song ~ ★Crush Culture - Conan Gray★

Chapter XI

A faint laugh sounded in the distance as Maeve slowly awoke, eyes heavy with sleep she blinked a few times and took a deep breathe before sitting up and rubbing her face. Another laugh sounded as the girls brow now creased into a frown and she sniffed the air, pancakes?

Swinging herself out of the bed with a small grunt she shivered, sifting through a pile of laundry on her floor till she pulled out a jumper, tossing it over her body and opening her bedroom door. However the sight before her when she did was nothing to laugh about.

"No I mean it we had to like roll her around, used to call her the fucking Michelin Man!"

"Hey Frogface! Did ya miss me?" Her brother, Sean, grinned as he flipped the pancake and opened his arms clearly expecting a hug. "I was just telling your little friend how fat you were as a baby." Sean chuckled as Maeve strode towards him, not with the intention of hugging him though.

As her fist collided with his stomach the boy doubled over with a groan and Imogen who was sat atop the table opened her mouth in shock. "Right fair, I deserved that." Sean grumbled, clutching his stomach in pain before standing up and taking a deep breathe. "I made pancakes? With the smiley face, just how you like them." Sean tried with a smile, gesturing to the plate before him.

"Where the fuck have you been?!" Maeve spat, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring the older boy down. "Houston. Texas." Sean answered, Maeve only continuing to stare through him, unimpressed. "Training to be an astronaut."

"So what you just piss off for a few months and now you're back ready to play happy siblings with fucking pancakes?" Maeve shoved him back into the counter, flaring her nostrils. "This seems like a family thing, I'm gonna get going." Imogen announced with an awkward smile, Maeve not even having noticed she'd gathered her stuff.

"Nice meeting you Immy, I'm sure I'll see you around." Sean waved to the girl with a cheesy smile. "Don't call her that." Maeve warned as Imogen gave a small wave back and headed for the front door, Sean mumbling something to himself before filling his mouth with whipped cream as the two disappeared outside.

"Tell me when you get home yeah?" Maeve asked from the front steps, wrapping her arms around herself as the had wind picked up today leaving the air with a sharp chill to it. "I will." Imogen promised, her mind was racing with the memories of last night but she knew now wasn't the right time to be asking questions.

"I'll call you later." Then just like that Maeve disappeared back inside and Imogen turned on her heel, making her own way home, mind still ablaze with wonder.

But then, something clicked. Something she'd known for awhile but refused to acknowledge or accept. However now, there was no denying it, no ignoring it and no way to know what the hell to do about it. Imogen was falling, swift, hard and fast for one Maeve Wiley. She had a crush, a big one, and there was only one other person she knew she could talk to about it.

She waited as the dial tone rang once, then twice, three times and finally an answer.

"Eric? I need your help."

***

"Got yourself a little girlfriend, she's nice." Sean grinned, placing a plate of pancakes down infront of Maeve who sat at the table, still glaring daggers at the older boy who sat across from her. "She's not my girlfriend dickhead." Maeve snipped, grabbing her knife and fork as she began to cut up her pancakes, Sean not bothering as she shoved a whole one in his mouth.

"Could have fooled me." The boy grumbled through his mouthful of food as Maeve's eyes narrowed. "What the fucks that supposed to mean?" She accused, gripping her knife tighter in her left hand as Sean held his hands up in defence. "Well she's here for one. You don't exactly have many friends sleepover, or have many friends of the female persuasion anyway." Sean started as Maeve rolled her eyes, taking an aggressive bite of her pancake.

"She was wearing your jumper, which I know is your jumper because I stole it and gave it to you for your fifteenth birthday." Sean continued, now having swallowed his mouthful of food. "So what? Friends share clothes you moron." Maeve rolled her eyes once again as Sean tutted and held his finger up, only irritating her further.

"Yes they do. But I have never ever known you to be that kind of friend, and thats your favourite jumper so unlikely you'd give it to just anyone. And before you woke up and ruined the mood we were getting along nicely. The way she speaks about you, what she knows, she's comfortable around you-" Sean paused to shovel more food into his mouth, chewing for a few seconds before he swallowed and continued.

