[unedited; it's a long one and one of my favs so far! enjoy~]

Chapter Twenty-Six

"So...Oki and you..." you say no more. Ella whips her head up from across from you and her face speaks on her bewilderment.

It's a new morning, a little too early. The skies are gloomier as they grey and threaten for rain to pour out soon. You wait for the water, wanting it. The weather's been sunny and sweat-staining—Pela calls it, the "too good to be true" season of nature's cycle. You agree with Pela, understand her. It's easy to read most women like the best friend you've got. Most women.

"What about him?" she asks. She twitches on her seat. The bench is cold on your side and you wonder if she feels the same chills while sitting on her side. Then again, Ella's used to this grungy part of campus whereas you've only been around twice. Each time was unsettling, you remember. Once, working on an assignment, two, sitting down in a force with Oki across instead of the long-haired woman with the beautiful voice.

The same voice Taehyung fell for. You heart did a dance to music that never played. Sulking, you waited for a confused moment, seeping into reality when remembering what you asked Ella just now. More so, what you intended to ask. Seeing how her thighs clamped under the wooden table, her fingers twitched to move strands of her hair back, you could note that Ella was nervous.

"You two seem...close now."

Ella nods, "He's a good friend."

Your tongue pokes at your cheek. "Just a friend?"

"Yes...I've been needing a place to stay, and he's offered the room in his apartment..." She sinks into a trance that itches your nerves, "The one his best friend left, I guess. I'm grateful, that's all."

"You're staying with him?" You blink, then blink again.

"I thought you didn't care about him anymore...?"

"Just asking." Your heart wavers as you forcibly tame it.

Ella shifts, smiles awkward and asks, "...Then I assume it's okay for me to ask the same, but with you?"

Your tongue relaxes, your jaw as well. You sit in a trance when saying, "What?"

Ella looks down to her finished piece. "With Taehyung? What is that? Still friendship or something more?"

You cough in a soft scoff, "Who? Taehyung? We've talked about this before, Taehyung and I are just friends."

"You sure about that?"

There's panic. "Why wouldn't I be sure?"

Ella smiles. It seems genuine, but the pain in her eyes fails to shield. "You're blushing," she says, and you shake your head right away. "I'm just cold," you say, pointing to the wind as if it's a state that exists for the human eye. The most Ella sees when she looks around is a few leaves flying about, or an occasional gust of wind knocking your hair onto your cheek. The woman's smile brightens further. "You're a terrible liar," she says, and you're left wondering why she smiles so kind. Why is she so kind?

"I...he..." you gather yourself, "He's not ready for a relationship right now, I understand that."

An awkward silence floats above the atmosphere.

Ella whispers, "I'm sorry," and your brows jump. "N-No, I didn't mean t—" words are cut once she props another grin and waves the completed assignment in the air, "Now that we've got our assignments complete, the last class will be nothing more than editing and final revision." The subject changes before emotions are contained for clutter.

Silence, once again, invades.

You clear your throat and ask, "Where have you been...I mean, we were supposed to meet days ago but you kept rescheduling this last meeting?" Then you do the one thing you promised you'd do. You treat Ella like the human she is, you ask, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I've just been having some trouble with my professor."

Your brows furrow. "Really?" you ask, "I thought it was because of your co-worker at the bakery you work—?"

Ella nods more than necessary. "Y-Yeah," she says, "that too. It's been a busy, busy week." She giggles and apologizes again.

You wave her off. Uncertain on whether you should ask more questions, her stuttering you note, carrying her gradual increasing of twitches before mumbling, "I should be the one saying sorry."

"For what?" Her eyes look like a bunny's when startled.

"...in class, I uh," now you're the twitching character. "When I asked about Taehyung...you...I realize I shouldn't have. It's not my place to know."

Ella's face falls. It's a different side to her, a similar expression that made your stomach do flips when you saw it once in class. That one time was the moment you had asked her, "What happened with Taehyung and you?" The same moment where she said nothing back, silence overwhelming while the whole period had gone into a pit of nothingness.

Now, sitting across from her, her face seems similar. There's a softness this time as she nods and says, "I can get why one would be interested...considering how we both react to each other's names and all." Her giggle is back but it's weak.

You try to bite your tongue back but can't. You ask, "Do you two ever see each other in the hallways?"

Ella shakes her head slowly. "Not necessarily, no. There's a lot of ignoring that comes into play." Another giggle. It's a nervous one. One that tells you to stop, but you don't. Instead, you ask, "...from doing so...is there any feeling of closure you feel or no?"

The woman clears her throat. "I uh, I don't know."

"He's—" You stop yourself from finishing, knowing you'd make a mistake if you do. Telling Taehyung's ex, "He's not over you" would only discourage any friendship that you've got going with Taehyung. One built off trust. So, you catch your tongue.

"He's what?" She whispers.

You look deep at her eyes. With narrowed ones for yourself, you catch things about her. Her twitching stops now, she lets her strands fall, and there is bordered curiosity in her eyes that beg for more out of you. There is care. Ella cares for Taehyung.

"He's on his way to be the best version of himself," you say instead. Ella's smile forms in a way that show proof to your observation. Soothe, nurture, and attention.

"That's good," she says.

You nod. Slow.

"I'm glad he's growing."

