This chapter is picking up where the previous left off(:

WARNING: slight references to self-harm

It had begun raining outside so Dazai shakes his hair as he steps into Lupin. The lights are dim and yellow and very comforting after the day Dazai's had.

"How was the assignment? Pirates, right?" Oda has already ordered and asks the question without turning away from his drink.

"It was horrible, Oda," Dazai sounds whiny but he's too exhausted to care. He'd walked to Lupin after his fight with Chuuya rather than calling for a car in some failed attempt to wrap his mind around what they were even fighting about.

"How so?" Oda asks.

"Chuuya is mad at me." Dazai puts his chin on the countertop, his lower lip sticking out in a pout. It surprises Oda to see him acting so...his age.

"What did you do?"

"What makes you think I did anything?"

Oda raises an eyebrow at him. Dazai sighs.

"I brought a girl over..."

Oda waits.

"I made it sound like we were doing stuff. But we weren't. We were just working."

"Why did you do that?"

Dazai shrugs. "Dunno. I wanted to see if it would annoy him."

"Couldn't you have predicted he'd be annoyed?"

"I didn't predict he'd be this mad." Dazai is swirling the ice around in the cup the bartender just handed him, watching the brown liquid slush around.

"You didn't? But you predict everything. And you're always correct."

"I guess not everything."

"But why not this?"

"I don't know"

"I know," Oda says, taking a sip of his drink. A cat is purring beneath their feet.

Dazai looks at his friend inquisitively.

"You didn't predict this because it involves someone caring for you, which you can't even imagine. You didn't predict Chuuya being angry, because that would mean predicting he cares at all, and considering how horrible you are to him most of the time, that's impossible right? Or you'd think anyway."

"It is impossible."

"Clearly not." There's a pause. "Dazai, why did you want to see if Chuuya would be annoyed or not in the first place?"

The brunette looks startled by the question. Oda figures probably because Dazai is used to having the answers. Right now, clearly, he doesn't have any.

"You wanted to see if Chuuya would be jealous, which he is. And that's what you wanted isn't it?"

Dazai looks baffled. "Why would I want him to be jealous?"

"Because you want him to like you."

"Why would I want him to like me?"

"Because you like him."

"I do NOT like him!" Dazai pauses, fiddling with his fingers. "I'm not capable of that."

It's true. Dazai is extremely apathetic if you could call it that, towards most things. Everything, really. There just isn't a point to any of it.

"Maybe you don't care the way other people do. But you do care---you care for his well being and--"

"That's just--"

"Don't say it's just because you have an obligation to keep him safe. This has nothing to do with that kind of well-being...I think maybe, you just think it'd be easier if you weren't capable of those feelings."

Dazai lets his friends' words sit for a moment. Annoying Chuuya brings him entertainment, definitely. Liking him definitely untrue. Caring...Dazai isn't really sure what that feels like. Usually, he lets life steer him, and it's entertaining enough to keep him going but...caring involves some sort of concern, which Dazai is pretty sure isn't something reachable for him. If he tries to reach for anything it just...

But if he's afraid of Chuuya leaving, that means he has to care. The thought leaves him feeling incredibly displaced, so he downs his drink.

"Let's say you're right, and I do care. I don't, but let's pretend, for educational purposes. What would be my best move? To get him to not be angry with me anymore?"

 Dazai knows he isn't fooling Oda into believing he wasn't right about the caring thing, but Dazai is desperate for answers. Besides, if someone had to find out Dazai isn't completely dead inside, he was thankful it was Oda. And Dazai thinks maybe that furthers Oda's point. He cares about Oda, doesn't he? Which means...it's not impossible...

Oda looks thoughtful for a moment, swirling the ice in his drink around, and then says, "Everyone likes presents."

-----

It's four in the morning. Noone is open, but Dazai doesn't need them to be open to get inside. He's been wandering into (well, breaking into) stores for hours now, looking for something that fits.

Naturally, he'd gone to a hat store first. And then a wine market. However, he'd decided he didn't care to support either of Chuuya's bad habits.

Next, he'd gone to a lingerie store, at first thinking it would be hilarious to watch his partner unwrap red, lacey panties, but once he got inside he could practically hear Oda scolding him: "You're trying to make amends, not piss him off further."

