eep

wooyoung san

jongho had wordlessly taken him by the hand, escorting him out of the bathroom and advising him to go home for the rest of the day.

san hadn't posessed the energy to decline, or to continue the school day, and so he had quietly agreed and allowed his step brother to take him home.

he was too depleted of feelings right now, and couldn't stand to think about felix, or wooyoung, or minho's words. san was worn out, having felt way too many different emotions for one day.

he hated feeling so much all the time. it was overwhelming.

and so he really wasn't in the mood when his step-father intercepted him on his way to the stairs.

all he had wanted was to lie down, to blast a sad song, maybe cry a little more, and to just be alone.

unfortunately, jongun had never cared to take his needs into consideration, and barely acknowledged san's clearly tired appearance.

"san," he began firmly, as if addressing a soldier in the military and not his own fragile step son. "we haven't talked since i got back."

san raised his head slowly, slumped shoulders barely straightening out at the unspoken comand of jongun's voice. he was just too tired to deal with this.

"show some respect, boy!" jongun growled, standing as straight-backed and polished as ever.

san did his best to stand taller, but couldn't help an eye roll before lowering his head in a half-assed bow.

"respect!" he barked again, striking san once, harshly across the cheek. "however you treated your last father, it will not be how you treat me! you should know this."

"of course." san replied, his eyes watering as his face stung with the impact of his step-father's hand. at least he isn't wearing rings. "but you treat me hardly different from how he did."

jongun momentarily looked ashamed, but he kept his composure, jutting his chin out. "keep in line. that's what you were taught, isn't it?"

san gave a small nod, clasping his hands behind his back and not raising his head until the man spoke again. "how has the... counselling been? have you seen the error of your ways?"

when san didn't reply, jongun pressed further, his words lacking any form of empathy. "is it gone?"

san had had enough. enough, for the rest of his life. feeling some unexplained surge of courage, he boldy looked the man dead in the eyes, his lips tugging in a bitter smile. "actually, i'm in a relationship now."

jongun's face changed slightly, relief brightening his hard features. "what's her name? maybe your mother and i could meet her, see if we approve-"

enough. "his name is jung wooyoung."

san, you fucking crazy idiot- "and we're quite content with eachother. i don't need your approval."

a dark cloud suddenly returned over jongun's face, his mouth tightening and expression stormy. "what?"

the man, stonger than san was, took him by the arm, dragging him to his study and pushing him down into the chair, ridding the previously organised desk of all of its contents, discarding it with a clutter to the floor. he forced his hands onto the cleared surface, brandishing a wooden meter stick. but san felt strangely calm.

"they were supposed to fix you-" the man spat, raising the ruler above san and bringing it down on his knuckles.

his hands screamed in pain, but he never flinched. "i don't need to be fixed. i can see that now."

this only brought another blow, and warm blood sprung over the fresh bruising of his skin. "this is a lesson, san. i'm not punishing you. you're learning-"

"no." san spat back, withdrawing his quivering hands and standing up abruptly. "it's not up to you, to tell me who to love."

he took a shaky breath, fire in his eyes as he glared at the man who was supposed to be making everything better. "you don't get to decide that. only me."

with those words, san ran from the study, partially out if fear jongun might retaliate. but the man was in too much shock to make a move.

he slammed and locked the door of his bedroom, ignoring the dull throb in his hands as he backed away from the door and pressed himself to the wall, as if to put as much distance between jongun and himself as possible.

he never dared hit me before.

it seemed things were changing, then. but despite the fear he just felt, he also felt proud he could stand up for himself more.

and disbelief that he was stupid enough to pose wooyoung as his boyfriend.

"you are such a goddamn idiot, choi." he chided himself aloud, examining the new bruising to his knuckles and the dry blood caking around them.

he almost laughed. am i more worried about my conservative step-father hitting me, or lying about having wooyoung as my boyfriend?

a sharp, frantic knock sounded on his door, and san looked up quickly in fear as the handle was tried. locked.

he held his breath, until the shrill voice of his mother sounded through the wood. "san, honey? it's me."

he slowly advanced to the door, unlocking it ever so slowly, and opening it to allow his mother through.

"i heard shouting. is everything-" her gaze found the red mark on his face, and found the hands he was trying to hide. "oh my god. oh my god." she whispered, eyes brightening with shock and tears.

"show me- show me your hands, honey." he reluctantly uncoiled his fists and displayed his hands to her, unable to look her in the eye.

"it's- it's only the first time. and it's not too bad." san tried smiling assuringly, speaking the truth.

"another one." his mother laughed in disbelief and his heart clenched for her. "why must i always pick the wrong men, sannie?"

he drew his mother into a tight hug, savouring these moments of care with her tenderly. "it's not your fault. it's mine, mommy. for being this way."

his mother shook her head vigoressly, a little cry escaping her. "it's not your fault." she repeated after him, "i'll talk to him. you don't deserve this, honey. there's nothing... wrong with you."

she left soon after, the sweet motherly moment over between them. san sometimes wondered if she was embarrased to be comfortable with him, because he had seen her in her darkest times and stayed with her all the while.

but she shouldn't feel she owed him anything. he was her son, after all.

san closed the door once more, quietly this time, and finally collapsed onto his bed. riiinngg.

you have got to be kidding me.

he picked up the phone, rubbing his eyes and sighing audibly while flexing his ruined hands. "hello?"

