Chapter Thirty-Eight: Understandings, Visions and Bad Dreams

Evangeline stared down into the cup of coffee she had only taken several sips of in the last hour. The child, Susette, she had said her name was, had finally quieted down and was eating the potatoes and biscuits that Charlotte had prepared for her.

Susette had taken up with Katherine quickly saying that the woman's golden hair reminded her of her mama. A mama that was now dead.

Evangeline fought back the tears that wanted to fall. She was having doubts that she could survive in this new world. There was too much blood. Too much death. Too much constant terror. A person no sooner got over one life threatening or heart breaking situation and they were thrust directly into another.

She was no warrior. No fighter. No 'tough guy' the way everyone else here seemed to be. While she could cook and clean, she lacked the motherly quality that Charlotte possessed. She was a pretty face, that's all she'd been raised to be. Lord knew she was trying. She had saved her own life several times and killed a few rabid but today she had frozen.

Fighting one or two rabid was drastically different than being surrounded by so many of the snarling, terrifying beasts. She had wanted to prove to everyone that she could fight and impress Colt by letting him see her 'tough' side and that had done nothing other than backfire and cause her to look a fool as she had screamed and tried desperately to hide behind the men and keep away from the rabid attacking them.

And then to watch Colt kill that man...... Evangeline was no child. She understood that the man was going to die with or without Colt's bullet and she understood that putting him out of his misery quickly was better than allowing him to finish turning or allowing the approaching rabid to eat him alive. She had even seen men be shot before when she and Ox had nearly been killed in that first town they'd come to....... But that had been different.

Those men were bad men. They were trying to kill her and her brother.

The man Colt had killed had been innocent. He'd been scared to death and sick. He'd been crying for his life; begging Colt for mercy and Colt had pulled that trigger with no hesitation; no second thoughts. And it hadn't bothered him at all.

Or had it?

Evangeline let out a frustrated growl that surprised her. Since when did she growl? Apparently she was picking up on Colt's habits. Why did he have to be so closed off and hard to read? Evangeline had grown accustomed to her father and Ox. Her father had always just been either angry or disdainful so it was easy to pick up on how he was feeling. And Ox was an open book when it came to emotions.

But Colt....? Colt covered emotions with other emotions and then wrapped it all up in a hard stone shell decorated with the occasional joke.

Evangeline rose to her feet. She knew what she had to do. She had to make a peace offering and talk to Colt about what had happened that morning. There was no way that she was going to give up all the ground they had gained simply because he was closed off and she was too soft and weak for her own good.

She ignored the glances cast in her direction and went into the kitchen. She filled a clean cup with coffee and grabbed two biscuits before heading through the train to the engine car, struggling to open and close the doors with her hands full.

Evangeline could hear the sound of the shovel scraping against the coal and knew that Colt must be feeding the furnace. She was careful to keep an eye on her skirts as she stepped up into the furnace room and saw him.

He was once again shirtless and covered in sweat and coal dust. She had seen him this way several times in the last few days and yet it was a sight she knew she could see a million times and never tire of.

As always, Colt seemed to sense that she was there before she had time to alert him and he leaned against the shovel before swiping his forearm across his face and smearing the sweat and black soot across it.

"I come bearing food." Evangeline stated as she held up the biscuits and coffee. She studied Colt's face, praying that she would not see the anger that she knew she deserved.

Relief flowed through her when his firm lips curved in a slow smile. "Well then let's go eat."

Evangeline followed after him to the room they had spent much of the last few days in together. Colt took a large bite of the biscuit that Evangeline handed him and Evangeline tapped her fingers on her knees as she stared out the window.

"Colt—I'm sorry for the way I acted before."

"I won't apologize for killing that man, Evangeline. Leaving him alive that way would have been the cruel thing to do." Colt stated unapologetically before taking a sip of coffee. "Those monsters would have ripped him apart and if they hadn't, he would have turned and become one of them. I won't leave anyone else to that fate, Evangeline. Not again."

