Jane frowned down at the text message on her phone.

What day can you meet for dinner this week? I have BIG NEWS!

The message was from Xavier, and the content of the message itself wasn't what made Jane frown. No, that expression was due to the feeling in her gut that told her that her life was about to turn to shit. It was the same feeling that she'd had before every other major tragedy in her life, and she didn't suspect this to be any different. She just knew that something bad was going to happen.

That premonition was only supported by the missed call notification on her phone from a strange number. It had appeared last night, and it had left a voicemail of heavy breathing. She knew who it was, and she wasn't sure if it made her scared or mad. Scared that he kept contacting her and knowing that if he had her number, he might know where she lived. Mad because she was allowing him to make her feel trapped in her own life, despite everything she'd done to make herself feel free of the monster under the bed. No matter what she did, Jane felt stuck.

She startled when her car door opened, and Buck opened her passenger side door. He threw his duffle into the back seat of her Kia and gave her a bright smile.

"Thanks for the ride while the Jeep is in the shop."

Jane returned his smile with one of her own. "Anytime Buckaroo. So, how are you doing?"

He rolled his eyes good naturedly. "I'm fine. You don't need to use your mom voice on me."

"This is my natural tone of voice Buck," Jane shot him a dry look. "I can't help it."

"Believe me. I know."

She was silent for a moment. "Hey, Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?" At his nod she continued, "You ever get scared that you are where you are because it's comfortable and you aren't doing something you need to because it's scary?"

His eyes widened. "You're going to have to break that down for me."

"Do you feel that you're stuck in a rut? And the only reason that you are stuck is because you are scared of getting yourself out?"

"Honestly?"

Jane shot him a look. "No, Buck. I'm asking for you to lie to me."

"Well, don't tell anybody...but for awhile now I've been having doubts about Abby."

"Staying in her house?" she asked. At his nod, she gave him a reassuring smile once she'd stopped at the sign. "Well, from what I've heard Buck, it sounds to me like she was supposed to be back months ago, and she's still gone. I just think that...if I had someone who loved me, and who I was in love with, once I'd found what I was looking for, I'd run back to him. It just seems like Abby is still running away."

"Yeah," he said glumly. "Hard to think any differently."

"I don't think its because of you Buck. She spent so much of her life taking care of her mom, she probably lost herself. She's probably scared that if she comes back, then she'll lose herself again."

"That is not what a guy wants to hear about his girlfriend."

"I'm sorry, Buck. I didn't mean to drag you down with me."

At that, he shot her a concerned look. Before the earthquake, Jane hadn't shown him any signs that she was anything other than...well...happy. But he was slowly beginning to think about other people, which meant that gradually he was learning that everyone has problems. Jane was his friend, and if she felt like talking to him, he'd talk. It's not like she'd do anything less for him.

"You alright?" He asked her.

Jane sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just that I'm thinking through some big life decisions, and I needed to feel less alone I supposed."

"Well," he said awkwardly, still not entirely comfortable with emotions beyond his own. His way of showing that he cared was to act. His family weren't exactly, talk-it-out kind of people. "I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks. Now, since we are carpool buddies for the next few days, let us get this out of the way," she handed him her phone which was unlocked and plugged into an aux cord. "Pick a tune Buck and don't fail me."

After some scrolling, he finally landed on a throwback Linkin Park song, and she let out a chuckle. "Man, I guess we're both feeling a bit emo today, but good choice Buckley. Good choice."

......

The 118 had been called to an emergency at a bar called Saddle Ranch and it was taking everything in Jane's power not to laugh. From the second they entered the western themed bar, complete with mounted carved horseheads, a mechanical bull, and what appeared to be a mini corral in the back. They had barely stepped through the door on their way through to the back, before women began fawning over the guys. They were cat called all the way to the back, and all Jane could do was let out a sigh and keep moving.

"Excuse me!" Jane hollered, trying to get the women to get out of their way once they'd reached the back exit. Unfortunately, her cries fell on deaf ears, so she gestured Buck in front of her and watched exasperatedly as the hordes of females parted like the Red Sea in a flurry of sighs as he cleared the doorway.

Jane quickly followed behind him and the rest of the crew followed behind her.

"What's her name?" Chimney asked.

"Betty," the man standing closest to the truck, decked out in tank and cowboy boots, responded.

