NATALIE

I was going.

I was done with relentlessly teetering between my options and going back and forth with myself.

And Trevor.

I was going to South Africa with my mother and Joe.

We'd leave in two days and I planned to tell them at dinner tonight. In fact, I was already pulling my suitcase out from under my bed.

I hadn't told Trevor yet, and frankly, I didn't know if I would.

He already seemed so sure that I was going in the first place. He'd figure out I was gone sooner or later.

Don't get me wrong. Part of me desperately wanted to tell him and hope that he'd asked me to stay, but the logical part of me knew that he would never. I'd already given him the opportunity to at least hint that he wanted me around, but all he did was confuse me more. I hated the games we played with each other.

Why couldn't I just look at him and tell him that I liked him? That I wanted to stay and see where this goes? Was I that afraid of rejection? Would I really rather fly halfway around the world to avoid my feelings rather than face them?

Apparently.

I sighed and unzipped my suitcase. I fell back on my bed, running both hands down my face.

I didn't know what I was doing. I knew that I didn't want to go so why was I?

I groaned out loud and heard a knock on my door before hearing it squeak open. I sat up on the bed, looking at my mother who'd just entered.

"Yeah?" I asked.

She ignored me as her eyes went straight to my opened suitcase.

"You've decided to come along?" She asked excitedly.

I shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I guess."

"You guess?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows. "Honey, you are going to have to decide something for sure soon," she said with a frown.

"I know, I know," I said with a groan. "I'm just so indecisive."

I sighed and she sat down on the bed beside me.

"Is something holding you back?" She asked.

"Not really...I just don't know how good of an idea it would be for me to go away for months. I mean, it was different last time when I was still in high school, but I'm almost an adult now and adults can't just pick up from their responsibilities and leave."

"But sweetheart, you're not an adult. It's like you said, you're almost an adult. This time next year, you'll be starting college. You'll be working a part time job. Your schedule will be overflowing. You may never get this opportunity again."

I didn't reply and she sighed.

"You're running out of time." She reminded me as she stood up. "You need to make a decision tonight," she said and she left.

"A decision," I mumbled sarcastically.

Two seconds ago, I had a decision. I was ready to pack. But then, I started thinking about Trevor again. I'd never been in a more impossible situation and I was literally going insane.

Without thinking, I picked up my phone and typed out a message to Trevor before I could stop myself.

To: Trevor
I'm coming over.

I got a response almost immediately.

From: Trevor
Aggressive. I like that. You know how to find the place.

I slipped on a pair of black Nike shorts and a faded T-shirt from my summer camp counselor days. I left my hair down and put my slides on before grabbing my keys.

I was getting my answer.

When I walked down the stairs, it was no surprise to see Joe and my mother blabbering on about something in the kitchen.

"I'm going to the mall!" I called out and pulled on the front door.

I lingered there for a moment, awaiting their response.

Five seconds after they said bye, I was strapped into the seat of my white KIA and backing out of the driveway. I rehearsed what I'd say when I saw him, turning off the radio so I could think clearly.

"Trevor, how would you feel about—no, too cliché."

I took a right turn.

"What are we?"

I shook my head no.

That was lame.

"Tell me what you want from this? If you just wanted fun, then fine. It was fun. But now I'm done. Oh, that's good! I'll say that!" I exclaimed before clearing my throat awkwardly, realizing I'd been talking to myself.

Maybe I really was going crazy.

I drove for a while in silence, my eyes on the road and my thoughts in the clouds. I took a turn down the familiar back road that lead eerily into the woods.

I never realized how creepy and out of the way the house was, but once you got to it, it was beautiful. You never would've thought a bunch of rowdy frat boys lived inside. Better yet, a trap house.

Suddenly, I tensed, remembering the boys.

I'd gotten lucky the last time I came over. They were still out of town, but I knew they were back now. I prayed that I'd get lucky again and they wouldn't be home. The driveway was empty, but that didn't offer me much hope because they all normally parked in a huge garage anyway.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

"You just gotta do it," I mumbled to myself encouragingly as I opened my car door.

I took my time walking to the door, trying to shake my nerves away. I took another deep breath and climbed the steps of the porch and raised my small fist. I knocked lightly on the door. I stepped back, running my hands together anxiously. I could hear someone punching in the code to the door, the automatic locks unlocking as a shirtless Stefan swung it open, a beer in his left hand and plaid pajama pants hung low on his hips.

He looked shocked to see me, to say the least.

I shifted nervously under his gaze and he cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Natalie, uh, hey," he said, chuckling.

"Hi," I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

Something seemed to dawn on his face as it lit up in realization before a smirk slid on his face.

"You must be here to see Trevor," he said, grinning.

I nodded awkwardly and he stepped aside, opening the door wider for me to come in.

"I'll get him for you."

He seemed to almost run up the stairs.

"Trevor!" He yelled in a singsong voice.

Had Trevor told Stefan anything about us?

I knew that out of all of the guys, they were the closest. I could tell by watching them in the week I was here, but I still didn't think that Trevor would've told him. Trevor was obviously a reserved person when it came to his personal life, even with his friends.

Stefan appeared at the top of the stairs, strolling down with that same smirk on his face.

