Note: Stolas is currently 13 years old. It was a few days after he had his birthday with Stella and Andrealphus, and he felt like something was missing.... He may be questioning about his attractions towards a particular person, or even sexuality vise.
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Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I last wrote to you, but I feel the need to do so now. I find myself overcome with emotion, and I need to express these thoughts and feelings somewhere.

I was thinking about Blitzo today, my first ever friend. We met when I was just a boy, and he was already working at his family circus. He was kind to me, unlike others in the circus who looked down on me for being educated and having a higher ranking than them.

We had chatted about Blitzo's aspirations. His vivid imagination and ambition were awe-inspiring. He shared his hope to become the CEO of his family's circus one day. He even entertained the idea of hiring me in the future as his agent, which made me chuckle.

But as he went on that day, something shifted. It was like I started to see Blitzo in a different way. I couldn't help but notice how handsome he was, how his smile made my heart race. It was like I was seeing him for the first time, really seeing him.

Blitzo taught me how to juggle and perform circus tricks, and we spent many hours together, talking about life beyond the circus walls. I didn't know it then, but looking back, I think there was a stronger connection than I initially assumed....

I started to realize that my feelings toward Blitzo were much deeper than just friendship. I couldn't help but feel a little envious of all the circus performers who got to spend so much time with him. I missed the days when we would spend hours telling each other our hopes for the future.

Despite the disappointing fact that Blitzo couldn't accompany me once again, I was grateful to experience such a wonderful day together. The excitement of seeing him again left a indelible mark on my heart.

I never thought I could be attracted to another man in that way, but in that moment, everything felt so natural and right. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to show him how much he meant to me, but I was afraid of how he would react.

I realise that I may never see Blitzo again, as he is no longer in the same land which his family had rented out for their show. He left with the circus 3 years ago when I was 10, and I don't know where he is or what he's doing. The thought of that tears me up inside.

The downside is that it's been 3 years since Blitzo wasn't able to come to the land where his family originally rented out part time for their circus. I was a little disappointed that we couldn't do everything together, but I was still happy that we got to spend time together.

I know that my family won't be too keen on the fact that I was attracted to someone of the same gender. They couldn't understand it, and it caused tension between us. But in my heart, I know that Blitzo was more than just a friend to me.

It pains me to see my father so adamant about something that I cannot change, and yet I cannot help but feel exasperated by his stubbornness. I know that I cannot change his views overnight, but I will continue to try and persuade him that love is love, regardless of gender or social class.

However, I can't come to terms of my sexuality, not yet at least... I've observed whenever he spoke to my 'siblings', he specified that they better not be attracted to the same gender, otherwise, they'll be dead to him. So, as of now, I guess I'm in the closet...

I miss him dearly and often wonder what our lives would look like if we had both left the circus together. But I know that it's just wishful thinking, and that life doesn't always work out the way we want it to.

As I lay in bed, reflecting on my current state, I find myself daydreaming about Blitzo. I wonder whether we share similar feelings, or whether I am simply overthinking the situation. Either way, I'm glad that I reminisced him again, and I hope that we can stay in touch, if he comes back, and maybe even hang out again sometime soon.

Welp, fourth time's the charm, I guess. Regardless, I am grateful for the the pleasant time and memories with him and hope that we can stay in touch once I visit him and his circus if they rent out the same land again, well, if I ever see him again...

Sincerely,
Stolas Goetia

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Author's Note:

Sorry if this chapter seems shorter, I hope you guys enjoyed it regardless 😈🦉