Warren

She was never supposed to find out, I want to punch the wall of my cell until my knuckles bleed but I can't. I have to keep calm and not draw attention to myself.

I share this cell with six other men and we're all watching each other. I can feel it, looking for signs of emotion or weakness to use later on.

I am sitting on the top bunk of the bed, facing the bars with the wall behind me. From here I can see the old skinny guy on the bottom bunk nervously bouncing his leg, I think he might be going through withdrawal, judging from the way he's biting his nails and his bloodshot eyes. His bunk mate is the only white guy in the cell, he's missing a few teeth and silently singing while his eyes dart from the door to the ceiling the walls and then again as if stuck on repeat.

On the floor were the last two to be brought into the cell there isn't space left for them to sleep, so they were left to sleep on the floor. They look quite young, probably just turned 18 or 19 years old. They look like they've been in an accident. The one has scratches on his arms, he has a far away look in his eyes and he looks scared. While the other one keeps scratching his head like he's confused, either he's still under the influence or he hit his head really hard.

I shake my head as I ensure I maintain my neutral expression, I have no empathy for anyone in here because they definately don't have any for me.

Our dinner was served inside the cell as this isn't prison, they don't have a dining room for us here, we're all awaiting for arraignment . We are each served a tray of pap and beans stew, we eat because we're hungry but it doesn't taste good at all. Once were done the young men stack the trays by the cell door to be collected.

My brain can't stop going over everything, how did they find me, its been months since the incident and they only arrest me now. Why didn't they warn me, I know the boss has police on the payroll so why did I get blindsided by this?

Guess there really is no honour among thieves. Not that I trusted them to begin with. I simply regret the pain this will cause my family. Nhlanhla will have to tell uMama, she will be heartbroken. I dont want her to see me like this, but I won't stop her from visiting.

All too soon we hear, a guard shout "lights out!" and the cells go dark.

Even in the darkness, I can't seem to let myself think of her. They promised nothing would happen to me or my family so this must be a mistake. I cannot even cover my face with the thin blanket they gave me because it smells old and feels coarse against my skin.

I wander what time it is, if I wasn't here I probably would be at home, playing building blocks with my son. Nhlanhla would be tidying up in the kitchen, and I would get Khanya ready for for his bath.

She probably thinks this is some big misunderstanding, my sweet wife, she's going to kill me. She'll never leave me though, I know her. She's mine, she promised and she would never let Khanya grow up in a broken home.

I try to slow down my mind and fall alseep but all I can see is the confusion and fear written all over her face. I miss her, she's probably so scared for me, if only she knew.

Earlier that day

I was kissing my wife, trying to slowly convince her to let give Khanya a little brother or sister when the knock came to our door.

I kept kissing her, telling her to ignore the door and that whoever was there would go away by themselves but they started pounding on the door. I groaned as I let go of my wife who had pulled away from our kiss to get the door, I had half a mind to fling the door open and give them a piece of my mind.

But she beat me to it, when she opened the door, I heard someone say my name, I walked up behind her and as soon as I saw that it was the police I knew , I knew they had come for me and that I was in deep trouble. I had to stay calm for her sake so I chose not to resist when they cuffed me and read out my charges. I kept looking at her face trying to reassure her even though I knew there was no chance of me coming home tonight.

Before long they were leading me into the back of the van. They got inside the vehicle and drove off talking to each other about only God knows what, like they didn't just shatter my life just moments ago. The van moved too fast for me to be able to get one last look at Nlanhla before the house was in the distance.

In less than 15 minutes we arrived at the police station, the police escorting me from the van weren't particularly gentle nor were they rough. But I did feel like I was an unwanted guest being taken inside through the backdoor. They took me and told me to sit down on a bench with the other people in handcuff's, the bench was full so I had to sit almost at the edge while they were getting ready to book us. I was tempted to hang my head in shame, I can't believe I got caught. After today my fingerprints would be on the system, I hoped this day would never come.

I don't know how long it takes but we shuffle across the bench, at some point someone sat next to me and the line just kept moving. "Adams! Adams!" I lift my head finally noticing one of the officers motioning for me to come so they could take a mug shot of me. As I stood in front of the wall and saw the flash almost blind me all I could think of is what am I going to tell her.

Self defence, that would explain the dead guy but not the money laundering or fraud. Fear? No! she would insist on facing them head-on, Nhlanhla can be dauntless, I smile thinking about the time she tried to fight a rugby player who called me a mongrel.

Nope! The worst part is that truth is not an option, it would just pull her into my mess when I never wanted her anywhere near it. I just can't stop seeing the look on her face when they read my charges.... I really messed up. Before long their taking my fingerprints and I know that this will be the nail to my coffin.

Without a doubt those fingerprints will match those at a crime scene and I will be found guilty.

Why couldn't he just give me the money, it wasn't the first time I've had to get physical with a someone while doing "collections" but it is the first time I accidentally killed someone.

After they took my fingerprints I was escorted to what I assume is an interrogation room, my cuffs were linked to the bar on the metal table and then I was left alone inside the room. I decided fein sleeping on my hands because I'm sure they were watching me.

By now Nhlanhla has called Hleli and told her what happened. I'm so stupid, I wish I hadn't left the house that night. I regret ever leaving her side, Nhlanhla is quiet but she over analyzes everything, its what makes her great at her job but it also boils over into our personal lives.

