A/N: words: 3777. so. last chapter before the epilogue. love this story with my whole heart. this series as a whole is really special to me,  i've gotten to create my own little canon of the mcu and i love it. anyway, enjoy!

"This used to be a nice apartment, you know." Sam said as he walked into his old apartment. Bucky rolled his eyes, peeling his jacket off.

"I realize that." Bucky retorted with a glare.

"That your nest?" Sam questioned playfully, pointing at the bundle of blankets in the living room.

"If you keep this up, then you'll be sleeping there. Kinda fitting, you know, with the wings and stuff." Bucky quipped back, his face serious, but Sam knew he was biting back a smile. After Sam took care of the whole Flagsmasher mess, he was exhausted. So, Bucky being Bucky (meaning: Bucky being so goddamn in love with Sam that he can barely function) he let Sam stay in his apartment instead of a hotel, or have him fly back to Delacroix. Slowly, Bucky started to regret this decision.

"Funny." Sam said, his tone flat. Bucky snickered as he poured two glasses of water. Wordlessly, he handed it to Sam, who nodded in thanks. He drank it in one go, feeling the water cool his burning lungs. Sam sighed as he set the glass down, and Bucky stared at him, worried.

"You look tired. Take the b- actually, hold on, I'll be right back." Sam was about to protest, but Bucky zipped down the hall before he could get a word out. Sam didn't even wanna know.

~~~~~~

Sam didn't need to know that Bucky was petty and threw stuff in boxes, that were thrown around the room haphazardly. He didn't to know that he never used this room after Sam left.

"Okay, I have to ask." Bucky turned around to the doorway, finding the owner of the voice, Sam, who had taken off the suit, only wearing the black t-shirt and shorts he wears underneath. "What." Sam added, gesturing to the room filled with boxes, that were filled with memories of him. Bucky would respond, if he wasn't so busy staring at Sam. He was bathed in the moonlight, looking like something out of a dream. His eyes sparkled in the light, brown eyes looking like stars. Dark skin that was probably coated in sweat didn't stop the fact that it looked as if it was glowing.

"Buck?"

"Huh?" Bucky snapped out of his daze and refocused. Sam smirked, shaking his head as he walked into the room.

"Anyway, I was going to tell you that you can take the bed, and I'll take the nest." Yeah, no, Bucky was not settling for that.

"Um, no." Bucky retorted simply, and Sam rolled his eyes.

"Oh for the love of god." Sam muttered before adding, "Don't make this difficult, alright?"

Bucky rolled his eyes this time. "You take the bed, you're obviously tired, it's fine, it's not like I've slept in it much."

"Okay, still, that's unreasonable." Sam wasn't letting this go easy, and Bucky planned to make it as simple as he could.

"You really gonna make me do this? Okay." Bucky mumbled, shaking his head, "you take the bed, I take the bed, nothing we haven't done before." Actually, the situations could not be more different. And Bucky knew that, his heart was beating 1000 beats a minute, he knows. But, if Sam is about to be stubborn, then so be it.

Sam stared at him with wide eyes and nodded his head slowly, as if trying to take in what Bucky just said. "Okay." He said slowly, and Bucky knew this was a horrible idea.

~~~~~~~

They had both showered and Bucky tossed Sam a pair of pyjamas (aka two articles of clothing that probably belong to Sam in the first place), and not to mention Bucky staring at Sam for a good 5 minutes after he got out of the shower. Professional, always staying professional. Anyway, point is that Sam was laying in a bed he hasn't seen in months, and it's clearly never seen the daylight for the months he was gone. Bucky was doing god knows what so Sam was left alone, staring at the ceiling with his thoughts.

He could've saved Karli, he could've helped her. He could've helped them all, helped them fight for what they believed in. He could've done it. But she died in his arms instead, and with it, her movement died. Sam could've saved her, but he didn't. He let Sharon take the shot, he could've stopped her, but he didn't. He should've, but he didn't. He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the door open and close. Bucky, in sweatpants that Sam 70 percent sure were his, and laid down beside Sam.

"I couldn't save her." Sam muttered, not even looking at Bucky.

"Sam, she was beyond saving."

"I could've, though, but Sharon shot her. I could've at least stopped that. I could've-" Sam's word were cut off by something that sounded like a cross between a gasp and a sob. Slowly, Bucky laced his fingers through Sam's, squeezing his hand gently.

"There was nothing you could've done. It wasn't your fault. I know that, you know that, she knew that."

"She wasn't a villain. She wanted to do good, she just didn't know how."

