Trigger Warnings for the Chapter: Depression, Death, Discussions of Rape and Miscarriage. 

October 21, 2016- With the 129

"Hey, Firefighter Thomas!" Jane looked up from her novel, irritated because she was just about to find out if she was right thinking that the sister was the murderer, to see one of her coworkers, giving her a look that told her he'd called her name more than one time. Well, most likely he'd called for "Chickadee" at least three or four times before resorting to her name, but that was just Benny.

"What do you want, Benny?" she put in a bookmark and stuffed her book into her backpack while she stood up from her seat in the overstuffed chair.

The 129 firehouse was laid out like most were in Los Angeles. On the ground floor were the trucks and equipment, as well as the locker rooms and a workout room. Upstairs was the kitchen, a lounge area where the crew often hung out on their downtime, and in the back were sleeping quarters for the overnight shifts. Jane had been in the lounge area, finishing up her book. It was more of a supernatural thriller this time, in honor of the spooky season.

Benny, who'd just graduated up from being a probie a few months after she did, was a solid sort of man. He was an EMT, and working under Kenneth O'Connell, there was no doubt he was going to be a great one. Benny was also one of the few members of the 129 who were close to her age, if a few years her senior. The others at the house were nearing retirement, and they were looking at a big turnaround in the next five years, but Jane purposefully didn't think of that. She'd miss all the old grumps.

"Cap wants to talk to you in the office," he said, his red hair and beard shining in the afternoon sun. "Said that you'd better not keep him waiting just for the butler to have done it."

Jane grinned, knowing that Captain Ames had actually started to get into reading as one of the hobbies he planned to pick up in retirement, and that she'd caught him last shift checking out the TBR stack she always kept on her shelf.

"Yeah, yeah," she mock sighed, passing Benny to shuffle down the stairs.

"So are you still coming on that double date tonight?" Benny asked. "Ricky has been really looking forward to it. He thinks you and his coworker will really hit it off."

"I'm going to be honest with you Benny, if I'm going on a date with your gorgeous future husband, how do you expect me to even look at this other guy? I mean..." she did a whimsical sigh, "He's just...so pretty."

"I know," Benny smiled confidently, "and he's so mine. But you'll really like the guy Ricky picked out for you. He's also an engineer, and my man swears that he's great."

"I mean, if he says so. What's this guy's name anyway?"

"Uh," at this Benny looked bashful.

"Oh, come on," Jane said, actually growing concerned by his lack of immediate response. "It can't be that bad."

"Toby."

"Toby," Jane repeated.

"Yeah," Benny grimaced, "Not the most romantic name but I've seen pictures and the guy is cute. Not as cute as Ricky, but definitely cute."

"At least if it doesn't work out, I can get a free meal and a chance to ogle Ricky."

"Why are we friends?"

"Because you love me!"

"True," he sighed. "Better get going though, or Cap will regret sending me up here."

"I'm sure he already does," an aged and gruff voice sounded behind them, and they turned their bashful looks towards a balding, pudgy man in his seventies with a very impressive white mustache. Timothy Maitland had been with the 129 since his own days as a probie and now that he was retired, he still felt the need to drop in every so often to bestow bits of wisdom on the crew of 'young whippersnappers' as he liked to call anyone under the age of fifty.

"Are you two done gossiping? This is a place of business," he lectured them with a stern expression, pinning them both with a stink eye. "Life and death."

"Timmy," Jane began, "If you knew how gorgeous Benny's fiancé was, then you'd know this conversation was life or death."

The old man's eyebrows raised, "Well. Let's see him then. I'll have to be the judge of that."

Benny pulled out his phone and showed Timmy his screensaver. Ricky Norton soon to be Trevors was gorgeous. He was like a modern Apollo with golden hair that reached his chin, chiseled features, and striking blue eyes. He also had a six pack, wore a suit daily, and had met Benny when they were both volunteering at an animal shelter their last year of college. Jane had seen a picture of him holding a puppy and forgot to breath.

"That is one beautiful man," he nodded to them. "Not as pretty as my Tessa mind you, but I get it. Still, you better get to Cap, Thomas."

"Will do," Jane assured him, and that time she actually did run down the stairs and flew into the Captain's office with a wide smile.

Fire Captain Thomas Ames was a tall and broad African-American man. He stood at least two heads above almost every other person at the station house, maybe three heads above Jane, and when he was standing, he made for an opposing figure. Sitting, he was maybe just a bit less intimidating. Like Timmy, he had a very impressive mustache, and his hair was beginning to silver. His brown eyes though, those cut through the nonsense of the world and saw right into the heart of things.

Thomas Ames was everything that Jane Thomas hoped to be one day. Her mentor. Her first real father figure. He was kind and selfless and brave. He commanded the respect of every single person under his command. Jane had been happy in the Fire Marshall's office, at least until she met up with Thomas Ames again. He had this aura about him that demanded that others followed where he led. Jane wouldn't see those same qualities in a person until she met Bobby Nash years later. Still, as much as Jane loved Bobby, no one would be for her what Thomas Ames was.

"It's a good thing I didn't tell Benny to make you hurry, or I'd be sorely disappointed, Firefighter Thomas." He always had the tiniest of smirks when he used her last name.

"It's a good thing, Sir," Jane beamed, unbothered by what could be seen as a chastisement. IF it really had been urgent, there was no way that even Benny with his big mouth would have said anything beyond relaying his message. "What did you need me for?"

"Well," he raised his eyebrows, "Not that I should, since you can't seem to follow orders in a timely manner, but I was going to ask if you'd like to take on more responsibilities around the house."

"Like what, sir?"

"Jones is going to be retiring at the end of the year, and as you know, he's the one who's in charge of making sure that the trucks are stocked each shift. It comes with a small pay increase, and the ability to tell others what to do, but I'm sure neither of those benefits would interest you."

