You watched from the shore as the large boat moved closer and closer to the beach. The sun was in your eyes so you lifted an arm to shade your face. Scanning the figures moving around on the boat, you easily spotted Matt on the roof deck. Even from this distance your heart began to race at the sight of him. You raised both of your arms and waved frantically to him. He was home. Matt was finally home. You frowned slightly and thought maybe he hadn't seen you waving because Matt turned his head away from your direction and began making his way down to the lower deck. But your heart was too happy to worry about that. He would be in your arms soon and everything would be wonderful again.

Jumping from the skiff, Matt's eyes met yours and for a second, there was a look in them that you didn't quite recognize. His gaze was questioning as his eyes traveled over your face. Then his usual grin reappeared and he threw his arms around you, hugging you tightly.
"I really missed you, honey." His arms around you were comforting and you squeezed back and let your tears of joy fall.
"I really missed you, too, Matt." He kissed your tearstained face gently.

"Let me tell you about our trip!" He grinned and launched into a long story of their adventures on their latest hauling job. He kept up a running narrative from the beach all the way to your cabin. Somewhere along the way, you stopped nodding and smiling at his story and simply looked at him. Something was wrong. His eyes were too bright and his voice was too loud. Your heart clenched with a nagging fear that left you struggling to pay attention to his words. And you could easily see that whatever had happened while Matt was away, he was doing his best to act as if it hadn't happened.

You and Matt had been together long enough that you believed you were the only woman in his life. You trusted him completely and he had never let you down or given you a moment of worry when it came to fidelity. But something was definitely wrong. You went through all the motions of helping him stow all his gear and unpack his used clothes from the trip. It hurt you to do it, but you took your time pulling out all of his dirty clothes, looking for anything out of place, anything unusual. But there was nothing.
Matt had wanted to take a nap immediately and you held back your tears of disappointment as you nodded and helped him pull off his heavy work boots and jacket. Whenever he would come back from a job, the first thing he wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and sometimes he held you so long that you had to pull away, telling him you had to take care of your chores before bedtime. But this time, he had kissed you briefly and his eyes had slid away from yours when you asked if he was ok.

"I'm fine, honey. Just tired." He hadn't waited for any response from you.
It was late but you were too nervous to go to bed. Truthfully, you were too scared. Matt was still sleeping flat on his back in the bed you shared. He hadn't moved in almost an hour.

Your heart was beating so fast and you wanted to know what was wrong but there was a huge part of you that didn't want to know. That girl wanted to bury her head in the sand and go on with her happy life. And life with Matt had been so happy. You couldn't imagine what had gone wrong and why he didn't talk to you about it. Matt talked about anything and everything. So this not talking - was killing you.

"I'm not asleep." Matt's voice reached you from the bed and you weren't surprised. You had been watching him and you could tell by his breathing that he was awake. But you were so conflicted with fear that you had just sat alone in the dark and watched him.
"Do you want to talk?" You wanted to get up from your chair and sit on the bed next to him, but you didn't.
"Yeah." Matt spoke tiredly. He pushed himself up from the bed and sat on the side, running his hands through his loose curly hair. He needed a haircut, you noted absently. You loved his hair long but he told you that it bugged him when it got too long. You always pretended to cry when he came back after his dad cut his hair and he would laugh and tell you 'poor baby' as he hugged your false tears away. Shaking your head to focus, you stayed sitting in your chair and Matt stayed sitting on the bed. He didn't try to move closer to you, either.
"What happened?" You finally asked the question you didn't want to know the answer to.

Matt's sigh was so deep you could feel the agony all the way to your soul. You dropped your head and now that the conversation had started you were ready to hear everything.
"Please, Matt. Just tell me."
"I met someone." He lifted his head and looked in your eyes. Your heart stopped. You couldn't breathe and now that he had spoken the words, you didn't feel quite like you thought you would. All you could feel right then was...cold.
"Who is she?" Did you really care? But it seemed like the question you were supposed to ask at a time like this.
"What? What do you mean, she?" Matt scratched his head in confusion. "I met a guy. He said you and he had..." He finally stood up and walked heavily over to you, his face a mess of emotions. "He said you and he had..."
Your breath blew out of you in a rush as you realized what he was saying.

"Matt, baby." You reached out and pulled him down to you and he slid to his knees in front of your chair, but he still didn't touch you. "Babe, you know you weren't the first man I was with. I told you that after we got together. I wish you had been my first, but I'm sorry." You stroked his cheek, feeling the rough stubble there but he shook his head out of your way.
"No. He said it was when I was away the last time. He said you came to town and you and he met up and that it wasn't the first time." Matt's blue eyes were filled with hurt and sadness and it made him look so old and so tired and it made you want to kiss him and tell him you loved him to make it all better. But his words? His words made you angry.

"And you believed him?" Your teeth were gritted and you balled your hands into fists because you wanted to punch him right in the mouth. How dare he accept some strangers word without even talking to you first! He acted like you hadn't professed your love and desire for him over and over. He acted like you hadn't chosen him and chosen to share his life with him.

You stood up quickly and moved away, leaving him still kneeling with his hands now folded on the chair looking so much like a man deep in prayer. Your anger was getting the best of you and you knew you needed to calm down and explain things carefully and completely.
"There was a man." You spoke the words evenly as you tuned back to face Matt. You still weren't as in control as you hoped but you needed to end this quickly. "He came after me when I was shopping in town the last time you were away. I told him I wasn't interested but he kept coming after me. He said he knew I was with you but that he could give me so much more that you could." You laughed and shook your head. "And I told him I would never leave you. That no one could ever give me more than you could."

You waited with your eyes locked on Matt's and in that moment it occurred to you that he was as much afraid of losing you as you were of losing him. There was so much trust between you before, but it had only taken a few words from a complete stranger to drive a sharp wedge between you. Your mind had immediately gone to your greatest fear. And so had his.

"Babe." Matt stood and closed the distance between you, his arms wrapping around your neck and he pressed your head so tightly to him it was hard to breathe. Grabbing onto his shirt, you pulled yourself as close to him as you could get, squeezing your eyes tight against his shoulder.
"I'm so sorry. I was wrong to even think he might be telling the truth." Matt's words were muffled with his head buried in your hair.
"But you did believe him, didn't you?"
Matt pulled back and looked you in the eye. "Yes. I did. But it was because that has been my greatest fear. That one day you'll wake up and tell me it's been fun but you're moving on." Matt laughed but there was no humor in it. You nodded because you knew that was his fear and you recognized it because it was yours too.
"Matt. I have been afraid that you would wake up one day and tell me the same thing." You shook your head sadly. "What's wrong with us?"
Now that it was out in the open, your fears actually seemed a little crazy. You loved him hopelessly and it was clear the last thing he wanted to do was lose you.
Matt grinned and pressed his lips to yours, kissing you with a passion that you hoped to never be without.

"I think we're both a little crazy, what do you think?" At your nod, Matt began pulling you by the hand over to the small bed.
"But I would love to stick around and deal with your crazy." Matt drew you down with him onto the bed.
"And I would love to stick around and deal with yours."