"I know, Sammy, I know." Bucky did know, Bucky had watched as Sam tried to sympathize with her, tried to help her, and he could tell she meant good. But she pushed away Sam's help. Reminded him of someone. Tears were welling in Sam's eyes, and he tried to wipe them away before everything escalated. He's exhausted, he just wanted to rest. But he can't rest knowing her blood was on his hand. He tried to blink them away, to push them away for another time.

But his mind wasn't feeling that. Because if she reminded him of anyone, she reminded him of Riley. They both had a fiery spirit, a firecracker attitude, and they didn't like when people got in their way. Sam had a soft spot for both of them. Sam just wanted to help them both, and he failed both times. He couldn't catch Riley, the last thing he saw of him were his sharp blue eyes, and he lifted Karli into the air, as her eyes shut for the last time. Poetic, isn't it.

Sam was overwhelmed, the room was spinning, his grip on Bucky's hand had tightened. Which was what worried Bucky. "Sam? Sam, talk to me." Bucky noticed Sam's fast breath, the tears streaming down his face, no matter how much Sam tried to keep them at bay.

"She- she was j-just like Riley, Buck, she w-was just-" Bucky sat up, pulling Sam up with him.

"Hey Sam, look at me, look at me." Bucky told him, grabbing both of his hands, wiping the tears away.

"I failed them both." Sam murmured, gasping for breath as more sobs wracked his body. Was there nothing he could do? Couldn't Sam have radioed someone to help Riley? Couldn't Sam have stopped Sharon? Couldn't Sam have talked to her beforehand? He could've. But he failed them both. He let only watched Riley fall, and he could only carry Karli up, her heart stopped to halt.

"No, you didn't Sam, you know that. I know that, they know that."

"Karlis last words were 'I'm sorry'. She had nothing to be sorry for, Buck, she was a good kid she just needed-" Sam gasped for breath, tears falling freely. "She just needed help. Help I was supposed to give her but couldn't."

"And that's not your fault. Sam, hey, Sam." Sam still didn't meet his eye. He hadn't looked him in the eye for the conversation. "Sammy." Gently, he angled Sam to look at him. "I know it wasn't fair that she died, it wasn't fair that Riley fell either, but Sam, it wasn't your fault. I know it's hard, but believe me, it wasn't your fault. They know that. I know that. You know that. It's just easier to blame yourself than recognize that life is unfair. Because life isn't supposed to be unfair, it's supposed to be easy, but it isn't. You know that better than anyone I've met. I also know you know it'll get easier. Because it did."

"You're too wise, must be the old age." Sam quipped, offering Bucky the smallest of smiles. Bucky flat out grinned, and nodded.

"Must be. C'mon, get some rest." Bucky suggested, and Sam nodded, but tears were still falling from his eyes.

"Alright, alright."

~~~~~~~~

"No, no, and no." Sam said, pointing at the motorcycle. Bucky chuckled, shaking his head. He had all his clothes (and stuff he stole from Sam, but that's unimportant) stuffed into a backpack on his back, and Bucky might as well have put everything he has in a ziplock bag. But Sam knew for a fact he was not getting on the death mobile.

"C'mon, it'll be fine." Bucky said, rolling his eyes.

"What about the suit, and the shield?" Sam tried, but Bucky shook his head.

"I took this thing with the suit, and the shield shouldn't be too much of a bother."

"You took that thing while carrying this thing?" Sam's eyes were wide with horror as he pointed at the motorcycle, then the suit under his arms. Bucky scoffed.

"It's fine. Don't you trust me?"

Sam scowled at him. "It's not you I don't trust, it's that."

"C'mon, I promise, it'll be fine."

Sam realized there was no way around this. With a sigh, he nodded his head, gripping the suit tighter. "Alright, where's it gonna go?"

Bucky grinned, and took the shield and suit from Sam. Somehow, Bucky got the shield hooked on to the back of the motorcycle, and the suit (taken out of the case) was folded and 'gently' shoved into a compartment.

"Ready?"

"No, but fine." Sam grumbled, watching as Bucky mounted the bike. Slowly, he did the same, a little less hesitant to wrap his arms around Bucky this time. Sam doesn't know what happened, but they were less afraid to be close, close like they used to be. Maybe it was rolling down a hill together, couples therapy perhaps, or how over the past two weeks, Sam started seeing Bucky's smile a bit more every day. Maybe it was all of those things.

~~~~~~~

Sam did not know how Bucky enjoyed this, speeding through the air in the pitch black with all of your sense sent into overdrive. Ok, so Sam knows exactly how Bucky enjoyed this, because it feels like flying. But still, Bucky's made a few turns Sam isn't overly thrilled with.

"You okay? You wanna stop somewhere? We've been on the road for like, 16 hours now." Bucky questioned as the came to a stop at a red light.

