I'm nervous as hell as I walk into the giant parking lot filled with tour buses.

Jaime texted me last night to tell me that they were playing close to home and I was welcome to come watch them or even to come to an after party they're having. I haven't see Jaime since he left so I agreed. I didn't think I would even agree and I know its selfish but the reason I said yes is because I want to see Tony. I've been keeping busy since he left, but I haven't moved on.

I didn't realize I could miss someone so much until now. He's all I think about. I even tried hooking up with randoms and that didn't satisfy me at all. No one is him. I know its dumb but I'm hoping if he sees me after not seeing me for three months that he'll feel the same or something and want to get back together.

Who even knows if he's here, though. Theres multiple tour buses and even more people - majority of them men but a lot of women are mixed into the group as well. 

I'm glad Jaime finds me right away because with the amount of tattooed guys here I probably would've taken a hot minute to find him.

"You made it!" Jaime says as he approaches me, wrapping me into a hug right away. He smells like alcohol already.

"Yeah I said I'd come." I say, feeling a bit awkward being around everyone. "Theres so many people here."

Jaime takes a look behind him at the crowd then shrugs. "This is nothing, usually we're a lot more people."

I wont lie, I keep looking around for Tony but I can't see him anywhere. I know he enjoys a good party so theres no way he wouldn't be here.

"Is your band here?" I ask Jaime trying to be sly.

"Yeah, Vic's over by our bus, right over there." he says and turning to point him out. "And then Tony is ... oh, he's right over there with the guys from one of the bands we're touring with."

I look over to where Jaime is pointing and sure enough theres Tony. He's half facing us, more focused on whoever he's talking to than the rest of the world around him. He's holding what seems to be an entire bottle of some kind of alcohol that is now half empty.

"Jesus." I say under my breath.

"Yeah, we think he's going through a breakup or something." Jaime explains to me. "No idea, though, Tony is pretty private with that stuff."

I nod not wanting to say anything that might get me in trouble. I'm just happy to see him.

"Let me get you a drink and introduce you to some people." Jaime says.

He supplies me with a red cup filled with tequila. As a bartender I'm horrified, but as someone with anxiety right now I'm thrilled. 

Jaime introduces me to a handful of people before we get to this one guy named Chris, I think, who seems super fond of me. As soon as he saw me he swarmed over to us and started charming me, much to mine and my brothers demise.

"Is this your girlfriend?" Chris asks Jaime. "She is beautiful."

Chris reaches out to me and takes a lock of my hair, stroking it between two fingers. From our close proximity I can tell that he's very drunk.

"She's my sister so try not to touch her." Jaime says, knocking his hand away from me.

"I'll try not to but I don't think it'll be easy." Chris says to Jaime before turning his attention right back to me. "You ever been on a tour bus, Alia?"

"Seeing as I have a brother in a band, yeah, I've been on one." I say to him.

Chris laughs at this as if its the funniest thing he's heard. "Do you want to see another one?"

"Again, thats my sister." Jaime says. "She's not going anywhere near your bus."

"She's an adult, she can make her own decisions." Chris says. "Alia?"

"I'm not nearly drunk enough for that." I say, giving him a little smirk.

I know he's definitely an absolute dick, but he is insanely good looking. He's covered in tattoos and honestly he's in great shape. He has prominent biceps but not to an overbearing degree. He has short-ish brown hair. Its grown out a bit on one side which suits him and the whole band look. If Jaime wasn't beside me right now I think I would've accepted the tour bus offer right away.

"Drink up then." he says. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a small baggy, offering it up to me. "We have more tricks if you want."

I know that in rehab we talked about being offered drugs, how its a temptation that you will face often in life, but I never thought I'd have to face it right here and now. 

As I stare at it I can feel Jaime's eyes boring into me. I know he thinks I'm taking too long to say no and I also know he doesn't want to be the one to say anything since I should say no myself, but having it right here in front of me I don't want to say no. I want to do a couple lines so that I can drink more and have a fucking blast.

