🎶Bichchad gaya har saathi de kar pal do pal ka saath. Kis ko fursat hai jo thaame deewano ka haath? Humko apna saaya tak aksar bezaar mila. Humne toh jab kaliyan maangi, kaaton ka haar mila. Jaane woh kaise log the jinke pyaar ko pyaar mila?

(Every partner has separated from me after giving me support for a moment or two. Who has the time to hold the hand of a crazy lover? I have often found my own shadow uninterested. When I asked for flowers, I got a necklace made of thorns. I wonder how those people were whose love was reciprocated?)🎶

- Jaane Woh Kaise | Sahir Ludhianvi | Hemant Kumar

👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻👻

Alizey's P.O.V.

"Where are you going?" Fawad gripped my arm, stopping me from reaching my shoes near the door.

"Mujhe akele rehna hai thodi dair ke liye."
(I want to be alone for a while)

"Tabiyat thik nahin hai tumhari."
(You're not feeling well)

I tried removing my arm from his hold to no avail, "I'm fine. I need space."

"So you can deal with whatever is bothering you alone, while I wait for you helplessly here knowing you're crying over there by yourself?"

His words amplified the urge to cry. I turned my face and covered it with my hands as I sobbed silently. Fawad's shoulders slumped, and he let go of my arm. He took me into his embrace.

"Jaan," he murmured into my ear before pressing a kiss to it. "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fight with you. I love you the most. I'm just so scared of losing you.

Fawad led me back into our space and sat me down at the end of the bed. He kneeled before me and lowered my hands from my face. He wiped my tears before taking my hands. His lips pressed to my knuckles. "I'm just concerned about you, Alizey. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I apologize if I-"

"No," I attempted to blink my tears away, inhaling deeply. "I know. I was being oversensitive. I think there's just a lot going on. Mala, another girl at my work who's going through something similar, Judy, Mama stressing out about Mateo and Api, Papa apparently wanting to invite Siraj Uncle and his family for dinner with us so I can apologize for standing them up, on top of that, I was roped in for a new project at work," and the constant, nonstop, suffocating intrusive thoughts. I cupped his cheek, "But I swear I ate." It was true. I had a few of the crackers.

I leaned down and kissed him.

He brushed some of my hair behind my ear afterwards, studying my eyes with his concerned ones. "All of that isn't yours to bear. What Mala, your coworker, and your mom are going through, you can only support them. You can't take on their distress. There's nothing you can do directly to change their situations. Being there for them is more than enough, and it makes a difference to them, whether or not you realize it. We all have our respective burdens to bear, it's not fair to add them to it by taking on the world's worries onto your shoulders."

My sweetest love. You always have the right words that act as ointment to my wounds. I wish you listened to yourself. You've suffered the most and are deserving of the most ease. Were it possible to give all the peace written for me, I would hand them to you in a heartbeat.

I nodded.

"And about your father—if he wants us to apologize then we will. I would do anything that would give you peace and save you from spending time stressing over it. Regarding your work, it's nothing you haven't handled before. If anything, with the amount of work you do, you should be compensated more. You don't get paid enough for what you do. I would advise you that you ask for a promotion or look for a new job."

I squeezed his hands, nodding. "I'll think about it."

He brushed his fingers into my hair and pressed his lips to my cheek. His forehead pressed to mine. "You never have to carry all of this on your own, my love. You have me."

My eyes watered again.

How did I get so lucky? He was everything and more.

I kissed his lips. "I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, Alizey," he searched my eyes with his soft ones, moving his head back, "Tumhari aankhon mein jab bhi taqleef ka nishaan dekhta hoon, dil mein bojh ban kar reh jaata hai. Duniya tumhari kadmon mein rakh deta agar mumkin hota toh." He took my hand and placed it on his heart, "Meri aur koi khwaish nahin hai siwaye tumhe haste hue dekhna. Tumhare iss chehre se hi zinda hoon main."
(When I see a sign of pain in your eyes, it becomes a heavy weight on my heart. I would set the world at your feet if it were possible. I have no other wish but to see you smiling. I am alive because of this face of yours)

"Mere sab kuch ho tum. Sab se zyaada mohabbat karti hoon main tumse."
(You are my everything. I love you the most)

Tumhe kabhi khona nahin chahti, kabhi niraash nahin karna chahti.
(I never want to lose you, I never want to disappoint you)

Fawad kissed me passionately in response. "Jaan ho tum meri."
(You are my life)

He pulled me up and took my things back out from the armoire.

