Chapter track-
Need you now - Lady Antebellum

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Bianca

Life goes on. No matter how much you wish for the time to freeze, it won't. It simply moves on and on. But you do have a choice--either you can sulk over the things you couldn't keep and hurt not just yourself but everyone around as well, or you can just bottle it up and hide it deep down your heart and pretend that you're okay. I prefer to choose the latter and wait for the time to do its healing effects.

I did well in my exams. I haven't forgotten to smile. I keep in touch with my parents and I can never ask for better friends. They are the coolest people I've ever known. Overall, I've almost aced in keeping my life together after the big breakup.... Almost.

Gangtok is still as charming as ever but the only difference is that it's all painted by the memories of him, of us, together.

"You okay?" Rohan asks me out of the blue as we sit cheering the others play around in the basketball court.

"Me?" I ask him back. "Yeah....why ?"

"Well," He shrugs. "I don't feel like you're okay."

"I.." I hesitate and purse my lips before I find my voice again. "I'm fine, Rohan. I really am." I nodd, reassuring myself more than him.

"If you need to talk, you know where to find me." He says with a gentle smile that displays all the kindness he owns.

"I do." I say blinking away the sting in my eyes.

. . .

Have I said it enough? I really am so glad to have met with such beautiful people whom I call my friends. I sometimes can't even believe if its true. I was living the exact opposite lifestyle barely a few months ago, but now? Things are almost exactly like I always wanted. School is fun, weekends are amazing, I am the part of a cool gang who hang out together, goes out for picnics and movies. Everything is brilliant, except for the fact that I still feel like I'm missing something, or- particularly someone.

There are times when I would be in the middle of a conversation and slowly my mind would drift away and the words would fade with all the wonders of his whereabouts and I would silently start praying for his safety.

The hardest part is to begin a day. Every night I pray and motivate myself with the thought of forgetting him and moving on but it is all working to no avail. Every freaking morning reminds me of the first day we met and how it is like a tradition to see each other first thing in the moment when God decided to bring light over the darkness and let us know of his glory. It was our thing.

But as its said--nothing lasts forever. The balcony isn't my favorite place anymore. It's more like a haunted place instead, so I try to avoid even looking into its direction.

It had almost been a month since he left and my heart is still sore with the pain of losing him but God knew how hard I've trying to move on.

"Don't make me drag you off your bed again." Sia warns. Can't believe we ended up reversing our roles.

"It's Sunday, Sia." I groan with my hoarse and croaky morning voice. "I need to rest."

"Yes! It's Sunday." Her words are more like a command. "The day when you get up and go to church like a good Christian girl."

"I know." I sigh and pull the blanket over my head.

"Don't do this, B. I'm really worried about you." She's quieter this time.

I stay still, so she continues.

"Bia, you might be able to hide it from the world by staying quiet but I know what's bothering you." She gently removes the blanket from my face and smiles. "I know you're hurting, but you'll be all right. Everything's gonna be okay."

I hug her and the pain that I'd been holding up for so long finds its way through my eyes. Sia strokes me gently as I quietly sob within her embrace.

"Who knows, you might meet him again someday. Maybe you might even hit it off together again and get married. As I always believe that you two are made for each other." And that's how she makes me laugh.

But I don't want to believe in her words. Expectation hurts. That's the first lesson I've learned from my very first romantic relationship .

. . .

"Wow, are you really considering about changing your religion?" Keith states when he saw his friend waiting for us by the lamp post.

"Well, I don't have anything better to do on Sundays." Penzo replies, heading straight towards me. "Hey."

"Hey," I reply. Is it weird or am I just too lucky to have multiple best friends?

Surely the gang formed by Sia is a good gift of God to me.

"Thank you." I say, sliding my hand inside the crook of his elbow. "Has anyone ever told you that you're an absolute angel?"

"So many times." His dimples deepens with a smile as he pokes my cheek. "I've almost lost count of it."