"No, no I'm-" Sam's word were cut off by a yawn Sam so desperately tried to stop. He heard Bucky chuckle, and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine." Sam concluded.

"We can stop, you know. There's a hotel about 10 minutes away." Sam considered this for a second, and the idea was more appealing than not as he felt his eyelids get heavy.

"Yeah, yeah alright." Sam agreed finally, and leaned forward, just a bit, resting his head on Bucky's shoulder. The light changed green, and Sam could feel himself dozing off.

~~~~~~

"You are not a morning person." For that comment, Sam got a paper coffee cup thrown at his head. If anything, Bucky was just proving Sam's point even more, but Sam did not verbalize these thoughts, as he did not want hot coffee poured down his back.

"We should get going, we have at least 5 hours left to go." Bucky announced, his voice heavy with sleep and annoyance.

"Yeah, nice job taking a goddamn motorcycle from New York to Louisiana. Real good choice,"

"Oh my god, are you done?"

"The flight was 2 hours. 2 hours." Sam held up two fingers to prove his point. "But, no, you and your damn can-do attitude were determined to drive 21 hours." Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam, and threw his leather jacket over his shoulders.

"C'mon, me and my can-do attitude are leaving."

~~~~~~~~

"Why did I agree to this?" Sam grumbled at the 4 hour mark, causing Bucky to roll his eyes.

"Because you like me and my can-do attitude."

"Are you done with that? Seriously, get a new joke."

"I could push you off this thing, you know."

Sam made his hold on Bucky even tighter, smiling widely. "But you won't." Bucky sighed.

"Unfortunately, you are correct." Bucky huffed, and tried to hide the smile in his voice, the tingling feeling he got near the spot Sam had his arms wrapped around.

~~~~~~~

"Well, you're back." Sarah said as she watched a motorcycle pull into her driveway. Sam smiled at her, shrugging.

"You sound surprised. You really shouldn't be." Sam joked, grabbing the shield and the suit that somehow didn't fall off.

"You exhaust me." Sarah muttered, opening the door for Sam and Bucky to pass through. "Why do you put up with him?" Sarah mumbled to Bucky, causing him to shrug.

"I honestly don't know." And that got him hit in the with paper plate.

"Karma, for hitting me with a paper cup." Sam called out as he made his way through the house.

"Child." Bucky muttered with an eye roll, walking into the house. Sarah had a pained, exasperated smile on her face.

"Children." Sarah muttered to herself, and walked back into her house. This is gonna be interesting.

~~~~~~~~

The morning before Sam and Bucky got there, Sarah had already orchestrated a cookout. The two had found this out just now, as Sarah was explaining when this would take place. 4 days. Bucky rushed Sam into the clearing of trees after the explanation.

"I can leave-" Bucky's words were cut off by a roll of newspaper being thrown at his head. "For the love of god, stop throwing things at me." Bucky said, glaring at Sam. Sam just shrugged.

"I only throw things at you when you're being stupid. Because I know you don't wanna leave. Buck, the first two hours you were here you met half this town. You wanna stay." Sam retorted, a look in his eye that makes Bucky think he's not the only who wants him to stay. So, as any person who doesn't think before they speak, he asked,

"Do you want me to stay?"

Sam froze. Yeah, yeah he did. He wanted nothing more than for Bucky to stay. He's always wanted that. But he can't say that. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he's sure Bucky remembered the day Sam invited him to Delacroix. Where the smell of the water and the sound of water sloshing against the docks made him remember his home, the home he never though he'd got back to. Where the air was colder, and the streets were busier, and his eyes cried less tears. But he's here. And Bucky's here.

"If you want to. The boys love you, Sarah appreciates the help, and the people around here-"

"That's not what I'm asking."

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. Jesus Christ, Bucky needs to keep things simple.

"Sam, do you want me to stay?"

Yeah, yeah I really do. I wanna tell you that I love you, that I never stopped. That I've wanted you here since forever. That I love the way you fit in here so well. That I love the way you're gentle and good with my nephews. That I love the way you make Sarah smile, lift the weight off her shoulders. That I love the way you make me feel whole. Make me feel like I belong, like I can get through this mess of a world because you're right there. Remember when I said you make me feel like I'm flying? I'm not just flying, I'm floating above the clouds, floating to where no one can touch me, hurt me. And I'm with you. Because no matter what happens, I fear it'll always be you.

"Yeah, I guess I do."

Bucky smiled, but tried to hide it with a fake cough. "I'm glad. But there's some stuff I gotta do first, I'll be back in like 3 or 4 days."

"Don't tell me you're taking the vessel of near-death experiences."

"I won't die, its a motorcycle."