"Naaha lo. Main baahir se hokar aata hoon."
(Shower. I'll be back from outside)

"Where are you going?"

"Sab kuch batana hai kya tumhe?" he teased, returning my words.

I sighed with a small smile, shaking my head as I went into the restroom.

I was combing my wet hair in the balcony when I heard the main door open. Fawad stepped in with bags in hand.

"What are those?" I asked, stepping back inside.

"Dinner and," he extended the other bag to me.

I opened it to find a teddy bear inside holding a heart-shaped balloon that had 'I LOVE YOU' printed on it.

I hugged Fawad, "Thank you, baby. You didn't need to get me this." I looked up at him with apologetic eyes, "I'm sorry for fighting with you."

He kissed me, making my heart skip a beat like always. "I wanted to. It hurts me when I hurt your feelings. I only want to make you happy like you make me."

"You make me the happiest girl in the world."

His arms wrapped around my waist, and he lifted me up so we were eye to eye. "Oh yeah?"

My expression faltered, the stupid whispers creating obnoxious noise in my mind about how heavy he probably thought I was.

I forced a smile onto my lips for the sweetest man in front of me, nodding.

He closed the space between us with a loving kiss. "I love you."

"I love you more, jaanam." I leaned in to kiss him once more.

He gazed into my eyes adoringly then put me down. "Let's pray then eat. You have to take a painkiller for your headache, Alizey."

I nodded.

After we prayed, Fawad served me plate of the warm chicken biryani that he had gone out to buy. There was no getting away from not eating it. I was full after just a few bites. Once we finished eating, he sent me to bed then took out a pill for me from the medicine cabinet and handed me glass of water.

I extended my arms out to him, wiggling my fingers as he approached from putting away my cup. He chuckled and joined me in bed. He pulled me into his arms gently and made me rest my head on his chest. His lips pressed to my head before he brushed his fingers through my hair repeatedly in a soothing manner. The sound of his heartbeat lulled me to sleep, silencing my whirling thoughts.

The following morning, I made myself an egg white omelet with tomato and spinach like Mama makes for Jia Api and a cheesy regular omelet with veggies and a side of toast for Fawad. He asked why I didn't have any toast, and I got by telling him that I wasn't too hungry.

"Alizey?"

I looked up from the manuscript and at Judy. It was the following evening, and we were meeting up at another cafe. We were supposed to have about 2-3 more meetings, but she worked over winter break and finished going through the last few chapters.

"What's wrong, honey? Is there something on your mind?"

I pushed a smile to my lips, "No. Everything's okay."

"Are you sure? You seem a little quiet today."

"Mhm. Thanks for asking, Judy."

"Of course, sweetie. Can I at least buy you something to drink? A hot cocoa? Latte? I know you said you don't really drink coffee."

"I'm fine. Thank you though."

She nodded with a small smile then glanced across my shoulder, "Oh, your husband's here."

I turned to look at Fawad, who had dropped me off. He was quite early.

He greeted the both of us once he reached our table then began asking, "Is it alright if I'm here-"

"Of course! Have a seat," Judy gestured at the empty chair next to me.

"Baby, Judy and I still have 45 minutes left. You're okay with waiting for that long?"

"Yeah. I don't mind. I stopped by at some places then thought about going home, but it would take about 35 minutes. I didn't want to be late to pick you up."

"I could've dropped Alizey," Judy stated.

"It's no problem. I prefer picking her up. It gives me more time with her," Fawad chuckled softly.

I smiled shyly.

"How cute! I see where you got inspiration for Rihan and Akram, Alizey."

"I actually wrote Intezaar before we met," I explained before teasing, "but I'm sure Fawad would love to know what you mean."

Judy's eyebrows furrowed, confused.

"I actually haven't let Fawad read any of my books."