"Jennifer!" a girl that Jane assumed was the woman's friend retorted. At the confused looks he was getting from the firefighters, the man looked almost sheepish.

"Sorry," he said. "I thought you meant my truck."

Jane, Buck, and Eddie exchanged looks and had to look away quickly so that they wouldn't laugh at the man.

"This is your truck?" Bobby asked, trying to bring clarity to the situation.

"Yeah," the man replied defensively. "But it's not like I backed into her. She did this out of her own free will."

"You dared her to!" the friend in a pink shirt butted in. The brunette was glaring at the truck's owner.

"We were flirting," the guy defended, and Jane just shook her head in bafflement.

"Your idea of flirting with a girl is daring her to stick her head in your tailpipe?" Eddie asked, voicing Jane's thoughts and she was sure everyone else's.

"Oh, man," Buck grunted. Eddie, Jane, and Buck shot each other amused looks as Buck crawled under to check out what they were working with. Wordlessly, Jane handed the tape measure to Eddie, who handed it to Buck.

She'd just begun reassuring Jennifer that they were working to get her out, when she noticed that the woman was black and blue.

Jane stood up and, using her 'I'm in command' voice she turned a steely glare onto the blonde truck owner. He might have had a good foot and a half on her, but he stepped back.

"Where'd she get those bruises on her arm?"

"I- it wasn't me!"

"It's from the bull," another friend of the girl said. "She rode it like five times."

Once that was confirmed, they looked back at the tailpipe.

"A TSA 230 saw should do the job, Captain," Jane tilted her head, as she squatted down before the truck. "And its my turn to handle it."

"Yep," Bobby agreed. "That would do it."

"Like a knife through butter," Buck chimed.

"Chim?"

"Way ahead of you guys." Chimney gave Jane the TSA 230 and her coat, which she put on gladly as the truck's owner began to freak out.

"What?! No! I spent twelve hundred bucks on that tailpipe!"

"You might want to close your eyes during this part," Bobby returned as Jane made her way under the truck.

Despite Jane preparing to saw so close to someone's head, which she really was focused on, through the din, a grating voice cut through her thoughts.

"Hi. Do you have a Snapchat?"

"No, and uh- I don't think I'm what you're looking for," Eddie responded to the voice. "I have a son."

"That's great," the girl was bright and perky. "So do I."

"I think I'm going to puke," Jennifer hollered.

"You better not," her friend retorted, "these fire guys are totally hot."

After that, Jane slapped on her helmet and blocked everything else out except for Bobby's voice telling her where to saw through the pipe. Once she was absolutely certain that she wasn't going to hurt the girl, she turned on the saw and began to cut through. Distantly, she could hear Jennifer's worried tones, and once she assured herself, she was just nervous, she went back to work.

"Got it Cap!" Jane hollered out as she rolled back out from under the truck.

Eddie and Hen helped Jennifer up and Bobby took the saw as Jane began to take off her coat and helmet. She sported a proud smile on her face and shot Buck a triumphant smile. That's another thing they had a friendly rivalry over. Who got to work the saw.

"We need lube," Eddie said.

"I have some," called one of the girls who eagerly pulled it out of her purse and gave it to Chimney. After a bit of maneuvering, they were finally able to get the tailpipe off of Jennifer's head.

"Wow," she looked up at the men, dazed. "You really are hot."

Jane just rolled her eyes. "You're welcome."

"Would you like us to transfer you to a hospital to get checked out?" Hen asked her.

"She just needs another drink," the friends replied.

"No," Bobby said sternly. "What she needs to do is go home. All three of you do, in a cab. Listen to me. When you sober up, if you have headaches or blurry vision, or you feel confused, you got to get yourself to a hospital, you understand?"

Jennifer just chuckled, and Jane was reminded yet again why she rarely drank. It might feel fun at the minute, but sober people usually thought you were crazy.

"Condolences on Betty," Hen handed the tailpipe back to the truck owner, who looked as if his child really had died. Jane stayed back, handing her gear off to Hendricks and heading over to Bobby as they were trying to talk to Jennifer some more. He didn't want to leave her until he was sure she would survive to sobriety.

"Hey, so is your son really the reason you don't date?" Buck asked Eddie as they began to wander off.

"That and...they weren't my type." If Buck were the more observant type, he would have noticed the look that Eddie shot in Jane's direction, but he wasn't and he didn't. Instead, Buck looked back towards the drunk girls.