"Absolutely not," Jane nodded, her heart warming. Jones had been there since Captain Ames had been appointed Captain of the 129. He was a great firefighter, and his job wasn't as easy as it sounded. This was a bigger deal than her Captain was making it seem, and given the warm amusement in his eyes, he knew it.

Jane knew all the crew liked her. She was a hard worker with a sunny disposition and many of them were old enough to remember how she first stumbled into their lives on that Christmas day twenty one years ago. All of the older men were proud to work with her and teach her all the different ways to be a great firefighter. To know that her Captain, and her crew, thought she was ready for this job, she couldn't contain her grin.

"Very well then," Captain Ames gave her a nod of confirmation, "Report to Jones immediately, so he can get you started. That list of his is a headache that you need to work through now if you want to have gone through it by December."

"Yes Sir," Jane stood up and began for the door before turning back. "Thank you, Sir."

He just shook his head, his mouth neutral, but his eyes were laughing, "Just go."

"But..." Jane hesitated, "What if I mess up?"

"Were you planning to mess it up?"

"No."

"Then you do your job. Don't dwell on the possible failures. What do I say at the beginning of every shift?"

"Today is going to be a good day," Jane repeated dutifully.

"Today," Captain Ames repeated to her, "Is going to be a good day, Thomas."

October 19, 2019- With the 118

If Jane didn't already know how the week was going to go, she definitely had it figured out by the time the 118 responded to a distress call at Happy's Rage Room. All of them were exhausted from the long week behind them and more than dreading the week in front of them. That week, they were all scheduled to appear at an Arbitration Hearing for Buck's lawsuit against the LAFD for wrongful termination and discrimination. Karen was going through IVF, so she and Hen had their hands full. Christopher had his very first sleepover scheduled. Then, last, but certainly not least, the trial against John Willis was going to start that week.

Despite everything hanging over her head, Jane just took a deep breath and brushed it off as she followed her crew into Happy's Rage Room where they were sure to find something interesting. After all, there were two cop cars outside to indicate that whatever they'd find, it was going to be a doozy.

"Apart from a blowout bar, this is the dumbest thing people in L.A. pay money for," Hen shook her head as they walked through the building. Bobby was ahead, followed by Hen, Chim, Jane, Eddie, and Lena at the back.

"I think it's genius," Chimney disagreed with a large smile on his face.

"I think it's probably better to channel your anger into something constructive," Jane said thoughtfully.

"And breaking things isn't constructive enough for you?" Eddie chuckled a bit, causing Jane to shake her head at him with a small grin.

Eddie was saved a retort by Athena Grant meeting them. Behind her were two officers holding back a woman who appeared to be wearing the business's safety gear, and a pair of handcuffs. Her expression was a mix of fury and devastation. Given the wary expressions on the officers' faces though, Jane had imagined that she'd put up a fight before the LAFD had arrived.

"Your victim's in there," Athena gestured back to the glass enclosed room at the far back of the warehouse like building.

The walls were covered in stylized graffiti, reading in bright red letters, 'RAGE'. Floors were littered in glass and broken pieces of electronics. Two pairs of safety goggles and multiple sledgehammers were strewn haphazardly. Altogether, it was a giant mess.

"Where?" Bobby asked, looking around to see no one.

"There," Athena pointed to a barrel drum that had definitely seen better days if the indents littering it meant anything. "Your victim climbed into the barrel after her BFF started chasing her with a sledgehammer."

"I thought the point was to smash things, not each other," Eddie pointed out.

Athena just sighed as she pointed back to the woman in handcuffs, "Wife," and then back to the barrel, "Mistress."

"Adulterous slut!" the woman screamed, and Jane honestly felt sorry for her. It was one thing to have your significant other cheat on you, but it was something completely different to have it happen with your best friend. That level of betrayal had to make you crazy.

"Does the adulterous slut have a name?" Chimney asked lowly, trying to keep his voice low, so as not to gain the irritation of the wife.

"Denise. She can't hear you very well in there," Athena explained. "Ears ringing."

"And the BFF?" Jane asked.

"No visible injuries," Athena sighed, "And her name is Emily."

"Then I guess we better get to work with Denise," Jane nodded at Bobby, and the group all went over to the barrel where Denise had obviously hidden from her former best friend.

"Denise, are you hurt?" Bobby called loudly.

"What?" came a startled and confused female voice from inside the tin.

"Ah," Eddie said wryly, "Looks like she's sledgehammered in there pretty good, Cap."

"Lena, Eddie, saws and jaws," Bobby ordered.

"On it Cap!" Lena responded and both her and Eddie went to get the equipment.

"Denise we're gonna cut you out of there!" Bobby reassured her again.

"What?" the woman asked again.

"Poor woman. Hope the hearing damage isn't permanent," Jane said lowly.

"Probably not," Hen expressed thoughtfully, "But we'll need to check. People have lost hearing in less obvious ways."

Before Chimney could chime in with what Jane knew was going to be a fun fact about hearing loss, Lena and Eddie returned. Lena used the saw on the barrel and Eddie wedged the jaws in the hole she made to open it up so they could get Denise out. Jane worked retrieval with Eddie and Bobby, making sure that Denise didn't cut herself on the edges of the barrel. They had to support her, as her inner ear was still ringing and so her balance was off kilter. Jane had just passed Denise on to Hen and Chimney for them to get her checked out as they all began to walk out the door.

Athena was beginning to read Emily her Miranda Rights when Denise, to most everyone's surprise, came to the other woman's defense.

"Wait! Excuse me. Please, don't arrest her," the woman genuinely looked stricken and remorseful. "This is all my fault."

"You wanna be a better friend?" Athena asked incredulously. "Bail her out."