"What!"

"Now you know why I'm actually here," my husband joked.

I nudged him playfully, making him laugh.

"You really haven't read any of her novels?!"

I looked up at Fawad with a smirk.

Let's watch you lie to her, Mr. Naammeinkyahai.

"She's told me about Intezaar verbally, but she didn't want me to read it."

Ahh. There we are. His clever, careful choosing of words.

Judy tsked. "You are missing out. Your wife is very talented and creative."

"I know she is," Fawad gazed at me with admiration. He then looked at Judy, "Sorry. I don't mean to be taking away from your time together."

"No no. I can stay a bit longer. Also, would you like anything to drink? The espresso here is really good."

"I'm alright. Thank you."

"I'll just be back from the restroom," I excused myself.

I had taken Fawad's sandwich to work, but I gave it to Irtaza. I was running on only water after breakfast to keep myself full. Now I really had to take a bathroom break.

When I returned, I saw Judy typing on Fawad's phone. "I agree," Judy giggled, handing it back to him.

"On?" I asked, placing myself next to Fawad, who slid his phone back into his pocket.

"That promotions is going to be such an exciting time! You'll finally get to announce to your Wattpad readers that you're publishing your book. Then there's going to be posters, ads, and then the launch party. It's going to be so much fun. Have you ever met any of your readers? Are any of them in LA? You can invite them to the launch party, something special for being an original reader."

I glanced at Fawad slyly since Judy had revealed the name of the website I write for. He acted nonchalant, as though he didn't even notice or even know of its existence.

"Wattpad doesn't tell me where they are in the states, so I'm not exactly sure. Maybe I can ask them to DM me if they are."

"Lovely. Okay. Where were we?"

Once we finished our editing session, Judy told me she would do a final run through of the novel before sending it off for printing.

As Fawad and I walked to his car, he bantered, "I'm surprised you didn't make me leave."

"Why?"

"I got to see and hear your writing line by line."

"Not only that, you found out the name of the website I write for. All that's remaining is my username."

"I'll wait till you tell me that yourself."

"What makes you so confident that I'll tell you?"

"The information comes to me itself, like today. I didn't have to fight for it."

"Right."

He laughed at my response.

When we got home, we had finished praying when Fawad paused by his phone charger just as he was about to plug in his phone.

"Is everything alright, baby?"

He nodded silently.

I approached, putting my hand on his shoulder, "What happened?"

"I didn't realize what day it was tomorrow," he answered quietly, his eyes on the glowing date on his phone.

His grim expression told me that it could only be one thing. "Sana and Musa's-"

He nodded.

Their death anniversary. It will have been 5 full years since the accident.

"Main bhool kaise gaya?" I heard him mutter to himself, his eyes taking on a distant look.
(How did I forget?)

My expression faltered. I didn't know what to say to him to comfort him.

The truth was he had been so preoccupied with us, and now I felt guilty that he forgot because of it.

"Sana's family are in town. I should've called them," he began scrolling through his contact list.

"I thought you guys don't talk?" I questioned softly.

"We don't, but her dad is the only one that answers my calls when it's near her death anniversary. It's the only time he speaks to me. He knows we will be seeing each other at the cemetery," he held the phone to his ear, "I usually call to check if they arrived safely and if they need anything." He ended the call after it went to voicemail. "F*ck," he mumbled under his breath. He tried calling again to no avail.

"Maybe he just hasn't seen your call. He'll call you back," I tried to reason.

"I don't know." He sighed. "Can you heat up the food? I'll be back from downstairs," Fawad turned around and opened his armoire, taking out a box of cigarettes.

"Ba-" Fawad was already halfway to the front door before I could finish calling out to him.

I took a shaky breath and proceeded to ready our dinner.

When Fawad returned, he told me Sana's father called him back and that they were indeed in town to visit his daughter and grandson's graves. My husband also informed me that he was calling out sick tomorrow to do the same. I offered to call out, but he told me I shouldn't. I then voiced the thought that popped into my head about if her family would be upset if they knew he remarried, and his ambiguous yet polite answer told me all that I needed to know. I told Fawad that I would love to pay Sana and Musa a visit after work when her family would be gone, and he didn't oppose to taking me then.