You nod. Slow.

Ella notices the enticing sway of your head. Swallowing hard, her bottom lip flutters in a tight tremble as she says, "It's the most I could hope for...after everything that happened between us."

You nod. Slower.

"Has he uh, has he told you about anything?"

You pucker your lips. "I've put pieces together myself, but he hasn't told me anything in partic—"

"I slept with his brother, I'm sure you know of that by now..." Her shoulders fall in a slump.

You pull your bottom lip in, sealing your mouth.

Ella reads this notion and says, "All I ask is to not be judged from that one single mistake." Her head ducks and the snarky in you sees Taehyung crying, Taehyung shoving his only brother, Taehyung crying crying crying. You say, "It's hard not to."

"You don't know my story."

"Do I have to? It wouldn't justify what you did."

"No," Ella nods, "but it would have some pity me, which in a way, is what I don't want. I'd rather say being vilified." She stands up and all saltiness is washed away from wounds that aren't even yours.

"Ella—" You're soft now.

"Just be careful," she says, gathering her books.

Confusion. "Careful?"

"Yes. I'm sure the assumptions you've made about me scream 'impulsive' or 'unpredictable,' but know that I wasn't the only one in the relationship that did wrong." Ella curves her spine straight, jaw screwed. Her eyes are still warm, she backs away from the table.

With an open mouth, you say, "What're you trying to say?"

"Taehyung made mistakes," the woman whispers, "He was a victim, sure—but so was I." With that, she catches the shock on your face and doesn't smile. There's a sadness along with her warmth. She leaves, and you're left colder than before.

[1 hour later]

Taehyung shivers as he pulls his bomber's sleeves onto his arms. Seated across from the older man that places a coffee mug before him, the boy's legs sway behind the chair's legs, curving his torso close to the strawed-metal before him. Taehyung sits close, elbows now on the surface of the nice patio-table. "Thanks," he says, cupping his long fingers around the mug's holding loop. The voice of the older man says, "No worries," before plumping across from the boy with a sigh.

"It looks like it's gonna rain soon."

The older man, Namjoon, looks to the clouds and propels a small side-smile. "Sure does," he laughs, "What a great day to come out and have breakfast together." He mimics Taehyung, but lazier. His feet tug the ends of his chair, his torso leans in a slant forward. There's a cooler way the older brother presents himself where none notice.

"I can't believe you woke me up for six in the morning," Taehyung grumbles, pulling the drink up to his mouth. When he tastes a ginger tea instead of coffee, he tries not to smile. The boy's been feeling sick and dislikes coffee, Namjoon clearly finding small ways to take care of him. Awkward and unable to thank him for it, all Taehyung says is a quiet, "Thank you."

"Taking you out is the least I could do," Namjoon waves him off, "You stayed over pretty late and I couldn't stick around to play video games with you...besides, we haven't gone out like this since forever."

Taehyung nods. Puckering his lips, he taps the side of his mug. "To make things less sad, it's not like we did this when we used to talk either." Namjoon laughs at that, snorting into his coffee. Taehyung smirks, feeling a sense of overjoy that frames at his shoulders.

His shoulders that don't seem to carry as much weight as they used to. The boy feels lighter and lighter every day.

"I wanted to ask you last night, but I had work...I'm sure Yoongi and Hoseok went on and on entertaining you but—" Namjoon cleans his mouth with a napkin, "How're you feeling?"

"I feel fine." Taehyung sips, wanting to taste the ginger tickle his irritated throat when washing down.

"Any more attacks?"

Taehyung shifts. "Here and there."

"Is it easier to get out of that dark mindset though?"

"Sometimes," Taehyung says with a sigh, "I guess people don't recover right away, huh?"

"What makes you feel that way?" Namjoon curiously questions non-stop. It's a loving gesture, but with Taehyung who eases himself with a slow ease when around, it can be hard to break past his bubble of tenseness. Things work slow in maintaining a relationship with his brother.

"Some weeks I feel great, then others..."

Namjoon smirks. "Ah, I see." When Taehyung's eyes him like a lost child, Namjoon says, "How you can feel happy, excited about life, panic-attack-free, one week, and the next is a disaster-filled time where you wonder whether or not the previous week was just a momentary lapse of 'what could be' versus 'what monster you actually are'."

"Wow," Taehyung's laugh a little too loud at that. Namjoon joins him with a flick of his neck by the end, saying, "Yeah, trust me brother, we've all been there."

When laughter dies, Namjoon watches Taehyung sip his tea without further words. He smiles into his coffee, feeling lighter every moment spent getting closer to Taehyung again. Sure, it wasn't much after the night of talks the first time, but this is something. This was a start. I'll take what I can get.

"But that doesn't mean what you're going through should be compared to anyone else and their sufferings," Namjoon whispers, "We all suffer, we all feel pain...remember that what you feel shouldn't be put to in the back-burner just because it's not 'important enough'—" Taehyung's face scrunches and Namjoon glares. "I knew it," the older brother says, "You think that way don't you? That your issues aren't important?"

"I got it."

"Oh, have you now?" The older brother shifts back in his chair. There's a scold bridging up at the back of his throat. "What have you got?"

"I'm dealing with depression, I guess."

"You guess?" Namjoon's teeth nibble at his inner cheek.

