[ w: mention of drugs ]

Chapter Twelve

"I'm not fine. I'm not," he admits.

Kim Taehyung leans from swaying against the door's frame. He's slurring. His eyes are puffy and swollen from crying. His clothing, bomber hoodie jeans, all smell of vodka mixes. He looks over in desperation, in want. In need for help.

Your eyes widen larger than large. Hiccupping a surprised gasp when seeing him, the only thing that leaves your mouth this night is, "What the fu..." In your silk-nightie-tank, pajamas, and hair tied back, Kim Taehyung at your apartment door this late is an enormous surprise. "W-What're you doing here?"

Taehyung looks at you, at every single part of you. The gazes he trails down your body make you feel instantly insecure. Moving to cover your chest with your arms, a breathy, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave." Why is he here? Why is he drunk?

"Please don't let me go back," Taehyung's head wiggles around. He forgets what he wants to say. "I... I uh, I want to come inside."

"No," you say, eyes still so shocked, "I don't know you, y-you—"

"I'm sorry."

"Taehyung."

"I'm so sorry, I I keep," he hiccups, "I was so okay but now I'm not and I slept with her. Why did I fuck her? I was so rude to you and I'm sorry I thought when I first—" another hiccup, "—my first few bottles I was thinking about her but then I started thinking about you and how you cry and how I used to cry."

"Wha..."

"Our tears are like identical? I feel pain you feel pain I feel. I don't know Oki is my best friend but I was rude to you and I don't even know you and—" He's crying. "—I just wanna, I don't know actually. I don't know what I want and I need to puke but I keep swallowing it when it comes out and I keep thinking of her then you then Oki and then the your water."

"Why are you here out of all places, Taehyung?" You ask gently. You don't know him, you don't care for him. But seeing him crying and hurting and scared makes a part of you melt. Sending him away doesn't seem right. He doesn't seem right, right now.

"I like the sea. Do you like the water? I like the sea you're the sea it makes me calm I like your eyes, do you like your eyes? I like the water, I do." Taehyung sighs, hitting his temple on the frame.

He winces and whines. You move your hand hesitantly between his head and the wood, blocking him from hurting any longer. "Stop doing that," you whisper, eyes soft when seeing him trying again. It's as if he's purposely trying to bruise and bleed.

With wide eyes that he stares into drunkenly, your shocked form ends his ramble. Hugging yourself tight, you whisper, "Are you sure you've only drank?" Then he says, "I don't remember." You swallow, nod, and he watches your body again.

Taehyung stumbles in. He grins, he tries to hold you. You flinch away from him, letting him stumble more into the place. "Woooah~" he coos under his breath, world spinning as he sways by the carpet. "That was fun," he starts to run around and get himself dizzy.

There's running. You look away from the boy to the hallway where security runs wild. With wide eyes, you wave them down and they strike over quick. "We've heard reports of disturbance? There's a man that's been going door to door? Have you se—"

They stop, eyes meeting Taehyung who falls onto the coffee table. The boy goes, "Wee~" and starts to gag with a grunt. With saucer-like eyes, you look back to the security who wait for clarifications.

This is your chance to have him out the apartment. This is your chance to have him away from you and out on the streets late at night.

Swallowing hard, your voice pitches when you say, "He was looking for me. I'm sorry for the trouble." The security nod and are hesitant to leave. They warn for not having this happen again, then leave for you to clasp the door shut.

Walking towards the couch Taehyung uses as an object to help him up, he sways and slurs, and starts his marathon for apology.

You zone out, panicked, you hear a, "Everything alright? Who was at the door?" From Pela's bedroom which plays soft music. You lie, "No one, just security doing night check runs. People throwing a party and it's gotten complaints." Pela says something, but you don't hear it.

You're too busy looking at Taehyung who wipes new tears with the back of his sleeves.

"I met her, I met Ella in one of my first-year classes and I remember thinking how beautiful she is was is? She was so beautiful and I fell in lo-v-ve right there, right there next to her. She smiled at me and her eyes were pretty—but yours are like the sea—but she was sweet and her voice was soft and when she sang I was the one to clap the loudest." Taehyung sniffles, tripping. He can't even stand straight for too long.

Your eyes soften. You're frozen. There is no way for you to walk closer. Ella, Ella. You memorize that name. The name of a stranger that he cries for. The name of a stranger that seems to be most beautiful in his eyes. Taehyung's eyes. They're dripping and drooping.