Evangeline nodded, understanding dawning as she gazed out the window. Of course. He had left his daughter as a rabid after she'd been bitten. Colt had been unable to bring himself to shoot her and end her suffering and he blamed himself terribly for that and remained full of guilt. It only made sense that he would be determined to keep anyone else from suffering the same fate that his daughter had. He had more than likely felt as if he was atoning for the past when he had ended that man's life.

"And I was bothered by it, Evangeline." Colt added unexpectedly. "I risked my life to save that damn man and I was too late. I'm always too late."

Evangeline heard the pain in his voice and suddenly she forgot all about her own insecurities. Colt was hurting and all she wanted in the world was to help take away his pain.

Colt let out a disgusted groan and shoved himself to his feet, laying his coffee and biscuit down on the window sill and yanking off his hat. He shoved his hand through his thick dark blond hair and stared hard out the window. "What is it about you that has me feeling so goddamned turned inside out and vulnerable?"

"I make you feel vulnerable?" Evangeline asked with surprise.

"Yeah and I don't like it." Colt grumbled, scratching at his still bare torso and causing Evangeline's eyes to be drawn to the tight muscles of his stomach. "I don't open up, Evangeline. I never have, not to a single other person in my life."

"I don't believe that." Evangeline countered.

"It's the truth." Colt vowed firmly. He tossed his hat in the corner and rubbed at his chin. "I never had family, the men I was friends with weren't the kinds you wanted knowing your inner thoughts and feelings and...." He paused. "...I reckon it became a habit to keep it all locked up. Hell I never even opened up to my wife."

Evangeline felt both surprised and flattered by his admission and her heart soared. He said he wasn't yet ready to talk about love and yet he had just admitted that she made him feel turned inside out and vulnerable, and that he was able to open up to her when he had never done so with anyone else. To Evangeline that sounded very much akin to love.

She got to her feet, laying her biscuit beside his, and pointed back at his chair. "Sit down." She ordered.

Colt looked at her, his brow rising nearly to his hairline as his lips curved with amusement. "What?"

"There was no stutter or mumble in my words, Colt. You know full well exactly what I said. Now do it."

Without a word, Colt sat down in the chair, appearing very amused at being bossed around. Evangeline took a deep breath to still the dancing nerves in her stomach and then very quickly sat herself down in his lap.

"Woman, what are you doing?" Colt ground out, shifting his hips beneath her and staring at her with eyes that were quickly darkening.

"Comforting you." She replied, laying her head on his sweaty shoulder and tracing patterns on his bare chest with her finger.

"I'm filthy, Evangeline. You're gonna get dirty."

"I don't care." She replied, and she was trying very hard not to. A few months ago the thought of being covered in sweat and dust would have horrified her but things had changed quite a big since then. As a matter of fact Evangeline had changed quite a bit since then as well. Not too long ago she would have found herself unable to put aside her own problems and worries in order to help someone else.

Maybe she was good for something other than just her pretty face. Her presence in Colt's arms sure seemed to be helping the man. Already he seemed more relaxed.

Evangeline nearly cried when she felt his lips brush against her hair and his arms wrap around her, holding her securely in place.

"I may just find myself in need of comforting a bit more often." He whispered with a smile in his voice.

Evangeline tipped her head up so she could look at him and she found herself staring into those dark blue eyes that stole her breath.

"Do I need to kiss you again or would you like to......" Before Evangeline could finish her coy question, Colt's lips were on hers.

This kiss was different. It was full of more raw hunger and passion. Evangeline felt herself become swept away on this kiss.

Colt's hands gripped her hips and turned her on his lap so she was straddling him. She gasped with surprise but that gasp quickly became a moan as Colt took advantage of her parted lips and slid his tongue into her mouth.

Evangeline suddenly wished she had more experience. She had no idea how to kiss this way, however Colt's fingers tightening on her waist, the hardness she could feel pressing against her inner thigh and his throaty moan against her mouth told her that she was doing something right.

The air around them seemed to be catching fire and Evangeline knew it had nothing to do with the furnaces burning nearby. Her blood was pumping fast and hot. Her body was tingling and her thighs were trembling. A delicious pulsing heat gathered between her legs and Evangeline wanted more. She had told Colt no that morning, she would not tell him no again.