"san." it was yunho. "it's yunho. i heard about... felix."

a moment of silence passed over the line, and san couldn't think of a reply. "yeosang is mad at you. but... i'm not."

yunho took a breath before continuing. "actually, i'm a little mad. the signs were alway there, san. felix was hopeless at hiding how he felt. but i don't blame you, for not feeling the same way. i just wish you didn't have to hurt him."

"i never wanted to hurt him." san replied tiredly. "that's the last thing i want."

"it's too late," yunho echoed felix's words from earlier. "but none of us can do anything about it. yeosang and felix are hanging out with bambam's group. the anti-wooyoung group, i suppose. i'm not welcome, because of mingi and all. i doubt you would be, either."

san bit his lip, hating what he had done to their friendship by a few simple words. "that's fair."

another stretch of silence. "my step dad hit me today."

"i'm so sorry, san. are you okay? i know you're not in a great place." yunho replied worriedly, his voice catching.

"i'm fine." he had said those two dumb words so many times today. i'm fine, really. who was he trying to convince? "i don't think he'll do it again."

"you need a distraction." yunho concluded, followed by incoherent rustling on the other end of the line. "um- what about that party tomorrow?"

san sighed, hating the idea already. "yunho, i don't think-"

"san! come on. letting lose is what you need. drink so much you can't remember your name, i don't care. you need it."

"who are you and what have you done with my yunho?" san joked, surprised by his friend's rebellious idea.

"a party, fine." san continued. "but- no dates. don't set me up. i need to go solo, feel myself a little. um- not like that."

yunho laughed lightly in agreement. "i'm glad. be there at 8pm." he hung up, not open to any more arguments or discussion.

finally, san breathed, i can relax.

•••

san wooyoung

wooyoung had seen everything.

he had returned to the bathroom briefly to save san from felix, but apparantly the boy didn't need saving.

he revisited the feeling of his heart imploding on itself countless times since, and the way its breaking had caused him to turn, to leave, for once not interfering.

he pretended not to know, when he saw san the next day, and pretended not to care when the other didn't come back that night to their dorm.

he tried to respect him.

god, he tried, so hard, but brimming jealousy turned him bitter, and increasingly sexually frustrated at not seeing san for a while. (a day).

wooyoung also didn't understand what san's motive was. the boy had acted so warmly with him, that he really thought he was getting somewhere, and then bam, he kisses felix.

maybe san had feelings for felix the whole time, and never for him.

no matter how much he pretended he was, wooyoung was not okay with that. not at all.

and so he did what most heartbroken teenagers do in these situations; for a short while, feel sorry for himself and try not cry while shoving junk food down his throat,  then getting angry at everyone around him because they weren't san, and finally getting high enough not to care.

the extent of his discomfort ended up being a debate on whether or not he should go to the party tonight.

it may not have sounded too big of a deal, but wooyoung had never missed a party.

he relished in those nights, getting drunk out of his mind and letting himself succumb to his wilder side and desires.

but somehow, he wasn't really in the mood tonight.

and so he wouldn't go.

maybe.

•••

wooyoung san

the night of the party, and san for once was actually feeling pretty good.

yunho had dressed him in an over-sized sleeveless black hoodie that showed off his arms, and a tight pair of ripped black jeans exposing fishnets underneath. he finished it off with a black choker across his throat, despite san's initial protests. simple, yet evidently effective.

as soon as he set foot in the busy house of dancing drunken youth, san was aware of multiple pairs of eyes upon him, scanning his body and sizing up the tightness of his jeans and open knees.

does everyone have a knee fetish around here?

he deliberately ignored the hungry stares, making his way straight for the alcohol and forcing down his first cup of vile guilty pleasures.

san rolled he shoulders, downing another and trying to forget all that was going on in his life.

another, and he was giddy with the illusion of joy, dancing freely among the other lost bodies moving unceasingly to a loud meaningless beat.

hands found his hips, and although he was not yet too drunk to care, he stopped tensing up as yunho's words echoed in his mind: relax. let loose.  dancing with the unknown stranger as he drank more, he began to believe this was what he needed to free himself of worry for the night.

"hey baby," he recognized the breathy slur of hyungwon's voice. "let's go somewhere else."

san giggled and let himself be dragged over to a lavish sofa in the corner, where two other boys already sat entangled with one another.

hyungwon threw an arm around him, the other resting on his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch as he breathed uncomfortably down san's neck.

"relax." he whispered, massaging san's shoulder slowly and continuing to rub his thigh.

so san began to try and relax, for real.

-

i know i said lengthy but i changed my mind and instead will update again a little later ;)

anyway so um yea these last two chapters is just me torturing poor san like wHAt mORE coULd go wRoNg for the pOOr guY

also we hit 11k??? like how? when? why??  thank you sosososo much sjjsksk

again content warning for the next chap, more serious this time i hope ya'll are ready 'cause i'm not

xxx