn’t wrote this, right?” I ask her freaking out.

“Yes, I know… because it also says that Sam was beaten up by her boyfriend and nobody knows it but me and her…”

Instead of trusting me and thinking that I could never do this, she only knows that I didn’t do this because I could never know her new best friend’s secret.

“She was?” I ask instead of showing how offended I am about what she just said.

“Yeah… But don’t worry she’s not mad at you, she knows that you didn’t do this…” she responds smiling not realizing what she’s doing to me.

I gotta admit, seeing her talking like this to me on the start of this conversation made me feel like I had my best friend back, I guess I was wrong. But I have a lot of things to worry about and being hurt from the words that she said isn’t one of them.

“I need to talk to them about this…” I say before walking towards Harry and Niall who are now with Louis and Liam. “ We gotta talk, all of us!”

“Are you pregnant?” Harry asks and the boys laugh. Gosh, they have no idea of what´s going on.

As I see them smile, I lose courage, but damm, I need to tell them before they find out and stay mad at me.

I don´t even know how to start. A million thoughts run through my brain but I don´t talk. I´m frozen. Not even a word comes out.

“Jade?” Anne calls trying to wake me up from the trance, but honestly, all I can think about is who the hell is doing this?

How can there be another human being that knows about my private talks? I never really thought that knowing things could backfire this much.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I hear someone scream and then feel my body being pushed slightly. “How could you do this?” Tessa screams once again when I turn around and face her “Here I was, feeling sorry for everything that I made to you and then this! That was my secret, Jade, my secret! Not yours to tell!” She continues when she notices my absence of words.

“I didn´t wrote that!” I scream louder than her, I don´t know exactly which word was but one of them put me on the edge. “And even if I was, you did much worse!”

“Don´t lie!” she screams even louder making some people look at us and some coming closer seeing what the fuss is all about.

“Oh, sorry, I forgot; only you can do that!” I sarcastically answer moving my hands in the air.

“You´re getting too far!” she talks like she´s threatening me.

“No!” I speak stepping closer to her “You´re getting too far! I didn´t do this and this is the last time I say it, you don´t wanna believe, don´t! But I got no reasons to lie and unlike you, I like take credit for things that I do!” I continue while moving even closer to her “I don´t know who the hell knew that you had that problem, maybe one of your new friends did this, I don´t know and I recommend you to stop blaming me for everything bad that happens to you.” I finalize walking away.

“This is not that! I am not trying to blame you for anything bad that happens in my life, Jade. This time you actually did this, it has your name written on it, as the author!”

“I’m not the only one that knows my name!” I respond without turning around.

Luckily, she lets me go and my friends follow me as I try to get away from her.

“I know that, by now, we shouldn’t believe in everything that we hear about you, but what the hell was that?” Niall says when I stop and sit on one of the outside tables of our school. 

“There’s this list going around school…” I start but then stop thinking about what should I say.

“What list?” Harry asks and I breathe deeply.

“A list of secrets about people…” I respond slowly. “Including all of you…” I conclude giving Anne’s tablet to Harry that takes it and searches for his name.

“And it has your name as the author…” he says when he scrolls to the end.

“But I didn’t wrote it, I promise guys!” I defend myself as I see Harry giving the tablet to Liam that also searches his name and afterwards gives it to Louis, who does the same thing and then he passes it to Niall. From all of them, Niall’s reaction is what I fear the most.

“Oh…” he says “I’m sorry… but- I have to go…” Niall says standing up with watery eyes.

“He’s not mad, he just needs time…” Anne says and I smile blinking my eyes trying to get the tears far away from my face.

“What-“I stop when my voice cracks and cough trying to cover the chocking feeling in my throat. “What about you guys? Are you mad?”

“At you, no, but however did this is gonna pay!” Liam says and Louis and Harry smile nodding their heads.

At least they believe me, just by my words.

--------------

“C’mon Niall, pick up!” I say over and over at my phone as I dial over and over Niall’s number.

