A/N ; waah i'm not dead hello! fun fact i meant to finish this a year ago : ) oopsies. how would yall feel if i wrote other things as well? im planning on writing a mdimileth fic, so i might put it here.

Oh, was he wrong.

Gentle beeps are heard among the silence, darkness engulfing the redhead before him, stuck in another medically necessary coma; Jotaro's heavy azures bloodshot and barely able to keep themselves open.

He was late.

"I'm so sorry..." Jotaro simply held the boys thin hand, larger digits gently messing with the redheads thinner ones, entwining them before he laid his head on the side of the bed. His tireless efforts to make sure the man was okay, to make sure he had a chance at life—what was it worth? The impending, intrusive thoughts of 'just let him die' or 'if he wants it so bad, help him' poured in and out of his mind, plaguing his rationality. If Kakyoin was dead, maybe he would be happy. Maybe he'd stop having to have a constant pit of anxiety residing in his chest... maybe, just maybe—

"AH!"

Skyrocketing up as straight as a beanpole, Jotaro's heart pounded in his ears with large hand frantically feeling around the lonesome bed. Kakyoin was gone.

"Kakyoin?" The raven haired boy looked around quickly, but no luck. So, he got up and headed out, large footsteps fast and heavy as he headed towards the main room; face reeking of worry and fear as he slid the door open. As he hoped, there sat the red head, attention snapped in Jotaro's direction. "Oh, Jojo, you're—" Kakyoin's words are cut off as strong arms grasp at his body, trembling with fear as he hugged onto him like his life depended on it.

Tears started prickling at his eyes as his arms grasped tightly, head pressed firmly into the crook of his neck with his nose flat against his skin. Kakyoin was okay, it was just a bad dream. He had been getting better since the funeral happened, and though it was a long and heavy process, he was coping well. But... for Jotaro, it seems that his own stoic personality was breaking hard under pressure upon pressure stacking up like a plate of pancakes. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep it under control, especially after this break.

"Jojo.. what happened?" Kakyoin turns his body in the tight hold as best as he is able to, gently hugging onto him and running his slender digits between oily locks of black hair. Only indescribable mumbles are given as an answer, the shaking starting up again as he recalls the nightmare. Why would he think such a thing? How could he..? Kakyoin was his everything. The fear in his teal eyes can be seen clear as day as Kakyoin finally pries his tight grip from his body, hands that had furled into curly locks now framed his face in a cupping motion. Fat tears rolled down his face, startling Kakyoin enough to pull a jump from him.

"I thought—I-I had lost you—" Jotaro's voice is hoarse and dry, scratchy against his morning throat. Soft fingers wipe at the portion underneath his eyes, ridding them of tear trails that only rewet themselves seconds after. "I'm here, Jotaro—there's no need to worry. It's okay." His voice is soft like fresh honey, soothing the shaking adult before him. Jotaro lost the strength in his legs and he fell to his knees, leaned over and resting his head on the redhead's lap. Suddenly, his body felt too heavy to hold its own weight. There's a pit in his chest, aching and ruling over his body in the most agonizing way possible.

Meanwhile Kakyoin is worried—watching Jotaro unravel before him like a broken coil would made his heart heavy with anxiety. He knew that Jotaro never truly showed his emotions because he's always had to be the strong one. With his father constantly absent from his life due to work, he had to be the one who seemed unbreakable. He had to be the one to protect his mother, the one who supported the family under any pressure. Now that Jotaro's plate seemed to be filling up with more than he could chew, it was pushing him past his breaking point.

It's your fault. You're the reason he's coming undone.

His mind wandered. It was true, he was the one causing all this stress. On top of his depression post release, he's had other health scares. Minor, but they were scares nonetheless. Then his mother dies in her sleep while they aren't in the country, and they had to drop everything. Everything that's happened these past three, almost four years have been his fault.

Jotaro was breaking because of him.

—

"Kakyoin?"

It's quiet. He was supposed to be in the living room, reading, yet there wasn't even the sound of a page turning. It's too quiet for Jotaro's liking. The towel on his shoulders is removed and he hangs the cloth on the rack, pulling up his sweats and heading out. "Kakyoin, is everything okay?"

There's no response. Did he leave? Maybe he left a note.

One step, two steps—an abrupt pause. Red locks are sprawled out on the floor, sending Jotaro's heart rate skyrocketing. He rushed over to find the man unconscious, glasses cracked and the book he had planned on reading smooshed against the hardwood flooring with delicate pages crumpled.

"KAKYOIN!"

—

There's silence as Jotaro sits at the table, uncomfortably close to Kakyoin's seat as his hand grips the others. The fear is very faint, but there's a trace of it lingering in his eyes as he stares at his waffles. His mother had prepared them for breakfast, including chocolate shavings, whipped cream, honey and strawberries. Made just like he had them as a child. He never was a picky eater, he'd eat anything you gave him  Though right now, he couldn't bring himself to even pick his fork up. It was kind of.. sad. Kakyoin gave his hand a squeeze, whispering a soft 'you should eat' to him. Holly sat across from them, green eyes sunken in worry. She hated seeing him so distraught over.. well, anything. She's never seem it before, not even when he was a child. At least, not to this degree. Small fits, sure—but the anxiety poured thick from his massive form, and it's absolutely overwhelming to the both of them.