Fawad flip flopped from side to side for at least an hour after we went to bed. If that wasn't enough, when the poor man finally fell asleep, he suffered a nightmare after a really long time. It had been over several weeks that he hadn't gotten them, so I thought it was over, that he would never get them again. However, life wasn't that black and white. With the anniversary of the accident and his late family's death tomorrow, he proved that the body remembers trauma.

My husband was understandably quiet in the morning. After breakfast, he dropped me off to work, and that's the last I had heard of him all day. My calls went unanswered, and my texts were left on 'Delivered' during my lunch break.

Fawad's P.O.V.

It was the first death anniversary of Sana's and Musa's where I had attempted to go about it correctly. I was close to overdosing each time in the past, but today, after dropping Alizey off, I showered and went to the mosque. I prayed Dhuhr and made donations on behalf of my late wife and son. I then bought flowers for Sana and Musa before going to the cemetery. Her family, her father, brother, and two of her male cousins, arrived shortly after. They greeted me coldly, save for her brother who chose to ignore me entirely.

After praying for Sana and Musa's souls, her family was preparing to leave. I approached her father and explained to him that I wanted to send money to his village in Pakistan to feed the less fortunate on the occasion of Sana and Musa's death anniversary. Sana would often donate to her parents' village, and I wanted to do the same to make her soul happy.

Her father didn't oppose to it. "Shoaib," he called out to his son. After he walked over, my former father-in-law explained what I wanted to do then said, "Give Fawad the details to transfer the money."

Shoaib scoffed, "Kyun Baba? Yeh sab dikhawa hai, aur kuch nahin."
(Why Baba? It's all a pretense, and nothing else)

"Shoaib," he sighed.

"Kya? Sahi keh raha hoon main, hai na?" Shoaib taunted me. "Khud aage bar liya mere behen aur bhateeje ko bhul kar-"
(What? I'm correct, aren't I? You've moved on yourself, forgetting my sister and nephew-)

Sana's father looked at me with question.

"Bataya toh tha aap ko Baba. Kahaan hai teri girlfriend, Fawad? Dekha tha maine uss din. Hamare zindagiyon ko tabah karke, mere ek lauti behen aur bhateeje ko maar ke, tu bade maze mein reh raha hai. Kamaal hai. Aur ab tu neki karna chah raha hai. Kyun? Guilt jeene de nahin raha?"
(I had told you, Baba. Where is your girlfriend, Fawad? I saw that day. After ruining our lives, after killing my only sister and nephew, you are living in fun. Amazing. And now you want to do good deeds? Why? Is the guilt not letting you live?)

And this was exactly why I didn't want Alizey to accompany me.

I looked at my late wife's father, admitting, "Dobara shaadi kar liya maine."
(I've remarried)

Alizey was my wife, not my girlfriend. She deserved to be referred to with dignity.

Shoaib clapped sarcastically, "Wow. Amazing. And to think my sister married you. They died because of you, and you-"

My heart sank at his words.

"Shoaib, that's enough. Give him the transfer details. We need to start going."

"Main nahin de raha. Humein koi zaroorat nahin iske koi bhi cheez ka."
(I'm not going to give it. We don't need anything from him)

"Dobara nahin kahoonga. Details de do. Humein ravana hona hai."
(I won't say it again. Give him the details. We need to start heading out)

Shoaib glared at me until his father stuffed his phone into his hand. He drudgingly texted me the information. After giving me a look of disgust, Shoaib went over to his cousins and led them to the parking lot.

"Haqq hai tumhe," my head turned towards my former father-in-law as he spoke, "aage barne ka... Bas mere beti aur pote ko bhool mat jaana."
(You have the right to move on... But just don't forget my daughter and my grandson)

"Kabhi nahin," I responded immediately.
(Never)

"Inn dono ka qabr yahan hai. Shohar the tum Sana ke, Musa ke baap, iss liye tumhare qareeb rehne diya, warna tumhare elawa aur koi nahin hai inn dono ka Los Angeles mein. Ziyarat karte rehna."
(Both of their graves are here. You were Sana's husband, Musa's father, that's why I let them stay near you, otherwise they have no one besides you in Los Angeles. Continue visiting them)

I remember her father and Shoaib were initially opposed to letting Sana and Musa be buried here because they lived nearly 6 hours away. Perhaps seeing what my state had become, her father allowed that they remain near me.