"Uh, no thanks." I say after way too long. I tear my eyes away from it and quickly look at Jaime who is studying me with concern. He's probably regretting bringing me into this.

"Just one bump." Chris says, opening the bag.

"Nah, man, we're not doing that." Jaime says. I get the feeling Jaime isn't too fond of this guy.

"No drugs or tour bus?" Chris says to me. "At least let me introduce you to my band."

I glance at Jaime who just shrugs. Its not like anything bad will happen with a bunch of people around, so theres really no harm.

"I'll have her back in an hour." Chris says to Jaime as he throws an arm around my shoulders and steers me away from Jaime.

"So what do you do?" I ask Chris. "I'm going to guess lead singer."

"Drummer, actually." he says. "I'm good at pounding." I can't help but laugh at how stupid that is. Chris takes it as an ego boost of course. "Maybe you'll let me prove it after." he says to me.

"Hm, maybe." I say, but theres only one person here that I want to pound me and I'm on a mission to talk to him alone tonight.

Chris shows me to a group of people, two of the guys are in is band and they jokingly warn me to stay away from him because he's a shitty guy. Its probably not a joke and he knows it, but he just laughs before we head over to our next group of people for me to meet. The group that Tony's in.

Tony's eyes fly over to mine as soon as I hit his peripheral vision. The shock on his face is evident to only me it seems.

"Guys, this is Jaime's sister, Alia." Chris says. "She came to party with us tonight and if she's drunk enough by the end, sleep with me!"

Tony's expression darkens instantly. This is not the way I wanted to see him for the first time in three months. Me here with some jackass on me, declaring to everyone that he wants to fuck me.

"You must know Tony." Chris says to me.

My cheeks warm up instantly. How does he know that?

"We've met before." Tony says, his eyes on me. "Since Jaime and I are in the same band and all."

Oh, thats what Chris meant. I almost blew it by asking what he meant. Turns out I'm just a little bit dumb.

"Oh sounds like somebody doesn't like Jaime's sister." Chris says, squeezing me into him.

"Never said that." Tony says before taking a giant swig of his drink. "See ya."

Just like that he turns and heads away from our group and towards PTV's bus. 

He didn't even say a fucking word to me like I was some random stranger who he's never seen before. Its like we never happened to him. I can't believe it.

Determined I slip out from under Chris' arm and tell him I'll be back before starting for PTV's bus. He might not want to talk to me in front of everyone but he is going to talk to me tonight. There's no fucking way he just gets to leave and not even acknowledge me.

I open PTV's bus doors and march on the bus. Tony is in the front lounge area, leaning against the sole table in there. He has his phone in his hands and is clearly texting someone. I wonder if the message he's writing is for me.

He looks over at me confused, like he was expecting someone else.

"Bored of Chris already?" he asks me.

I've been thinking of what our first words to each other would be if we saw each other again and I really could not have predicted them being that, but then again I couldn't have predicted this entire situation either.

"I don't care about Chris." I say. "Its nice to see you."

He glances sideways at me then sighs as he puts his phone down on the table behind him.

"What are you doing here, Alia?" he says, turning his body towards me. His words aren't friendly but hearing his voice say my name does something to me.

"I wanted to see you." I say. "Are you not happy I'm here?"

"No, not really." he says, his eyes glancing over me. "I can't have you and your brother in the same place."

"Jaime's out there still." I say referring to the party going on outside. "I thought you'd be a little happy to see me."

Tony runs a hand through his hair. "I'm not."

"Tony, come on."

"I mean it." he says coldly, but I know him, I know he doesn't mean it at all.

"How can you say that? Was our time together so unimportant to you that you don't even miss me?"

"What do you want to hear? I wanted to see you every single fucking day, you know that. You know I've looked for you in every crowd we played for. You know I wanted to call you a million times. I've wrote messages to text you and deleted every single one before hitting send."

My heart is pounding a million miles per second right now. He still wants me. He adores me, he loves me. He wants me. This can be a thing again. I can have him.

