[Saige's POV - picture is her outfit]

I woke up when I heard someone - who I believe was Ashton but I was still too half asleep to tell who it was - knocking on my door. I groaned into my pillow, I've always been one of the people who hates to wake up, I hate mornings. After 10 minutes, I got sick of not just Ashton now, but all the boys knocking on my door to wake me up.
"I'm up!" I said with yet another groan and lazily, I stood up and wrapped the fluffy blanket that was on my bed around me.
"Finally!" I heard Michael sass me back, which made me let out a soft giggle but I hide it with a cough, well, tried to hide it.
"Don't get close" I heard that voice.
"They're just going to hurt you" she added. And like always, I tried my best to block her out but somehow the dark thoughts and her always filled my mind. As I almost opened the door, I realized I should probably take a quick shower and get ready, just in case we were going to do something. I threw my blanket onto my bed and walked into the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom.
In the shower, I quietly sang one of my favorite songs to myself; drown by bring me the horizon. It took me ten minutes to do everything that I needed to do, which seemed to surprise the boys because they looked at me when I walked downstairs.
"You're done already?" Michael asked with an eyebrow raised.
"Yeah, why's that so shocking?" I asked with a small laugh.
"My ex girlfriend took more than 20 minutes" he chuckled.
"Foods ready!" Ashton called out from the kitchen, Luke was setting the table which was also in the dining room. I let out a nervous sigh, I never really ate a lot, people often thought I starved myself but I didn't. I had never been one to eat much, it was just me. I had a small appetite.
The boys and I all grabbed our plates and food, mine consisted of a pancake with some bacon and sausage, the boys plates on the other hand, were overflowing. And in that moment, I knew these boys liked food... A lot.
"We were thinking of going to the mall today so you could get so more clothes and things you need, how does that sound?" Ashton asked with a grin on his face, he was always smiling, that much I already could tell.
"Yeah, that sounds good to me, thank you" I mumbled as I gave the boys a small smile.
The boys finished within minutes, and Michael and Luke even got seconds, while I only had my one plate. I stood up to help with the dishes, they cooked, it was the least I could do. But from what Ashton told me -about Luke almost burning the house down when he tried to make cookies or Michael playing video games instead of watching the food he was making- I don't think either of them helped Ashton cook. Ashton indeed was a good cook, he had make pancakes from scratch, he told me his mom made him learn some recipes before they adopted me, which I was glad about.
"You're getting close already, what happened to not getting close at all?" That voice asked, and she was right. I was doing exactly what I said I wasn't going to do, get even a little close to them, and I had to stop. They would just end up hurting or leaving me alone just like everyone else in this cruel world.
"Call me down when we're leaving" I mumbled, as Calum and Michael had yet to get out of their pajamas or shower. And with that, I walked up to my bedroom, not waiting for a response.

[Triggering warning. I highly suggest that if you get triggered, to skip this part, as I don't want any of you to be triggered💕]

I was in my bathroom, pacing around. I had been in here maybe 5 minutes now. I was standing in my underwear and bra, in front of the stupid body mirror, something I wish didn't exist. I didn't want to see my body.
"You're stupid" the voice said "don't you realize? You've already let them in, it's too late"
"How many times will it take until you learn?"
"Oh you stupid little girl, don't you wish someone loved you? The boys don't, the adopted you out of pity"
"Cry, you did this to yourself, you deserve to cry"
"End yourself, it's not like anyone would miss you, I bet everyone would throw a party"
"You're fat"
"You're ugly"
"Look at all those scars, it would be a shame, but you deserved each one"
And she went on and on, telling me many times to end my life or to harm myself. I tried, I fought my hardest not to give it, but demons always win. There is no innocent mind, there is no innocent person. There's just simply innocent sides of people that don't get shown as often as they should. Tears were streaming down my face as I quickly walked into the bathroom, grabbing my bag and sticking my hand in it, searching for my 'make up' bag. When I grabbed it, I walked quicker than before into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it, I had been stupid enough to leave the door open before, and I wouldn't do it so the boys could tease me for harming like my old family did.
I moved the shower curtain out of my way and stood in the tub, that way there would be no trace of blood. I wasn't going to let these boys knew I harmed so they could tease me.
One cut..
Two..
Three..
Four..
Five..
Six..
Seven..
Eight..
Nine..
Ten..
And I went up to twenty, on my thighs and stomach, that way I could hide them easily. Turning on the water, I washed the blood out of the tub and then cleaned myself, then the tub to make sure there was no trace of what I had just done. Putting the blades in a spot the boys wouldn't find them, I got dressed and kept the bandages on, not caring if I was bleeding still. Time to do the only other thing I was good at, writing. I grabbed the red notebook which 'Saige Rose' written in cursive and the pen that wrote in black ink, and I opened it to where I had last left off, and read it since I didn't want to repeat.