"Abhi bhi karta hoon main."
(I still do)

He nodded.

"Agar kuch zaroorat-"
(If you need anything)

"Thik hai," he stopped me. "Chalta hoon."
(It's fine. I'll be going now)

I nodded, watching him go.

I sat down between Sana and Musa's graves, pulling out my phone to read Surah Yaseen for them. All the while, the suffocating memories from 5 years ago, Shoaib's words, the guilt of nearly forgetting the death anniversary began eating me alive.

"Dobara shaadi kar liya maine."
"Wow. Amazing. And to think my sister married you. They died because of you, and you-"

While I grew to accept that their death's were written in that moment, the 'what if's really pushed the idea that had I done something differently, then perhaps they would've still been with me.

I loved Alizey. She was my entire heart now, but I still had responsibilities towards the memory of Sana and Musa. I told myself I would always honor Sana and Musa until I died. I made a trip to the cemetery the other day, but how did I almost forget today? How was I not aware that the date of their passing, of the accident was approaching?

The flashbacks of the accident, the screeching of metal, their funeral, years spent intoxicated, overdosing--it felt like I had relapsed, that a wound nearly healed had been tore open. It was raw, and I felt myself nestling back into the familiar embrace of sorrow and despair.

Alizey's P.O.V.

I stood by the curb, checking the time on my phone. Fawad should've been here 15 minutes ago to pick me up.

I dialed his number again only to be met with voicemail for the second time. He hadn't responded to my earlier calls or texts either.

I hope he was okay. It was Sana and Musa's death anniversary, and it feels like he probably shut down. That's probably why he wasn't answering. If it was indeed the case, I wish he wouldn't have shut me out like this. I want to support him.

I waited for another 15 minutes until I realized. He wasn't coming.

Trying to blink back my tears, I headed back inside to my office building's lobby, cursing myself.

It's not about you, Alizey. He lost his wife and child for crying out loud. You have no right to be crying.

I feel shut out and forgotten. I want to be his shoulder to cry on, to lend him an ear... He could've told me he wasn't coming. I didn't expect it, otherwise I would've taken my car-

Why didn't you? It took him nearly 5 years to move on. Of course today isn't easy on him. You aren't his number one. They are. You can't be his focus all the time.

I'm not asking to be. I just-

Stop. Just stop. I'm tired of this.

I sat down and checked the bus routes to our apartment. I would have to take at least two different ones and it said it would take me over an hour to get home. I resorted to downloading Uber and importing my card information before booking a ride home.

My stupid stomach growled as I waited for the car to arrive. I'd only eaten yogurt in the morning to keep up with my diet.

My heart sank. Fawad probably hadn't eaten either.

Once I got home, I took my car and bought flowers before going to the cemetery. I was sure he was there.

And he was indeed.

Fawad sat on the grass between Sana and Musa with his arm around a figure that I discovered was Haadi once I got closer.

"Bhabi-" Haadi began, noticing my presence.

Fawad's eyes widened, "Alizey-" he stood up, "Alizey!" he pulled me into a hug.

I closed my eyes tightly, hoping to suppress my tears.

Why was I being so sensitive? He's evidently sorry. It's not like he's stood me up before. This was the first time, and how can I hold it against him when I know why?

"Sh*t. I'm so f*cking sorry. F*ck," he began patting his pockets frantically. "My phone," he looked in the direction of his car then back at me, "I haven't looked at my phone all day. I left it in the car." He cupped my cheeks, searching my eyes, "Baby, I'm so sorry. I was so caught up-"

"It's fine," I placed my hands on his, nodding reassuringly, "Don't worry."

He wrapped me in another hug, pressing his lips to my head. "I'm sorry, Alizey. I mean it."

The truth was I am forgettable. It's just how it is, and I needed to accept it.

"It's okay. I know," I gave him a squeeze before moving away to greet my brother-in-law, "How are you, Haadi?"