"Why're you telling me this? Why are you here?" You ask this. It's a soft question. A question he doesn't hear, too busy crying and speaking his life story out for you to absorb.

"We kissed for the first time in her dorm room studying, we were studying and I didn't know how to kiss so she taught me. We kissed and then we had sex and it was my first for everything and anything with her and only her and then we did that for more than just a day. We studied a lot but not really. I liked her smell and she smelt like strawberries and when I was with her she sometimes tasted like strawberries too and I like strawberries, sometimes more than water sometimes not and I think I may be hungry but I keep throwing up. I had whitey today that made my nose bleed and had me jumpy but I don't know, I haven't tried it since the last time I was with Ella. We used to do that in her dorm room too. She was pretty and naked when I snorted whitey and it was pretty but Namjoon, my brother, my older one? He didn't like that I kept having nose bleeds and my eyes looked distant so he distanced me further and made me hate him and hate her but I don't hate her, I love her, do I love her?"

"I don't know all I know is that I cried a lot when I found them in her dorm and that's where I used to be and that's where I used to be and when I look back at it I see that I lost a lot of money because of her. I know I did but I also made the decision to lose that money to whitey, and the stretch of her new purses and clothing but I didn't care she smiled when I bought her those things and I know I'm messed up and alone and scared I'm so scared because I was with her pretty body the night before and I did whitey again today and when I promised myself I wouldn't. Now I don't want to go back but I feel that I will after I'm done with  you."

Taehyung sniffles, "Right, right I came to say sorry. Sorry my head hurts and I keep seeing her and I came to apologize because I'm sorry for being nice one minute and not nice the next. I don't see clearly sometimes and it's because I try to distance everyone when things get to broken for me and I pushed Jungkook away today and I'm sorry for that too and I yelled at Namjoon today I haven't in a while and I yelled at you, a pretty stranger today. Wait. I called you pretty. I'm sorry for that, I shouldn't just call you pretty that shouldn't be done out of the blue and I'm sorry if that offends you. You have nice eyes but that's not all to you I'm sure. Oki's sorry he cries a lot and he misses you but I don't think he wants to get back together because he's scared of his Mommy issues and he's just like his Mommy and that scares him."

"Wait, why was I here? Oh right, I'm sorry and you have really nice eyes." Taehyung finishes.

Your eyes. Wider than wide. Your lips. Wider than wide. You see that he stops and with a whisper, the most you can get out of all is an, "O-Okay...?" You don't know what to say.

"So, are we okay? Are we good? I'm sorry for being so weird."

"Y-Yeah, sure..."

Taehyung smiles, drunk and on whatever else. This smile worries you as he burps and moves backwards towards the balcony door. Your brows furrow when he says, "Okay, good," and starts to fidget in opening the lock. Taehyung continues, "Now I'll go and apologize to Ella too and hopefully not f-fuck her again because I don't—" You screech, run over, grab him away and say, "That's not the front door Taehyung!" He looks adorable and scared, and confused when you bring him back with a wobble.

He's struggling with his weight. You're struggling holding his weight. He smiles at you close and says, "You smell nice," and sniffs sniffs sniffs. Flushing, you try to distance yourself from his ashy nose and alcohol stained clothing.

"Bitch? The fuck is going on here?!" Pela's here. She holds the same expression you held earlier, but now, with more awe than anything else. You can see she's about to open her mouth and yell shout scold. Grunting under Taehyung's heaviness, you burst.

"Yell later and I'll explain! Help me! I need him to just stop moving for a second!"

Pela helps. She really does. Running over, the woman fists her fingers into a ball and punches Taehyung straight into the nose that once tried to snuggle straight into your neck's crook.

He bleeds, he moans in pain. His knees give out, his eyes roll back. He's no longer a squirming baby that moves.

Kim Taehyung passes out successful in your apartment.

-

"W-Where—" his breath sharply moans in slight pain while sitting up, "Where...?"

Taehyung's question towards where he is, who he's around, and what time strikes outside comes slow. His confusions leave the minute he recognizes your apartment and couch he lays on, the sight of your eyes worriedly by his side, and the sunlight the breaks in.

Then the migraine and the harsh pain at his once bleeding nose settles. It's not a good settle. Moaning, every little whisper hurts his head, the hangover from drugs and alcohol making him rack up feeling tired, depressed and paranoid. The fact that his nose runs doesn't add well to the sickening feeling for a cold he lives with. Last night was a terrible idea...