"Can we not talk about this in public?"

"Why? Why does it all gotta be taboo?" Namjoon glances around the place and says louder, "Mental health exists, and it should be talked about!" Taehyung's eyes widen, glancing around at a couple that look away from their omelettes.

Taehyung begs with his eyes, chest flicking about more panicked that usual. Namjoon tenses, wanting to be stubborn and yell at the top of his lungs. But he stops when seeing just how anxiety-filled his younger brother gets, Namjoon's eyes soften. "Don't ignore the fact that you need help. It's okay to get it Taehyung," he says quieter.

"I can take care of myself. This is your problem, you know that? You do things that you claim to be good for me, only to put me in a greater shit state. Sometimes the way you do things to help me aren't right. Sure, you're older but that do—"

"Okay okay," Namjoon's hands move up, his eyes softer softer softer. "I'm sorry."

Taehyung breathes. In and out, in and out. Namjoon watches every second of containment, sensing just how tense his younger brother gets. When Taehyung's back to sipping his tea, Namjoon admits to his way of handling situation and apologizes again. He finishes with, "I'll work on it, I promise." Taehyung looks up and catches Namjoon's determined eyes.

"Thank you." They stare at each other for a while; words of understanding that cannot be said out loud.

Disrupted, mouths salivate when food arrives at their table.

[30 minutes later]

"Swallow it," Namjoon scolds, poking his head over Taehyung's shoulder while shoving the remaining medication into his younger brother's backpack. The boy nods, chugging down warm water poured in a thermos. His throat feeling scratchier than before.

When zipped up, they continue to walk side-by-side until Namjoon's vehicle is reached. Moving in, seatbelts on, and swerving out of the parking lot, Namjoon takes Taehyung to get to his first class for the day while he schedules meetings for his rap concert being prepared for.

When Taehyung asks, "You still stressing out about how it'll go?" Namjoon lies with, "No." The boy sees through the macho-bravado and says, "If it helps, I could come with you." "No way, your marks are just starting to pick up in your classes, I'm not gonna risk anything." Taehyung smiles, "You won't risk anything from just one class!" Namjoon shakes his head, not having any excuses.

The music in the radio screams RnB and old-school rap from the 90s. Taehyung smiles more and more when seeing how Namjoon nudges his head to it. This moment like the one's before, where Taehyung's head would join in. Now, the boy only sits still, watching and observing with a mouth that does the dancing for him. He's unable to dance with his older brother. Not yet.

"When the concert nears, could I maybe come with you when you're practicing?"

Namjoon does a double-take. "W-What, wait—"

Taehyung's mouth dances into a box that has Namjoon adoring. "...like how I used to when you had little gigs here and there...?"

"Y-Yeah," Namjoon nods. He continues to nod when looking back to the road with a large smile of his own, "I'd love that."

"Great."

"Good."

Both try not to be obvious about the joy they feel.

With a slow lick of his lips, Namjoon asks, "So, you going to tell me about that girl you shoved me to the ground for?"

Taehyung's smile falls. Tense.

Namjoon says, "I'm in no way a threat in any means Taehyung, believe me. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you again."

Taehyung's smile, still gone. No longer tense.

"Y-Yeah," his sick throat tightens, "She's great."

"You like her?"

Taehyung looks out the window and shrugs, "What's not to like?"

Namjoon rolls his eyes. "Don't play all oblivious with me, shoving me for a girl that happens to be just a friend? I don't buy it. She clearly means more if you got that angry."

"I snapped. I don't know why."

"We both know why."

Taehyung doesn't speak.

The older brother sighs, "As long as she's sweet to you and you're smart around her, I won't have an issue."

Taehyung's jaw clenches, "And if she's not? What will my big bro do?"

"Easy..." Namjoon frowns but masks it when Taehyung does a sigh of his own, moves his face into his hands and says, "I'm sorry, I keep doing that." "It's okay." "It isn't, we've talked about it and I should—" Namjoon hushes Taehyung saying, "Just because we're working on things doesn't mean we're 100 percent over our issues. I get it. I got one request from you though."

"What is it?"

Namjoon's reassuring smile is back. "When you snap, let it all out. Check me before things get worse and I'll do the same with you...kind of like what happened at breakfast, yeah?" When Taehyung thinks into his older brother's words, while Namjoon allows his hand to squeeze the back of Taehyung's neck. Wiggling at the skin, he doesn't stop until Taehyung laughs and shoves away his arm with a slap.

"Deal."

"Good," Namjoon says.

Music hums louder now. Both quiet.

Taehyung looks over at Namjoon from the corner of his eyes.

Music hums softer now. One quiet. Namjoon murmurs lyrics under his breath.

A few last turns come over and Taehyung's palms sweat.

He trusts his words, and he finds the hope in himself to trust his brother again. Just for a little, just for this moment, Taehyung says, "I really like her."

Namjoon doesn't look over. He grins like a father.

"I know you do."

Taehyung's heart races, his palms continue to become unbearable. Wiping at his jeans, he seeks out his emotions only to hide behind a false fever. Repeating the lie in his head, nothing more sticks until Namjoon casually breaks in with a, "You ask her out yet?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can't, I need to be stable before I get myself into another relationship."

"That's a load of bull."

"Excuse me?" Taehyung whispers, trying to find a reason to be offended.