The walk towards the church without Neil feels sad but a car ride with the grandparents is more depressing. However, since Penzo started to join us along, the situation has been a lot bearable. He makes me laugh. That's what he does. He doesn't allow me a chance to sulk over the things that could bother me and he makes sure that he is around as much as possible. Maybe that's what I need in the moment--the distractions. I owe him a lot and I can't ask for a better friend. Well, he isn't exactly a friend. I mean, I'm not unaware of the feelings he held for me and feelings don't fade overnight, who knows that better than me. Every little glimpse and every little gesture tells me how he is still hung on to those intentions he had previously regarding me. I don't want him to have false hopes but he is too good to be pushed away. And damn, he's cute. With Neil out of the picture, it is okay to have Penzo by my side, right? Then why do I feel selfish? Why does it feel like I'm cheating on Neil? Damn! I don't need a boy to help me move on. I need to clear out my head.

. . .

We are walking back from school but for some reason, Neil isn't walking beside me, instead he is ahead of me--walking straight with his hands inside his pockets.

Is he upset with me? I can't understand.

Penzo goes on with all his hilarious stories that makes me laugh out loud and it finally seems to have grabbed Neil's attention. He suddenly stops in his track, turns around and waits for me.

His eyes on me are intense and that makes Penzo a bit awkward to be standing between us, so he heads away. There is a comfortable silence but no space between us. My eyes are fixated on him when he begins to describe what circle is and I'm fascinated by his words when he starts explaining all the definitions of radius, cords, line segments and everything related to maths. Then, the butterflies in my belly starts to dance altogether with the rhythm of my favourite song as he captures me in his embrace from behind and teaches me the best ways of using a compass--that came out of nowhere--while holding my hands. Suddenly the sound of the song- Everything I do by Bryan Adams feels louder and clearer, like it isn't playing in my head but for real.

I open my eyes and I'm still smiling. I lazily turn over to look at the direction of the music. Its coming from the cell phone placed on a table beside the balcony.

Reality hits like a bucket of ice cold water splashed over my face and all I want to do is to go back to sleep and replay the dream over and over again. But I have to wake up at some point and it makes my heart shiver with the cold sadness that wells up my eyes again.

What a cruel way of starting a day!

. . .

I enter the familiar room echoing with the sound of piano played by the magical fingers of Rohan, my dear friend. Always there to listen.

"I'm not okay." I say as soon as I sit down beside him. "I'm nowhere close to being fine."

He stops playing the instrument but doesn't say a word so I continue-

"I miss him so much that it hurts," I try to dry my eyes with my sleeves. "and I'm tired of pretending to be okay."

He is still quiet as he hugs me with a single arm and plays 'The Gift' by Gavin Luke. Hence, I rest my head on his shoulder as I cried my sorrows away.

It's been 21 days since he's been gone. 21 days since I haven't heard anything from and about him. He is like a good dream that felt real but impossible to hold my grip unto, no matter how much I want, no matter how much I try.

Maybe its for good. I am not supposed to depend on a single person for my happiness. No matter how lonely I feel without him, I'm not alone anymore. I have my friends to make me smile whenever his thoughts try to bound me in the cave of emptiness. It's time to let him go, time to move on.

But we can't decide or predict our fate, it's true because just as I decide to give up on him, my phone chimes with a familiar ringtone after a long time and his name appear on my screen.

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A/N: So, what do you think?

I know, there isn't anything more than a display of a heartbroken teenager but I couldn't think of anything more. I also think Bianca's genuine affection towards Neil at least deserves a chapter because no matter how naive a teenage feeling would seem to an adult- its still real and no matter how much we deny- all of us have been through that stage at some point.And regarding Bianca and Penzo, it's only natural for a heart to lean onto affection, I personally don't think that she's being selfish. So, this chapter is dedicated to all the wonderful people who were and are going through the beautiful phase of life which is only natural.

And don't forget to vote.

Happy Reading,

Love ya.