"H-How're you feeling?" Your voice asks gentle.

Taehyung has his eyes shut, his face covered with his hands. With a groan he says, "Amazing."

"You kept waking up in the middle of the night...sweating," you whisper soft, hesitant to touch Taehyung's disoriented body. "I stayed back to make sure you didn't have a concussion...or that you didn't try to climb over the balcony again."

"How could you know if I've got," Taehyung whinces, groaning at the sharp jolt he feels in his brain when straining his eyes to open, "...How'd you know I didn't have a concussion?" His jaw clenches hard. He squints his swollen eyes open.

Everything is blurry, everything is ringing. Taehyung forces himself to wake even past the drunken-state he believes to be alive still. He doesn't remember much, but medication and flashes of water breaks by a worried voice, he does remember. With a lingering gaze, Taehyung eyes you. You're sitting next to him on the couch, trying hard not to smile.

The boy follows your gaze. With difficulty, he makes out the body of another. She's in pajamas and makeup undone. She's beautiful as she sips her coffee mug, holding back a small smile. Pela.

"I'm a nursing student, I did the best I could," she sighs before jumping off the kitchen stool. Grilling the same time, she walks, Pela says, "Now up up. Eat breakfast then get out of my apartment. I'll be nice for a bit."

Before Taehyung can register a 'thank you' or even a plate that waits for him to devour, he says, "How...Wait, what?" Then you chuckle and say, "You came here losin' your mind. Pela knocked you out before you could cause any trouble."

Lips parting, Taehyung's breath smells of absolute death. You don't react and that makes him feel less insecure as his shaking hands grab the small blanket on him. A gesture he just now realized.

There's silence for a long while. Taehyung rubs his temples, soothes his brain, and slurs while asking, "I didn't do anything stupid, did I?"

"Define stupid," you chuckle with a stare towards the backdoor. "You did try to open the door to the balcony thinking it was the front. Oh! And the security of the building knows exactly who you are now...you were going door to door trying to find mine?"

"Oh..."

You tightly smile. It's always awkward talking to someone the morning after a high, but this occurrence topped-the-charts in your book completely. Last night wasn't with a friend or a lover. Last night was a dreadful warning for a stranger—taking care of a stranger. Did you regret it? No. He needed help and a place to stay...

"I uh," Taehyung looks to you, awkward. "I'm sorry."

You smile and nod. "Trust me, I understand from last night just how sorry you are." Then you laugh to lighten the mood. "That's all you seemed to be saying."

Taehyung smiles back. It's pained. There's something else—or someone else—on his mind and you notice. With a soft, "You also said a lot more than what I think your sober-self would want me to know," you see how Taehyung's drooping eyes act overwhelmed.

"Wha..." His jaw clenches and there is anger and fear when he straightens. His hands shake and your smile falls over his reactions. He's not okay. Not yet. Taehyung continues, "What did I say? I-I'm sorry if it was weird or a burden for you, I shouldn't have come here. Shit. What did I say?"

With surprised eyes over his paranoia, you breathe, "It's alright Taehyung. There's no need to panic—" He interrupts, saying, "Wha—What I do? What I say? Tell me." You say, "You told me about a girl named Ella." Taehyung swallows hard. His eyes open more. His shoulders sulk.

"Oh."

You rub your lap and knees in discomfort. Still in a tank, hair pulled back, and pajama pants, you scratch at your head and whisper, "I don't want to intrude and give my two cents or anything but, what you had with this gi—" "Please don't," he groans, hands to his face. You do as he says, you 'don't' and shut up.

"I'm guessing I rambled on and on?" His face is in his hands.

"Yes. You weren't okay."

"I'm fine."

"You aren't," you say, "It's okay to admit that you aren't."

"It's scary to admit that."

"Fearing the thought of moving on only ends in setting us backwards," you say, "Trust me. I may not be feeling what you struggle with but being your own best friend doesn't hurt." You awkwardly finish your preaching the moment Taehyung's eyes secretly beg for you to stop.

"Did I talk about my older brother?"

"N-Namjoon?"

"Fuck," Taehyung swears, shoving a couch pillow off to the ground in anger.

You tense at the anger that radiates off him. Clearing your throat, standing to your feet, you walk into the kitchen and grab his plate of pancakes. Pouring orange juice into a glass cup, your feet are slow in attempts to have yourself heard. You don't want to startle him when placing the cup on the coffee table, and sitting beside him.