Dazai sinks onto a damp sidewalk bench, pondering how anyone makes it through the holidays. Aside from the coat Mori gave him, and the few odd gifts women had left for him at Lupin, Dazai has never actually received a present, let alone given one.

He's combing through his memories, trying to remember what his partner even likes. The Kesha poster he hung behind their TV comes to mind, but he's not supporting Chuuya in that either, no matter how many times he's secretly sung along to Tik Tok when Chuuya plays it over the vacuum.

Then he's thinking of how cute it is when Chuuya cuffs up his pants when he vacuums, and feeling just a little bad that he makes his partner do all the housework and a little weird for thinking of Chuuya as cute.

Admitting it to himself is probably a step in the right direction, but feels...pointless. Oda probably thinks their conversation about caring was a step in the right direction too, but that is also pointless. Nothing will come of it, but he figures he should try to make Chuuya feel better with a gift. It's the right thing to do. He knows it's the right thing because Oda told him so.

Maybe he could get him a newer vacuum?

No, that's not it.

Dazai rubs his palms into his eyelids, hoping it brings his tired brain some clarity. While his eyes are closed, he decides something. The first store he sees when he opens his eyes is where he'll get Chuuya's present, because he simply can't continue searching aimlessly or he will end up passing out in a ditch somewhere.

1, 2, 3,

When he opens them, it's a glass-windowed, white-lighted jewelry store he sees first.

--------

Chuuya hears the door open and he sits up quickly, about to run out into the living room, but remembers he's not supposed to care.

Dazai's been gone all night, it's five in the morning now. Dazai is an ass, for sure, but to think if he actually hurt himself because of a fight they had....a fight about what? About a girl?

The longer Dazai was gone the more Chuuya started to feel like this was all his fault. Sure, it was weird and immature--Dazai's little stunt-- but Chuuya had pummeled him and it should have stopped there.

Giving him the silent treatment wasn't even about the girl, that was because someone had to knock him down a notch--he isn't the only one that scheme. Chuuya can keep up--that's what this was really about....Or, okay, maybe he was a little jealous about the girl, though he is never going to address that with Dazai...or himself.

Dazai's home now, thank god. And he seems to be in one piece, Chuuya can hear him moving around in the living room, things dropping to the floor--his coat and his shoes. The sound of the coffee maker boiling water is there, which is weird because Dazai doesn't drink coffee.

And Chuuya thinks God, imagine if Dazai drank caffeine. It would be a nuisance to the city.

There's a knock on the door, his bedroom door. His heart skips. Chuuya takes a deep breath, getting up to answer it. He mindlessly tries to touch up his ponytail before turning the knob, and kicks himself for doing something so ridiculous.

When he pulls the door open, Dazai is standing there in the early morning light. His hair and clothes are slightly damp, so are his bandages. The ends of them are dangling loosely like they might unravel, and Chuuya is hoping they might.

He looks exhausted. His eyes are circled with purple rings and his skin is dull. His voice though, is cheerful as ever. He's always a walking contradiction.

"Chuuya! You're awake," he says, passing Chuuya a coffee mug. The handle is warm and his chest is warming up too, although he hasn't drunk it yet.

"Yeah, obviously," Chuuya says. He's confused, and Dazai is just staring at him like he's also confused but why is he confused because he's the one that came knocking on Chuuya's door.

"Good," Dazai says.

It hangs in the air. Neither boy is really sure what is going on so they're just staring at each other, Chuuya taking a sip of coffee so that he has something to do with his hands. It's horrible. He nearly spits the sour liquid back into the mug but forces himself to swallow it, because Dazai had tried to do something nice.

What does he want? Chuuya thinks. It's never easy predicting what Dazai is up to but he's wearing an expression Chuuya's never seen before--a mix of fear and exhaustion and...he looks like he might say something nice? That isn't really an expression, but that's what Chuuya thinks it means.

"You were out late," Chuuya says, unable to handle the silence anymore. One day of silence was enough.

"Obviously," Dazai says, offering a weak smile, but no explanation.

Chuuya waits to be given a reason. Annoyance is rising and rising with every second he doesn't receive one and then he can't hold it in anymore and the yelling starts.

"God!" he yells. "What is wrong with you!?"