"I'd rather rot in jail," Emily yelled, "than have her do another thing for me! I should have never trusted you! Consider this the end of our friendship! I hate you!"

Denise looked unsurprised, but heartbroken as two of the other crew members took over and brought her to the ambulance.

"So much anger in the world these days," Chimney sighed, "I can see why this place is all the rage. See what I did there?"

"Oh, I see it." Hen raised her eyebrows, unimpressed by this show of 'humor'.

"Really stuck yourself out there for that one," Jane smirked, and then looked around the place thoughtfully. "Not going to lie, I might need one of these places after the week I'm expecting."

"I can't believe the trial is so close," Chimney shook his head.

"Neither can I, but at least I get to face my rapist and the smarmy lawsuit lawyer in the same week. Yay." Jane's voice was full of fake enthusiasm.

"Hey," Eddie's voice interrupted her downturned mood, and he came up on her right and threw an arm over her shoulders. "We're all right next to you, okay?"

"I know," she gave him a small smile.

"Besides," Chimney looked around Happy's again. "If this week really gets bad, at least we now know where to go to let out some major rage."

"As I said," Jane agreed, "I just might have to do that."

October 21, 2016- With the 129

By the time the crew got to the house fire, the flames were out of control. Despite the heat coming from the flames and from being fully geared up, Jane felt a icy cold shiver go straight down her spine. It was a foreboding feeling. As if someone had just stepped on her grave.

Captain Ames looked at his crew one by one, and directed all but Jane to work to keep the fire from spreading to the other houses on the block. The flames were high, and threatened to stretch out and consume them all. It was all hands needed, and when Jane had gone to help, he'd placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her. He turned to his youngest and gave it to her straight.

"Clark Emerson, an 86-year-old man, is trapped in his bedroom on the second floor. I'm going up, and if you think you can do it, you are coming with me." Jane knew why he was wording it like this. The flames were spread, and they had no idea what that would mean for the flooring. The odds of falling between stories and getting hurt or...dying were high. He would never send his crew in on a rescue he didn't think they could do, but he also wouldn't send them into something that dangerous if they had any hesitation. Hesitation was deadly in this line of work.

"I'm with you, Sir," Jane immediately responded.

Captain Ames nodded, "Gear up, Thomas. Jones! Raise the ladder to the second-floor window on the left!"

Jane followed her Captain up the ladder, and ducked on command as he broke the window, and the sudden oxygen caused flames to suddenly shoot up before gradually going back down.

"Keep close, Thomas," he ordered. "Dispatch said that he was hiding in his bathroom tub. This is an old house with no ensuite bathrooms, so it's in the middle of the hallway. We have a lot of flooring to not fall through."

Jane did as instructed, keeping her eyes peeled for movement, even though she could just barely make out her Captain's coat two feet in front of her, through the smoke.

This is where the details would get blurry for Jane. She'd never be able to recall the rescue. She knew the old man was in rough shape. He was barely conscious, wheezing. They covered his head in a wet towel, and together they carried him back to the window. Cap could have carried him alone, but they needed to disperse the weight on the floors. Jane wouldn't remember how sweat was stinging her eyes. She wouldn't remember tripping over an end table or what words her Captain had as he soothed the old man who mourned the loss of a lifetime of memories.

Jane Thomas would remember none of those things, but she'd remember this.

"Good work, Thomas," Cap had told her.

Good work, Thomas. Simple and innocuous words that would haunt her. Those words, and what he did next.

They had just handed Clark off to Benny and O'Connell when they heard it. The unmistakable sound of the floor collapsing under them. Jane didn't have any time to react before she felt herself begin to fall...until she was pushed. Fire Captain Thomas Ames pushed Jane forward, hard enough so that she hit the windowsill. She just barely had the sense of mind to grab onto the sill and pull herself up.

"CAP!" Jane screamed. "CAP!"

She looked down, through the smoke she could just make out his figure. He lay on the bottom of the second floor on what appeared to be carpet. He was surrounded by flames, but out of the burning zone. But he didn't respond to her calls. She had to get him, but she couldn't do it alone. She needed help. She had to wait for backup.

"This is Thomas," she called over the radio. "Captain Ames has fallen through and landed on the second floor. Need immediate assistance for evac."

"On my way," Rosco called. "Jones, meet me up there."

"On it," was the instant response, and Jane nearly cried in relief. They'd get him out. They were the best. She'd seen those men walk through the deadliest of fires and come out of it without a scratch. She'd seen her Captain do the same. This...this was nothing. She craned her neck, and through the smoke Jane thought she saw him move. She would swear until the day she died that saw him move.

But, if life had been different, if it had been kinder, then Thomas Ames died in that fall. She prayed every night for two months that he died in that fall. She prayed that she was imagining things through the smoke. Because she thought she saw him move...just before the entire house came down.

October 20, 2019- With the 118

As a firefighter, Jane had been placed in many situations that had made her uncomfortable. As a woman, she'd probably experienced twice as many of those situations as her male coworkers. Jane just didn't think there was anything to prepare her for this level of discomfort. She was sitting on the left side of the LAFD's inhouse counsel, and across from her was Evan Buckley. Sitting to his side was the leech of a lawyer who'd not only hounded people as she'd been trying to help Hen load them up in an ambulance, but he'd also hit on her. Then, when she'd explained that not only was she not interested, that she was also seeing someone, well let's just say his ego was way too big.

Jane had absolutely no idea where to look. She couldn't look directly across from her because then she'd meet the lecherous eyes that she could feel boring into her face. She couldn't bring herself to look at Buck for very long, because then she'd just be too hurt to answer these questions as reasonably as possible. She glanced cautiously at the counsel for the LAFD, Leo Beckett, and gave him a tentative smile.