"People suffer, people have pain, but they can still love and be with others. You sure you ain't using your mental state as an excuse 'cause you're scared of asking her?"

Taehyung can't yell at him. Namjoon spoke slowly and said words that didn't intrude or claim his side to be right. Now, listening to that and wanting to clap and smile for his small inkling of progressiveness, Taehyung swallows a lump of uncertainty instead. "No," is all he can say.

"No, you aren't sure, or...?"

"No, as in I'm not creating excuses."

"You scared to ask her out?"

"A little."

"Start off small, ask her to the dance and take things slow from there."

"I can't," Taehyung twitches in his spot.

Namjoon's brows furrow. He looks away from the front and stares of at his brother. "Why not? She with someone else?"

"Not anymore but...I just...I don't know. I want her to be over Oki, and I want to be over Ella. That way I can give her my all."

Namjoon's softer when he asks, "What makes you think you're not over Ella?"

"I am. I—" Taehyung's mixing his words, "I don't love her. I don't. Not anymore." Namjoon nods, there's a hint of relief in him with that, "So?"

"I just, I'm over her as a person, as my previous girlfriend, but I'm not over what she did to me. What we did to each other. It's like when you have an embarrassing fall. Many forget about their falls if they survive it unharmed—give it a few weeks and they're over it—but if you're bruised from the fall, all you can do is constantly be reminded over the humiliation and hurt you felt when it happened—just by looking at yourself in the mirror an—I don't even know if this is making any sense, but you get me?" Taehyung's chest heaves.

"...Yeah."

"I feel that's the same for Y/N, but her bruise seems to be healing a little faster than mine it seems."

"Why? She uses better ointment?" "This isn't funny," Taehyung warns, seeing Namjoon hold in a snort. "I'm serious."

"How is she holding up better than you?" Namjoon asks, trying to be more serious.

"She confessed to me."

Namjoon laughs loud. "Holy shit! And?"

"I uh, I told her we're better off as frien—"

"Oh nooooooooooo! No no, no you didn't!" Namjoon shakes his head, laughing while turning the second-last corner to a campus nearing. "Why would you do that?"

"I panicked!"

"So, you friend-zoned her?!"

"I can't be with her right now."

"Well, did you tell her the uncertainty you feel? Or does she think you don't got any feelings towards her at all?"

Taehyung smiles nervously. Namjoon doesn't have to see it, he feels it and screams, "You little shit."

"I'm being stupid, I know."

"Ask her to the dance!"

"I'll try."

Namjoon shakes his head, turning the last corner and entering the rows of cars that line up for the parking garage and laneway streets for drop-offs. "Do it soon bro, it ain't gonna be pretty when another asks her, and she says yes. You'll feel horrible."

Taehyung's heart jumps at the thought. Shaking his mind into not thinking about such a route, he says, "I need to be okay with myse—"

"Live your life before you die man," Namjoon says, cutting Taehyung's mumble. "There's no time in this world to wait on things. I'll say this one last time, people suffer and have pain, but they don't stop loving. You deprive yourself—isolate yourself. Learn to maintain relationships even when you're in the darkest state of mind..."

Taehyung blinks. The ending cuts him deep. Now, not only does he think of you, he thinks to his friends he remains distanced with. Jungkook and Jimin.

"I'll try," he repeats. There's a genuine ring this time around.

"...and I'll try not becoming a control-freak about it all. I'll step back, and have you handle your own decisions." Namjoon parks to the curb, throws on emergency lights, and unlocks the doors.

Adorable, Taehyung says, "Thank you."

Namjoon shoots out his hand for a low-five. Taehyung glints in joy as he slaps his brother's hand, grabs his bag by his feet, and moves onto the sidewalk directing to a straight walking-lead towards the main library building on campus.

As the door closes and Taehyung waves goodbye, Namjoon's blasting music loudly in his car and rushes. Shaking his head, Taehyung laughs. With the music muffled, there's a slight tilt of his head, a nod, a bob, a dance. He does it alone to the music that shakes the streets away from the nearing intersection.

[1 hour later]

The teabag bobs like a human-head. You stare at your tea and watch the warm air waft to your face. Walking around campus until a seat was found helped with the punching feeling in your gut, cramps settled once your legs crossed and air clogged in your rested lungs. "Where are you girl?" you sigh, staring around for Pela.

As if she hears your grumble, hands perk to cover your eyes from the back. Before you can care to guess, the girl giggles, jumps over the bench and takes a seat beside you. You make sure she doesn't fall backwards on the metal-stool-side she sits tall on. With a laugh, you say, "Hey! What took you so long?"

Pela purses her lips, waves the shopping bags in her hands and has your eyes widen. "Pela! You skipped class t—"

"No!" she laughs, rests the bags between her legs and pulls out meds from her pockets. "I had one of my tutorial friends buy me somethings on discount, she works at the mall—but, I did leave early to get you Tylenol, I know your cramps are going to get killer soon enough." The woman cutely waves the meds before your face.

You thank her, trying not to laugh when she hurriedly pops it open and slaps one capsule into your mouth. You sip your tea and have the pill sway down. It's always nice seeing Pela, no matter what mood you're suffering past. When around her, you feel safe and at home.

"What did your friend get you?"