"I hate to interrupt once again." Comanche's voice had Evangeline scrambling from Colt's arms and flying off his lap.

"Dammit, Comanche!" Colt growled as he got to his feet and clenched his fists. Evangeline's eyes were drawn to the bulge in the front of his trousers and she wondered if he realized Comanche would be able to see it as well as she blushed and forced her gaze away from it.

"Locked doors should be something that should become more commonplace on this train." Comanche stated solemnly, though Evangeline saw a smile in his eyes when they met hers and she suddenly knew the indian had noticed her presence that morning when she had intruded on him and Frankie.

"Scalping injuns is gonna get a lot more commonplace too." Colt assured him. "Now what the hell was so damn important that you had to bother me with it now?"

"Jedidah says he needs to speak with you. He is on top of the second storage car. He apparently had quite the episode in the dining room and scared everyone before perching himself up there."

"An episode?" Evangeline asked, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "What kind of episode?"

"A vision." Comanche replied with a tip of his head.

Colt shook his head and grabbed his shirt from the back of his chair. As he slid it over his shoulders he threw an apologetic glance in Evangeline's direction and headed for the door. "That old man better hope somebody's dying."

***

"Someone is going to die."

Shit. Colt stared at Jedidiah and prayed like hell that the old man was talking out of his head. "Old Man, you're gonna have to be a bit more specific than that." Colt grumbled.

"I'm afraid I can't be much more specific than that." Jedidiah stated apologetically.

"Let's start with you telling me exactly who is gonna die."

Jedidiah sighed and squinted into the sun for a moment as the wind blew against them on top of the storage car. "I don't know."

Colt had spent many years perfected his built in bullshit detector and just now it was going off with all the bells and whistles. "Tell me the truth."

"What makes you think I'm not?" Jedidiah asked with a placating grin and Colt took a deep breath to calm his temper. He had no patience just now. His body was still burning with need after sharing that kiss with Evangeline in the engine room. Her tiny body had felt so good pressed against his own and all he had wanted was to make love to her.

But instead he was up here on this goddamn roof talking to a man who was clearly crazy, about a vision that Colt didn't even believe was real and trying to figure out who was supposed to die because Colt had obviously gone a little crazy himself.

"I've spent my life learning to tell when someone is keeping something from me, old man."

"If I tell you then you cannot tell her. People do not handle that news well."

Colt's blood froze. "Her? Dammit, old man, get to telling me which her it is!"

"Not her!" Jedidiah said quickly and Colt remembered how to breathe. "My vision did not show me any detail on the how or the where. It only showed me the gravestone with Rachel's name on it."

"Dammit." Colt stated blankly. Evangeline's aunt? That would devastate her. "Is that all of it?" Colt questioned.

"Yes." Jedidiah said far too quickly.

"Out with it." Colt urged.

"Something is going to happen soon and while it was Rachel's gravestone I saw I simply don't believe she's going to die in this next crisis we are going to face."

"And what crisis is that?" Colt asked, finding that his head was beginning to hurt.

"I don't know. A town... something in a town... Gunshots...Something bad is going to happen, Colt. I feel a black cloud."

"Yeah but if someone was going to die then you would see that wouldn't you?"

"No, not always. I only see what is shown to me. "

"So, what you're saying is that Rachel is going to die soon but before that happens we're gonna run into some kind of trouble and possibly lose someone else?"

"Yes." Jedidiah appeared sad. "Yes, that is what I'm saying."

"Sure would be helpful if you could tell me what town and what trouble so we could avoid it."

Jedidiah nodded. "I know."

"Could you be wrong about when Rachel is going to die? Could it be her that is the black cloud is hanging for?" Colt felt ridiculous even asking that question and entertaining these ideas but hell what other choice did he have?

Jedidiah sighed. "I could be."

"How often are you wrong?"

"Never. But there is a first time for everything is there not?" Jeiddiah sighed. "Trust me I would like to be wrong. I don't want to lose Rachel."

"How many people have you lost?"

"Everyone I have ever let myself love."

"You'd think you'd quit."