Jane knew Leo from the multiple times she'd had to speak with him regarding her encounters with Captain Willis. He had been particularly understanding and given that he had a wife and two daughters at home, everything about the older fire captain had made him furious. He'd gone out of his way to ensure that she was comfortable when they talked and he even had a good relationship with her lawyer, which was surprising since Leo had worried that she'd be suing the LAFD for what had happened to her.

Ultimately, she liked Leo, and was relieved when he sent her a small reassuring smile back. The man was older, mid-fifties and balding. He almost always looked grumpy, likely a symptom of his job. But he had a kind smile and Jane was relieved to see it. She'd needed that small bit of reassurance this week.

When the smarmy lawyer began to ask questions, it had begun innocently enough. He'd begun by asking how long she'd been working as a firefighter and then how long she'd been with the 118. She was asked how she found the relationship of the team, and she'd honestly answered that she hadn't seen any other team work so well together. Then, the questions had gone back to her, and this time, the lawyer just decided to flay her to the quick.

"According to your medical records, you had a miscarriage in the Summer of 2017." Jane felt Buck's eyes widen across the table, and she couldn't even bring herself to look at him. She was stunned and furious all at once.

"Yes," she ground out. "I did."

"That must have been traumatizing," he didn't sound at all sympathetic and she wanted to slap him across the face. How dare he pull out one of the worst times of her life and be so callous?!

"It was an experience I'd rather not go into, if I may."

"I won't probe too much," the lawyer gave a false smile, "but it says here that you were back at work not even one week after."

"Yes," she gritted out. "I was. Physically, I could have gone back to work three days later, but I needed the rest of the week."

"Then, when you were nearly choked to death in the fall of 2018, you flatlined two times, but you were back at work quickly then as well."

"I took me almost two months to recover and get back to work."

"That didn't seem quick to you?"

"Not at all. My leg wasn't crushed into dozens of pieces, and I wasn't on blood thinners. In fact, I was on pain medication that kept me out of the field longer than my injuries. I wasn't allowed to return to work until I was off of them. Which is exactly what the department, and Captain Nash, is doing now with Buck. He still has a job with the LAFD and would be welcomed back with the 118 the moment he's off the blood thinners that would put him at a high risk in the field."

Buck's attorney acted as if he hadn't heard the last part of her answer, but she hadn't expected him to. She just hoped that Buck did, even if it was now his turn to look away. After the year they'd had, the trauma they'd experienced together...it hurt that they couldn't even talk. Not now. Not with this lawsuit. Jane didn't even think he realized that doing this would not result in getting his job back. His lawyer was burning a lot of bridges very quickly, and Buck was looking at a decent settlement, but it was becoming more and more unlikely he'd work at the LAFD again.

"You are off those medications, but you still take others. Anti-depressants, am I'm right?"

"Yes..." Jane agreed.

"And you take these everyday while on duty," he continued.

"I do," Jane admitted.

"And you aren't the only one with a chronic medical condition, are you? Captain Nash is a recovering alcoholic. An alcoholic who had a relapse a year and a half-ago."

And it went like that, on, and on, and on. Jane could feel the anger, the hurt, and the betrayal stir inside her. She could feel the renewed grief. And to think that in less than 24 hours she'd be sitting in a courtroom and facing a worse sight than the one across from her. She felt sick to her stomach. It was a really sad kind of betrayal she was feeling.

By the time she left the room, Jane was ready to throw a fist through a wall. She walked out into the waiting room where everyone else on the crew was. Bobby, Hen and Chim were all huddled together, chatting about what had gone down when they were being interviewed, and Eddie was standing a bit away from them, looking towards the hall where Jane came through the hallway. He was the last one scheduled to go in.

"Hey," he murmured softly seeing her face, "Are you alright?"

"Not particularly," she admitted. Her eyes watered, but there was no sign of tears. She wasn't going to cry in front of that snake of a man. "Brace yourself." 

He frowned, but he continued in mentally vowing to learn what was said when he got out.  

"What happened?" Hen demanded once he was gone.

"Buck didn't tell the lawyer everything. I don't know how, but he got my full medical records. Including..." she gasped a bit and looked up at the ceiling so she wouldn't cry.

"They didn't," Hen looked at her, horrified.

"They did," she couldn't say another word but allowed herself to be pulled into Chim's side as he comforted her. "This week is really working to try my fortitude."

They were quiet then, each lost in their own feelings of anger and betrayal and frustration. They'd been raked through the coals through dirty technicalities and twisted words that didn't try to relay the truth, but a narrative of a Captain who played favorites. When Eddie got out of the room, he looked just as angry and tense as the others. However, he looked about ready to explode when he found out the lawyer had brought up her miscarriage.

The crew all loaded themselves into the elevator silently and when they saw their former crewmember step tentatively down the hallway in their direction, they glared as the doors closed on him.

"All this," Chimney shook his head, "And you have to deal with that monster tomorrow."

"We're all going to be there," Bobby assured Jane, seeing that she was beginning to tap her fingers and shift anxiously. "Tomorrow. The days that we have off. The day you have to testify. We will be there."

Spotting her shaky hand, Eddie reached out and grabbed it, holding it firmly in his own.

"Thanks," she said on a whisper. "My dad is coming with me. He has a TA covering his classes, and he's going to be there with me. The university was really great about the situation."

"Really?" Hen asked.

"Yeah," she nodded.

November 2016- With the 129

They were all leaving. All of them. Jane knew that was an exaggeration. Benny was still going to be there, along with Miller, Reynolds, Hightower, O'Connell, and Clarkson. Timmy would still come by every day as if he still worked there. He'd promised he would.

