Chapter Thirty-Nine:

Charlotte woke the next morning to find herself staring at Silas's back. This was the second morning in a row that she had awoken to his back. Before Grace had fallen ill, Charlotte had always slept wrapped tight in Silas's arms. He had always held her close and whispered words of love in the dawn. But now..... Now he seemed to avoid touching her, looking at her and speaking to her at all costs.

Charlotte knew he was hurting and she wanted to help him. She reached out an arm but the moment her skin touched Silas he rose from the bed as if scalded and slid on his boots.

"Where are you going?" Charlotte questioned quietly, swallowing back the tears that were trying to form.

"It is my turn in the engine." He replied quickly, his voice void of any emotion.

Charlotte felt something inside of her give under the pressure and her emotions suddenly snapped. She tossed back her covers and threw her feet over the side of the bed.

"Silas, stop!" she called out loudly, and his hand froze on the door handle. Charlotte knew the volume of her voice had more than likely startled the man and it had startled her as well. Charlotte was not the yelling type and yet she was desperate to reach him and nothing else she had done so far had worked.

Charlotte got to her feet and slid into her robe, crossing her arms over her chest and staring hard at her husband's broad back. "Silas, please talk to me."

There was a long sigh as Silas's shoulders drooped and his hand fell away from the door. "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything." Charlotte whispered. "Say anything. Just don't shut me out...."

"I don't have anything to say, Charlotte."

Charlotte felt her heart break. She was no longer 'Miss Charlotte', she was now just plain Charlotte. Something so simple shouldn't hurt as badly as it did.

"Silas, I need my husband."

He turned then and looked at her for the first time in two days. The sadness in his eyes stole Charlotte's breath as tears fell freely down her cheeks.

"I have work to do."

"Work that is more important than me?" Charlotte asked. When Silas said nothing in response and looked down at his feet, Charlotte strode toward him and laid her hand against his arm. "I need you, Silas, and I believe you need me too. We should be leaning on one another now and instead you are pushing me away."

"You don't understand." Silas snapped back as he stood a step away from her. "I watched her die—" his voice broke. "—I held her in my arms as she took her last breaths."

Charlotte closed the distance between them again and put her hands on his cheeks. "Silas, please, I need my husband back. I need...."

"I cannot be what you need, Charlotte. You will have to be strong for yourself because I cannot be that for you just now."

Charlotte clenched her fists, not liking the way he made her sound weak. This was not Silas. This was not her husband. Silas had always taken care of her. Had always been patient, strong and kind. She needed that man now, not this new man who seemed too wrapped up in himself and his own pain to let her in or attempt to help her through her own.

"I am the one who lost a child, Silas! My heart is shattered and I cannot even break down the smallest bit because you refuse to be even the least bit strong and supportive for me!"

Anger flashed in Silas's eyes. "I lost a child as well and for you to imply anything different is pure nonsense! If not for me you and Little Grace would have died in those service quarters months ago! You were both in need of a doctor when I came upon you."

"Yes and some fine doctor you turned out to be. You weren't quite good enough were you?"

Charlotte instantly covered her mouth, as if hoping she could swallow back the words she had already spoken. Lord knew she hadn't meant them. Silas's brown eyes filled with tears and he truly looked as if he had just taken a punch to the gut.

"Silas—I'm so sorry...." Charlotte gasped as she reached for him. He jerked away from her and threw open the door.

"I have things to do." He ground out between clenched jaws, before slamming the door shut in her face, the sound of his boot steps pounding away down the hall.

***

Evangeline bit her lip as she lay in Colt's arms and studied his face, his bare shoulder and his broad chest. He truly was a work of art. Perfectly sculpted and breathtaking. The scars on his skin only added to his rugged attractiveness.

Lifting her hand, Evangeline traced Colt's strong jaw with her finger before brushing her trembling fingertip across his lips and nearly crying out in shock when his hand wrapped around her wrist, locking her hand in place before his lips pressed a gentle kiss to her palm.