"Me too." I say quickly, moving towards him. All I want is to feel him on me like I used to. "God, I've missed you so much."

I wrap a hand around his neck and reach my face out to his so we can kiss, but he doesn't reciprocate. He stands there still as a statue, not even blinking. After a second he pulls his head back a little to create some distance between us.

"Alia," he says, his voice deeper now. "I want you so bad but I haven't changed my mind about things." 

"But you want this." I say to him.

He bites his lip, a thing he does only when he's extremely frustrated. I feel bad that I've made him feel this way but I also want him so bad that I'm willing to be selfish and not care how frustrated he is right now.

A little lightbulb lights up in my head. A big reason he's frustrated is because he doesn't sleep with anyone in the road. Its been at least three months since he's had sex. That would frustrate anybody. If I can make him miss me in that way maybe it'll open him up more.

"Tony." I say, my voice sensual. "I miss you in every. single. way." I say, my hands sliding over his abdomen, daring to just go lower and lower.

He swallows hard and closes his eyes. He leans back a little, granting me access to him. He wants this as much as I do.

My hand slides down a little to grab him, already hard for me. "You missed me, didn't you?" I murmur.

"Shut up." he says before grabbing my head and bringing it forcefully into him, his lips meeting mine desperately. "You can't make a fucking sound." 

I nod eagerly. Right now I would do anything he says, no questions asked.

"Turn around and lift your dress up." Tony orders.

"Youre being so mean to me." I say as I slowly turn and lift my dress.

My body tingles with anticipation. Tony isn't gentle at all but I've never seen him like this before. I fucking love it.

"I'm going to get even meaner." he says from behind me.

In a second my underwear is ripped down and I'm pushed over the table. 

"Do you know how fucking crazy it made me to see you tonight?" he says, his fingers sliding up my thigh. "And to see you with Chris over you like that? I could've fucking killed him."

Within a second he's in. Sounds of pure pleasure come from both of us as we move together, something we've both missed so much. I thought our first time together was the best sex but I think this tops it.

Tony's arm comes around me and grabs me by the neck, choking me as he brings me closer into him. "You have no idea how much I fucking missed you." he growls into my ear.

We keep at it for another twenty minutes before we finally finish, me first and him right after. Tony turns me around to face him and kisses me before enveloping me into a hug. Both of our bodies are warm and we're breathing hard but this is the best I've felt in three months.

"I miss you." I say softly into him.

I can feel his body stiffen a little against me. The reality of what we've done is probably hitting him. We're on his tour bus with my brother somewhere outside. Its not a good situation to be in, but here we are.

"I can't do this to Jaime." Tony says, pushing me away softly. He takes a couple steps towards the bus exit then spins back to face me. "Fuck! Why didn't you tell me he was your brother?"

"I knew you wouldn't have been with me if you knew and I ...I was selfish, okay? I wanted you. I still want you."

"I can't." he says. "I can't just betray my best friend like that."

"I know, okay? I shouldn't have even come tonight."

"Then why did you?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Well I wish you wouldn't have shown up at all."

We stand there staring at each other, both of us filled with different emotions. Tony is frustrated and angry, I'm desperate and sad. We want the same thing but we can't have it, not with Jaime in the picture but neither of us are willing to give him up. We're in the worst fucking situation ever and its truly all my fault.

Tony takes a deep breath and without saying another word, heads off the bus. I know I'm supposed to wait a couple minutes so it doesn't look suspicious, but I follow him right off anyways.

"So you wont go on my bus but you'll go on your brothers and fuck his bandmate? Maybe I should switch bands!"

I turn to see Chris standing right in front of PTV's bus, a drink in hand, even drunker than before. My heart pounds in my chest as I look around to see who heard, since Chris was not quiet about it.

Standing 10 feet away from Chris and I is Jaime. He stands there completely frozen in his spot, his eyes locked on mine. Theres not a single doubt in my mind that he heard what Chris said, and worse than that, he knows its true.