Still, with the death of Captain Thomas Ames, the turnover at the 129 was sped up. Each day, new guys came into the station house. The guys were younger, not probies, but nowhere near retirement age. They were loud, brash with their words, and easy to set one another off. For instance, one of the new guys had just body slammed Benny against the ambulance for being in his way.

Jane had been ready to tell him off, but fortunately, Benny stopped her, saying that it wasn't worth it. She'd initially disagreed, but her friend managed to calm her down. Just so. They talked softly to each other. Both were still hurting, still grieving. It had been a difficult month under the interim Captain. All they hoped was that soon they'd be able to return to some semblance of the way things used to be. They didn't know that those times were gone forever.

That was the day that the 129 got its new captain. It was the day that Jane Thomas was introduced to her boogeyman. To the man who'd torment her days and haunt her dreams. To the one who'd done all but destroy her. If only she'd known then what she knew now. If only she'd have somehow been able to predict with a certainty that she was going to be hurt. Then she might have left.

But even as the new crew was called together for their first meeting, Jane's eyes cut to a large picture on the wall. Thomas Ames. Her Captain. The man who had saved her life even as he was losing his own. At that time, he was still the 129. Jane wouldn't leave the 129 until the last of Thomas Ames was gone from the place.

"First things first," Captain John Willis announced, and his cold eyes immediately locked onto Jane, and she just knew that this would be bad. His eyes raked her body, in the NOMEX pants and fitted t-shirt, and she felt dirty. "There are going to be major changes. I see here that Captain Noble," the interim Captain, "had Thomas in charge of the trucks. Not going to happen. Torres, that's your new job. Trevors?"

"Uh, yes, Sir?" Benny looked anxious, his eyes cutting to Jane and then back at the new Captain. He'd sensed it to. The 129, which had been a home, just got a lot scarier.

"Michaels," Willis nodded to the tall dark-haired man who'd just pushed Benny into the side of the truck, "is going to be your new partner."

That was just the beginning.

October 21, 2019- Los Angeles County Courthouse

Ricardo Santos was one of the best lawyers in the state of California, and that wasn't just Jane's opinion. Every single person who encountered him in the courtroom had come to the same conclusion and he had the plaques of recognition and public accolades to prove it. He was also one of the kindest people that Jane had met. An attractive Hispanic man in his early thirties, Ritchie had grown up in the foster system. His life experiences had turned him into the person he was, and that was a shark of a lawyer and a loving family man. He and his wife Elise had two biological children and had adopted three teenagers, all siblings at the risk of them being separated at other homes.

Ritchie was a shining example on what a person could accomplish if they had the fortitude to rise above their circumstances and change a system that had worked against them. That's why Ritchie, who worked for a lot of highbrow clients to broke major business deals, balanced such work with opening his own firm explicitly intended to serve young adults getting out of the Foster Care system.

Jane had been one of the clients who he's personally worked with after hearing her story. He'd easily become a friend, and Jane had even been to dinner at his family's house and bought his children birthday presents. Thus, while Jane was surprised that he'd had the time to show up at court, she wasn't surprised that he was there. If there was someone who knew how messed up Jane had really been when they'd found out that the Prosecutors were not initially going to bring charges against John Willis for what he'd done to her, it was Ritchie.

"You ready for this, Jane?" he asked, voice purposefully nonchalant as he picked a piece of lint off the sleeve of his suit jacket. One Jane was positive cost as much as one month of her rent.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready for this," Jane admitted softly. "But I guess I have to be, don't I?" The voice was back. Jane wasn't surprised, she supposed. If anything, she was surprised it had been kept at bay for so many months. It was back and worse than she'd ever remembered it being.

He's going to get out. They won't believe you. No one will ever believe you, remember. He was right. You should have just kept silent. Who are you to think that you can do something like this.

Jane struggled to put that voice in the back of her mind. As if to help her, a squeeze of the hand brought her back to the present. She stood between her dad and Eddie. Eddie was the one who held her hand, and Bobby, Hen, and Chimney stood just behind them. The crew were all dressed in uniform, and Bobby wore his Captain's dresswear. Just like they'd all done yesterday at the deposition. Her father was in a suit, and she wore a plain black dress.

"Remember," Ritchie assured her. "He can't touch you. He's already been remanded without bail. He's got multiple officers bringing him in, keeping him in line. He's not getting anywhere near you."

"Right," Jane nodded. "I know that."

"Besides," Ritchie sent a meaningful look to the crew and her dad, and a pointed look to where Eddie was holding her hand. "This is different from the last time you saw him or any time before that. You aren't alone."

Aren't you? The voice hissed, but her friends were louder.

"Of course not," Chimney declared loudly.

"Jane knows we have her back," Bobby agreed.

Her father didn't say anything, but Jane didn't expect him to. He was like her, but different that way. Whereas Jane always found the words to assure other people, she rarely was able to find the proper words to encourage herself. To reassure herself. For Mark, who'd taken this pain on as his own, he had no words for her. Jane didn't need him to talk though. He was there, and he was going to be there every day. In his time he'd buy her over a dozen lunches, he'd hold her hand, he'd cry with her, and he'd be the father he never got the chance to be before. That, Jane would know, would be enough.

The doors opened then, and they were allowed in the courtroom. Jane and the others were the first in the courtroom besides the lawyers. She was directed by the prosecutor to sit behind their table. Three of the crew slid in, followed by Ritchie, Mark, and then Jane. Eddie slid in last. It wasn't lost on Jane that Eddie had been sure to place himself between her and where John Willis would sit.

Of course, think of the devil and he shall appear. Just as the room was getting settled, and it was a full room although Jane couldn't bring herself to focus on who else was attending court that day, the side doors opened and there he was. Two burly officers lead him into the court. The man was cuffed, but he was dressed nicely. His hair was neatly combed, and his navy suit appeared new. A distant part of her wished she'd seen him in the orange jumpsuit and chains.