"Loving?" Jedidiah chuckled sadly. "Love is far too good and powerful and emotion to let pain scare it away.

Colt nodded and they were both quiet a moment before Colt laid his hand on his gun and sighed. "You know I don't put much stock in your visions, old man, but I will make you a promise right here and right now. This group is mine and everyone in it is my responsibility and I take my responsibilities damn serious. Now I couldn't do nothing about little Grace and if Rachel get sick like she did then there won't be anything I can about her either, but if she's supposed to die because of trouble in town then you need to know that this won't be my first time finding trouble in a town. I won't let anybody die--not anybody else--not on my watch."

"Colt, your nobility is very fool-hearted. You cannot possibly keep everyone safe at all times." Jedidiah scolded as he scratched at his whiskered face.

Colt nodded. "I can. The only way a bullet or a rabid is taking out anybody in this group is if it takes out me first."

***

"Where is Susette?" Charlotte asked Katherine when the woman returned to the kitchen where Frankie, Rachel, Charlotte and Evangeline were busy cooking supper for the group. It had surprised Charlotte that Frankie had insisted on helping but she hadn't been about to tell her no, even though her cooking truly left something to be desired and Charlotte was having to work extra hard to keep Frankie from ruining the meal.

"Sleeping." Katherine replied, leaning again the wall with a sigh. "I ain't cut out for this kid raising business. She wouldn't let me out of her sight until she fell asleep."

"Did she talk to ya anymore?" Frankie questioned.

Katherine shook her head. "Not much. The most I got out of her was that she is six years old and her whole family died back there at the stage coaches."

"Where's Ox?" Evangeline asked.

"Feeding the horses." Katherine replied. "And Colt and Jedidiah are still up there on that roof."

"Still?" Evangeline questioned with a frown. "They've been up there close to two hours."

"I'm sure it's nothing, Evangeline. Jedidiah is probably trying to save Colt's soul after he murdered that man this morning." Rachel assured her.

Charlotte was surprised when Evangeline rose up to her full height of barely more than five feet and stuck her finger in her aunt's face. "You will be quiet about things you do not understand." Evangeline warned. "I don't want to hear another bad word about that man come out of your mouth."

"Well okay." Rachel replied, holding her hands up in defeat.

The kitchen fell silent for several long tense moments before Charlotte glanced out into the dining room and saw Silas sitting at a table with his head in his hands. Her heart broke for him yet again and she laid down her spoon, wiped her hands on her apron and walked into the dining room to join him.

She slid into the seat across from Silas, yet if he noticed her appearance, he gave no sign. Charlotte reached across the table and touched his arm gently, causing him to jump and jerk away from her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." She whispered and Silas's brown eyes wouldn't meet hers as he stared over her shoulder at the wall instead.

"You didn't."

Charlotte felt her heart hurting. He was keeping a wall between them and she had no idea how to break it down. "Supper will be finished soon. Are you going to eat?"

"No." Silas rose to his feet. "No, I'm not hungry." Without another word, or even a look at her, Silas strode from the room, through the kitchen and to the engine car, slamming the door behind him.

Charlotte buried her own face in her hands and breathed deep, fighting back her tears with everything she had. She let out a squeak and jumped when a hand fell on her shoulder.

She was even further shocked when she realized it was Frankie standing beside her with sympathy on her face. "The rest of us can handle supper if you want to go with him."

Charlotte wiped her face with her apron and smiled as she stood. "Thank you for the offer, Frankie, but he seems to want space."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes.' Charlotte nodded. Her heart could only take so much rejection in one day. "Yes, I'm sure."

***

The rabid were everywhere. They were closing in on her every second, no matter how quickly she ran. Evangeline could hear their groans and hungry growls. She could smell the rotting flesh of their decaying bodies.

Suddenly she tripped over something on the ground in the darkness and before she could get back to her feet, long fingers were closing on her leg. She looked and saw the half-bodied rabid clawing at her, its hungry teeth closing around her skirts. It had no legs and its entrails were dragging along behind it as it pulled itself across the ground.

