⚠: mentions of sexual acts not a smut

if y'all say this is like that intak one.... lol both are based on my life.

it started off as just friends but once she broke up with her boyfriend i became her pick me up. at first i didn't mind because i liked her. i mean how could you not. 

she would always flirt and would say the right things to get me flustered. i'm so annoyed.

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checking my phone to see if she texted back.  i'm waiting for her usual text "meet me at____ in ___"   nothing. i shut it off and went on with my day. 

i walked around the campus for what felt like hours trying to get to my next lesson. i eventually made it with five minutes before my professor walked in. the lesson was going well. i really liked this class so i usually pay attention but i kept peeking at my phone.

ping! 

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y/n:

wya?  

:keeho

my philosophy class ..what's up?

y/n: 

can you leave early and meet me?

:keeho

idk

y/n:

please

:keeho

okay

y/n:

meet me at the back of the library in 5 minutes.

seen

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i started to pack my things when the girl next to me tapped me and whispered "hey keeho i know you don't know me but i was wondering if you wanted to get coffee after the lesson" i know her i'm just not interested. i'm not interested in anyone really. it's not my fault i crave her attention. "sorry i have to be somewhere" i got up and left. 

"keeho where are you off to"  the professor pointed out my attempted escape. "to the bathroom...i'll be back"  "okay" i wasn't coming back.

now the library is across the campus and she WILL leave if i don't get there in time. i ran. i tried to get there on time but i was a minute late i caught her while she was leaving. "you're late"   "i know i'm sorry"  "yeah whatever" she grabbed my hand and led me to the back of the library.

we just kissed... a little more than kissed but nothing too drastic. we're in a library.

her hands were around the back of my neck while mine were on her waist. she was sat on a short bookshelf.  i'm in love with her. i think or maybe i just like the attention she gives me. i don't know what it is but i know i like the feeling of her.

after she got what she wanted she pulled away. i softly moved my hands from her waist to her hands behind my neck, taking them off of me. "i'll text you later"  "later" never comes with her unless she's bored and alone at night but i don't mind. as long as i get time with her. 

___________________________________________

 y/n:

heyyyy

keeho:

hi :)

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from there the conversation became sexual. that's all she needed so that's what i gave her.

eventually the conversation got worse. it grew from texts to pictures. then she texted me that she was done for the night. did i do something wrong? 

the next few days were filled of me rushing home to help her. pictures, videos audios ect. you name it  i gave her. i never got anything back other than a blurry picture and audio in return but i was happy i was helping. i believed if i sent enough she'd fall in love with me. i even confessed to her... but she said it was wrong of me to do that. and how she wasn't ready for a relationship. funny. in the next week she started dating someone.

that was until she cut me off. it made me feel like dying. i felt so used. so i talked to my friends about it. they said i shouldn't have done it in the first place and how it was really my fault. they refused to talk to me until i realized how dumb it was to talk to her in the first place.

my friends made me feel more dumb than used. 

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my parents signed me up for therapy after they noticed how depressed i've been recently. how was i not going to look depressed. the girl i liked used me and my friends are ghosting me. i'm not really on that level of closeness with my parents to talk about this. so it made sense. they took away my phone so i could focus on myself... that's good... i guess.

the first session i kept answering all the questions with "i don't know"   "what do you intend on getting from our sessions"  "better"  "and do you have anything that's bothering you"  "i don't know" 

by the second session i started to talk about the situation i was in. she swore it would stay between us..and it did but my mind kept going back to her. is that bad? 

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my therapist gave my parents the okay to give me my phone. fun. i did well for a bit but she reached out asking if i could forget everything and if we could be friends cause she missed me. i fell for it and talked to my therapist about it. she told me to apologize for sending what i did.

i apologized but i regret it now. we were friends for a bit now i know it was just cause she was in a relationship. 

they broke up. i was the first person she texted. "guess who's single again"  i didn't want to get into the same situation so i texted back "welcome to the club". she had other plans.

she texted me constantly telling me how she needed something. i played clueless but eventually i caved. i didn't send but i sexted her.

when you fall back into old habits it feels ten times harder to resist. only i didn't resist i claimed it and told myself "i'll only be hers even if it's just being used" i was in lust with her.

i dreamed about her touch that i would never get. eventually it annoyed me too much i told her again. 

_________________________________

:keeho

i like you.

y/n:

and you're wrong for that.

-------------------------------------------------

 i ghosted her after.

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y/n:

are u mad at me? :( you can tell me.

:keeho

i am. i'm more confused really.

y/n:

what's up?

:keeho

i don't understand how you coming to me when you need something or

coming to me right after a break up is okay but when i mention my feelings it's wrong.

i literally feel like a fix.

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she responded with that it was my fault. after all of this. it's my fault?

  i told her that i needed a break from her and that i still wanted to be friends. i didn't really mean that it was just a nice way of telling her i don't want to talk. "text me when you're ready"  i never did.

four months went by and i genuinely felt happy. i got rid of my phone and started to work on my self seriously. i realized i was happier without her. eventually i had the courage to have my phone again but i knew i would ignore her. no matter how much i was in love with- in lust with her. 

she commented twice on my instagram and  dm'd me. i'm too scared to open it... i might just start a new account and move schools.

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LA FIN

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thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed.

i've been having major writers block and um..... SO my sister got engaged i had to help with week um people came over a lot to i guess celebrate so i haven't had time to write.. i'm sorry. i hope this short story is okay for now i'm working on a few new series and one shots for next week! again i'm sorry for being so inactive! 

-juli <3

this was fun...

anyway...