"-which means you've let your great big scary walls down and gotten close to her, you let her in. Which as your brother, I know you never do. So she must be something special to you at the very least." Sean smiled, finishing the last of his pancakes and pushing his plate away from him with a satisfied sigh. "Oh and of course there was that hickey on her neck too, she hid it pretty well with her hair but, I didn't miss that." Sean added with a small smirk, crossing his arms and leaning into the soft material of the booth chair.

"Don't be a fucking idiot Sean you've been here for five seconds, we're just friends." Maeve snapped, Sean holding his hands up in defeat before launching into some elaborate story about his time in Texas.

But Maeve was barely listening as her mind raced and her heart pounded, her brothers previous words terrifying her at how true they were. Then there was last night, the two of them made out for hours, Maeve said some things she now wished she never had as her chest tightened and suddenly she felt like she was about to throw up.

She'd made a big mistake.

***

The rest of the weekend passed by without any further communication between the two girls, Imogen stuck to her word and texted Maeve soon as she was home but never heard back, though she just attributed it to her spending time with Sean now he was back.

She felt better, lighter, after coming clean to Eric who'd pedalled fast as his feet could take him in order to come over and listen. His advice was that in his 'expert opinion' it was obvious Maeve felt the same way from her words after the kiss, she just didn't know how to 'express it properly' because she was, well she was Maeve Wiley, and that was enough said to explain that.

The boys other advice was for Imogen to now take the information that Maeve clearly liked her back and ask her to the dance, not as friends, but not as a date, and see what Maeve made of it. Baby steps were needed, because again, she was Maeve fucking Wiley. God even just thinking her name made Imogen's stomach flip, she had it bad.

Now Monday had rolled around again and Imogen found herself finally coming face to face with the girl again as she made her way towards her, Eric in an early morning swing practice and Otis with a client. The blonde leant against the wall of the gym, as always a cigarette in her hand as her nose ring glinted in the sun and a small haze of smoke floated out of her soft pink lips.

Those lips. What Imogen wouldn't give to have them pressed against hers again-

No dickhead, focus. Don't get woozy. She's just a girl, she's just a girl.

Though the closer she got to the girl, the tighter the knots in Imogens stomach became, her palms were sweaty as she wiped them on her jeans and forced herself to take a few deep breathes. It was fine, she was fine, she needed to get it together.

Spotting movement in the corner of her peripheral vision Maeve looked up and almost choked on the lungful of smoke in her mouth seeing Imogen. Her mind raced back to the other night as butterflies gently appeared in her stomach, her heart pounded, but then that all disappeared as she remembered her brothers words and suddenly she felt like throwing up again.

It was all too much, this was too much, she hated this feeling, whatever this feeling was she wanted it gone, she didn't get nervous, why was she nervous?

"Hey." The girl managed to spit out as the two finally came face to face, Imogen reciprocating the greeting with a small smile, leaning against the wall beside her. "How are you?" Maeve tried, distracting herself with a deep inhale of her cigarette. "I'm fine, why?" Imogen replied with a chuckle, seemingly amused by the question as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

"What do you mean why? I'm asking you how you are. That's not weird, that's normal." Maeve rambled, Imogen even more amused with how apparently flustered the response had made her. "You've literally never asked me how I am before." Imogen grinned, her stupidly cute smile only got more under Maeve's skin as she huffed.

"Okay bloody hell I won't do it again then sorry for asking!" Maeve spoke quickly, averting her gaze away from Imogen and taking another drag from her cigarette. "That's more like it." Imogen smiled, doing the same as she watched her peers float their way around the courtyard. "Shut up snowflake." Maeve snapped back, punching the girl half heartedly in the arm before extinguishing her cigarette onto a poster for the school dance, she hated dances.

"Awe don't you wanna live happily ever after?" The girl beside her pouted as Maeve's stomach did a front flip in response and her gaze fluttered briefly to her lips. No, she didn't want to kiss Imogen, she wanted to hit Imogen again for making her body behave like this, it was an utter betrayal.

"Please. Do I look like I have a cinderella complex?" Maeve mocked, Imogen smiling and swallowing a hard lump in her throat as she shoved her sweaty palms deeper into the pockets of her jeans. "Are you going?" Maeve suddenly asked, refusing to look the girl in the eyes who turned to face her. "Um, well." Imogen started, shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

Spit it out you moron.