More rabid were closing in even as she kicked and screamed. They were getting closer and closer. She recognized her mother among them and her father. The rabid that had nearly bitten her at the river so long ago was there as well. Evangeline's screams of desperation quickly became screams of pain when the half-bodied rabid sunk its teeth deep into her leg.............

***

Colt had been drifting off to sleep when the sound of Evangeline's screams had reached his ears. Sure that something terrible was happening and he was once again going to be too late, Colt leapt from his bed, grabbed his gun and ran out the door.

Ox beat him to Evangeline's bedroom door but Colt hit the bigger man with his shoulder and knocked him out of the way before throwing open the door and rushing in.

Relief flooded through him when he realized that there was no danger. Nothing in Evangeline's room trying to take her away from him. She was only having a bad dream. Just a dream.

Colt tossed his gun onto the tiny sofa across from the bed and sat beside Evangeline. "Wake up, Evangeline." He whispered but she didn't seem to hear him. She continued to kick and moan. Colt touched her cheek and felt her tears. He put his hand on her shoulder and shook her roughly.

"Wake up, Evangeline!" he yelled and her deep green eyes flew open in the darkness.

"Colt?" she whispered and he gave her a reassuring smile.

"It's me, sweetheart."

Without warning her arms were around his neck and she was clinging to him, pulling him down on top of her. Colt felt her shaking against him and knew she was crying. While he'd never been good with emotions, he would make an exception for Evangeline. After all, she had seen his tears and been good enough to never walk away. Colt wouldn't walk away from her now.

"I was so scared." She whispered against his ear. "The rabid were ripping me apart."

Colt felt his blood freeze at her words.

"Colt, you're hurting me." She gasped and Colt realized he'd been squeezing her far too tightly. He relaxed his hold and Ox cleared his throat behind them.

"You can go back to bed, Colt. I'll take care of Evie." Ox insisted.

Colt was about to argue but Evangeline beat him to it. "Ox, please, I want him to stay with me—at least until I fall back asleep." She looked into Colt's eyes in the darkness. "Will you do that?"

Colt tipped his head. "Of course I will."

"Shit, Evie, it's just we ain't spent much time together here lately and it was always me that took care of ya—"

Evangeline smiled at her brother. "Ox, if you'll let me lean on Colt tonight, then I promise that tomorrow we'll spend time together, just the two of us."

Ox sighed and nodded as he rubbed his cheek. "Shit, Evie, alright." Then his eyes narrowed on Colt. "Just remember that she's my sister and I'm duty bound to defend her honor."

Colt nodded and when he saw Evangeline about to speak, no doubt to give her brother a piece of her mind, he placed his finger over her lips to silence her.

"My intentions with your sister are true, Ox. I don't plan on hurting her anytime soon."

Ox seemed satisfied with that answer and he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. Colt removed his finger from Evangeline's mouth, smoothing it across her jaw.

"Did you mean what you told my brother?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did."

Evangeline smiled so brightly that Colt would have sworn the sun shone in the middle of the night. Then she shivered against him.

"Sweetheart, don't you worry about that dream." Colt said comfortingly as he smoothed his hand across her cheek. "I won't ever let those monsters have you." While something inside of Colt rebelled at making those types of promises since he had failed in keeping them before, something else inside of him knew he wouldn't fail this time—not with Evangeline.

"I'm not strong enough for all of this." Evangeline whispered, her eyes going to his bare chest.

"What's that nonsense about?" Colt asked, as he stretched out into the bed and pulled her body long against him.

"I'm not, Colt. I was raised to be a southern belle, a rich wife to a wealthy plantation owner. I wasn't raised for this."

"I don't think any of us were." Colt assured her, smiling against her dark hair. "Our parents weren't too concerned with preparing us for flesh eating monsters."

"I'm serious, Colt."

"Sweetheart, you are tougher than you give yourself credit for. You're gonna make through all of this just fine."

Evangeline snuggled closer to him and Colt heard her yawn in the darkness. "Sleep, Evangeline."

"Only if you'll stay so you can wake me if I have that dream again...."

"I'm not going anywhere." Colt promised. "I reckon I'll be here 'til you tell me to go."