Pela shrugs, "Nothing really."

Your eyes narrow when the woman purses her lips from smirking. "Pela," you warn, and she giggles before excitedly propping the bag onto her lap. You recognize the packaging and have your mouth open for a gasp. When the articles are pulled out for a sneak, laughter erupts. "No way!" You touch the silk, the cotton, then more silk. Giddy yourself, you whisper, "These are so cute!" Pela lets the cute night-wear fall back into the bag. "I had her buy one for you too, this way when Taehyung's over one nigh—" "Don't," you flush, interrupting her.

"My boi ask you yet?" The woman nonchalantly asks. The warming in your cheeks continues when you shake your head, "No, no one has asked me." Generalizing doesn't work as Pela sees right through your feelings.

"What's taking him so long?" she grumbles, shaking her head. Teasing back, you say, "I could ask the same about Jimin...?" When your friend starts to sink her head shy, you laugh again. "I've never seen you like this! You like him!"

The subject is changed and you're only more amused. "I'm not going to be home tonight until later, when are you going home?" she asks, to which you reply, "Was going to go in about twenty minutes or so." Pela's brows furrow, "No meeting Taehyung?" Pursing your lips, you shake your head. "No, no meeting Taehyung...he said he was busy." When you grow quiet, Pela nibbles at her lip and shoots a change again.

She says, "Then go home, get some rest, and draw yourself a relaxing bubble bath. I got new bath bombs that you can steal—under the sink babe." She stands, winks and reassures you with her beautiful smile. You wave as she walks backwards.

"Take the nighties, will you? Don't peek!"

You sigh, "Yes queen." She laughs, does an exaggerated wave and turns to walk away.

Watching her go, the same warmth of home surfaces in your heart. Smiling, you grab her bags, take a few sips of your tea, and start towards the campus walkways.

Phone out, you take Jimin's saved phone number and shoot him a text, "About that Biochem tutoring?" To which he replies minutes later, interrupting your walking on the open field next to the parking lot. Jimin sends, "Sure, just let me know when and where, I'll help prepare for your last exam." Thinking to yourself, you put your bag under your armpit, move strands away from your face that blow from the wind. The struggle is real when you type, "Tomorrow after 7 p.m.?" Jimin agrees, you send a smiling emoji, and remind him of your address.

Grinning from ear to ear, you purse your lips when your hair sticks to your glossy lips. Groaning, the whipping only has strands poke your eye. It isn't a surprise the bags fall from your armpit and crash to the ground. The pink wrapping the hide the top of the gift bag shuffles from the wind, and you flush as you quickly grab it before much is seen. When long fingers scoop down to help you, hearing his laugh and the way he breathes close to your neck, you know the boy is Kim Taehyung.

His cheeks and lips are pink. Hair hits his eyes and you have a heart that swells from the tiniest of touch his index finger does to yours when picking the clutter up. As you flip the back to stand on the ground, one nightie pokes over the corner and you panic. Your tea spills once both hands are caught trying to shove the articles back in.

"These..." sighing, you can't even finish when a grin forms on the boy's mouth already. He's spotted them.

"Sexy." Charm in his voice, his eyes, and his perky lips.

"Okay, that's enough of that," you say, shoving the coverings over and holding the bags in your hands as you stand to your feet. Taehyung follows how your spine moves, standing tall and angelically sprouting a greeting.

"Thank you for the help." Your eyes barely catch his and he notices.

Taehyung smiles less wide. "It would be rude of me to watch you struggle. The wind's picking up, huh?"

"Please don't do this," you mumble, moving around him in a huff.

Taehyung chuckles, watching you leave. "Do what?"

"Small talk? Really? You've resorted to small talk? We're seriously going to talk about the weather now?" The annoyance that trails with your voice is obvious. Normally, you'd be sweet and apologize but with a pounded gut and now head that starts to pound, glancing back at Taehyung is none of your concern.

His face changes. "Bye?"

Feet louder on the pavement underneath, you wish to reach the main streets faster, so you could catch your bus. When honks deafen your ears and the pounding simply increases, you want nothing but sleep and the bubble bath Pela previously tempted. When the honks don't stop, your head whips to see what the issue was. Ready to yell at whoever made noise in your direction, your face falls. Oki.

The man smirks when seeing your anger diminish, then resurface as you yell, "What do you want?"

He nudges his head, rolls his window down, swerves close to you, and says, "Hop in, I'll give you a ride home."

[30 minutes later]

Taehyung's knee shakes, his brows never unknit, and the eagerness that rips at his tongue makes him continuously whisper questions to the boy beside him. "She isn't mad right?" he asks, "I mean, I know I haven't been talking to her much lately, but I've just been busy and...well...other things, but she can't be that pissed off?"

The stranger does nothing but push his glasses up and continue to write notes. Taehyung sighs, thinking to himself before breaking the silence again. "Maybe it was something I said?" Silence. "Or maybe she got embarrassed because of the panties?" Silence, but the boy's brow does cock. "I don't know man, I didn't do anything that could've made her snap?" Taehyung sighs again, shaking his head and hilariously swallowing up in confusion.