"Not mine either," he said. "Not anymore. But I mean, in general."

"It's tough when you have a kid." Eddie explained.

"Come on, that's a weak excuse."

Before they could say anything more, Jane broke off from Bobby and jogged up to them with a grin on her face. "So, the good news is that she won't need to go to the hospital, and the better news is that tonight is lasagna night."

"I love lasagna night," Buck smiled back, smacking his hands together.

Eddie had just opened his mouth, probably to ask why lasagna night was so great, when it seemed to him that every night that Bobby could was great. Then they were interrupted.

"Excuse me," a voice came from behind them, and the trio turned around. It was one of the brunettes from earlier who'd been ogling them all. This one had a blue crop top lined with fringe and a short denim skirt. She was wearing bedazzled cowboy boots and a flirty smile. "I'm sure you get this all the time, but you are so hot. I just wanted to give you, my number. We should get drinks sometime."

Eddie and Buck looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, but I'm not interested," Eddie said softly.

"I have a girlfriend," Buck asserted.

"Oh," the girl shook her head at them and pulled out a torn scrap of paper and waived it in Jane's direction. "I actually wanted to give it to you."

"Oh," Jane's face became crimson. "Th-that's very nice of you, but...uh...I have a boyfriend. I wish you luck on your future endeavors." The other woman pouted a little, but she walked away, and Jane was relieved that she hadn't hurt her feelings. At least she was relieved, until Buck started laughing.

"I wish you luck...." He gasped through his wheezing laughter, "On your future endeavors? What are you, a high school counselor?"

"Well...what was I supposed to say?"

"You could have just said you had a boyfriend, and left it at that" Buck was calmer, but he still had tears in his eyes from how hard Jane had made him laugh. "Speaking of, how is the MMA fighter?"

Jane was all too aware of the fact that Eddie was looking at her at that moment. She did not want to know his reaction. "I'm busy with work and he's trying to become a first card professional. Honestly...I think we're probably going our separate ways. He sent me a text about having big news, so I guess I'll find out tonight if that's it."

Buck looked like he wanted to reply, Eddie couldn't think of anything to say. But that was when Eddie's phone vibrated, and so with a small smile, he stepped away from them.

He was silent for a moment before his worried voice asked, "What? Which one?"

He turned to Buck. "I need a ride. Christopher and my Abuelita are at the hospital. I don't know what happened, but I've got to go now.

Buck, looked worried, "I'd take you but my Jeep's in the shop. Jane gave me a ride to work this morning."

"And I'll give Eddie a ride right now," she said, pulling her own phone from her pocket. "We'll tell Bobby and we'll get a move on it. Let's go."

It was only when they arrived at the hospital floor and Eddie went to embrace an older Hispanic woman, that Jane realized where she was. She was with Buck and Eddie at the hospital. Eddie's family was in the hospital. She was going to meet members of his family. What was her life?

"Tia! Que paso? Is Christopher, okay?"

"Yes," she sighed. "You mean Prince Charming, hmm? He's peachy." She gestured, and the three other adults followed her gaze to see Christopher smiling brightly up at two nurses who were absolutely cooing over him and laughing at his jokes. Jane couldn't help but beam at the sight. The kid was charming, that was true.

"It's your abuela. She broke her hip," Eddie's aunt continued, which made Jane's smile drop.

Oh no. Poor Eddie. Poor Christopher.

"What? How?" Eddie asked.

"She was out back on the steps and calling him to come inside," she motioned towards Christopher again. "She lost her balance. Christopher called 911. The rescue got there really quick."

"I want to see her," Eddie said.

"No," his aunt disagreed. "She's sleeping now. And, uh, who are these people?"

It took every single ounce of Jane's focus not to blush under Eddie's Aunt's all too knowing gaze.

"This is Buck and Jane. We work together."

"Mmm," she hummed, giving Jane a second once over before responding sarcastically. "I thought you just dressed alike."

"This is my Aunt Josefina," Eddie continued on with introduction, ignoring her humor, "Pepa."

"Hi," Buck said, and Jane seconded the greeting, relieved when Pepa's gaze was back on her nephew.

"You can't keep doing this, Eddie. You cannot keep leaving him with her. She's not up to it."

"I know. I-I know and I'm sorry. I- I'm trying to find some permanent help, it's just... too many forms to fill out. It's worse than the V.A."

