[ ValantinaHearts ]

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name :: darkflame

past name(s) :: darkkit, darkpaw

name at death :: darkflame ( after her, im doin bloom/bloodkit ) [ please do ]

5 out of 5

reasoning for prefix :: for the dark tone of her fur

reasoning for suffix :: flame, for how she grows like a flame, in knowledge and strength

an improvement has been detected

5 out of 5

gender :: female

sexuality :: pansexual

2 out of 2

appearance :: tortoiseshell with a white chest, throat and forepaws, a white splash on her face and muzzle, and very pale green eyes

i mean

you just posted a picture of the cat without describing it yourself for every single appearance, the appearance is mine... kinda lazy of you

i also don't know if you want her to be short-furred or long-furred because the first pic is of a long-furred cat and the second is of a short-furred one. also, in the first pic, she has no white, but the second one she does- do you or do you not have a clear idea of what she looks like?

3 out of 5

personality :: she was a kind, generous, and giving female. ready to work, dedicated, and quick to judge others. after the incident, she fell into a pit of despair, down, down, down into sorrow. in her fit of grief, she knew one thing. she wanted something badly. she wanted berrystar to hurt how she did. she wanted him to suffer.

getting dramatic aren't we

if there's one thing i now know about you it's that you don't play danganronpa or else you'd know how to spell the word despair-

i would say that quick to judge others doesn't exactly fall under 'kind, generous and giving'- probably just a grammar thing. despairing and grieving don't count as personality traits, but stuff like vindictive or maybe even savage would work

7 out of 10

current rank :: warrior

not graded

family ::

(mother) burningnight - short-furred ginger broken mackerel tabby she-cat with hazel eyes

(father) coldeyes - sturdy jet black tom with vibrant yellow eyes

friends :: rivertree - a long legged thunderclan female, with long grey fur, and amberish-yellow eyes. her name is because she flows like the river, when running through the trees.

enemies :: berrystar (lol). no one other really, she's blinded by revenge she slightly ignores her clanmates.

significant other :: (ex) berryfall - tortoiseshell tabby with a white underside and hind paws, white front toes, a brown streak on his face extending from his nose, and bright green eyes. his face is mostly ginger, and one of his hind legs is ginger and the other brown tabby. his muzzle is slightly more slanted than average cats

apprentices ::

horsepaw - long-furred, solid blue with gray eyes and a slightly flattened muzzle

quailfeather - short-furred, white and gray tabby with gray ears, tail and a large gray splotch on her back and dim gray eyes

i know i didn't say this last time but quailfeather is actually a canon name

also seriously until here i've written all your appearances for you bar the friends / enemies

kits ::

bloomkit- a small, tortoiseshell colored male, an exact replica of his father

well his father is apparently a tortoiseshell tabby so he would have to have stripes to be a replica-

'tortoiseshell coloured' tortoiseshell is a pattern, not a colour- there are black and ginger tortoiseshells which is the default, there's blue and cream, chocolate and cream, chocolate and ginger, fawn and cream- i'll stop now i'm probably being pretentious

windkit (deceased) - an exact replica of his mother, just more stocky

and now i have this image in my head of a muscular kitten flexing on its mother i-

thunderkit (deceased)- a tortoiseshell male, with a slim frame, and forest green eyes like his grandmother from berryfall's side.

there! are! a! suspicious! number! of! tortoiseshell! males! here! clearly you don't know how rare they are- it's only a 1 in 3,000 chance! you have written four! also, tortoiseshell males are born sterile, so none of these kits should exist- well that gets rid of darkflame's entire story

also imo the 'exact replica' thing is lazy of you- seems like you didn't want to write a description. the chances of the kits looking exactly like their parents, especially since they're all tortoiseshells and therefore their colours and patterns aren't set by any means

welp

change the tortoiseshell males, period. it's totally unrealistic to not only have one sire kits, but to also have a litter of tortoiseshell males-

let's give berrystar black eumelanin since that's probably what he had before. assuming neither parent carries chocolate or cinnamon or the dilution gene, the kittens [ since they are all males ] should be either black or ginger and be either mackerel or classic tabbies- the field may be anywhere between gray and brown if your cat happens to be black and have stripes, but the stripes must stay black. since both parents carry ≤50% white, you have the choice to give them white spotting of any amount, but don't make it unrealistic, e.g. giving them white splotches on coloured fur

4 out of 10

backstory :: t/w kitten homicide

darkflame was a very kind cat, always out there and aiming for the top. no time for a mate or kits! but once, she crossed the windclan border on accident, being caught by berryfall, the clan's deputy. he questioned her, and showed her compassion, saying he wouldn't tell his leader if she left the prey she caught there to him. after that, they talked at gatherings, growing closer, until he asked to talk in private. 1 meet, became 2, and 2 became more and more meet-ups. eventually, they became mates, and she was pregnant. no cat knew who the father was, as she refused to tell. and 1 moon after they were born, she took them to the border to meet their father. once there, she groomed her kits precisely, hearing bloomkit tumble into a bush. "sweethea-" suddenly, a cat rammed into her, throwing her to the side, stunning her. she groaned in pain, before snapping out of it as she heard the cry of thunderkit. he was dead, as a pale grey lithe female killed thunderkit. "STOP! DONT! PLEASE!" she wailed, as she scrambled feebly, her leg caught in an ivy vine. She watched as windkit was killed next, her sobs ringing through the forest. "i-i-" The cat took a deep breath, looking away from the innocent bodies she'd just murdered. "berrystar ordered me to kill any trace of his relationship with you. if- if i disobeyed, he- he said he'd kill my only kit, pigeonpaw. but- berrystar said if you told anyone, he'd kill you." she threatened at the end, knowing what she did was wrong. when she got back to camp after burying her own kits, blossomkit in tow, [ since when does she have a kit named blossomkit? isn't his name bloomkit? ] she lay down in the nest, until morning. cats questioned where her kits went, and she mumbled things of "murdered" and "berrystar" some believed her story of how he sent a cat to murder her kits, others thought she was crazy. but even so, she renamed her kit to bloodkit. 'blossomkit' reminded her to much of berrystar. all she wanted from cherrystar [ where did cherry come from i- ], was for his blood to spill. he'd get the message when bloodkit would be able to come to a gathering

questions: why did berrystar need to apparently pretend to love her and then kill his own children? no one even knew who the father was, and no one would've known if he'd just kept his murderous tendencies in check

that's all i have really except underlining all your spelling mistakes again like an english nazi

9 out of 10

cause of death :: n/a

???

0 out of 2

disabilities :: n/a

not graded

additional information :: n/a

not graded

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total: 32 out of 50

literally the only major thing that's bringing down your score is the fact that you don't know cat genetics-

again, tortoiseshell toms are immensely rare and are born sterile

to be fair i docked points for you not posting descriptions and telling me to write them up instead- and for listing two kits as 'replicas of *parent*' because i still think that's lazy

-also you neglected to list a cause of death but that's like two marks so