At the sight of John Willis, Jane felt rage. She had never been so angry before. Jane supposed that she'd expected him to look worn. That he'd look like he'd been experiencing the worst months of his life. Instead, he looked as normal as he ever did. He looked like the dad next door who'd offer to help you change your tire. Once, just once, Jane wished that others were able to see his outside reflect his inside. That they would see the malice and lust that lurked behind his eyes. His manic snarling mouth.

His hands. She could still feel his hands. Everywhere. Touching her. She could feel his hands and she was afraid. Then she was angry again. She never wanted to fear this man. Never. Again.

"All rise," the bailiff called, "For the right and honorable Judge Henry J. Winston."

Opening statements were swift, and Jane knew without a doubt that this was going to be harder than she thought. Willis's lawyer had all but called her a slut and a liar. He'd implied an affair and painted her as a woman with a vendetta.

Then the prosecution called its first witness.

It was a long day. Only one witness, the detective Jane recognized as the man who'd interviewed her in the hospital, had been called. He'd been tough, and his heir of authority had done a great job at taking the listener's mind from the tales told by the defense attorney's. He'd spoken about his years on the force, and then on how he came to be involved with the investigation.

At the end of the day, Jane was left feeling empty. Everyone wished her farewell with somber faces, worse even than the ones they'd worn when they'd first gotten there. They would, she knew, hug their loved ones just a bit tighter that night. Not, she thought wryly, as tightly as her father had hugged her before he'd left. They'd clung to each other and had been comforted before he'd left. Jane saw tears in his eyes even as he tried to hide them.

That left her and Eddie. Eddie had spent the entire trial tense. He'd glared hard enough at the back of John Willis's head, that the man could have died right there. He'd not let go of her hand once, and at times his hold on it had become crushing. Jane had been grateful for the pain though, as it kept her from getting lost. She wouldn't have made it through that first day without him.

"You have to get going now, right?" Jane asked him softly when they reached her car.

"Christopher has a sleepover that I need to take him to."

"His first one," Jane smiled just a bit. "I remember now."

"You have plans tonight too, right?" he asked. He didn't look at her, something that had been bothering her. He hadn't looked at her since they'd left the courtroom. Was he disgusted by her?

"I have a volunteer shift at the NICU tonight and then Farrah has invited me out for a girl's dinner afterwards while Karram is out of town."

"You'll be alright? Okay to go on a shift?"

"Honestly? I think I need it. You alright?" she pushed. "I know that was hard."

"I'm not the one who has to relive this," Eddie told her, his voice hoarse with repressed emotion.

"Yeah, but I knew what was coming. You...I haven't been brave enough to tell you all that you deserved to know before now."

The pictures. They'd shown the pictures that had been found in John Willis's apartment. The pictures of Jane. Of Emma, the firefighter who'd come to the 129 after Jane. No one had been prepared for those pictures. Jane hadn't been prepared for those pictures.

There were the ones from before. Of her at the 129 in the showers or later at her apartment when she'd thought she was alone. He'd taken hundreds of them, but Jane and Eddie both knew that there was one picture that they wished they could forget.

Jane Thomas on the floor of the 129 showers, curled into a ball. Covered in dried blood and the aftereffects of his arousal. Bruises on her neck. Eyes closed. Crying.

When she saw that picture, she was taken back to that day. To that time. To that very moment. She could feel the tiles on the floor and the steady beating of water that still rained from above her washing away his sin. She remembered how she wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She remembered it all. She remembered looking past Eddie, over to John Willis. He took in the picture without even a flinch while she struggled to maintain her cool. While her father, her friends, her boyfriend, had to see her like that.

She was angry. Furious. Filled with such an intense fire that even the darkness illuminated with her rage.

"No," Eddie gasped out, pulling her back from that place, and then she was startled to see his eyes on hers. Intense. Filled with Pain. Filled with fury. "Don't you ever be sorry for this. Never."

"Okay," she agreed softly, overwhelmed by his intensity. Not scared of it by any means. It was just, with his inability to look at her, she thought he was planning an escape. With that last sentence though, she got the feeling that an escape was the last thing on his mind.

"Can..." he licked his lips, "Can I kiss you?" He asked, because he knew. He understood how close she was to the dark, and he didn't want to do anything to send her back.

Jane didn't respond with words, she could only nod. She braced herself, expecting for it to trigger something. His lips sealed upon hers with a kiss. It wasn't the languid kisses they'd shared before or even the kiss of relief they'd had when they found each other after the tsunami. No, this was more than that. He consumed her, each inhale was another way for him to take her in, and she amazed herself by responded just as aggressively.

Her hands came up to his hair, running through the silky texture, she wasn't sure what came over her, but she lightly pulled. This elicited a small groan from the back of his throat which sent a thrill of satisfaction through her. This man craved her in a way that she'd never experienced before, and it was marveling to know that she felt the same way about him. There was no tentative exploration. They were marking each other. Declaring to the universe or whatever negative force out there that had it against them, that they belonged to each other. Not the darkness. Not the anger. Not men like John Willis or the ghosts of the dead. Each other.

Eventually, somewhere between forever and a minute later they parted lips, gasping for air. The heat was still there, but what was left was a bit more languid. More elongated than the savagery of what had just happened. Her hair, which had fallen out of it's ponytail was a disaster, but Eddie had a large smile as he gently flattened it down. Jane had a matching, if slightly more bashful grin, as she did the same to the mess she'd made of his hair.

"Be safe tonight," he murmured, after they had a quiet moment.  "Have fun. Call if you need me."

"Okay," was all she could say, robbed of words.

"Bye," he said gently. He pulled her in for another kiss, a sweet one this time, and then left her awestruck.

"Bye," she croaked out, too late for him to hear her.