"I can't believe your gringa ex stuck you with all this," Pepa retorted.

Jane and Buck exchanged a look. They hadn't really heard anything about Christopher's mother.

"I'm not stuck, Tia," Eddie said, as if he'd said it a hundred times before.

"Do you have to go back to work?" she asked sarcastically, although they all knew that he had to. "Ah. And you're not stuck. I'll keep him tonight, but you need to get this figured out."

"Daddy," Christopher's voice interrupted them, and Eddie made his face into a smile as he went to greet the happy boy.

"Must be rough," Buck said softly.

"Raising any child alone is rough," Pepa said. Her words causing Jane to unconsciously cross her arms over her abdomen, as if giving herself a tight hug, curling in ever so slightly. "My nephew is a Saint, but I pray for him anyway."

Jane nodded, her eyes glued to the sight of Eddie and Christopher, wrapped tightly into a hug. Such a sight making her heart ache and warm at the same time. Of course, at that time, her own phone buzzed and a glance at the screen revealed that it was from the same unknown number. She immediately muted it and put it back into her pocket, before turning towards Pepa. There was absolutely no reason for her to keep acting like a shocked deer. They were friends.

"Pepa," Jane said softly, "I have an awful habit of feeding everyone. Do you, or Eddie's abuela or Christopher, have allergies or food preferences? I know you all will be stretched with the hospital and taking care of Christopher so I could make you all food or deserts or something to take away some of the stress." The older woman was startled for a moment, but she smiled lightly at her.

"Jane does feed everyone," Buck agreed. "But we are all appreciative. Especially when it comes to her baked goods."

"You know," Pepa responded lightly, her gaze still making Jane slightly uncomfortable for some reason. "I often have the same problem. What is your favorite thing to make?"

......

On their next shift, Eddie had to bring Christopher into work. Eddie had mentioned it to both Jane and Buck and the two had promptly told Bobby who cleared it all for them. It made the friends relieved that at least for a short period of time, this bit of stress could be relieved from the struggling father. Both friends only wished they could do more.

At the sight of the sandy haired boy getting out of Eddie's truck as they pulled into the parking lot that morning, Jane let out an excited squeal. One which caused Buck to give her a teasing look. He'd seen for himself how Jane and Christopher had bonded at the hospital, the two almost having their own language as they talked so fast back and forth to each other. Both had been visually disappointed as they were forced to go back to work.

"Christopher!" Jane cheered with a beaming smile.

"Jane!" he responded with equal enthusiasm, as his father let him out of the car. It was everything he could do to keep his son from sprinting, crutches and all, over to the blonde woman. Instead, she practically skipped over to them, with Buck trailing behind.

"Now," she said, bending down to his level. "Are you ready to see some firefighters at work?"

"Of course!" was his response. "I'm excited to see Dad at work."

"Well, it's very exciting! We're excited to have you here. If your Dad says it's alright, I'll show you around the truck later."

Eddie let out an ironic chuckle. "Like Dad could refuse after that."

Jane shot him an apologetic grin, "Sorry. I got too excited."

"It's fine," he laughed, giving her a warm, friendly smile. He didn't quite know what to say to her. The fact that she'd taken the time to tell Chris that she was actually excited for him to come meant so much. Christopher had been bouncing between relatives, and from what he'd begun to say, Eddie was afraid that he was beginning to feel like a burden, something he never wanted his son to feel. Jane saying that he was wanted at the firehouse...it meant a lot.

He cleared his throat, trying not to show too much emotion. "I didn't imagine I was going to get through the day without him in a truck."

Christopher just looked up at him, with that infectious grin of his. "Duh."

Buck laughed, and together they all made their way inside.

Christopher was too savage, and it had the 118 in stitches. "I do this too much?" Chimney laughed with them as he moved his hands, imitating his constant jabbering.

"We all agree," Hen laughed, loving the opportunity to tease Chimney at every opportunity.

"Christopher," he faked hurt. "I thought we were buddies! What happened?"

"What's this?" Bobby came over to where the crew plus Christopher were all hanging around on the couches. "I don't remember asking the chief for reinforcements. You any good with a hose kid?"

"I can try," Christopher leaned his head back into the couch, looking up at Bobby with one of his biggest smiles which, as always, made Jane smile like crazy.

"All right," Bobby agreed, as if he were actually going to put Christopher on the hose.