Coffee sloshes over the top of the mug, burning Chuuya's wrist. He scoffs at it, setting the mug on the ground.

"What do you mean?" Dazai's voice is innocent.

"Where were you!? You can't just be gone all night! I was worried I thought you might have--" Chuuya tugs lightly on one of the pieces of loose bandage hanging from his partner's wrist.

Dazai tufts, "If I were going to do that it wouldn't be because of you. You're not nearly impactful enough."

"Oh my g---You're SUCH an ASS Dazai! Honestly, I hate you!"

He's yelling, and he regrets saying the last part even if it is half-true and he's going to take it back but then he sees Dazai smiling like he's relieved. 

Chuuya would ask him why he's smiling, but he doesn't need to ask why because he feels relieved too.

This is normal. This is what they're best at.

"I'm not fond of you either, Chuuya," Dazai says it like he means it and Chuuya is about to retort when Dazai pulls something out of pocket.

It's a small, black box with a red silk ribbon tied around it. He extends the box to Chuuya with a bandaged hand.

"What is that? A bomb? You know if you blow me up this is your apartm--"

"It's not a bomb."

"What then? Is poisonous gas going to come out of it?"

"It's not poisonous gas."

"Then what?" Chuuya wrinkles his nose. "Is it someone's finger or--"

"It's just a gift, Chuuya. Do you want it or not?"

Chuuya sizes up his partner, deciding if he believes he'd really blow them up. He decides that Dazai probably would blow them up but if he did he'd have a good reason and it's the weirdest form of trust he's ever experienced but, considering his occupation he's likely going to get blown up one day anyway and if he's going to get blown up it might as well be for Dazai.

Chuuya takes the box, still eyeing his partner for any funny moves, but Dazai is just watching him too. They're looking at each other like they're in a standoff until Chuuya finally decides to open the box.

He has the box in his hands. He's shaking it and examining it, holding it close to his face to search for any booby traps. He doesn't see any wires...

His bangs fall into his eyes, obstructing his view. When he reaches to push them away,  Dazai's hand is already there. His long fingers tuck Chuuya's red hair behind his ear, lingering for a little too long, causing heat to rise to Chuuya's face. His eyes are wide, which Dazai notices. He jerks his hand away quickly.

"It is not a bomb," Dazai says, clearing his throat.

Chuuya narrows his eyes at his partner, who narrows his own right back.

Chuuya sighs, "Okay," and tugs the ribbon loose.

Dazai shifts uncomfortably on his feet as Chuuya pulls the lid off.

Chuuya just stares at it for a moment, wondering what is happening.

Dazai feels like he might run off--just run out of the door, like now, just run, he steps to do so but then Chuuya says,

"A choker?" He sounds confused but not completely weirded out, which lets Dazai relax just a little.

"Why are you giving this to me?" Chuuya narrows his eyes again. "Does it have a tracking device or something?"

"Don't you like it?"

It seems like a genuine question.

"No, I...I do like it, actually...." He does like it, it's totally him but, "I just, don't understand."

"I felt bad, about..."

Chuuya is waiting for Dazai to finish the sentence but his partner is clearly having a very difficult time forming words; He looks sort of sick and purple-faced so Chuuya cuts in.

"Yeah, me too."

Chuuya removes the choker from the box, feeling the soft material on the inside of it. No bomb goes off.

He moves to put it around his neck and visibly jumps when Dazai reaches around his neck to hold his ponytail out of the way. It's weird and he thinks about hitting Dazai, but ends up just letting it happen because then he smells the cedarwood of Dazai's shampoo that Chuuya bought for him, and that sort of feels like a fair trade.

He fastens it and is slightly uncomfortable when Dazai starts eyeing his neck, smiling.

"It looks nice," Dazai says, and just as Chuuya is thinking Wow, there really wasn't a punch line,

Dazai reaches forward, slipping one of his fingers beneath the necklace. Chuuya's breath hitches. Dazai pulls the smaller boy gently forward by the necklace, and Chuuya doesn't protest.

Dazai leans in very close to Chuuya, sending goosebumps rising over his arms and down his back. Chuuya thinks Dazai might kiss him, so he rises on his toes, bracing himself, but then Dazai's lips move to his ear, the heat of his breath tickling Chuuya.