-

Your hand is hesitant on the handle of the door. It was hard to look at Taehyung, but even harder to look at Oki. No heart racing, no wishes for kisses, hugs, or holds. With Oki, the defeat in your gaze came from the shame of saying yes to his offer. "Thanks for the ride," you whisper, collecting the bags and ready to run inside.

"No problem, did you want help carryin—"

"No."

You can feel his eyes on your side as you lift Pela's bags, your bag, and now one book in your hand. Slowing down when placing the book in your hold, side-glancing at the boy. He smiles, noticing you watching him.

Your heart leaps when he parks the car. Leans over and carries your bag off the shoulder it hangs off. "Oki, I'm serious, I can get inside no problem. It's just a few steps in and I'll ask the security at front if anything." You hold your bags strap, trying to pull it back.

Oki stares at your weak hold. He tugs softly. Eyes are hardly meeting his while fingers hesitantly dismiss around the strands you push behind your ear. Your body language has him scout closer to you, still on his seat. "Let me help," he says. "No," you say, staring at his chest.

You tug. He tugs back.

It's weak on both ends now. Fingers no longer in tight grips.

"Anyone ask you to the dance yet?"

"Maybe."

"Really?" The boy's eyes search your face.

You think about Taehyung. "The person I want to ask me hasn't yet."

Oki tries to have your eyes meet his, but you don't budge. Your hand does soften around your bag's strap, no longer fighting the urge to shuffle away from the boy that sits close. The boy looks to your lips. "May I know who this person is? The person you want?"

"Not you."

He smiles when you finally look at him and finish your statement.

"Well...that's unfortunate..." he's staring at your lips again and you see every moment of it, "because I want you."

You blink. His thumb moves away from the bag and over to your lips. The gloss glues a single strand of hair which rests on your cheek. Staring at his every movement, your shoulders cave in to the seat when he cups your neck, teases your chin with a tilt. Eyes burying into the way your glossed lips pout, his thumb rests for the opening of your mouth. Lips shake along with your breath. Oki moves in and pecks your lips, his tongue scooping your bottom lip for a taste.

You pull your head back and stare. Without a sound, without a word, he stares back.

"I love you," he says.

You see his lips. You close your eyes. You move up and get close to his mouth. As he waits for your kiss, your taste, and an invite to make himself known again, you say, "Move on Oki," and grab your bag.

"...Taehyung." He doesn't question. Oki knows.

You don't question. You know. "Yes."

He sighs when you leave the car, door closed quietly. Waiting for him to drive away, Oki does a pathetic wave goodbye. There's redness to his cheeks and an inevitable sadness. Feeling redness on yourself, sadness doesn't last. Strangely calm, you wave back.

Moving to the building's entrance, the book between fingers is at your side. You don't need it hugged to your chest.

[1 hour later]

Taehyung got past the security in front fine. It helped that they recognized him from that one time he came high and drunk, knocking on everyone's doors until he found the one he was looking for. Yours. They had said, "She's here," with a grin before waving him off as if he were a fly. The elevators were even easier, the box in his hand threatening to fall here and there. Then, the hallway, he held on tight, relaxed his raging heart, and tried not sweating more than he was. Cold outside, the insides became a burning disaster for his pits that soaked up in his bomber. When he knocked, rang the bell, and no answers came, Taehyung peeked into the door that was open. He moved inside, called your name, and no answers came. Sweat. The boy tried not to trip, following the soft humming of music that lead him to your bedroom door that was open. Sweat.

Now, like a lamppost, the boy stands before the closed bathroom door. He knocks, and opens his mouth to speak but hears, "Took you long enough! This is the only time I will ever leave the door open like that again for you, where're you been Pela?"

Taehyung curses in his head. Awkwardly bringing his hand down from knocking again, the boy clears his throat and says, "It's Taehyung n-not—" If he hears right, there's a soft gasp that remains overshadowed by the soft music.

"Oh."

"I'll wait out here for you," he says politely. Then the boy adorably panics and says, "Not that I'm asking you to rush out. Take your time." When his voice goes high, Taehyung squints his eyes shut, swears again, and shakes his head. All stops when your voice chimes, "Just come on in. It's fine."

Sweat.

"What?"

Softer than before, you say, "Come."

Taehyung stands dumbfounded for a long minute.

"You su—"

When you giggle and repeat yourself a third time, Taehyung's stomach jumps in a knot. Hands clutching the box, he shakes the knob and cracks the door open. Mist hits his face in slow waves at first, precipitation following when his boots step in. Eyes shy, the heat in the bathroom doesn't help his sweating. Now, only to have a thumping heart added to the mix when seeing your body sunk in soapy bath water.

"Hi," you smile at him and he gulps, nodding and trying not to look at you as he walks in with the door wide open. You whine about the cold and tell him to close it, shivering and dropping your breasts further into the water. "Sorry!" Taehyung says, eyes wide when facing the door, he shuts.

His breathing changes when he contains himself and glances back. Standing there like a weirdo, you ask, "Why're you here?" Taehyung swallows, "You invited me in." You try not to smile, saying, "I didn't mean that, I meant in general." "Oh." The boy nods, clears his throat, and sits down on the toilet seat close to your tub.

He abruptly extends the box close to your face and says, "A sorry gift." Your brows furrow looking at the box. Moving your wet hands over to grab the box, as you open it, you gleam once seeing a cute cupcake. "This looks so good!" Then reality strikes your excitement and you ask, "But why?...Why are you sorry exactly?"