"Alhamdulillah. You?"

"Alhamdulillah. Where's your mom?"

"She was here. She wanted to pray for Sana Bhabi and Musa. She left a little while ago," he then explained, "She drove me. I wanted to stay back with Bhai. He said he's going to drop me off."

I nodded with a small smile before proceeding to lay the flowers on the graves. I closed my eyes and recited Surah al-Fatiha then made sincere dua for the pair silently.

Fawad stood next to me. "Thank you for coming," he told me quietly after I finished.

"This isn't something to thank me about... Do you want to stay longer?"

He shook his head. "I'll drop Haadi. I'll see you at home."

I nodded.

I bid my brother-in-law farewell then went home.

The sound of dal bubbling filled the solemn, empty apartment. I mindlessly chopped some cucumbers when the door opened.

"You're here," I said, glancing at Fawad.

He let out a deep breath, taking off his shoes. "There was a lot of traffic."

"Oh... It was a long day for you, Fawad. Go change and pray. Dinner's almost ready. It's late already." I went over to the fridge and got a lemon.

Fawad appeared next to me and took the lemon from my hand, setting it on the cutting board. He gripped my arms and then sat me down on the bed. He kneeled in front of me, looking up into my eyes with guilt. "I'm sorry, Alizey. I was so stuck in my thoughts that I didn't think about anything else. I met Sana's family and-" he sighed, "It was all like reliving my life five years ago. I felt frozen by it. I'm sorry I didn't contact you all day or pick you up, jaan. I wasn't aware-"

I leaned down and hugged him. "I know. It's okay. I understand it was a really hard day for you. I wish I could've been there to be there for you. It must have been overwhelming—seeing her family, having flashbacks, all of it."

His head rested against my chest, and he exhaled deeply. I kissed his head before brushing my fingers through his hair.

"But I'm so proud of you. Look at how you've dealt with today compared to in the past. You're sober. You communicate your feelings so much more now. You're cognizant of what it is that weighs heavy on you."

His lips pressed against the skin between my collar bones. "Thank you," he said vulnerably.

"You're welcome, baby. I love you."

"I love you too, Alizey," he looked up at me with soft eyes. "I'm sorry-"

I cut him off with a peck. "Go take a shower. The food'll be ready soon."

He inhaled deeply then got up, gathering his things to take to the bathroom.

When he came back, I served him a plate of rice with his favorite shrimp curry. I explained I had a big lunch when he questioned me on my bowl of just dal topped with salad. A light headache from not eating all day chewed at my brain. I slowly sipped the dal while we made small talk, trying to not think about the heaviness of the day. Later that night, we found ourselves emotionally exhausted. He sought refuge in my arms, and I comforted him until we dozed off.

"I've blocked him everywhere," Mala told me as we sat on her sofa and ate popcorn while watching an Indian singing competition on TV.

It was now Saturday. Last night, Fawad and I met Mateo during Api's dinner. He was a little shy, but I could tell he was kindhearted and easy-going. He's certainly more introverted than Sarfaraz Bhai. Nevertheless, he's really happy with Api, and as is she with him. There was nothing more I could want for my sister.

"Good. As you should."

"I know."

"What about the girl?"

Mala stuffed her mouth with popcorn, her eyebrows furrowing with guilt.

"Mala, you should block her too. Don't look at her stories. You're only going to be hurting yourself by seeing what she posts. You're constantly going to be comparing yourself, and for what?"

Wow. Hypocritical much, Alizey?

"I know I know. You're right. I just-" She sighed.

"It's just adding salt to your wounds. You don't even want him back. Who cares what she posts or what they're doing? He should no longer exist in your life."

Mala nodded. "You're right. She can have him. I was nothing but faithful to him. I don't deserve what he did to me."

"100 percent."

She grabbed her phone and stared at the block option for a moment. She finally took a shaky breath and pressed the button then tossed her phone to the side. I then watched her reach for the remote to turn up the volume of the show.

"Now give it up for Shreyansh!" the host cheered.

It was an episode commemorating Kishore Kumar. The contestant began crooning an old melody, and I found myself disassociating and getting sucked into the loud vortex of my mind.