At least she has Khanya to keep her busy and sane, my boy...

My thought is interuppted by the door opening, " I'm detective Khawula, I am the lead investigator in this case, you are Warren Adams correct?", he finally looks up from the files he's reading. He's short but stocky and bald wearing a suit that is clearly a size too big but I guess looks can be deceiving because even though he looks incompetent, I'm here in handcuffs.

I nod and make sure to look him in the eyes. He nods and takes a seat in front of me. He drops the open file on the table, from this angle I can see crime scene photos of what looks like a body wrapped in ... "Have you met or know of anyone by the name of Faizel Daniels ?", " Not sure, I've seen and met a lot of people, I work at a bank and I see a lot of different people daily, you'll have to be more specific."

He smirks, I'm guessing because he knows I'm bluffing. Crap! I was really hoping they had the wrong body, I'm definately not going home anytime soon. " You sure about that, if you cooperate now, we can make a deal, we don't really want you we just want your boss..."

I don't even skip a beat " Then this is pointless, I am an accountant at a bank, I've never even met my bosses. Whatever you think I'm involved in I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, regardless I want to speak to my lawyer" and with that I cross my arms and lean back into the chair. The detective smirked and gets up from the chair "smart man, we'll talk more once your lawyer gets here. In the meantime I have a date with your wife, I have a feeling she'll be much more ... accommodating"

With that he closes the door and leaves me fuming . My entire body feels like I'm on fire, I'm ready to rip off these cuffs and strangle him for even mentioning my wife. I've only been here a few hours but I feel like a caged animal already. I know he said that on purpose to rile me up and it worked.

I slam my palm onto the table and breathe out, its not like Nhlanhla knows anything in anycase, at least not consciously. I made sure to keep my two lives completely seperate, I doubt she knows anything that can help their case ...

I sat in that room the for a few more minutes before someone came to retrieve me and then we were moved from the police station to the corrections building next to the station and allocated to the cells we're in now.

When I got inside it was still light outside and there were only 2 people inside the cell. I didn't even greet them, I went straight for the top bunk and had been sitting with my back against the wall ever since.

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep without her, I haven't had to sleep without her in 4 years. Before that I was an insominac, I guess I still am considering my second job but the few hours I would sleep every night,- with her were restful.

I feel a tug on my blanket and it's from below, I see something with a bright screen pointed towards me as I lean over my bunk. It's a cell phone, I take it and I can see that there's a caller on the line. I put it to my ear and cough, not wanting to speak.

I know his voice well enough to know who is on the line. "You're going to plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and extortion, the deal has been set up. The prosecutor will come through tomorrow you will serve an sentence of ten years and you'll be out in six for good behaviour. We'll take care of your family while you're inside as long as you keep your mouth shut, I don't have to tell you what will happen to your wife if you talk..."

I cough again signalling I understand, its not a request its a demand. I don't even have a moment to think about it, there isn't a choice anyhow.

"Our lawyer will come and represent you tomorrow. Protection inside is extra. If you want it, stick with Rich he'll show you around, the man who gave you the phone, but it means you'll owe me when you get out. If you want be by yourself, we won't .... interfere should anything happen to you. Am I clear?"

"Uhm" is all the response I can muster before the call ends. I tilt my hand over the bunk and feel 'Rich' take the phone from my hand. I don't even want to know how he got a phone inside here.

I have to decide now, the only choice I am given is whether to take or leave their protection. Although I would arguably be safer with them, there's the whole gang affiliation thing and since I was never officially initiated in the first place, I've never been a member.

I'm more like a loyal contractor than a member and not getting their protection will mean I'll have to watch my own back for the rest of my time in here. But I won't be a slave to them when I'm free, if I ever get to be free.

Oh, Nonhlanhla. Even as I say her name can I see her in my minds eye. I hear her laughter, I see her tears. I remember her her unique scent and her warm soft skin. I miss feeling her soft afro on my neck as she would lay her head on my chest to sleep and I would kiss the top of her forehead before going to sleep.

Khanya will be 7 years old when I get out, I'll miss his 1st day at school, his first sports game and the last of his teeth coming out. Will he even remember my face when I get out of here, no Nhlanhla would never keep him from me.

But he'll grow up without me, I can't beleive this is happening. So much for working for the Auditor General's office, that's never going to happen now.

I am now lying on my back with my hands on my face, I royally screwed up. The only person I want to speak to is my wife, and I know that won't happen anytime soon. She'll probably be there tomorrow and I won't have time to tell her I'm pleading guilty or why.

I blink into the darkness wandering why my life had to be so messed up. Why it couldn't be boring, I would kill for a boring, safe suburban life for my wife and kid. Now they'll have gangsters watching over them till I get out, I pretty sure I am not a good person but what I must become to survive this place will be worse than my Nhlanhla can possibly imagine.

I don't deserve her, I never have and I never will, but she will never leave me and that's good enough for me. She won't let anything happen to my son, its one of the reasons why I'm with her. She's fair but strict with him, even though he's still a young child she is stern escpecially when its for his good.

My eyes begin to feel a little heavy and I am lulled to sleep by the heavy breathing of those sleeping around me.

I will get back to my family, one way or another.