"Do you want to go?" The words tumbled out of her mouth clumsily as there was a beat of silence. "Like with me. Or like, meet me there?" The girl continued, turning away and closing her eyes, taking a breathe as she could physically hear the awkwardness and nerves screaming out in her words.

Another beat of silence.

Alarm bells rang out in Maeve's head as a million questions swung from neuron to neuron in her mind like monkeys. Then suddenly, the walls sprang right back up. Maeve didn't believe she'd let someone make her feel this vulnerable, she hated it, despised the way that Imogen made her feel. A way she hadn't felt in years, a way she refused to feel, because people could only let her down, had only ever let her down, and she wouldn't, she couldn't give another person a chance to do so.

"No."

More silence. Then the words came tumbling out of Maeve's mouth like word vomit, she couldn't stop herself, she didn't mean them, but she had to say them, she had to protect herself and her feelings again, so she wouldn't get hurt again.

"And look Im, about this weekend. We were drunk, I don't remember what got said but friends shouldn't kiss, it's weird. So let's just, not do that again or like talk about it again, yeah?" Maeve spoke softly, but the words hit Imogen harder than a bus would have.

Another beat of silence. "Yeah." Imogen forced out quietly, and to anyone else it would have seemed a normal answer, but Maeve knew the younger girl too well, and the masked hurt in her voice was obvious. Glancing briefly to her right, Maeve caught a glimpse of Imogens face and immediately wished she hadn't.

The disappointment was clearly engraved in her features. The corners of her mouth turned down into a frown, and her usually bright hazel eyes were clouded over with a toxic combination of sadness and regret, her cheeks flushed hot pink and the tips of her ears had turned red with embarrassment. It made Maeves heart break, especially to know it was her who had caused the girl to feel such pain.

But after this weekend, Maeve already felt guilty enough, and if Imogen knew the whole story, she'd be even more gut wrenched.

"Imogen-" Maeve began, unsure of what she was even going to say though she didn't even get the chance as the crushing expression of disappointment was gone as quickly as it arrived. "Yeah yeah no you're right, it was a stupid suggestion. I don't even like dances or anything, so." The girl forced a smile and a laugh. "But everything else meant nothing, right?" And there it was, the one small spark of hope alit in the girls eyes, waiting for some sort of acknowledgment that maybe it had not meant nothing, maybe there was a small chance it may have meant something, but Maeve was about to extinguish that spark.

"It meant nothing."

***

Maeve wandered down the corridor to her next class, glaring with spite towards all her seemingly happy peers who droned on and on about the dance, and if they weren't talking about it they were carrying props for it, it made Maeve feel sick to her stomach.

Though her looks of hatred were merely a cover up for how awful she felt inside after earlier with Imogen, she'd royally fucked up there and Maeve knew it, but she also knew it had to be done. Maeve wasn't the relationship type, if she didn't give people the chance to disappoint her, hurt her, let her down, then they never would, so her walls were back up and she sat inside them, alone, but safe.

"Hey! So what time shall I pick you up tonight?" Maeve jumped a little in shock as hands landed on her shoulders, steering her away from hustle and bustle of the crowded hallways and into a quieter, less occupied corner by the lockers. "What for?" Maeve asked Jackson with a blank stare, adjusting her bag on her shoulder as the tall boy let out a laugh, clearly thinking something she said was funny.

"For the ball." Jackson smiled with a playful roll of his eyes and Maeve merely deadpanned, raising an eyebrow in questioning. "I'm not going to the ball, Jackson." Maeve replied with a roll of her eyes, the boys face falling. "I just thought after last night maybe you'd changed your mind about-" As the boy reached for her hand Maeve yanked it away, taking a step back and looking around that no one was listening before she responded.

"Last night was a mistake Jackson. And even if it wasn't, it doesn't mean I'm going to the fucking ball with you. Do I look like someone who fancies a dance?" Maeve hissed, gesturing to herself as the boy opened and closed his mouth for a second, clearly trying to think of an appropriate response.