"A girl that had been through a lot, who would want to adopt that? She always wondered. No wonder why her dad abused her. She always thought. Who would want to deal with a girl that has so many problems she can barely handle them herself? A girl that cuts her skin to get rid of the emotional pain - how does physical pain make life seem better? A girl that has so severe depression she doesn't remember the last time that she felt happy - and she doesn't know the next time she will or if she ever will. A girl that wants to end her own life because all these problems happen everyday and everyday is a struggle. Most would label this girl as broken, a girl that's better off on her own. But I guess that these boys didn't think that because they chose her. Out of everyone they could have picked, they picked her. She wouldn't lie, it did make her feel special, something she hadn't felt in a while. And she wouldn't lie, part of her wanted to trust them but that voice she heard, the voice that she for some reason called a friend, told her she couldn't and she knew the voice was right"
I hummed as I began to add on.

"Oh the stupid little girl, she started to trust them. When was she going to learn that you can't trust anyone? The voice told her many things today. "You should end yourself already, I bet everyone would throw a party. You're fat. You're ugly. End your life. Harm yourself. They only adopted you because they felt bad for you. You stupid little girl, look at all those scars, it would be a shame, but you deserve each one of them" the voice had said, along with many other things. And the girl did what the voice told her to do, she harmed herself, scars and stomach like normal, no one would see, she never let anyone see those parts of her stomach. One for not listening, another for being fat, another simply because she deserved it, and so on. But the girl, as much as has been through, still dreamed. She dreamed of better days, of people that love her truly, of having a family and a husband, of having someone she can trust with no doubt"
I stopped writing when I heard Michael call my name from outside my door, and I put the pen and notebook away in a hidden spot. It was that day that I knew the story was truly about me, and I learned that I still dreamed, dreamed of everything the girl in the story did.

[At the mall. Comment your favorite story and if you like this story!! I'll reply to them!]

The boys asked what store I wanted to go to, and I was at a loss until I was a store named "forever 21", from what I saw, it looked like my style. I walked in, not knowing if the boys were on my trail until I heard them behind me.
"Oh, and don't worry about the price. We're buying you whatever you like" Calum said, smiling at me, and I returned a small smile.
"Do you have a laptop?" Luke asked, and I shook my head no.
"Then you're also getting one of those today too!" Luke said, smiling. Hm, he has a dimple, cute.
That was the day I ended up getting at least 10 pairs of jeans and leggings, 6 flannels, many different skirts, dresses, crop tops, cardigans, sweaters, everything I would wear. And I also got many shoes, to go with outfits. The boys also ended up buying me an apple laptop and many iPhone 6s Plus cases. This showed me the boys cared, even just a little, but people bought you stuff so you would trust them. I was torn, were these boys completely innocent and I had jumped to conclusions or were they tricking me so I would get close and then you would hurt me. I didn't know, and I decided I would stay at a safe distance until I knew the answer.
The car ride home was simple, quiet music was playing in the background, of a band who I never had heard before.
"Who is this band?" I blurted out, which made all the boys laugh.
"You don't know who they are?" Calum asked, laughing loudly. And I shook my head, looking at them, an eyebrow slightly raised.
"Now you do" Calum said, trying to act serious but ended up laughing again.
"Huh?" I asked, actually very confused on what he meant. I knew them now? What?
"Love, the band is our band. Cal, stop confusing the poor girl!" Ashton said, from the drivers seat.
"You're in a band?! That's so cool!!" I said, now laughing a bit too.
"Yup, Luke's our lead singer and plays guitar, I play the drums, I rarely sing, Cal sings and plays the bass, Michael sings and plays the guitar" Ashton says.
"Hey! I play the guitar too!" Luke whined, pouting slightly, which made us all laugh.