twenty-one || ❆me with a heavy-heart❆




Warning: usage of strong language


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Sadness is as much part of the life as happiness is.


Why do you see sadness as a disease to be cured while happiness as a gift of life? Rather both are just emotions and part of life. Sometimes we try to find a solution so that we don't have to remain sad for too long. But with deep thinking, we get to know without sadness, the recipe of life is incomplete.


To give a taste to the recipe, you need to put all the emotions in the plate of life.


The word happiness will lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. After all, equilibrium must necessarily exist for life to go on.


As what Newton rightly said, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". According to psychology, suppressing our emotions consciously and deliberately in times when there is no trauma can lead to damaging effects on our mind and body. This is how the sadness bounces back. So when Jungkook confessed about his sorrows to himself, all his mind could generate as a response was that this is not a problem but a phase to be lived.


He recalls the time when Seokjin had once told him, "Be sad when you feel so, cry when you need to, speak and let the words flow with your emotions, stay silent when you feel the need of, love yourself for the times you feel proud of being you, hate yourself for the times you are ashamed of your capabilities, let the chaos do it's work. Feel boredom, fear, hope, pleasure, love everything because we have been given only one life to experience everything. Live it to the fullest."


Who would wanna live that monotone life where there is only smile and no tears? Life needs it's own share of spices, right?


Embrace your tears as much as you embrace your smiles. Appreciate pure and real feelings because they make us feel alive.


But Jungkook could not help it. He was grieved and his heart and head hurts from all the crying he'd done for the past few days. 


Yes, it's been about six days ever since he was locked up in his room with nothing but food delivered from time-to-time. Oh how much he wanted to meet Ashlund, who was the very one delivering the dishes to him but in vain when he saw how his parents were still watching him from far like hawks eyeing their preys. Hell he hadn't even uttered a single word to Kiara ever since, and the way he got cut from the rest of the civilization did not ease matters at all.


He felt like a prisoner at the mercy of his parents.


Burying his face into the pillow, his frame becoming even more dainty cuz of lack of proper nourishment and care given, Jungkook flinches as someone knocks at the door.


Unlocking it groggily, he widens his eyes on seeing Mrs. Jeon, who barges in and heads straight to his closet, rummaging through the pile of clothes and tossing a pair of formal evening clothes right at his bed's direction, making Jungkook pinch his eyebrows together in sheer confusion.


"Get dressed up, we've guests, who are the Lee's from the house opposite to ours in the neighborhood.. And it's high time we start working on your dating life, Jungkook. Heard their daughter is about the same age as yours, let's see", she says and after shooting a final glare at him, she storms off.


Jungkook falls limp on the floor on his knees, trying to prevent himself from bawling his eyes out all over again. He often questions himself as to when did he grow so sensitive? 


Probably cuz one of the strongest pillars of his life had just left him, and how could Taehyung expect him to smile amidst all this?


Or maybe because he was never emotionally strong to begin with.


Nonetheless, Jungkook had settled on waiting for the next winter to arrive. Hell he used to hate that season to the core of his heart and with every fiber in his body but now, all he ever wanted was the first snow to make it's appearance, along with it coming the ravenette who's presence he was craving for so much these past few days.


How could Taehyung just leave him like that?


Yes, he probably had reasons and stuff to take care of. The world does not revolve around you, Jungkook!


Jungkook thinks as he sighs, trying to accept his fate just the way Taehyung expected him to and quickly slips into the formals, feeling highly uncomfortable due to the same reason as well as to meet them, but there was really nothing he could do, right?


And thus, he too decided to dance to the tunes of fate. A mere puppet being controlled by the same.


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"A very good evening to you, Jungkook", Mr. Lee greets with a pleasant smile as he bows, making Jungkook return the gesture as they invite the Lee's over to the living room for a comfortable evening.


Highly uncomfortable though he was, Jungkook couldn't help but feel awfully relieved on receiving the perfect opportunity of getting a glimpse of Kiara, who was now standing right beside him and he must admit, she's grown into a beautiful young girl alright.


She would be. Why would she not? After all, she was never under his 'bad influence' to begin with.


While the elders were busy chatting about business and stuff related to that, Kiara softly clears her throat before glancing over at Jungkook through her peripheral side, a small smile forming on her lips as she speaks, "Kookie, you're staring."


Jungkook gets startled as soon as she spoke, feeling awfully proud on hearing her voice which seemed to have matured up a bit by then but still as sweet as the voice he was once accustomed to hearing on a daily basis, mostly in the form of whining but to think he ever thought he'd dearly miss those very whines were totally unexpected back then, "S-sorry.."


"Don't be. I missed you, Kookie, like so much."