Taehyung stares at your hair that stands high on your head. He lessens his gaze to your neck, your wet shoulders, and stops just about where the bubbles form. Blushing, he stares at his thighs and says, "I-I don't know, I thought I did something wrong from how you stormed away to—"

"Oh, oh no," you gape. You try not to laugh, snort—or do both. "Taehyung, you're so sweet, oh no." You let the cupcake rest on the ledge of the tub before extending your hand for him to take. He takes it without question. You say, "I'm sorry I snapped, I'm just. Hormones and all that, nothing personal I've just—" "Oh," Taehyung's brows jump, and you smile when he catches a bumbling smile for himself. "Period," he finishes.

You let your hands dip into the water. "Yes, I've been all over the place....a lot going on with emotions, you know?" You think about Oki, you think about your frustrations with Taehyung. It's not his fault, so you don't continue to blame him—he told me he didn't want a relationship, whatever signals you think you're picking up are probably your love-struck imagination!

"I feel stupid now." He chuckles.

You smile, stare at the delicious cupcake. "Well Mr. Stupid," you start, opening your lips wide, "Feed me." Taehyung shakes his head, peels the cupcake while placing the box to the counter beside him. He moves his hand to your mouth and the water shifts as you move for a bite.

The casual smile on his face falls when your hand holds his, biting into the cake. There's no ignoring some bubbles that shift away from your breasts the curve up for him to spot. Cleavage ingrained in his mind, Taehyung blinks wild, slips up, and has the pretty cake plop into the water.

You gasp when water hits your face. Taehyung's jeans grow wet a tiny bit from the splash. Apologizing, on his knees, he hesitantly waves his hand above the water. If it weren't for the obvious circumstance, the boy would've dove his hand under and picked it back up. You giggle, tell him it's okay, and bring the ruined cupcake back up.

The one bite you take, you chew and swallow. He watches you, hovering by the tub's side with a gentle smile. "Tasty," you say. "I ruined the rest of it," he says. You giggle, tap his nose with soap and Taehyung's grinning wide from how adorable that is.

"How was your day?" you ask.

I was talking about you for most of it. "Good, yours?"

You sigh. "Didn't start off so great, later got worse, but having this time to myself and scarfing a bite of a cupcake...I can say it's been a pretty good day!"

"Why didn't it start off great?"

"Period cramps."

"Hm," Taehyung rests his elbows on the ledge, chin on his arms that cross.

You stare at the boy. Hesitant, the next you say softer, "Then Oki gave me a ride home and kissed me—I let him...for a moment."

Taehyung's chin no longer lay lazily on his jacket. Head up but arms still crossed over the ledge, the distress in his eyes you don't catch. You watch the bubbles instead. "What do you mean he kissed you?"

"It means what it means?" you say, brows knit. "Whatever. Same bullshit happened, he said he loves me and I gave a full taste of screw you—oddly enough, I was happy that I reacted that way. Had myself some bomb dinner, drew a bath, and now you're here." When you finish, you wink over.

Taehyung swallows hard. "So, you're not back with him?"

"Of course not! I'd be an idiot to go back to him...after everything, you know? I've come so far, and I would—" You cut yourself off, sigh, and shake away the negativity. "It doesn't matter," you say.

"Good for you."

"Yeah..." You move your knees up in the water.

Taehyung bites his inner cheeks. The image of Oki kissing you makes him angry and uncomfortable. "Why would he think kissing you was a good idea?"

You shrug. "He's been wanting to ask me out to the dance—" Taehyung's eyes whip at that. "—I'm sure that thought has left his brain now, after I rejected him again today."

"He asked you to the dance?"

"In a way, yeah. I said no."

"Has anyone else asked you out yet?"

"To the dance or...?"

Taehyung stares to your lips that you bite momentarily. His knee twitches as a rush of blood tickles his abdomen. "Yeah, the dance."

"No," you say, watching his eyes.

"Good."

"Good?"

"Huh?" Taehyung pales.

"How is that good?"

Horrified, Taehyung swallows. "I just meant—I don't know, I know Jimin hasn't asked Pela yet and if you end up getting a date you'll be completely alo—" This sound wrong. "Not that it's wrong to be single—nor am I implying that you'll be bratty if Pela gets a date—" Shut up! "I don't know why I said what I said. I'm going to shut up now."

You let him finish. You let him breathe.

With searching eyes, you play for the signals he clearly sends but fear the outcome. You don't want to jump to assumptions anymore. Not with Taehyung. Bravely confronting him on your feelings before and getting rejected, you feared to have that happen again...but I can't say nothing. I can't just ignore that...Just say something, anything.

You blurt, "Stay over tonight?"

Taehyung's brows jump. Eyes lost and mouth open, he whispers, "Here? Tonight?"

Your body gets hot. Too late to turn back, you collect yourself from the initial blow and nod hesitant. "Y-Yeah..."

Taehyung's lost expression grows.

"What would we do?"

You stare at his eyes then sink down to his lips. "Watch Netflix maybe...? Chill out?"

"What movie?" His blood rushes.

"Doesn't really matter to me."

"Oh, okay."

"Okay? You'll stay?" Shy, you frame the idea in a manner less suggestive than it is.