Jane turned her face to interject something smart, and her heart ached as she saw how worried Eddie's face had become at the sight of their Captain.

"So sorry, Cap," Eddie stood up. "My aunt's trying to get off of work early, but until then, I...I didn't know where to take him."

"Yeah, you did," Bobby nodded. "Right here. Buck and Jane gave me a heads up and I already cleared it with the Chief."

Hours into the shift, and multiple calls later, and the 118 crew, minus one blonde female, smiled from the kitchen as laughter and sirens echoed through the firehouse.

"Hey! If you ever need a babysitter on her day off, you really ought to ask Jane to watch him!" Buck offered up the woman's services. She was downstairs checking the supplies on the truck and allowing Christopher to play with the sirens, making them both laugh hysterically.

"Buck, you shouldn't just volunteer someone for something without their permission," Hen chastised, then she smiled. "Although, he's right. She'd do anything for a kid. When Karen broke her arm and I needed to run her to the hospital, she literally ran out on a date to come to watch Denny. By the time we got home, the entire house was clean and filled with baked goods. Also, she got the boy to take a bath AND clean up his room. Karen was crying with joy. Offered to have her move in."

"Well, it makes sense, all things considered." Chimney said nonchalantly. Hen shot him a death glare and he quickly spoke and shied away from his fellow paramedic, knowing that she'd hit him for saying too much. "I just mean because she volunteers in the NICU. She loves kids."

"What?" Buck asked. "I didn't know that she volunteered there."

"She goes in there twice a week, sometimes more. They need volunteers to cuddle the premi-babies when their parents can't be there and the ones who are taken away from their parents because they were born addicted to drugs. Its hard work. Sometimes she goes in there and gets her heartbroken when one of them are gone later that week, but she loves it."

Hen remembers when Jane came to her to tell her about volunteering in the NICU. She hadn't been convinced it was a good idea. She thought that it would just make her loss that much worse, but even she had to admit that when she arrived for her shift after her first volunteer session, her smiles were more genuine, and she seemed like she had a renewed confidence and purpose.

Soon after, Bobby called the laughing duo upstairs for grilled cheese and Jane was sure to make carrying him up the stairs less of an embarrassing chore and more of a game. Eddie didn't know when the last time was that he'd seen his son so happy.

"Dad! Jane said that if I kept it up, I'd be driving the firetruck by myself in no time." Christopher's face beamed.

"He's a natural!" Jane chimed from right behind him, her face as bright as his. She was so openly happy, that it made Bobby, Chimney, and Hen all breath a sigh of relief that hadn't realized they'd been holding. They'd never seen her look so happy. For every smile they gave him, they had NEVER seen her look so incredibly happy.

.......

Everyone was sad to see Christopher go when Pepa came. The older woman greeted them all kindly and sent a special parting word for Jane, thanking her for the casseroles and fruit salad and deserts that she'd sent over. This caused Eddie to look over in shock, not realizing that she'd done so.

At his shock, Jane felt guilty again. She just wanted to help and not feel that she was overstepping boundaries that the lingering awkwardness between them created. Once Christopher and Pepa were gone, Eddie found her at one of the couches, away from everyone else, reading a fantasy novel.

He smiled to himself as he saw her hand blindly reach out behind her book, grasping at the tea sitting on the coffee table in front of her. Seeing that she was a few inches off, he gently slid the beverage over, putting it within her grasp.

"I thought you read crime novels," he began lightly, sitting across from her. Jane stiffened ever so slightly at the sound of his voice before she raised her head.

"Usually," she agreed, taking a fortifying drink of tea. "But everyone likes the occasional fantasy, and this one has a special place in my heart. The Once and Future King. You can learn a lot from knights and you gotta admit, King Arthur is a classic for a reason."

He nodded. "I haven't read that one, but maybe I need to."

Jane gave him a small smile, forgetting momentarily to be awkward. "You should."

Eddie was silent for a moment, before he spoke again, once again rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thank you."

She looked up, startled. "What for?"

"For how you were with Christopher. You made him feel wanted here from the beginning. I-" he hesitated, not wanting to reveal too much, but finding comfort in her eyes. They were a clear grayish-blue color, that held no judgement. They were strangely warm and comforting, one of the reasons he was certain he felt comfortable around her, despite the awkwardness and...tension that still existed between them. "I'm always worried that Christopher will feel like a burden, but you eased that. So, thank you."