............

It was a long week. The cross examination of the officer took up another full day and then they called the digital analyst and then the forensic scientist. Every single day, at some point, they pulled out that one picture. Every single day, Jane looked at John Willis to analyze his reaction. None.

Despite the continuous trauma, Jane was pleasantly surprised by who greeted her as she and her father stepped out of the courtroom a few days later. She wasn't expecting anyone, as both the 118 and Farrah were on shift, but there he was. Evan Buckley had been slouched against the wall, hands in the pockets of a pair of khakis that had seen better days. At the sight of her, he pushed up from the wall and approached cautiously.

"Hey, Dad," Jane turned to Mark with a smile. "I need to talk to him. I'll see you, Leah, and Eli tomorrow for lunch?"

"Alright," he agreed easily, kissing her forehead before leaving. "Bye sweetheart."

"Bye Dad." Jane didn't acknowledge Buck until Mark was gone. Then she turned to the younger guy. "Walk with me. I want to get out of here."

"I don't blame you." He followed her out the courthouse steps. "Just being near this place makes me anxious."

"Yeah," she said. "I know the feeling." She led him back to where her car was parked.

"What are-"

"Just a minute," she shushed him with a raised hand. Jane then unlocked her car and put her purse in the driver's seat before turning back to him. The door was still open though, a clear barrier between the friends who may or may not still be friends. "Are you allowed to be talking to me like this, Buck?"

"Yeah. I, uh, I dropped the suit but look. I found the crew and I know I just...I needed to apologize to you. I had no idea that he was going to...to bring up everything that he did."

"Surprised?" she raised her eyebrows. "He did his job. You wanted to sue the department and win, and he did what he did to try to make that happen. In fact, given what he said about Bobby, he did his job using the information you'd given him."

"But I didn't know he'd use it. Or do what he did. About your mis-"

"Don't," she cut him off with a steely glare.

"Yeah. I mean...I didn't even know that, that had happened to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it happened and I'm sorry it was brought up again due to my mistake."

"Well, that doesn't fix it Buck. You did that, and you did that this week of all weeks."

"I know," he scratched the side of his face, one of his anxious tics. "That's what Hen and Chimney said. It's what Bobby said at the hearing. It's what Eddie said, and he also mentioned something about not being there to bail him out of jail but-"

"Jail?!" Jane was instantly on alert.

"Oh, uh...I mean he meant it as a hypothetical. I think."

"Really?" Jane, for some reason, didn't believe that. Eddie had been intense all week. On edge. Angry. Jane had seen his anger, a lot of it directed towards John Willis. If he'd gone to jail...she'd have to call him.

"Yeah," Buck said. "Anyways. I just...I did the lawsuit because what happened wasn't fair. Still I get it, I guess. Still, it went too far and I hurt people I love. So I'm sorry."

"Get in," Jane ordered.

"Uh...what?"

"Evan Buckley," she enunciated slowly, "Get in the car. I'll bring you back to pick up the jeep. Hurry. We have places to be."

"Where are we going?" Buck asked.

"You'll find out when we get there."

"Are we meeting people?"

"In a sense."

"Are you going to tell me anything?"

"Not until we get there."

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Only if you keep asking questions."

About thirty minutes later, Jane and Buck arrived at their destination. The autumn air was crisp and despite the trying day, the sun was still shining down upon them.

"Wow," Buck looked around, obviously confused and a bit worried as he took in that she'd brought him to a cemetery. "Uh, what are we doing here?"

Jane raised her eyebrow and Buck backed away as he realized he'd asked another question.

"We are here to give our respects," she said shortly, "And for me to give you a dose of tough love."

"Right," he nodded, following her past the numerous headstones. "Yeah. I probably deserve some of that." 

"You do," she agreed, coming to a stop in front of the last stone in the row. "Buck, meet Captain Thomas Ames of the 129. My first Fire Captain."

"Uh..." he looked anxiously from the grave to her, obviously confused at what she was getting at. Then he looked at the dates. The date of birth, and the date of death. "He...he died three years ago this week."

"You said the way that Bobby was treating you, wasn't fair. Well," she gestured to the headstone, "this Buck. This isn't fair. Thomas Ames was not only my Captain as a probie, but he was also the man who found me when I was three years old, wandering in the cold. He took me in. He cared for me. They gave me his name."

"Jane Thomas," Buck said. He'd never questioned how she'd come by her name, and now he wished he had. That was...crazy to think about.

"Yeah," she nodded. "He's the one who taught me that one of our main jobs is making sure that the people we are helping aren't scared. He is the one to told me that every day is going to be a good day. He invited me to his house for dinners, he and his wife bought me Christmas presents. He's the Captain who pushed me to safety when the floor collapsed in a two-story. He saved my life. He was the greatest man I ever knew, and he's dead."

"Jane...while he's amazing...I guess I don't understand why you brought me here."

"Because Buck," she leveled him with her blue-gray eyes. "That monster I faced in court today. That is the Captain who replaced Thomas Ames at the 129. He played favorites to such an extreme that those he didn't like were terrified to go into work. Good men, great firefighters, quit because of him. At least one man was killed because of his bad leadership. That man was forced to return to work too soon after breaking his leg. When that leg gave out on him, he was suspended on the edge of a building. That. Buck. That wasn't fair."

Buck took her words in and digested them. He'd been ready to be defensive. He'd been hurt on the job. He wanted to help people. He wanted to save people. It was his only purpose in life and when that had been taken away from him, he had a right to be mad! But then he heard it. He heard what she was saying without saying it.

Captain Thomas Ames had been a great Captain, and he'd sacrificed himself to save one of his team. John Willis, a manipulative rapist, he was what bad leadership looked like. If Bobby had been a bad Captain, Buck would have gone back to work because Bobby wouldn't have cared if Buck was fit enough for duty.