"He's in his office. Last door at the end of the hall."

I nodded as he brushed past me and looked towards the stairs, taking a deep breath before beginning to travel up them. I walked the length of the hall until I came to the last door.

I'd never been in his office. I didn't even know he had an office.

I mean, how many criminal gang leaders do you know with an office?

The door was closed and I didn't know whether to knock or just go in. Instead, I knocked and turned the knob. I stumbled into the room all at the same time, nearly falling. I immediately heard Trevor's laughter as he threw his hands up.

"What was that?" He asked, laughing.

I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks and I turned on my heels, walking back toward the door.

"Do over!" I shouted as I swung the door shut behind me.

I took a deep breath before opening the door again, carefully walking in this time.

Trevor was sitting behind a huge wooden desk, cute little round glasses on his face as he leaned back in his plushy black office chair, stroking his chin as he watched me with an amused look on his face.

I sat down in the leather arm chair in front of his desk across from him.

It reminded me of sitting in the principal's office when I was in school.

"Mr. Professional," I said with a smirk as I positioned myself to sit crisscross in the chair.

He rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as he removed the glasses from his face.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he said with a chuckle and I glanced around his office.

It was furnished in all cherry oak, just like his bedroom. A laptop was flipped open on his desk.

I then allowed my eyes to find him.

He was dressed in his usual attire with that familiar gold chain hanging around his neck and my eyes traveled up to meet his.

He smirked and leaned back in his chair again.

I cleared my throat and looked away from him as I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I wanted to talk to you, Trevor," I said as I fumbled with my hands nervously.

"Is that so?" He asked curiously, stroking his chin and I nodded.

"Trevor, do you—I mean, what are we-"

I stopped myself, totally forgetting anything I'd planned on saying.

Trevor chuckled, waiting as he cocked his head to the side.

I put my head in my hands, hiding my face as I blurted out exactly what I'd been asking myself over and over again for days.

"Do you want me to stay?" I asked.

I kept my hands over my face as I waited for him to say something which didn't come for a long time and I groaned.

"Say something!" I yelled.

He chuckled and suddenly, my hands were pulled off of my face.

Trevor had moved from the chair to directly in front of me, perched on his desk. His eyes were unreadable as he looked at me.

"Do you want me to stay?" I asked again.

"Stay where?" He asked, purposefully avoiding an answer

We both knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Trevor." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you want me to stay? Tell me."

"Do you want me to want you to stay?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Please. Answer the question!" I said, groaning.

"Do you want to stay?" He asked as he threw up his hands.

"DO. YOU. WANT. ME. TO. STAY?!" I yelled, exasperated.

"STAY WHERE?!" He yelled back.

I shot up from the chair and stood in front of him.

"WITH YOU! HERE! DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE WITH YOU AS OPPOSED TO GOING?! DO YOU WANT ME TO STAY OR GO HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD?! IF I DON'T GO, COULD WE EVER EVEN BE SOMETHING?! IF I DO GO, WOULD I MISS OUT ON...WHATEVER THIS IS?! WHATEVER WE ARE?!" I yelled, my hands moving animatedly as I talked fast.

He reached out and caught my hands and pulled me closer to him as he licked his lips.

"Do you want to stay?" He asked, his eyes fixed on mines.

I scoffed and pulled away from him.

"No, no, no," he said, pulling me back by my hips. "Tell me," he mumbled, his fingers tracing small circles on my waist as his eyes stared hypnotically into mine.

"Yes."

"I was afraid you would say that," he said, brushing my hair back with his fingers as I furrowed my eyebrows. "I knew better than to start anything with you."

He shook his head, letting my waist go as he ran his hands down his face.

"But you did," I said as I crossed my arms.

"But I shouldn't have," he said, snapping his eyes over to me.

"I'm a big girl, Trevor. I knew what I was doing." I reminded him and he shook his head.

"You don't get it."

"What? What don't I get?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"I know what you're feeling and let me just tell you, don't. You have no clue what you're getting yourself into." He warned me.

"Trevor, I know who you are. I'm not stupid. I know what you do. I know—"

"Nah, you don't," he said, cutting me off. "You don't know the half of my life. I have stories that would make you sick and have fucking nightmares. I do things that would make you sick and have nightmares. I can't promise you anything. I can't commit to anything. I can't give you what you want, alright?" He ran a hand through his hair. "I know what you want from me. I just...can't right now."

His eyes fixated themselves hollowly on the wall behind me.

I bit my lip and stepped toward him. I wrapped his arms around himself and tilted his chin down to look at me.

"Then I'll wait," I mumbled, my lips pressing softly on his.

It took him a second to respond as he slowly began to move his lips with mine.

I pulled away slightly and looked into his eyes.

"Just tell me you want me to stay," I said, brushing my hand down his cheek.

"I...want you to stay," he said, dropping his hands down to my waist and tugging me closer to him as he looked down at me.

And so I was staying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SHE'S STAYING! But Trevor's worries that he won't be able to give her everything she wants. Could it have something to do with his inability to open up about his emotions? And does that go back to his past with Bridgette and getting his heart broken? He doesn't see how someone like him could ever be what someone like her wants. But could it work? Could opposites really attract?

XOXO,
Kalista