"You are welcome. Although, I have to admit, I didn't do it for you."

At that, Eddie tilted his head in a question, and like Eddie, Jane was too comfortable around him.

"I mean, I grew up in group home since I was three. I know what it feels like to be a burden and I know how much of a relief it is when someone just tells you that they want you there."

It took a lot for Eddie not to show the pain he felt at the idea of a tiny Jane growing up feeling like no one wanted her. He took a fortifying breath and he saw in her face that she'd not meant to reveal that to him. Seeing this, he changed gears.

"I also want to thank you for the food that you've apparently been sending to Pepa and Abuela."

Jane felt her face heat under his gaze, and she inwardly cursed herself for not mentioning it to him before.

"When I realized that Pepa was going to be working and watching Christopher and trying to take care of your abuela I offered her food. I didn't," she took a stuttering breath, "I didn't mean to cross a boundary. I wasn't trying to weasel my way into your life and be creepy or anything. I just...I worry about my friends and when I worry, I bake, and I cook and...it was something I could do to ease her burden. I mean if I can ease someone's burden...I'm going to."

She's amazing, Eddie thought in wonder. She had every reason to avoid him, but she was one of the first to reassure him of his place on their team. She cared about everyone, and she was always so aware of their feelings. She volunteered at the NICU and took care of friends' kids and cleaned their houses when they broke their arms and with everything she did, he'd not heard her once complain. Hell, from what he could see, she'd never consider not doing helping them. It was, he decided, the natural state of Jane Thomas to take care of people, and Eddie Diaz realized that he loved that about her.

Jane was beautiful, and understanding, and kind, and selfless. He liked her. He genuinely liked her, and he could do absolutely nothing about it. He didn't need the complication right now. What he needed was a miracle for Christopher. Of course, he didn't realize that both Jane and Buck were already thinking up ways to get him that miracle. Of course, if he had, it might have just made him feel worse.

.......

A few days later, among the turmoil of Chimney coming face to face with his ex-girlfriend who'd abandoned him in a coma, and Buck finally considering moving on from Abby, the firefighters of the 118 faced a bad call. A heartbreaking call. 

A young man had gotten caught when one of the steps of an escalator fell through, pinning him.

"LAFD!" Bobby announced, getting through the crowds of the shopping mall. "Coming through."

"I guess they'd been working on the escalator overnight," Hen reported. "The floor panel on the landing, it must not have been put back securely."

"Daniel, help is here," a woman's cracking voice called down into the escalator, as the crew moved forward. "The fire department is here."

Bobby sent Jane a look and nodded towards the crying woman.

"Please tell me he's going to be okay," she cried as Jane pulled her up. "Please help him."

"What's your name?" Jane asked softly, pulling the distraught brunette out of the way so the guys could all get to the man below, who they had learned was named Daniel.

"Ariel," the woman whimpered.

"Alright Ariel. My name is Jane. Now, I need you to stay back here with me so they can do their job."

She held Ariel up as the guys got to work.

"I got a pulse guys," Chimney announced to the top, causing Ariel to curl in on herself.

"Oh, thank God!"

"Shhh," Jane soothed, grabbing the bottom of her arm gently to keep her upright. Hen tossed her a look, nodding to the woman, a silent question. Jane shook her head and Hen went back to trying to help Chimney from the top. "Now, why don't you tell me about Daniel?"

"He's my boyfriend. He had just proposed to me," she held up a plastic candy ring, which caused Jane to give her a smile.

"Is there a story behind the ring?" she asked, trying to keep her distracted, but it wasn't enough because Chimney had just popped back out.

"What's happening?" Ariel began to walk forward, but Jane gently but firmly stopped her. "Why are you stopping?"

"Easy," Jane assured her. "They are working to get him out."

Daniel's pain filled screams as they removed him only meant that Jane had to keep a better grip on the woman. They were all relieved as he was brought out but that was until he began seizing and coughing up blood.

"Breathing is shallow," Hen announced.

"Daniel can you hear me?" Chimney checked his pupils.

"I can't find a pulse."

Then, Chimney started compressions, which was the final straw that sent Ariel to her knees.

"Daniel!" she gasped. "Oh please God!" Jane knelt beside her, still holding on as it became apparent that Daniel was gone. As they finally backed away, they were forced to watch Ariel throw herself over him and sob.