🎶"Kabhi ek pal bhi kahin ye udaasi dil mera bhoole.🎶
(How I wish that my heart would forget this sadness for just a moment.)

I felt my eyes starting to well slowly.

🎶Kabhi muskura kar dabe paaon aa kar dukh mujhe choo le."🎶
(Sometimes, smiling, the sorrow comes quietly and touches me)

My teeth dug into my trembling lower lip.

🎶"Na kar mujhse gham, mere dillagi yeh dillagi. Badi sooni sooni hai zindagi yeh zindagi."🎶
(Don't be sad with me, my love. This life is very lonely)

"Hey, what happened?" Mala leaned closer, her eyes widening at the tears racing down my cheeks.

I grabbed a tissue from her coffee table, quickly drying my eyes. "I don't know," I whimpered.

She placed her arm on my shoulder, "What's wrong, Zey? Is everything alright?"

A shaky breath left my lips. I didn't have it in me to try and string the words together to explain my thoughts nor did I want to give her the elaborate excuse I gave Fawad earlier this week. I resorted to a dumb lie, "I think I'm getting my period soon. I'm just PMSing. The song was sad, and it made me emotional."

"Girl, your feelings are still valid, period or not. Is everything okay? Is there something on your mind?"

I sniffled, pushing a small watery smile to my lips, "I'm fine, Mala." I took her hand and gave it a squeeze, "Thanks."

"Don't think just because I'm going through it because of Abbas that we can't talk about other things. I'm here for you too, Zey."

"I know. I appreciate it. Thank you."

She studied me before her shoulders slumped. She nodded.

"Kamaal ke awaaz hai tumhare paas, Shreyansh! Kishore Da ke bohat yaad aa gaye hai mujhe," one of the judges reviewed.
(You have an amazing voice, Shreyansh! I am now really missing brother Kishore)

After I returned home, Fawad and I prayed the remaining prayers of the day. He had just come back home as well from the gym. One of the perks of his new job was a free gym membership.

I opened the armoire and put my hijab inside then closed it. The mirror then came into view. My stomach looked a little flatter, but in other places--it was probably too soon to see any results.

A sigh left my lips as my gaze shifted to the reflection of the balcony behind me.

"Baby?" It was still early, and there wasn't much to do at home. "Do you want to go for a drive by the beach?"

"Sure."

Thus, we found ourselves driving along Santa Monica Beach. We got lucky with parking, so decided to stroll along the pier.

"And then?" Fawad probed as we held hands.

A cluster of seagulls flew across the cloudy sky. It looked like it would rain any moment.

"And then now I'm not sure if I want Salaam to end up with Heera or Taniya." The man was able to get me to narrate Ishq ke Azmaish to him, and I went along with telling him about it even though I know he's read all of it so far.

"I can imagine your readers would be really upset with you if you made Salaam and Taniya a couple."

We approached the edge and looked down at the water.

"I agree. The story I wrote before Ishq ke Azmaish had a sad ending, so I think it would be nice if this one had a happy ending. Look," I pointed down at a stray black duck in the ocean.

"I've never seen a duck in the ocean."

"Me neither. Oh! Where did it go?"

Fawad smiled at me as I searched for the small animal.

"There it is! Does it just keep doing that? Summersaulting into the water every time a wave comes?"

"I don't think it has any other option."

"How does it not get tired?"

"Allah created them like that. They're designed to withstand it."

"True."

He tugged on my hand, and we continued strolling.

"Does Taniya truly like Salaam or is it more of an attachment?"

"I think if Salaam gave Taniya a true chance, then it would be sincere from her side. I'm leaning towards giving Salaam and Heera having a happy ending, so Taniya is going to be hurt about Salaam and Heera's marriage, and she's going to have to get over it. I want her to have that kind of character development and not be-"

"B*tchy?" Fawad chuckled.

"Exactly," I giggled. "You know? I have an idea though for if I were to ever make a sequel to Ishq ke Azmaish."

"What is it?"

"Salaam and Taniya would get married after Heera tells him to marry her just as she's about to-"

"Let's head back," Fawad guided me back to the entrance of the pier quickly as it suddenly started pouring.

