CW: Suicide attempt.

It's mostly quiet, only the sound of the water moving slowly when he shifts his legs fill his ears, purple eyes dull as he watched the ripples. He needs to get out.

'You could just drown yourself right here.'

Thats when he finally leans up and slowly hoists himself out, feeling sick already from just the one thought. He sits on the edge of the tub as he grips the porcelain, swallowing hard and blinking his dry, dull eyes slowly to get his focus back on the real world. "It's okay.." He tells himself this over and over again, his fragile fingers curling just lightly before slowly standing and grabbing a towel.

Now was not the time for a bath.

—

"Hush you little boy! Keep fucking running!" The coach simply yells this at the redhead. Kakyoin could barely breathe, his legs felt like jelly. He knew he wanted to make his mother proud, but this was too much. His false confidence was faltering hard lately, and while he knows he can do it.. there's only so much he could take.

"Run faster!"

—

Kakyoin slowly walked out of the bathroom; eyes immediately setting upon the large mass of black cloth sitting upright on the edge of his bed, the head of unruly and unforgettable black hair shining lightly in the minimal sunlight that peeked through the blinds. "Oh, Jotaro.. I wasn't expecting you so early." He gives him a smile; it's hard to muster because of all the thoughts he had just moments before, but it was genuine at least. "I just got a feeling. I dunno, christ.. I was bored and thought id come here." You can tell he's a little embarrassed to say it, but it's basically his way of saying, "I felt like you could use company." Fingers grip the bill of his hat to tug it down over his face, casting a shadow over his face.

The redhead simply smiles and takes a seat. "That's very thoughtful of you.. thank you." Its a moment; but he slowly raises a hand to pat the top of his head. Jotaro just grunted and let it happen, a feeling of slight sadness washing over him as the hand is removed. It was oddly comforting. "Well, how is school going then? Those girls still giving you trouble?" Jotaro grunts again in response, eyes shutting before he lets a heavy sigh out through his nose.

"Yeah. Fuckin' whores don't know what "no" means. I wish they'd fuck off already. Yelling at them does nothing! Why the hell is that?!" Jotaro leans back on the bed like a whiny kid, arm pressing over his face. Kakyoin chuckles. "They sure are resilient. I suppose when I come back they may leave you alone?"

'Will you come back, Noriaki? Or are you setting false hopes up again? You're too broken.'

Kakyoin feels his own fingers begin to sink into his skin as he tightened his grip, swallowing harshly. Jotaro just shrugs. "Maybe. Just wish they'd get the fuckin' memo." He goes to pull a cigarette out, stopping mid movement though to let his oceanic eyes shift over to the red haired before he just sighed. No smoking, not right now. Smoking would have to wait. "I can only imagine what it's like."

The silence is thick. He slips into his bed and covers up, violet eyes looking down at his lap. They flick to the window a few minutes after, analyzing the sly thats slowly shifting to a vibrant array of colors.. it's relaxing.

—

"You do know that staying in your room all the time isn't good? You need to get into the sunlight, Nori.." His fathers deep voice was filled with concern for his son, quiet sobs only being heard in response. "Go away!"

Another sob is let out as he curls into his bed, the teen gripping his pillow. He had been so.. so happy-go-lucky lately, hiding all but one emotion and it's branches behind a mask; a façade. It had been behind a wall that was quickly wearing thin, and suddenly he was just.. torn to pieces. Being the outcast, the loner—the one not like everyone else, the one who was always picked last.. it took its toll. Being the top of teams did nothing for him, he was given false hope.

Green glints in the little rays of sunlight that peek through the window; stand laying on the bed next to him. "You're the only one who truly understands me, Hierophant.."

—

"Something is different, Nori.. You're quiet. Too quiet, whats up?" The brute of a teen has a slight tone of concern to his voice as he speaks, hand laying on the bed close to his. Bright violet hues flick towards the oceanic ones staring him down; before back to the window. "It's.. nothing, I've just been thinking. Please don't worry too much, Jojo. I'm okay, promise." The redhead gives a smile. Jotaro doesn't buy it. Kakyoin knew, he couldn't hide it forever. All the intrusive thoughts, the feelings of wanting to die; of wishing he never woke up. He's wished this, so many times.

It's sickening to his own stomach.

"Jotaro?" He speaks up after a while, voice low and quiet, nearly trembling. Something is on his mind. "Can you sing to me? I know—it's... strange. But I think it'd help me sleep without heavy drugs.. my mom used to do it when I was a kid." Jotaro feels a blush come on his face but clicks his tongue in response, muttering a soft "good grief" and tugging on the bill of his hat. "You're so fucking weird, Nori. I can't sing, besides I don't know anything to sing." An excuse, one to cover his clear embarrassment.. but despite this, he lets a sigh out; "If I do, you better not tell anyone, you fuckin' hear me?"

And with that, the raven haired did an attempt to sing. He wasn't that bad, actually. It's a song he vaguely remembers his mother, Holly, singing to him as a kid when he'd feel down.

"The sun's going down, waves crashing by the sea, the sound of the moon is calling to me.. legs move on their own and before i realize, its right before my eyes... waves crashing on shore, stars dancing in the sky, twinkling with not a care in the world, soaring across the deep navy reflection.. uh.. they're.... uh, shit—"

He rubs his head with a groan; he forgot the lyrics. It's been forever, he wasn't even sure if the ones he DID remember were right, but.. to his surprise; Kakyoin's actually asleep. A feeling of embarrassment washes over the ravenette and he sighs, moving to cover him up and—sheepishly, give him a kiss on the head.

