Cruel how I yearned for things I ruined.

I sit in my bed, it's made and warm.

The windows are open, the wind is cold and strong.

My papers sit on my desk, messy and unkempt.

My research is scattered on the floor.

My phone never lights up from notifications.

Fifty tabs are open on my laptop,

They flash the studying I have done for the past few months.

I've raised my grades to a ninety-eight and a ninety-nine.

Except for a subject I've been dreading for a while.

The songs I listened to over the years still blast through my speakers.

I waited and waited for notifications from him,

My ringer was on, just in case.

I knew that we were both long gone,

considering the goodbye's he and I said a week ago.

But I still wanted him.

I wanted him.

I lost him because of the abrupt goodbye I made six months ago.

I said my goodbye properly a few days ago.

I want him back, I want another chance.

I won't fuck up this time, I'm strong enough to grip onto him.

I'll treat him more tenderly than I did before,

I'll love him more eagerly than I had prior.

I'll swear on my life to give him peace.

I raised my grades to hear his praise.

But I wanted more, maybe to hear him say he loved me again.

Please love me again, I can't handle this.

I want to go on more dates with him.

Love, I honestly just want to stand by him.

I'm sorry I declined mentally, emotionally, and physically.

I'm doing great now.

So please give me another chance.

I won't be in my head too much, I'll talk and dance.

To my love,

Please don't say I led you on,

I cried and wept, and lost my mind for you.

I loved you with my broken soul through and through.

I loved you even when I couldn't love me too.

I can't stand the thought of you with someone else,

I can't stand the notion of not being yours.

I don't love you enough to be your friend.

But I love you enough to attend as you're being wed.

My research sits open, waiting to be completed.

Instead, I sit, writing this-- the pain I've greeted.

Love me again, I'll be better.

Love me again, I promise this will be greater.

But God is cruel, you've moved on.

I don't know what to do without my person.