“Fuck!” I curse when he doesn’t pick up. He has been ignoring me all day but it’s night now and no one saw him since morning. I gotta do something.

I know that this is invasion of privacy, but I gotta track his phone IP address. Since he has an iphone, all I have to do is enter on his icloud account.

I log out of my account on my computer and enter Niall’s apple ID, don’t ask me how, but I know it. I open the CMD and start writing the code and a few seconds later, I have Niall’s password, which by the way is leprechaun93, creative!

Once I get in, I click on the “Find my iphone” button and copy the address that it gives me. Since I don’t recognize the address, I google it and it ends up being a restaurant/bar only half an hour away.

I shut my computer and grab a coat before rushing down the stairs.

“I’m gonna find Niall, I’ll be home soon” I tell Harry when he looks at me like I was crazy, which is pretty accurate since I’m fanatically searching for my keys.

“Want help?” He asks and I finally find my keys.

“No, I need to talk to him alone…” I say kissing Harry on the lips and running to the car.

Only when I’m in the car, I notice what I did. I can’t believe that I kissed him on the lips. We haven´t defined “us”, yet and I think I may had pushed us closer to having the “talk”.

I don´t want him to think that I think he’s something to me, I mean he is, but if he doesn’t want to have anything with me, that’s okay. I just don’t want him to stay with me because he feels like that’s the right thing to do.

Half an hour later, I finally arrive to the bar/restaurant. “Patrick’s” it says on the flashing letters. I look at my phone and see that is already midnight and see Anne’s message asking if I found Niall yet. Hopefully, he’s still here.

I walk onto the almost empty bar decorated in mostly green and the combination of popcorn and beer enters my nostrils; that is not a pleasant smell.

“Hey…” I quietly say when I reach Niall.

“How did you find me?” He asks ignoring my smile and presence.

“Lucky guess…” I answer and in response he breathes deeply before taking a sip of whatever he’s drinking “What you’re doing here?” I ask a few seconds later and sit beside him.

“Kind of crazy, but I felt like I needed to be somewhere that felt like home and here is like a depressed St Patrick’s Day, every day…” He says finally giving a smile and a small laugh.

“You mad at me?” I ask leaning in, holding my face with my hands.

“Nah...” He responds taking another sip.

“Then come back, it’s late and they’re all worried about you…” I say reaching for his hand in some kind of consoling gesture.

“I don’t wanna face my parents…” he says taking his hand from mine and sitting straight which triggers something in me.

“At least you have someone who cares about you. I know that you didn’t want to tell people about it and all, but now they know and there’s nothing you can do about that. Just get up and act like an adult. I love you Niall, but this is ridiculous! Even though, I’m going through all of this, I still came here to make sure you were okay and to make sure that you know that this isn’t my fault and you’re afraid of facing your parents?” I explode and take a few deep breathes before I say something that I would regret “You have them and an amazing sister, don’t act like a coward and a orphan because you’re not and you don’t even know what that feels like!” I continue and a few tears escape my eyes.

All day I had to explain to people that I didn’t wrote that about them and I had to hear the most awful things about me. Everyone exploded on me and I had to hold back the tears. I’m probably being too rough on Niall, but I’m tired.

 I try to do the best thing for everyone and nothing works. Even after apologizing to everyone about something I didn’t made, I still heard hurtful words. Words that didn’t left my mind the entire day. I did my best today, but still wasn’t good enough; I’m not good enough.

The tears keep running and Niall moves over my side and hugs me sideways, but a few seconds later he lets go of me.

He kisses my forehead and whispers “Everyone has their problems, don’t make it all about you…” before getting up and leaving the bar.

I’m speechless.

Making it all about me?

Yes, everyone has problems, but that doesn’t make mine's smaller. I’ve never expected hearing this from him. Such a disappointment, but a wakeup call. All I have done since someone started fooling with my life was sit back and watch the show. But not anymore, I’m gonna find who the fuck is doing this to me and she or he will have a payback. I’m tired of being scared and conformed. Game on.