Finally, after what seemed to be ages, the clinking of metal sounded through the quiet dining room as Jotaro's hand moves from the others hold and stabs at the now soggy breading, cutting a piece off and placing it in his mouth. He hadn't realized just how hungry he was, the painful churning in his stomach finally registering. Both Kakyoin and Holly exchanged knowing glances, finally feeling eased.

—

"Thank you for having me—having us." Kakyoin gives Holly a small bow in respect, his father standing a couple feet away on the phone with his boss. Holly gives him a solemn smile, arms wrapping around his particularly weak frame for the last time that day. His legs felts awfully shaky when he woke up, which in turn resulted in his reliance on his canes. Sometimes, he wished that he were normal. "It's not a problem, sweetheart," Holly pulls back and brushes red locks from his scarred eyes, pressing a loving kiss to his forehead before continuing. "you're always welcome in my home."

Her words eases Kakyoin's worries, violet eyes rimmed with just the slightest hint of a golden orange hue shining in the early mornings' sunlight. "Thank you, Mrs. Kujo. Please give Mr. Kujo my regards the next time you talk to him." And with another bow, the redhead makes way to the cab waiting outside the gates to take them to the nearest airport. Jotaro is next, bustling around in the house for a moment longer before his large form emerges from the door. Holly glances up to turquoise eyes that are red, puffy and dull as unsharpened knives and holds her arms out to the man. He hesitates, but eventually leans in and wraps his limbs around her slowly. He doesn't say anything as she rubs his back, feeling his breath against her neck. It seems the more he stayed there, the more he succumbed to the weight of his body wanting to give in and just.. collapse.

"You will be okay, Jojo.. You both will. If you need me or Grandpa, we're just a call away. Okay?" She pulls away and pulls on the others hat, removing it briefly to plant a kiss on his forehead, just as she did Kakyoin. "I love you, Jotaro." Her hand replaces the hat on his head and he leans up, nodding.

"I love you too."

"Are you ready, Jojo?" Kakyoin inquires, taking a glance over the bags in the back before turning to face the taller with a small smile. It had only been a day since Jotaro wigged out on him and had gotten much clingier than normal, but he seemed to be returned to normal—as much as possible, at least. There would always be the lingering worry in the back of everyone's mind. "I think so." He says, shutting the trunk lid before clambering into the tightly fitted backseat. In this part of Japan, the cars always seemed to be too small for his liking. "Very well then." Using his forefinger and his ring finger to adjust his glasses, he says final goodbyes to his father and gives a last wave to Holly before climbing in next to the man. They had an hour to go to the nearest airport, then a three hour wait for their flight if the check in goes well.

"I'm going to miss being here again." Kakyoin breaks the silence of the ride as they start down the road, eyes trained on the passing trees with his hand propping his head up. "Even if.. it won't be the same, with my mother gone and all.. I would like to move back eventually.." His tone is somber - its got a reminiscing tone to it, as well. He hadn't seen his mother alive in a year or two, so to have to suddenly see her, lying in a casket; his stomach churned.

"Maybe once we graduate we can see about coming back." Neither of them were considered wealthy by any means, so constant plane tickets to and fro put a rather big dent in their wallets. On top of loans to pay for school, they both had minimal spending money that could just scrape them by thanks to evening jobs they worked on and off throughout the week. Luckily their boss was generous enough to let them both off. Jotaro be damned if he was letting Kakyoin go alone.

"Maybe so. Japan has beautiful botanicals, i'd love to work at one of them." "Yeah."

Silence falls over them once more. Jotaro's head swims. Kakyoin's thoughts are dull as he drowned out the terrifying voices in the back of his head. Even now, they're whispering soft 'Do it's and his hand twitches, in which Jotaro catches this and grasps his pale fingers within his own strong grasp as if to easy any worry.

"Ah." Kakyoin's thoughts muddle and he smiles sadly at Jotaro. He hadn't even realized the tears that welled in his eyes had begun to fall, dripping onto his white button down t-shirt that donned his form. Jotaro flinches. "Are you okay?"

Kakyoin rubs at his cheeks, nodding. No, he wasn't. He never was, yet he wore a smile that could light the room up. He chose to keep it to himself, to not let the demons have the attention they oh so crave. He can't begin to fathom what would happen then. Giving his hand a squeeze, he speaks up after what seems to be eons of silence;

"Yeah."

—

"You're sure about this, Nori? We're in a new place, alone! We have to be careful, it's too easy to get lost here..."

His father's voice rings in his ears as the redhead gives a low groan, rubbing his temples. "Dad, please! I want to get her a gift without her knowing. It won't be thirty minutes, forty five at best." Kakyoin's tone is near pleading as he looks his father in his amber eyes, a hopeful smile smacked against his mouth that always seemed to be too big for his face.

"Noriaki..." He runs a hand through rough red locks, glancing to the side. "Fine. But be back within the hour, please. It's going to get dark soon." His smile turned wide as he nodded, grabbing his wallet. "Okay." He opens the door to the streets of Cairo, jumping out with giddiness in his step.

—