Jungkook's eyes slightly widen though the confession was most expected, and the same could go for him as well, "M-me too, I-"


"How could you j-just l-leave like that, huh? Did you ever t-think about m-me, even if just o-once?", she asks in the most vulnerable voice ever that broke Jungkook's heart into millions of pieces.


"Kiki, I'm r-really s-sorry but I'd n-no choice a-and-"


"Jungkook, c'mere", Mrs. Jeon's voice cuts him short before he could continue, putting on an apologetic face, thereafter hurrying along to where the guests sat as quick as his feet can take him to prevent his mother from getting upset with him all over again, which was a sort of commonplace by now.


"I want you to meet Lee Anna", Mrs. Jeon introduces with a proud smile as she pulls the aforementioned close to her, "She's almost done with her studies and is gonna be a business major soon. A match made in heaven I would rather say!"


"Indeed. Jungkook's such a fine young man after all, a well sought-after one too on top of that", Mrs. Lee says, a subtle smirk forming on her lips as she notices the way Anna was trying to avoid all sort of plausible ways of eye contact with Jungkook, who was standing before her with a nonchalant expression, "And they both have been to the same high school. What a coincidence!"


"Now, now. Stop making them uncomfortable, you two!", Mr. Jeon teases and they all laugh, "What I would suggest is, let us give them some privacy. What say?"


"Why, yes certainly. Go on Anna", Mr. Lee reassures as he takes a sip of wine from the glass kept before him on the coffee table.


And Jungkook once again failed to speak for himself.


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"So, what exactly are you studying now?"


Anna questions as the two decide to take a short stroll down the orchard situated at the back of the house, just so that they could get to know each other and 'bond' over the time.


"Umm-", Jungkook looks elsewhere, feeling discomfort rise more and more in the pit of his stomach as time rolls by, "I'm c-currently doing a course in m-microbiology.."


"Woah, that's great!", she says, and Jungkook swore her statement along with that smile of her's was everything but genuine, "So, what exactly are you gonna gain by studying that?"


Sensing the sort of superiority in the way her tone was designed and adjusted, Jungkook gulps visibly before inhaling deeply to answer, "It's been my a-area of i-interest since middle s-school, and I'm p-planning on becoming a medical microbiology lab technologist-"


"Mmhmm."


Jungkook was not liking this whole situation he finds himself in. It was indeed not his area of interest to keep the girl walking beside him who meant nothing to him entertained and so, he chose to stay mum for the time-being.


"So, I've heard you left your home five years ago. Is that so?", she boldly asks, and that was enough for Jungkook's heart to skip a beat.


Taking deep breaths in one after the other, Jungkook looks away from the menacing glare he was receiving from the girl beside him, failing to notice the smirk she held on her lips proudly before clearing his throat and patting his chest to calm his pounding heart down.


"You're in n-no p-place to ask th-that.."


"Technically, I am", Anna turns around slightly, a smirk creeping up her lips as she speaks, "It seems we're gonna get engaged soon. How very interesting, am I right?"


"Wh-what?"


"Curse my destiny or whatnot but never in my entire life have I thought of the idea of marrying someone like you", she speaks with venom lacing her voice, her true colors finally coming under the limelight, "A nance like you to be more specific, if you know what I mean!"


"Please, A-Anna", Jungkook tries to stop her as he starts to shake his head, the numbness in his chest returning as the sickening words spoken sink right in, "You do not deserve any of this worldly pleasures but I guess I'll give it a try. Worth it for the shares I guess."


So that's why she agreed to this.


"Hope you're happy trapping and tainting my life as well", she states with arms crossed against her chest, walking up to stand right before him, "Isn't it obvious? I agreed merely for this whole collab my parents have been blabbing about for the past few months, cuz why else would I even marry a fag like you? Ever since high school, you've done nothing but put yourself in a tough situation by being different, different in the sense non-human. Who in the world would even go about liking their same gender for all the sense in the world, huh?"


"An-"


"Lemme see if I can help your dear parents in curing you of this disease you've been carrying around since senior year!"


Jungkook came to a realization, reaching dead-end by then and just watches the girl head back towards the house, the heels she wore clinking against the wooden floor as he feels his vision go cloudy all over again.


Had Taehyung's advice gone down the drain already? Did he just return back to the fifteen-year old self he had despised all along? Just a pathetic nobody who was unable to use the god-gifted voice to raise his opinions, especially if it was matters concerning his life.


He just had no other way than facing what destiny had in store for him. And as long as he tries to keep up with that and swallow his wishes, his life ahead was gonna turn out to be a living hell for him.


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Ugh how I despise writing angst and just want to get back to Taekook being together!

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