I rushed to the balcony as we entered our apartment, scrambling to close the sliding glass door. "Oh no. There's a huge puddle. Good thing we don't have carpet."

"Dry your hair first, jaan. You're going to catch a cold." Fawad grabbed my towel and walked towards me.

He stood in front of me and rubbed my hair with the towel. He gazed down at my eyes lovingly with his soft ones.

His eyes held the power to make any girl swoon and melt right there and then. And his damp jet black hair made matters worse.

He leaned down and planted a short kiss to my lips. He then proceeded to dry my hair, but his hands slowed as we further grew mesmerized staring into each other's eyes. His orbs lowered to my mouth, and he ducked his head for another soft caress. He then tossed the towel aside. He placed his lips on mine and gripped my waist. He pulled me closer, deepening the slow, passionate kiss.

The sound of the rain drumming down against the balcony's glass door fanned the flame growing within us.

His tongue wrestled with mine as his hands wandered under my shirt. He gave my waist a squeeze and-

'Vic got cheated on by her boyfriend. Before they broke up, her boyfriend told her that he wasn't attracted to her body because she's not fit.'

My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to ignore the intrusive thought.

'It's easy to say, but they're guys, Alizey. If they like what they see, that's what they go after. They don't think too much about it.'

'My little sister's too boring for him. A guy like him deserves some spice in his life.'

Fawad turned ourselves around without breaking the kiss, and my arms circled around his neck while he guided me closer to the bed.

'Jaise dikhta hai Fawad, uske saath sirf Sana hi jachchti thi. She doesn't match with him.'

'Kahaan Sana aur kahaan yeh. Beyhadh khubsoorat thi woh. Jaise roop waise hi baaton ki andaaz aur zaheen.'

'Mujhe toh lagta hai ke iss dusre shaadi se woh zyaada khush nahin hai. Zabardasti ki gayi hogi'

My husband's arms wrapped around my waist firmly as he trailed kisses down my neck.

'Sana was the mother of my child, my wife. To even think of myself mistreating or neglecting her or Musa made me upset.'

'I haven't looked at my phone all day. I left it in the car. Baby, I'm so sorry. I was so caught up-'

Fawad proceeded on working the love bite he was giving me, meanwhile my heartbeat echoed in my ears loudly from the overwhelming thoughts.

'I'm cool with this rishta if you are. I was telling mom I prefer Jia-'

'Alizey had just graduated and started working instead of doing more school. I'm almost done with dentistry program.'

'Ek mamooli se naukri karti ho. Ek mahina kya, teen hafte ke kharche bhi nahin utha sakogi tum tumhare tankhwe se'

Fawad connected his lips to my again, gently pushing me to sit on the bed. I heard him start to unbuckle his belt and throw it aside.

'Sana had hand-painted clouds, animals, and dinosaurs on them.'
'She was an artist?'
'She didn't think she was good enough to be called one, but I thought she was unequivocally talented.'

'Even if you were upset about it, you can't always be a crybaby, Alizey.'

His kisses grew sloppy before he started another love bite on my neck. Meanwhile, my breathing grew heavy from the thoughts I was desperately trying to get rid of.

'Lekin dusri shaadi toh dusri shaadi hoti hai. Fawad Sana ko bhool nahin payega. Aakhir pehli aulaad usne hi di thi.'

'Jo maa-baap ke mohabbat haasil nahin kar saki, woh shohar ka pyaar kaise haasil karegi? Uski asli fitrat ko dekh ke, woh bhi chhod dega ussey kuch hi mahinon mein.'

Fawad pulled me closer as kissed me passionately, his fingers getting lost in my hair.

'The douchebag told her that she's not good in bed and that his new girl is way better at satisfying him.'

His fingers slipped into the waistband of my pants, and he began tugging them lower.

'Sana duniya thi meri. I loved her. I loved her so much. I learned what love was when I met her. And I promised I would love her forever... I told myself I would never get married again because I could never give anyone her place.'

I broke the kiss and opened my watery eyes, tears racing down my cheeks as I placed my hands on his, "Stop."