"Good morning." He whispered sleepily, his eyes never opening.

Evangeline smiled. "Good morning. I have never woken up with anyone in my bed before."

"Is it something you could find yourself growing accustomed to?" Colt asked.

Evangeline felt butterflies fluttering inside her stomach and smiled brightly, unable to hide her happiness. "Well I am not certain. A hardened criminal cannot let anyone in too close."

Colt's eyes remained closed as a smile spread across his face, those creases around his mouth adding to his handsomeness. "Yes but I am not just anyone, I am your accomplice in crime."

"You're more than that." Evangeline couldn't believe those words had actually left her mouth and she swallowed hard and gave a nervous laugh as she waited for him to reply.

"Am I?" Colt questioned, his voice sounding much more tense than it had seconds before.

"Aren't you?" Evangeline replied, wishing she could take her words from a moment ago back. Of course she'd had to open her mouth and ruin what should have been a perfect morning waking up in the arms of the man she loved.

Colt's eyes opened then and Evangeline felt her breath leave her at the wealth of emotions shining in the dark blue depths.

"I'd like to be, sweetheart."

Evangeline's smile returned and the two of them simply lay there staring into the other's eyes and smiling for several long moments.

Suddenly the sound of yelling reached their ears followed by the slamming of a door.

"What was that about?" Evangeline gasped as she pulled away from Colt and sat up.

Colt sighed and threw his legs over the bed. "It sounded like Charlotte and Silas."

"They don't fight and yell at each other...."

"They just lost a child. That changes you and it takes a while to get back to who you were before, if you ever get all the way back to that person again." Colt assured her.

Evangeline sat beside him and laid her head on his shoulder. "But they should be leaning on each other if they're hurting, not fighting with one another." She glanced up at him. "Maybe you could...."

"Nope." Colt stood up.

"But, Colt, you know a little of how they are feeling..."

"No, Evangeline. I won't stick my nose in. I told you I don't open up to anyone but you. I don't share my feelings and, quite honestly, I'd just as soon not play feelings hour with anyone else."

Evangeline sighed and laid her chin in her hand. "Fine."

"Are you pouting?" Colt questioned, a smile curving his lips.

Evangeline flushed. "No, of course not."

"Yes you are and it's adorable." Colt tweaked her nose and then headed for the door.

"Are you leaving?" Evangeline asked as she stood quickly.

"Yes."

"No kiss?" Evangeline asked coyly and Colt chuckled.

"No. I don't reckon I'm too eager to see Comanche yet this morning and you just know he'll come bursting in that door the minute I get started on you." Colt sighed. "And your brother is a big man and I'd just as soon not give him a reason to kill me just yet."

"Ox is harmless." Evangeline assured him with a wave of her hand.

Colt laughed. "I'll not test that theory just yet."

Colt opened the door and stepped into the hall and Evangeline burst out laughing when Comanche was there.

"I was just coming to find you." Comanche stated and Colt looked over his shoulder and Evangeline and threw her a 'told you so' glance followed by a wink.

"What's the problem?" Colt asked the indian as Evangeline crossed her arms on her chest and walked to the doorway.

"We are going to have to stop at the next town we come to. We are low on water, coal and feed for the horses. Also the horses need to be let out to exercise and graze or they will soon be useless to us."

Colt was quiet and Evangeline looked up at his face to see that his jaw was so tense it appeared to be causing him pain.

"Are you okay?" Evangeline asked gently and he seemed to snap from his dazed state as he nodded.

"Yes, of course. Alright then, Comanche. I'll head to the engine and stop the train at the next town."

Without another word, Colt walked away, though he back to the second passenger car instead of toward the engine.

"What is wrong with him?" Comanche questioned and Evangeline shrugged.

"I'm not sure. He's a hard one to read and keep up with at times." She admitted.

"Were you able to rest after that nightmare you had last night?"

"Does everyone know about that?" Evangeline demanded.