"..." He slips his jacket off and dims the lights, settling into the chair. He'd stay tonight.

"Goodnight, Noriaki."

—

Its been another few weeks. He's been discharged since Saturday, and despite this; his parents were gone. He assured them he was okay, though, that Jotaro would be watching him. And that he was. But he's been getting worse; a LOT worse. Though he constantly reassured he was fine, it was taking its toll on him.

"I said I'm FINE!" Kakyoin snapped at Jotaro, violets looking extremely bloodshot and exhausted—the opposite of fine. "Just—Just leave me alone! I don't need your help with anything, Jojo!" Slamming the door to his room, he made it to where he couldn't get in.

That was his first mistake.

"Kakyoin—Kakyoin! Stop being so fucking  stubborn!" Jotaro jiggled the door but it was no use. He couldn't open it, at least not without force. A low, heavy sigh is given before he rests his head on the wooden door. "Fine. I'll leave you alone." He mumbles, before walking away. Kakyoin sat down on his bed, chest rising and falling in an erratic motion as he gripped the sheets. His head was spinning. So many thoughts raced through his mind.

'Look, now you've made him hate you. You're just a worthless person, you'd be better off dead. You ruin relationships you form!'

"Shut up.. no..." Kakyoin trembled lightly in his own squeezing hold; eyes filling with tears. The thoughts; they just got worse and worse. He stared at his lap, a choked sob releasing from his trembling lips. Did he even... have anything that could..? He shakes his head hard and leans back on the bed, sighing. Just clear your mind, Noriaki, make it to where you can't focus on those thoughts.

But as most thoughts are, they are inevitable.

"..." Soon enough, his attention turns to the desk in his room. He has a bottle of pills there he could take, maybe even a pair of scissors—his feet start moving on their own.

He doesn't want to die, yet here he was, thoughts of 'do it' and 'just put them out of your suffering.' ran through his head. The feeling of wanting to die was there... and so, he grabbed the bottle; popping the cap off and pouring as many pills as he could into his trembling hand, swallowing hard at just the sight of them.

If he does this? He would be free. Free from the voices, the constant loss of sleep; the pain. He wouldn't be such a burden to everybody.. they could just live normally. His fist closed around the pills and he hobbled over to his bed again, taking a seat and grabbing the half empty bottle of water on the bedside table. It's to be expected, the slight fear of what could happen. Would he die peacefully? Would it be painful? What if it backfires? He shouldn't be worrying so much—but damn..

'Just do it.'

He takes a deep breath and holds it in for a moment before finally placing the abundance of pills in his mouth, and swallowing them as best as he can.

There was no going back now.

—

"Mom.. I don't know if you can hear me. You've been asleep for a day or two now... The doctors say you're really tired and probably won't.. live long." The sixteen year old mumbles quietly. "I hope you get better before our trip next summer."

His hand grabs onto hers and he lays his head down, sighing.

"Nori..." His mother's voice is quiet; subconscious and just sleep induced. Kakyoin's head snaps up and looks to his mother; she's still asleep but theres an eased look on her face now. Kakyoin can't help but to feel relieved.

—

"Mom..." Its been some time now, he's been still the entire time; it's suddenly obvious how bad he looks; pale, clammy skin; a very light purple hue to his lips—and suddenly, with realizing that, he knows exactly whats happening.

"Noriaki—open the door, I brought you food." Jotaro's deep voice fills the silence occupied with his heartbeat that quickens with anxiety. Jotaro—he can't know. But he will find out one way or another. He decides to stay quiet, in hopes he thinks he's asleep. "Nori. Open the door. I know you're not asleep. You never go to sleep without telling anyone, nor would you with the door blocked. Open the goddamn door."

Kakyoin can't help but feel sudden regret. Its hard to move but he coughs and tries to stand, ultimately falling to the floor though. His legs feel weak. Regret is the only thing that fills his mind, the worry and fear overcoming the voice in his head; He needs to get this out of his system. Kakyoin lets another cough out, an alarming amount of blood spurting out of his mouth and onto his hand and the floor.

"Nori? What happened—" A thud comes from the room again and immediately Jotaro summons out Star to knock the door down; literally. Kakyoin's on the floor, arms trembling with blood dripping from his lips. "Nori!" Jotaro drops the food and lets it clatter to the floor, rushing over. "Noriaki what the fuck did you do—did you fucking—" Jotaro is trembling as he pulls the redhead up to eye level. He's already out of it, at the brink of passing out. He took way too much, it was a surprise he could even swallow them. The entire bottle is gone as he can see.

"Shit—Shit no, no... you fucking idiot!" He wants to yell at Kakyoin for doing something so stupid, but he knows that he won't be able to hear. For now, he needs to get him to the ER. He uses Star to keep his heart going, rushing out the door. He'd take car, but running will have to do. He doesn't have time to find his keys.

A/N: Sorry this took so long guys! A lot of stuff has been going on and with exams coming up soon and me having no idea if i'll be able to exempt them, i'm running around like crazy lol.
I've never written anything like this so i'm sorry if it's portrayed badly!
Thanks for reading 💖 it means the world to me that so many people enjoy my writing. Til next time!