please don't say things will get better and that you're always there to talk to. everyone just says those words again and again and i don't want to hear/see them anymore.

hi, i don't usually update this anymore (WOW WHO KNEW) cuz im lazy and always too emotionally exhausted and too sad to say how life is going and all that jazz

i thought id update today because there are probably less than five people who are reoccurring readers and probably not even one who actually enjoys/cares (and i mean i understand cuz im just an annoying dumb stranger who talks about being sad and complains a lot lmao) this chapter won't even get to 10 reads which im fine with.

anyways, im just so fucking tired of everything. im tired of having to pretend to be happy, im tired of putting everyone else's feelings before my own, im tired of lying to people so they don't feel bad, im tired of not being happy, im tired of going to school, im tired of being a weirdo, im tired of people worrying about me, im tired of people ignoring me, im tired of people hurting me, im tired of being hurt over stupid things, im tired of hating myself, im tired of trying to love myself to no avail, im tired of not being good enough, im tired of caring, im tired of ruining everything, im tired of trying, im tired of living.

i have no one to talk to and that's so pathetic.

i feel alone and i don't want to feel this way anymore.

there's no one to talk to and there's nothing to do and there's nowhere to go.

i want to fucking destroy myself, i just. im always sad or mad by the end of the day. happiness never lasts long and i hate it. i feel fucking stupid.

i honestly want to kill myself but im scared. i believe in reincarnation so basically doesn't that mean that life is eternal and even if my kill myself ill just be forced to live again starting from the beginning? that's terrifying, especially because it seems so logical to me. i just want life to end but i think it's impossible. it's a trap and i can't escape.

i guess it feels a little better to finally get these thoughts out of my head and onto the screen.

things just aren't going good and im scared.