"It's a small train and none of us have much to talk about. Word gets around." Comanche stated with a shrug.

Evangeline laughed lightly. "Yes I slept well. Now leave and let me dress. I believe Frankie is the jealous type and she might just get the wrong impression if she sees you standing in my doorway while I'm wearing only my nightdress."

"I would keep you safe." Comanche countered, flashing her a mischievous smile.

Evangeline rolled her eyes and pointed down the hall. "Go." She stated firmly.

Comanche laughed but obeyed her order and Evangeline closed the door and wondered what was wrong with Colt and why he had acted so bothered by learning they would need to stop soon to restock their supplies.

***

Frankie was tapping her feet impatiently in the engine room and waiting on Comanche to return. Not too long ago Frankie would have said she preferred being alone but now that she had Comanche in her life and they were truly together and in a strong, stable relationship, Frankie found that she craved his presence and when he was not around her, she grew impatient waiting for him to return.

Frankie felt her heart skip a beat, (yes she was now prone to such girlish ailments), when the door opened and felt disappointment when she realized it was Silas—and Silas seemed very angry.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Frankie asked as Silas flopped down in the chair beside her.

"I'm taking over driving duty so you can go and find something else to do." Silas grumbled.

Frankie frowned. This wasn't the Silas that she knew. The Silas she knew was calm, kind and usually annoyingly sweet.

"Where is Charlotte?" Frankie asked and she saw Silas wince and knew she had touched a nerve. He simply shrugged in response and Frankie sighed. Enough was enough.

She rose from her seat and left the engine room in a rush. Striding past Comanche who was coming through the dining room, Frankie entered the first passenger car and went straight to Charlotte's door.

Without taking the time to knock, Frankie threw the door open to find Charlotte sobbing on the edge of the bed.

"Come with me." Frankie ordered and Charlotte squeaked with surprise as she wiped her face and looked up.

"Go away, Frankie."

"No. Now dammit, you're going to come with me."

Without giving Charlotte any more time to argue, Frankie grabbed her arm and quite literally dragged her out of the room and down the hall.

Charlotte fought against her at first but quickly gave up as Frankie smiled at a confused Comanche and then took Charlotte to the engine car and tossed her inside.

Silas looked up with surprise as Charlotte stumbled into the room and Frankie realized quickly that she had shoved the woman too hard.

Charlotte was going to fall and smash her face on the controls.

Before that happened, Silas jumped to his feet and caught the wind-milling woman in his arms.

"Were you trying to hurt her?" Silas demanded of Frankie as he righted Charlotte on her feet and then released his hold on her.

"Of course not but if hurting her causes you to pull your head out of your ass then so be it." Frankie spat back.

"Um... Paleface, what are you doing?" Comanche asked from behind Frankie and Frankie simply shook her head in response.

"Y'all are killing me with this pushing each other away nonsense. I get that you're hurting and I know I ain't an expert on love but it seems to me that when you're hurting you should lean on each other not on yourself! I've always respected the fact that no matter what you've gone through in your lives the two of you have remained sweet, open, loving and caring." Frankie shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "So get back to being that damn way or else I'm gonna kick your ass."

Not giving anyone time to argue with her or question her actions further, Frankie walked out of the engine room, pulling Comanche with her. Together they went to the top of the second storage car and Frankie let out an angry growl once they were there.

"It is strange to see you so concerned about someone else, Paleface." Comanche admitted.

"Am I that much of a bitch?" Frankie snorted and Comanche winced.

"No, and you know I do not think anything like that about you." He assured her as he took her in his arms and smoothed her hair from her face. "You simply do not normally express your feelings this way. You really seem bothered by Silas and Charlotte's troubles."

"I am. They are the stable ones of the group. They can't be falling apart now."

"We are not stable?" Comanche asked with the raise of brown and Frankie laughed.

"We're crazy and you know it."