"Eat?" you say.

Taehyung's brows are harsh and deep but when they look past his hands and to you, the fork with syrup-covered fluffy cake urges in his direction. There's an awkwardness about you, a disconnect about you. But there's also a softness, a want to help.

Usually, Taehyung would swear and curse and throw a tantrum screaming, "I don't need help!" Not now. Right now, Taehyung's eyes soften, and he stares at you willing to feed him.

His mouth opens slow. He stares at you when he hesitantly bobs his head towards the fork. You're patient with his resistance. That only brings his mouth to chew. As he chews, you smile and place the plate on your lap. You cut for another piece, arching it up nonchalantly. The boy, eyes curious, opens his mouth a second time and takes more of the pancake.

"It's good," he says mid-chew. You nod smiling, "Pela makes them. I envy her skills in the kitchen sometimes." Then you stretch another fork-full. Taehyung swallows gently, opening his tumbling bottom lip for a third try. "Thank you," he says mid-chew. "You're very welcome," you cheerfully chime, adorable and wanting a kinder atmosphere.

Taehyung catches the vibe. He smiles when you feed him a fourth time. When he reaches for the juice, his brows jump when you coo, "Here, let me," and you take the cup with shake towards his mouth. "I can drink the juice, here," he says. "No, let me," you urge. Taehyung swallows hard, smiles kind, and opens his lips for the liquid to enter.

For a second, he doesn't feel sick, tired depressed and paranoid.

"Would you mind if I steal a bite?" You playfully ask. Taehyung, with soft eyes and a smile that is no longer forced, says, "No no, go ahead." He smirks when you pop the fork into your mouth and chew as well. "You know," he holds the glass of juice, sipping, "We technically did an indirect kiss." You snort, stealing another fork-full and tease back, "What're you? Five?"

You giggle, and he watches you giggle. His eyes are open enough for the pain to feel less irritating. Getting used to the sun this new morning. Taehyung whispers after a minute saying, "Thank you," more sternly. "I must've been a mess...You don't even know me, and you helped me, that on its own says a lot."

You nod, flush, and slowly chew. Giving Taehyung the rest of his plate, he takes it with a slow lop-sided grin. There's a tenderness in the atmosphere and you lean back into the couch, watching him eat for himself. Hugging the front of your chest, you scratch the bottom of your neck before rubbing rubbing rubbing.

With eyes that look over occasionally, Taehyung swallows hard. His mouth tastes better and sweet and nice. He notices the delicacy of your fingertips. He notices the way you lightly smile his way. There's an elephant in the room and he doesn't address it. Instead, he addresses the little mouse in the corner by saying, "I know where to keep my eyes. Don't feel uncomfortable."

"What?" you ask, acting oblivious.

Taehyung drinks his juice, places his empty plate on the table. He straightens his back, moves his arms, and wiggles out of his dark bomber. You watch in confusion as he hands it to you. Then your eyes widen, and you gape a, "Oh no, I'm okay, I—" Taehyung wiggles it saying, "Being present in a conversation is key. If your mind is somewhere else, I'll notice."

You take his jacket. He smiles with a boy-ish charm when you drape it over your shoulders and let it sit. Nibbling on your bottom lip, your shoulders cave in comfortable. Arms falling away from your breasts. "Thank you," the gesture makes your voice softer than soft.

"Yes," then he chuckles, "I realize I could've been less heroic and just gave you the blanket I have on my legs." Then he looks to the warm length and snuggles it around his shoulders; burying himself completely. "But then I'd lose how warm I feel and I'm too selfish to lose that." You smile genuine, laughing.

Your nose scrunches. You fidget. Taehyung's smile falls a little when he asks, "The jacket smells, doesn't it?" You nod, trying not to smile when you admit, "Like satan had a little too fun with you last night. It smells horrendous." Taehyung offers the blanket, you shake your head, cuddling into the bomber. "It's alright," you sweetly say, "It's been a while since I've had another boy do this for me. Might as well learn to love it no matter the odor." The boy grins.

You smile shy, looking down to your thighs.
Taehyung smiles shy, looking down into the blanket that covers his thighs.

"Taehyung?"

"Hm?" he asks, looking up to your eyes that have trouble staring back.

"I uh..." You lick over your lips, interrupting the silence that was bringing such awe.

"What is it?"

"Why did you come to me before you went to Ella?"

Taehyung blinks. He's quiet for a long time before he answers honest, "I don't know."