*Again a reminder* Peggy is now Aahana and you can find her story in 'Someday, beyond the dark clouds'... I'd be so glad if you'd check it out.
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Chapter track
Wicked game - Chris Issak
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Neil

A Relationship is one of the things that I suck in.

And I can't believe I kissed Bianca. What was I even thinking? I mean, I do like her but I'm so not ready to be a boyfriend or something like that.

Now, I don't have a single idea of what to do next. Am I supposed to confess that it was a silly mistake done due to some crazy intoxication or just forget about it like that incident never even happened?

I know it's cruel both ways because as much as I remember, when I kissed her-although she didn't kiss me back-she didn't push me away either, she just...stayed and I couldn't find a hint of anger in those surprised eyes. She didn't even leave me after that, she was still there, only listening to me all night long.

I could almost sense the deeper feelings she holds for me and God knows that scares me the most. It wasn't supposed to be like that because I have way too many demons inside me and that keeps me from letting her into my life.

The guilt of so many destroyed lives is already eating me up and if she gets stuck in my shitty life, she won't be spared either. My presence is only going to hurt her and I don't think I'd be able to deal with that, she is too good for that and deserves someone much better than me.

I'm ashamed of myself but I still don't have the slightest bit of courage to confront the consequences and be honest for once, so all I've been doing since the event is avoiding her like I was doing just before the unfortunate event. I've stopped taking the school bus, I don't tag along with Sia outside the classroom because Bianca is like always with her, I don't sit with her during vernacular classes either and I'm the first one to leave during the rehearsals. I've been trying to cut her out of my life which is harder for me because the further I'm running away, the stronger my desires are getting to have her close to me. I'm missing her so much but I've been holding myself together because I can't think of any other choice.

"Beauty and the Beast," Aahana states.

The only reason I got started with this concert stuff was Bianca, which doesn't make sense anymore but to make things worse-or best if I really want to avoid Bianca-I have to perform solo.

"You're kidding, right?" I say.

"I'm not." She shrugs.

"They want us to sing that cheesy fairy tale song?"

"Uh-huh."

"But, we already had our solos, right? Why this now?"

"Yes, we'll still have to do the solos, but the primary kids are doing a sort of drama on that theme so they want us to sing at the end of it."

"I don't want to do it."

"Neither do I, but give it a thought. It's for a good cause."

I scoff and run my fingers through my hair. "Alright."

"Okay. Just let me know what you decide. I'll see you, bye." Aahana declares and walks away.

"Yeah, bye."

My participation is already disturbing me enough and the added burden is seriously getting on my nerves and is making me reconsider my decision.

The recess is about to be over and I'm heading back to my classroom after meeting Aahana, but unfortunately- I see Bianca and Sia leaning against the railings in front of the room.

I quicken my pace to enter without having to encounter them but Sia helps me to fail.

"Hey! Stop." She calls out, making me turn around. "I wonder what's keeping you so busy."

"Uh, hi. Actually, I am quite busy. " My eyes meet Bianca's for a split second and I clear my throat. "See you."

She must be hating me by now because for the first time ever, I saw annoyance in her face and although I want her to hate me, her reaction did sting a bit.

Sia follows me soon after the bell rang.

"What was that?" She asks, sitting beside me.

"What?" I ask her back, even though I know what she means.

"You're acting weird lately. "

"No, I'm not. I told you I'm quite busy."

"Mind if I ask you what makes you so?" She rolls her eyes.

"I'm studying, like seriously. "

"Ohh, okay.." She says with clear unsatisfaction in her tone followed by a yawn. "Sorry."

"But what's up with you? You look..exhausted. "

"I was having trouble falling asleep last night, but guess what?" She continues with a hushed tone. "I ended up chatting with Rohan, you know because he was the only one who replied and we were exchanging messages like all night long, so that made me look like this. " She points at her tired face.

"Well, sorry I only saw your text in the morning and I never thought he would be into texting. I mean, he barely talks at all."

"I know, right?" She shifts her eyes to the side where Rohan is sitting, gazing outside the window like always and looking worse than Sia. "Maybe he prefers to talk at the ungodly hours? That would also explain those dark circles. "

"If that theory of your's was true then that's very creepy and I'd suggest you keep yourself away from that as much as possible."

"But that didn't feel creepy at all. In fact, it was a really nice conversation."

"Then it's up to you. You're a big girl." And that cheered her up instantly.

"I know." She winks, almost confirming how naive she still is.

. . .

After having lunch, I go to my usual spot to relieve my cravings for smoke and for the second time I find Rohan leaning against a tree with a lit fag between his fingers.

He's probably between his deep thoughts because he doesn't respond to my arrival, but I'm glad that today he isn't buried within the fog and surrounded by loads of cigarette butts like the previous time.

"Hey."

"Hey," He replies, not bothering to look at me.

"Any news about the concert?" I ask, trying to start a decent conversation as I light up my gasper.

"Heard you're singing 'Beauty and the Beast' with someone."