"A collar for my dog," Dazai whispers.

Chuuya lets out a half squeal half growl, shoving Dazai away.

He reaches up to tear off the necklace, "I AM NOT YOUR DOG AND I AM NOT WEARING THIS!"

But it doesn't budge, the fasten won't unfasten. Dazai is grinning devilishly.

"WHAT did you do, Dazai!?" Chuuya demands infuriated.

Between Dazai's fingers is a small bottle of super glue.

Rage gripping him, Chuuya runs at his partner with full force, tackling him around the waist. He expects to hear Dazai slam into a wall, but there isn't a wall, because Dazai's room is directly behind them, so instead of a wall, Chuuya has pushed them full-throttle out of his room, across the narrow hall, into Dazai's room, until Dazai finally trips over something that turns out to be his bed.

Dazai falls onto his back, his brunette hair bouncing as he hits the mattress. Chuuya is on top of him, grimacing. He was going to attack Dazai with his fists, but his partner is laughing.

"You know, it's really hard to fight you when you're into it," Chuuya grumbles. "I should have known better..." He swings one leg off of Dazai, but his partner catches it, bringing it back down knee-to-mattress.

Glaring down, about to demand what Dazai is doing, Chuuya finds that below him his partner is no longer laughing but rather looks very serious.

Suddenly the air in the bedroom is heavy.

"Chuuya, I am sorry." Dazai's voice is serious too, a rarity, and Chuuya is again feeling guilty like the whole thing was his fault.

"It was mostly my fault, it's fine," Chuuya insists, trying to get off again. Dazai, again, stops him.

Chuuya's chest is constricted in the heaviness of the air now as he's all too aware of the placement of Dazai's fingers.

"You were mad? About the girl?" Dazai asks.

"I think it was pretty obvious, Dazai, do you just really want to rub it in or something?" Chuuya huffs. If that's the case, Chuuya will hit him. And he's thinking about it, but Dazai still looks serious, and it strikes Chuuya:

He really didn't understand I was jealous. The realization makes his chest constrict even more because of all the things Dazai is able to understand, to predict, this basic, human feeling is the thing he can't grasp?

"No, that's not--" Dazai starts to say but Chuuya cuts him off.

"Yes, I was mad about the girl."

"I was mad about the pirate," Dazai admits, which surprises Chuuya. I mean, he's a little more emotionally aware than Dazai and kind of figured but he wasn't going to give it much thought because it doesn't mean anything but if Dazai is thinking about it maybe it does.

"Okay," Chuuya says, wishing he had something better than that because Dazai's below him, his hair completely removed from his forehead, looking at him with a deer-in-the-head-lights look.

Chuuya doesn't know it, but he looks just as startled as his partner.

They're both thinking, What now? and Chuuya is glad that Dazai always makes the strategic decisions because he is at a loss about what to do now.

"Okay?" Dazai asks.

Shit. Apparently, Dazai doesn't know what to do now either.

"I mean..."

"You mean what?"

Chuuya is trying so hard to think of something, but Dazai's eyes are drilling into him and it's five in the morning and Chuuya hasn't ever...done whatever it is they're doing right now. He'd run, but Dazai is holding him in place by his thighs.

"I don't know," Chuuya admits.

They're searching each other's faces, practically begging the other to do something, just steer them in some direction.

"I don't know either." Dazai seems almost embarrassed about the omission.

"Okay...I'm...going to bed now." Chuuya says, but it comes out as more of a question, and as a result, he finds himself waiting, looking at his partner for some sort of permission, which is ridiculous.

Dazai is staring up at his partner, who is clearly waiting for him to release his thighs so he can get up. Dazai is considering his options. He runs one of his hands a little further up Chuuya's thigh, and he watches his blue eyes widen as he goes a little stiff, which means he feels something. Dazai isn't sure why he's seeking confirmation that he feels something after he'd just admitted to being jealous, but he is, and he can hear Oda in his ear saying, "You do care." and Dazai has the sudden need to be alone.

"Okay. Goodnight," Dazai says, dropping his hands.

Chuuya remains in pause for another moment, looking confused.

Eventually, he whispers, "Goodnight," and makes his way back to his own bedroom.

Both boys lay on their beds, rubbing their eyes, wondering what the hell?