Comanche flashed her one of those grins he was so good at. The same grin he had flashed her on that rooftop so long ago that had caused her to want to jump on him then and there. It had the same effect now.

"You wanna?" she asked, winking at him and pressing her hips against his. Desire flashed in Comanche's dark eyes as he gripped her backside and pulled her even tighter against him.

"Are you saying I have a choice?"

"No." Frankie replied dragging her teeth across his neck and feeling him tremble. "I plan on having you either way."

Comanche let out a growl that made him sound every bit the savage. He loosed the tie on his buckskin pants and Frankie slid her hands inside them and gripped his arousal in her hand. As she stroked him Comanche threw his head back and held onto her shoulders for support.

"Hey, Injun," Frankie whispered in his ear, loving the reaction he had to her touch.

"What is it, Paleface?"

Frankie pointed at a group of rabid roaming the plains. "Let's give those rabid a show."

Comanche laughed nodded before covering her mouth with his and pulling her down on the roof.

***

Colt pounded on Jedidiah's door, not caring if he woke the man up.

"Come on, old man, you and I need to talk!" Colt ground out. The door opened and Jedidiah stood there in his bare feet, adjusting his pants while Rachel sat up in the bed with the sheets wrapped tight around her body. Her bare shoulders were shining in the morning sunlight coming through the window.

"Is there a reason you insist on acting like a barbarian, Colt? Robbing hardworking people, killing innocent men, spending nights alone with my young, innocent niece and then barging around here yelling and demanding attention?" Rachel asked harshly and Colt took a deep breath, counted to three and tried to remind himself that he would be upset when this woman finally died.

"It was just the way I was raised, ma'am." Colt replied with forced politeness. Then he looked at Jedidiah. "Could you step out in the hall so we can talk privately?"

Jedidiah nodded, gave Rachel a soothing smile and then stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. "What seems to be the problem, Colt?"

"We're going to be stopping in the next town we come to and it'll probably be today." Colt replied.

"And you want to know if this is the town where trouble lies?" Jedidiah asked with a sigh.

Colt nodded. "I reckon that would be a useful piece of information."

"And I already told you that I cannot tell you that because I don't know."

Colt growled with frustration and nearly slammed his fist into the wall before managing to stop his arm. "This is bullshit."

"I agree." Jedidiah nodded and smiled. "A big steaming pile of the stuff."

***

Silas stared at his wife and the tears streaming down her face and was struck with the strongest sense of guilt that he had ever felt in his life.

Those tears were his fault. He had failed in keeping their daughter safe. He had not kept his promise to Charlotte and her heart was broken because of it.

Without a word, Silas reached out, took Charlotte's arm and pulled her into his chest. He wrapped her up tight in a strong embrace and swallowed hard as her shoulders shook violently and her hot tears soaked through the fabric of his blue chambray shirt.

"Oh, Miss Charlotte, I'm sorry I ain't been there for you the last couple of days. I love you so much."

"I love you too." She replied, her voice muffled against him.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save her. I'm sorry that your heart had to break like that."

Charlotte sniffed and pulled away just enough so she could look up into his eyes. "Silas, your heart broke too. I know you loved her. She was your daughter and you were the only father that she knew." Charlotte wiped her hand across his cheek and Silas felt the wetness she was attempting to dry. "And it is not your fault that she's gone, Silas. I never should have said that..... I didn't mean it. Can you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive." Silas assured her, loving this woman with everything he had. Putting a wall between them had been wrong. He just hadn't known how to be the strong one for her when his heart had been so completely shattered.

"I can't be strong through this, Miss Charlotte. Every time I think about what happened—" Silas's voice broke and Charlotte rose on her toes and pressed a tender kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"Silas, I can be the strong one; I can do that for you. But I can't live with that distance between us. I need you too much. Don't you understand that?"

"Yes I do." Silas replied, smoothing her hair and laying his forehead against hers. His eyes slid closed as he breathed her in. "I won't ever do that to you again. You have my word on that."