"Yeah, this girl from Commerce." I paused. "It doesn't matter, I'm quitting anyway. "

"Why?"

"Honestly, I was never interested in the concert in the first place. I only did that for Bia."

"So, just because you're no more singing together, you want to quit?"

"No, it's not that. It's.." I hesitated. "the fairy tales and shit aren't my cup of tea."

"You're already in the shit. Just do it and get over with it or think of a better excuse, at least you won't sound like a loser." His tone is as flat as ever but the words do make me rethink.

. . .

I'm not a very strong person according to the way I've been coping up with drug withdrawals and temptations. Being clean is far from my current state but I'm trying to be one.

There's a thing about fear, the more you run away, the more it will haunt you and the stage is my new found form of it.

They say we should face our fear to get rid of it but we all know it's easier said than done because if it was so easy than the word itself would have had a very different meaning.

No matter how much I try to deny, I have to face it because now it's like Rohan said-either I had to just do it or find a better reason to leave. And because I don't have a proper reason, I have to accept it.

"So, what have you decided?" Aahana asks with a knowing look as soon as she sees me arrive in her classroom, a few minutes before the lunch break ends.

"Well, I think it would be a great pleasure to share a stage with you."

"Okay, then." She offers her hand for a shake which I take. "Let's do this."

"Hey, Neil... Hi, Aahana." We automatically look towards the door to see the source of the voice.

"Hey, Sia." Both of us reply.

"Did you see Keith? I can't find him anywhere."

"I saw him leaving with Maya, but I don't know where they are," Aahana answers.

"Oh, I'm gonna kill that boy!" Sia mutters while rubbing her temples with her fingers. "Okay, thanks."

"Hey, " Priya, the curly-haired girl arrives along with her other friend shortly after Sia leaves. "How are you, Neil?"

She and her friend, whatever her name is, are the most irritating people I've ever seen as they never miss a chance to talk nonsense or randomly flirt whenever they see me. They are simply bad news and that makes me wonder what encouraged Aahana to be friends with such people when her nature doesn't seem to relate to their's at all.

"I'm fine," I force a smile. "Okay, will see you after school." Saying that I leave as fast as I can.

. . .

I walk towards the auditorium after school with the boys who are playing instruments alongside me.

"I wish schools never existed. " Rigden speaks lazily.

"Why would you say that?" Kishore asks.

"Because I just hate waking up early in the morning. Just look at me, it's afternoon and I still feel like I'm half dead. "

"Then don't watch porns all night long and just sleep when it's meant to be."

"Well, I'd prefer dragging myself to school rather than sacrificing my moments of pleasure. "

"Man, you're obsessed with yourself. Might as well you'll never require a partner." I say and the guys starts laughing.

I've never had troubles making friends, it is one of my traits. Not that I have a chatty personality, I just know the right stuffs to say. So, getting adjusted with the 'Elite kids' wasn't complicated either.

"I'm just rehearsing, mate. The real performance is yet to come. " Rigden's statement fuels up the hilarity.

"Speaking of rehearsals, Penzo looks obsessed with the new girl," Dorjee speaks just when the laughter starts to die down.

"The..the new girl?" I mutter, trying to hide my bewilderment as much as possible.

"Yeah, her name is... Bianca, I think. The one you sang within the auditions."

"Yes, I know who Bianca is." I snarl, although it's completely unintentional. My fingers are now balled up to a fist and my jaws clench automatically.

"His obsession changes rapidly. There's nothing new about that." Abhishek speaks.

"But it seems to be lasting a little longer this time, may be she's his girlfriend already. " Dorjee continues.

"Yeah, I see him running after her like a puppy, all the time. " Rigden adds, emphasizing on the last three words and they start laughing again but I'm unable to join them this time because my insides are burning with anger and I have to see her, now. I don't know what I'll say but I just want to see her.

"Guys, I'll have to head first. " Saying that I quicken my pace and the moment I enter the hall, my eyes wander just to find her. But I'm not glad when I see her at a distance, she is laughing along with that dickhead Penzo.

By the time I reach her, he isn't beside her anymore..

"Hey," I say, masking up my fury.

She looks a bit taken aback but soon recovers and answers with a quick but lazy 'hey'.

"How are you?" I ask.

"Good." She is s still avoiding to look at me.

"So, would you walk home with me today?"

"I'm so sorry, actually I have plans." She answers, looking towards Penzo who is now busy joking, maybe even flirting with other girls. "Excuse me. " Leaving me, she walks towards the herk and tucks her hand in the crook of his elbow.

I don't know this feeling, but it's not a good one because my heart doesn't feel good. Am I having a heart break. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not ready to let her go. Not just yet and especially not with that douche.

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A/N:
So, what do you think?

I know this is the longest time I've ever taken to complete this chapter and I'm sincerely sorry about that. I've been quite busy lately and it has kept me from focusing much on my work, so this chapter has been difficult for me.

Anyway, better late than never, right?

Thank you for reading, please leave your precious opinions and thoughts in the comment section and don't forget to vote.

I love you.

Happy reading♡♡