"Oh," he murmured.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Oh. O'Connell was a great paramedic too. Sick sense of humor, like a cross between you and Chimney. Couldn't even look his wife in the face at his funeral."

"I'm...I'm sorry Jane."

"I am too. Why does life suck?"

"I don't know," he shook his head, staring at the grave of Thomas Ames. "But if you find an answer, will you let me know?"

"Yeah. I will."

"So does this mean you'll forgive me? I...don't think anyone else will be so quick to."

"Yeah," she gave him a hug. "I do. I...I have too many other people to be angry at this week. Besides, I think I got all my anger out towards you in the lecture."

"Good. Now I just need you to tell your boyfriend to forgive me."

"No can do. Chris has taken the lawsuit hard, and so has Eddie. I...I'm worried about him."

"Why?"

"Because he's not going to talk to me. At least...not about what's bothering him even though I know this is hard on him."

"Well, you can't blame him. You are having a bad time and Eddie won't want to add to that."

"I know," she growled, frustrated. "He doesn't want to worry me. It's not easy for him to talk about emotions on his best days, and sadly, these are not our best days."

"I'm sorry again. I know I already said that, but...I should have been there. The first day in court. I should have been there. We are a team and I've only been looking after myself."

"Yeah, well, if you keep up that attitude, then both Bobby and Eddie will forgive you."

"Think so?"

"Know so. We love you Evan Buckley, and what you did sucked. Let them be mad."

After Jane dropped Buck off at his car, with a promise to see each other later, Jane called Eddie.

"Hey," he answered, his voice just a bit tighter than usual.

"I ran into Buck...he said something about jail?"

"I lost it, and I didn't want to worry you. This trial...it has you stretched. You aren't sleeping and you have nightmares. You had just testified, and you were amazing, but you were also stressed and worried. I didn't want you to worry about me when you were going through something like that."

"You know I wouldn't have judged you right? I...I understand being angry. Right now, more than anything, I understand being angry, but...you know you can come to me, right? No matter what I'm going through...I'll be here for you."

But that was a part of the rage that Eddie needed to get out. He needed to be stronger. To be there for Jane and Christopher and be enough for them, but he wasn't. He just kept failing and it was driving him into this overwhelming feeling of rage that if he didn't let it out now, he knew it would cause him to explode. He would explode at Christopher or Jane, like his father had on him and his sisters, and then...then he'd hate himself. He had to get rid of it. Control it.

That's why he planned to go back to the junkyard. Why he planned to fight in the underground ring Lena had introduced him to.

"I know you would be," he assured her, knowing that was what she needed to hear, even if they both knew he wouldn't be talking. At least...not anytime soon.

"What happened anyway?"

"Hit a guy over a handicapped spot." Eddie was shocked when Jane let out a startled laugh.

"Now you have to tell me this story, Edmundo. This sounds juicy." So he did, and every time she let out a laugh, especially when he told her that the man was still using a knee brace a year after he had knee surgery because the guy wasn't actually handicapped, that ball of anger inside of him loosened just a little bit.

Still, the rage was there, and no matter how good he felt after talking to Jane, he couldn't risk it. Besides, if he couldn't punch John Willis in the face, he had to at least hit a willing substitute.

................

Jane was not surprised when Bobby called her to return to Happy's Rage Room that night, and she was eager to join in. The idea of destroying something was satisfying. With each swing of her bat, she would just imagine John Willis's face, and maybe once or twice, the face of his lawyer as he insinuated to the court that she was a slut. 

"I cannot believe you came," Chimney announced as he, Lena, and Jane approached, all geared up and ready to destroy things. They had face masks, body padding, and a full white suit for coverage.

"Rough day. I really need to break something right now," Hen shook her head, voice unsteady.

"Cheers to that," Jane held up her hard cider, her limit for the night, and clinked it with Lena's little bottle of whiskey before taking a drink.

"What's that?" the mother asked, eyebrows raised.

"Cap sprang for the deluxe package," Lena responded with a smirk, "Full mini-bar."

"They serve alcohol in this place?" she was astonished.

"Oh yeah," Chimney was way too happy to be back at this place. "I'm surprised we don't get more calls from this here."

Jane took the hammer from Bobby when he, Michael, and Buck came back to join them. 

"Let's hit something!" Jane clenched her jaw, and picturing the face of Willis's lawyer during cross-examination, she swung hard, striking an old laptop, completely destroying it.

They all hit something. Bricks. Electronics. Glass. It was all flying everywhere. The chaos somehow offering relief from the outside world. Offering relief from that feeling of powerlessness they had to change things.

"Hey, where's Eddie?" Buck asked, looking around.

"He said he needed to help his Abuela," Jane responded, panting and looking for the next thing to hit. There it was. A coffee table. Jane closed her eyes, and she could see herself in the living room. Pinned under him. Gasping for breath. Needing air. Then that picture resurfaced. Her in the shower of the station house. Naked. Exposed. Helpless.

She would never, never feel like that again.

The entire 118 watched her destroy that coffee table with a guttural scream. 

Hello Lovely People! Sorry it took so long, but it was really long so... Please Read! Comment! Vote! Add to Reading Lists! Recommend to friends! Try out my other stories! 

Note: Rage is by far one of the best 9-1-1 episodes because it talks about the emotional toll that exists when you are unable to make this world the amazing and safe place it should be for everyone no matter their race, nationality, religious affiliation, or anything else. 

Although I couldn't include Michael's story in this chapter and do it any kind of justice, please watch this episode and have time of reflection.

I usually try to make this book a general place of escapism, but I couldn't let this chapter pass without some mention of the content matter of this episode.

Song for this chapter is White Flag by Bishop Briggs