Taehyung swallows so fucking hard. "No," he says.

...and there is it. Put yourself out there twice and get burned twice. Nodding, you try not to show how embarrassed you feel as you play with bubbles and nod.

Taehyung's heart drops at your reaction. "I-I can't, I've just, I've got a thing." You don't have anything you moron!

"You don't have to explain yourself," you say.

"I'm sorry." Don't say it's fine, don't say it's fine. "It's fine," you say. Taehyung curses in his mind.

"Hey, I—"

"Could you pass me my towel?"

Sighing, the boy shuts his eyes in an annoyed manner. Annoyed with himself, he gives you your towel, sees how you find difficulty looking at him. When you stand, he turns his back to you like a gentleman. He hears you shuffle around, getting ready for bed.

You dress in a long tee, undergarments and protection from the blood of your period that will come rushing back once the water dries off you. Small shorts, the cotton lets you breathe as you move behind the boy. You allow yourself to look at his back, glancing then glancing away. Looping the towel on your arm, you comb your hair with your fingers before walking around him.

"Look, I'd love to sta—" Taehyung stops when you walk to the door, open it and walk out. Awkward in his spot, the boy walks and grabs his penis awkwardly over his jeans. He tries to fix the growing boner he has—touching at it doesn't help.

"I get it, you've got a thing. It's fine Taehyung."

"Are you mad?" He asks, nearing your bed.

"No, why would I be?" You pull at your blanket and fluff the pillow you'll lay on.

Taehyung sees that you lie. "Okay, I'll stay."

That offends you. "I don't want you to stay," you snap lowly.

"What? Why not? You jus—"

"I don't want your time out of pity." There's a sneak glare that escapes you as you move around him and start to fidget with the other side of your bed.

"It wouldn't be out of pity," Taehyung sighs, "I'm sorry okay? I feel like I keep saying and doing the wrong things."

You don't say anything.

Taehyung's eyes soften. "You gonna what? Not talk to me now?"

You turn on your lap by the bed's side.

He calls your name and you keep your back to him. When he walks hesitantly towards you, the creaks of the wood underneath are heard, and you move around again. Grabbing at the towel and heading for the room's light, you have the bedroom dim.

"Okay," Taehyung says, hating this, "Netflix sounds great, let's go. Pick the movie or show."

At the side of your bed, you sit onto it and start to moisturize your legs and arms.

You finally speak. "When you leave, close my bedroom door will you?"

Taehyung's jaw clenches. He stands infront of you now. "I'm not leaving with you all pissed. Just tell me what you want to watch and let's go and watch it!"

Moisturizing is suddenly fun for you.

"Quit ignoring me."

Ignore.

"I can order take-out too, come on." He lets his hand reach for your shoulder. You flinch away and that really circles Taehyung in deep deep confusion. There's a large part of him that gets angry, hurt, sick, worried. "Hey, come on...don't play like that." He sits down beside you.

"Tell me what I did wrong and we'll talk about it, don't—" His hand goes to your cheek which fails to make a meeting. You flinch again and stand up away from him.

"Fine."

When he stands and makes a hesitant turn around to say he's leaving, there's a burning part of you that freaks and says, "I didn't want to watch a movie. That's not what I meant, and you know it."

Taehyung stares at you, blank. He glances over at your bed behind his knees, then back to your face. "Did you want to go out and watch it then?" He's an idiot.

The frustration starts to have your eyes sting. "No movie! I didn't care for the night in! I just wanted you here!"

"Why?"

"You know why!"

"No, I don't," he says.

Taehyung: an idiot who lies.

"Just leave," you whine, voice shaking.

Taehyung's officially traumatized. "Are you crying now? Why're you crying?"

"I'm not crying," you say while tearing up.

Hurting to see tears, the boy instantly moves infront of you. "Don't cry, yell at me all you want—just don't cry. Shit." Taehyung holds your shoulders and you don't pry away this time.

"Did you really not know what I wanted?" Eyes on his lips.

Taehyung whispers as gently as he can, "How can I know what you're thinking? I'm not a mind-reader."

Lips ajar. The tiniest twitch of his mouth sets you off. The way he breathes, chest heaves, upper lip sweats for reasons who don't comprehend. His hair puffy and hitting eyes that worry. A third time, you make the mistake a third time as your arms hug his shoulders, your body slaps against his, and lips engulf his for a kiss.

Taehyung's forehead creases tighter than ever, brows high and body stumbling back. Hearing a soft sniffle merge into a moan, his heart leaps and clogs his ears from noticing any sounds further. It doesn't take him much to close his eyes immediately, a want to have his big hands grab a hold of your waist. Finally. Finally, he does so but you pull away before his mouth can bravely open to consume you.

"I'm not one either..." you whisper into his face, waiting for his eyes to pop open.

They do. They pop the fuck open. Breaths caught, all he can register is, "What?"

"I need you to stop sending me mixed signals."

Sweat. Sweat. Sweat. Taehyung's eyes soften. This, the kiss right there, that's what you wanted tonight. He knew it from the way you looked at him, he felt it from the way your body reacted to his and his to yours. After all, Taehyung couldn't register it earlier.

A fourth. A fourth time. "Do you have feelings for me?" you ask, heart in the open.

Taehyung blinks.