Jane just watched Ariel's face. The loss she saw there was devastating, and she was left selfishly wondering if she had anyone in her life who would be that devastated for her. Someone who would mourn her, that part of their heart was missing because she was gone from the world. Her friends would be sad, Xavier would be sad, but it wasn't like she knew her family. Xavier was wonderful, but what they had was closer to friendship than it was to a relationship, something they had both admitted out loud. Neither were good with relationships, but in each other they'd found acceptance and comfort. But...sometimes...you could get stuck in comfort and not take a chance on amazing. 

.......

They had gone to a paintball range and had, had a blast battling each other. It turned out that they were both terrible shots, although Xavier categorically denied it, but the truth was that most of the time they'd struck each other on accident. It was the most fun time that Jane had, had in ages. Afterwards, they had dinner and had decided to end the night with a movie at Jane's place since she had to turn in early for a shift the next day.

Sitting on the loveseat, Jane was decked out in a rare pair of jean shorts and a green tank top. If one looked very closely, one would see the lightest of scars that stretched from the woman's ankles up to her knees on both legs. The scars were a web into her skin, often ignored but never forgotten when she looked in the mirror. Such scars were at one point horrific and caused her shame with how ugly they were. But time had faded that wound and left a deeper one. These scars represented one life saved and one life lost.

As it does with young people, close proximity and physical attraction had led to physical intimacy and might have led to more if not for his hesitation. The second that his panic registered for the two of them, they separated to opposite sides of her couch until they calmed down. Jane stared down at her pale white hands, grasping desperately at her blue cushions and she glanced towards her companion. Concerned because he'd only done this one other time before. Usually, the one panicking was her, but as it had the other times, his panic sent her into a panic. Then, after they were capable of speech again, they talked.

"Can I ask you something?" Xavier began.

"Yes."

"You won't get weird about it?" Jane was thoughtful for a moment. She wasn't the type to make empty promises.

"Well, we haven't scared each other off yet. Why would this be any different?" He grinned at her response before answering.

"You freeze up. I freeze up. You only go out with guys who you aren't really attracted to. I hit on everything that moves and then hesitate with following through. I just..." He ran his hand over his head, "have you ever met someone, besides me and you because we know what this is and it's not that, that is the exception?"

"The exception to what?"

"To our inability to have healthy, male-female interactions? Or at least, someone who could be if we let them?"

Jane considered that for a moment, and surprisingly, this intrusive question did exactly what Xavier had hoped, and brought her away from that menacing voice she heard in her nightmares, and it brought him away from the demons that invaded his mind. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

At that, Xavier did let out a laugh. "How messed up are we?"

"Now, I know that is a rhetorical question. I know our relationship is weird, but I kinda love it."

"I love it too. Makes me feel..."

"Normal when we're not, BUT I think we could be. Especially if it's with, shall we say, an exception? Now spill Peters."

"I'm about 99% sure that I'm in love with Lauren." Jane just rolled her eyes.

"I know, and for the record, I feel really guilty when you bring me around her because I know for a fact that she loves you too. It's why I refuse physical contact when she's in the room. I also know that if you ever decided to bare your soul to her, like you have to me, she'd understand."

"She would, but you know the problem with that."

"You are scared that you'd ruin it. Newsflash, I have an awful lot of baggage and you have managed to not fuck it up more. I think that is a good sign."

Xavier stared at her wide eyed. "Language!" he shamed ironically because she always chastised him and everyone around her for use of foul language.

"I've come to realize that the use of blasphemies is occasionally necessary to get the male species to see common sense."

"I just...I don't know," Xavier said, looking lost. "I don't know what I'm doing half the time, but I tell you now, its fate that we found each other. I needed you in my life, Jane Thomas."

"Ditto."

"However," he continued. "This does not get you out of telling me about your exception."

Jane thought about a pair of brown eyes and a stranger at a wedding who was the first person in the world that she had revealed her ridiculous morning mantra to. A person who told her that he wasn't sorry to have spent the entire evening with her.

"I met a man at my friend Farrah's wedding. He was a childhood friend of the groom. We spent an entire evening talking and at the end of the night, when he kissed me, I didn't freeze. I didn't hesitate. We went to a hotel room, and I've never seen him since that night. But and this is going to sound so strange, I felt safe in that encounter. I hadn't met this man before that night and I doubt I'll ever meet him again, but in that small bubble of time, I can't recall a time where I felt safer."