"Look you called me last night, I thought that meant something."
"Yeah? Well you thought wrong. If it meant anything it meant I wanted to have sex, not be your girlfriend and dragged along to dances and family brunches with you Jackson. What about me says school dance? Do you even know me?"

With that said Maeve turned to leave but Jackson grabbed her hand, stopping her from doing so. "Jackson I swear to god let me g-" But her words fell on deaf ears as the boy begged her to give him just a minute more of her time. "I'm not asking you to meet my parents and come to swim meets and go to brunch with me. I'm asking you to just for one night, come to the dance with me. Come on I really enjoy your company, please?" The boy pleaded with a smile, and then suddenly over his shoulder Maeve spotted Imogen, and all the feelings came flooding back.

Screw it, she needed a distraction.

"Fine. But no selfies or slow dances or soppy song requests, and this doesn't mean I want to go out with you."
"Yes! I'll pick you up at 7:30." The boy fist pumped and Maeve couldn't help but smile, he was nice after all, there was worse people she could be dragged to a dance with. "Wait you have a dress right?" Jackson paused to ask as Maeve scoffed but internally panicked, it was a problem she could solve later.

"Yeah of course, I'm not a troglodyte."

***

"Are you sure you're okay? You don't seem like yourself today." Otis asked for what felt the hundredth time as Imogen rolled her eyes. "Yes Otis I'm fine! I'm on my period so I'm moody, happy?" The girl snapped as her cousins eyes widened and he nodded profusely, Imogen sighing in relief as he finally shut up.

She of course, was not fine, but Otis was the last person she wished to talk to. Poor boy would probably make her and Maeve do some sort of therapy, and she wasn't ready to even look the other girl in the eye.

"Ola? What are you doing here?" Imogen looked up at the sound of Otis's voice as the two of them rounded a corner and almost bumped into the familiar girl. "Uh I'm looking for a new school, your headmaster is considering me." She grinned after greeting the two of them.

"Although he's a very rigid man." The three chuckled in agreement, Headmaster Groff was not at all a laidback figure, he was as rigid as they came, it really left no explanation for Adam and his behaviour. "Like a living easter island statue!" Otis joked with a nervous smile as Imogen gave him a strange look, now he was the one who seemed off.

"Stop flirting now. Come on." A new voice sounded as the three looked behind them to see Ola's father, who was also not a stranger having been round to fix the bathroom several times now, wave impatiently for his daughter to join him. The two argued for a moment before her father mumbled something in Swedish and disappeared off down the corridor.

"You never called." Ola spoke suddenly and Imogen noticed the blush creep slowly onto her cousins cheeks. "I uh, yeah I composed a bunch of texts and then after reading them I just felt immensely uncool so I decided not to text you anything." Otis rambled as Imogen closed her eyes with a wince and a small shake of her head at the boys words.

"I heard the untouchables are coming in a limousine!"
"Oh my god if I had a limousine I would totally have sex in it and film it!"

"School dance tonight." Imogen was quick to explain the words of the two passers by to Ola who nodded in understanding. "Right. Are you guys going?" Ola asked with a grin, Imogen quick to shake her head no, swallowing the hard lump which formed in her throat at the memory of this morning.

"Are you going?" Ola asked again, this time directed at Otis with what Imogen recognised as a hopeful smile on her face. "Its an appropriated American tradition that celebrates sexism and peddles an unrealistic portrayal of love so..." Otis shrugged off the question as Imogen glared at him in disbelief of how utterly clueless her cousin really was.

"I like dances." Ola smiled, seemingly unfazed by the boys strange ramble.
"You do?"
"Yeah, I think dancings fun."

Ola paused, clearly waiting for Otis to ask her, but she got only a nod and an incredibly awkward silence.

"Anyway! I'd better go, see you guys around." As Ola turned to take off Imogen turned and punched the boy in his shoulder hard as she could manage. "Ow! What the hell Im?" Otis stammered out, rubbing his arm with wide clueless eyes. "She wants to go to the dance with you idiot! Ask her, quick!" With that she shoved him down the hallway, watching on as he scrambled to catch up with her, the two conversing as they rounded the corner and disappeared from sight.

Well, at least the dance was bringing some people together.