That was what always bothered Jane. That the most random encounter of her life had made her feel safe when she hadn't felt safe in her own skin for a long time. There was no logic behind the feeling. Of course, now that she knew Eddie, knew how dedicated he was to his family and to the team, she knew that he was a safe person. But she had no idea how wedding Jane knew that about him, and it was driving her crazy.

..........

Jane was thoughtful when Xavier came over that night and they ordered in Italian. The cartons were empty and strewn about, FRIENDS played softly in the background, and they were talking, as they always did. The situation was familiar and safe, and for all that she loved it, she couldn't help but think of Ariel and Daniel and that memory of their exceptions that had invaded her mind that entire evening.

"Lauren called me today and guess what?" Xavier's voice was excited. While Jane had been reserved that evening, Xavier was almost bouncing off the walls in pent up emotion.

"What?"

"I got an offer in Las Vegas!"

Jane gave him one of her genuine, warm smiles. "That is incredible! I'm so proud of you!"

"Yeah. It's everything I've worked for," he smiled and then promptly frowned at her. Jane knew why and it didn't bother her as much as it might have before this last week. It didn't even bother her as much as it might have earlier that day, even.

"It's alright," she smiled at him. "We knew it was coming. Besides, we never see each other. Our attraction would have fizzled out eventually."

Xavier frowned at her. "It's not alright. I feel like I'm abandoning you!"

"Don't! You are going after something you have dreamed about, and I could not be happier for you. Besides, now that you have this, you need to leave me anyway. You have another goal ahead of you, my friend."

He let out a sigh. "Lauren, BUT if we are talking about going after things you want, then this means the same for you."

She gave him a small smirk. "Why are you so perfect Xavier Peters? It's not fair. I'm getting dumped and all I can think about is how much I'm going to miss having you around."

He reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. "I think it's helped by the fact that with our schedules, we've both just become good friends who occasionally enjoyed kissing each other."

Jane couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "I suppose. I think we were both safe this summer, and we needed that," she hesitated for a second before she continued. "I love you, but not in the way that I should after all of this."

He squeezed her hand again. "I love you too, but I can't say I'm in love with you," then he chuckled. "I thought break ups were supposed to be dramatic and fraught with tears and anger."

"No," Jane responded. "Not between us. This is safe, but if we stayed together, I think all we would be is stuck. At peace, but never getting to where we want to be. Never with who we want to be with. Never taking that chance."  

Xavier nodded. He'd revealed to her that when he was younger, one of his female teachers had sexually abused him. He'd dealt with his trauma differently, instead of isolating, he had been flinging himself from one toxic relationship to another as a form of self-punishment. When they'd met, they both found kindred spirits, broken and messy. Having a safe relationship was a foreign concept, but for three months they'd had a partner who was attentive, understanding, patient, and offered the emotional support they both craved without becoming toxically co-dependent.

"I don't regret it for a moment," he told her earnestly.

"Neither do I." They gave each other another hug, and before he left, she gave him parting words of wisdom. "I think you know this, but, when you are ready, you really should man up and ask Lauren to dinner. I also expect an invitation to the wedding, if she isn't completely freaked out by the idea."

He startled a bit before flashing his devastating smile at her and shaking his head. They stood up and began the walk out the door. They lingered in the doorway, not wanting to leave their safety net, but knowing that eventually they had to make the leap.

It was Xavier who took the first jump. "Goodbye Lady Badass."

"Goodbye Lord Chivalry."

Like clockwork, the second that he left her apartment, and the door securely locked behind him, her phone rang with the unknown number again. Except, this time, she picked up. She had thought she would be calm, but she'd just flipped the page on one chapter of her life, and now she just wanted to slam the book closed on this one.

"Leave me alone!" her voice came out shrill and angry, unlike her at all.

But of course, you can't be released from the past, when parts still cling to you. You are still left feeling stuck. 

"No."       

Okay! I'm so excited for the next three chapters! However, I need to lay out the warnings early because I care about all of you! MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS AHEAD! I'll try to remember to mention them at the beginning of each chapter, but I just wanted to be sure I stressed this right off the bat so that no one was surprised. (Although you shouldn't be since there is a warning in the description, but just in case.) 

Also, the next chapter, will be very short compared to the others, because its a set up and the calls will be brushed over. Hopefully the content won't leave you too disappointed. 

Side Question: How do you like the soundtrack so far? 

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