"Clearly you forgot how horrid your driving is." Bucky scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I was gonna stick around for a bit longer today, but you know what, for that comment, I'm out." Bucky said playfully, and Sam chuckled, his lips spread into a grin.

"Whatever, be back soon, yeah?"

"For you? Always, Sammy." Sam just about fell over.

~~~~~~~

Sam: hey, you on your way

Buck: yeah, whats up

Sam: how close

Buck: 20 minutes

Sam: oh so now you're texting on your deathbed on wheels?

Buck: its a red light, dingus. And i pulled over, you think so little of me

Sam: yeah, yeah, i worry so much about you and your leather jacket. we forgot a cake

Sam: actually, scratch that. I dont want you dropping it on your serious injury vending machine with a steering wheel (which, by the way, I would like another steering wheel after that time you yanked mine from my car). Get here and take my car

Buck: are you done

Sam: probably not

Buck: fantastic. But yeah, i'll get you your cake

Sam: great, thanks buck

~~~~~~~~~

"Oh, for the love of god." Ok, so Bucky hadn't wrecked Sam's car, but he had dropped the cake about 4 times. It slid off the seat every 5 minutes. Bucky just left it on the floor, and that was clearly the worse decision he could make. With every quick turn, it went a bit of everywhere, and Bucky was about to throw it out the window.

Alas, he pulled into the driveway and scooped up the cake with one hand, adjusting Sam's sunglasses he found from the top compartment. He stepped out of the truck with a pep in his step, a grin on his face. The boys immediately rushed towards him. Bucky pretended to wrestle with them, faking a reaction to their fake punches.

"What took you so long?" Cass questioned, a giant smile on his face. Bucky grinned back and looked around at all the surrounding people. He found Sam in the crowd and grinned even wider.

"Where is everyone?" He shouted, and Sam chuckled. Bucky set the cake down at the picnic table Sam occupied. Sam glanced down at the cake, and it looked like he was gonna say some stupid quip before he got pulled up to take a picture. Bucky smiled at the sight of it, barely taking his eyes off of Sam, until kids were pulling at the hem of his leather jacket.

Yeah, he wanted to stay.

~~~~~~~~

The party had calmed down a bit by now, but it didn't look like it would be over for at least another hour. Sam watched as the sun just began to set down, the water glistening in bright hues of yellow and orange. During the time of Sam's little getaway, Bucky sat down next to him, two beers in his hands.

"Beer?" Bucky asked simply, and Sam took it from Bucky's hand without a word. They stayed silent for a long time, sipping the slightly warm beer and watching as the sun dipped lower and lower. Until Bucky spoke.

"Do you remember what you said to be on the docks in Bucharest? The first time, I mean." Sam smiled softly, nodding his head.

"I do. 'Wanna take a trip up to Louisiana?'."

"Yeah, yeah, and I said 'maybe, one day.'"

"I said I'd take you up on that." Sam recalled fondly, and Bucky chuckled. They both turned to look at each other for the first time in the conversation. There was something there, something they both so desperately wanted to see, wanted to have, but they couldn't. Everything was too much, everything was chaotic, and busy. But, in fairness, wasn't that what it was like when they first found each other? Nothing made sense, their lives had been turned upside down, and yet, they had each other. Maybe it's different. Maybe there was one more thing weighing on Bucky, something he needed Sam to know.

"I know I apologized for the shield and Walker before, but I am really sorry about everything that happened. I shouldn't have told you what to do, I should've kept my word. I'm sorry I messed everything up."

"Thank you, Buck. I'm sorry things couldn't be simpler." Both of them knew what he meant by that. If everything was simpler, if everything was kinder, they could be back together. That was the plain truth. If Sam hadn't just become Captain America, everything could've been different. There's a part of Sam that wants to ignore all of that, and fall back into Bucky's arm, but he needed time to let the sting wear off.

"Me too."

They were two pieces of the same broken heart, shattered by not just each other, but the world around them. They'd heal together, slowly. Life might not go back to normal any time soon, but they'll get better soon. Bucky was staying. Sam was gonna let him stay. Sam was the first one to look away, but Bucky's gaze never left. Slowly, he leaned his head on the shorter man's shoulder.

Sometimes even the biggest flames go out. Sometimes even the brightest star sink into the sky for morning to come. Sometimes forever is just a ruse to hide that nothing is forever. But, as they sat there together, all their history held with them, every kiss, every heartache, every soft sweet whisper, every hello, every goodbye, there was always a sense of forever. Lies and empty promises crumble, falling meaningless once you realize that the weight of forever and together is much easier to carry. Love isn't easy, love is careless, love is powerful, love is intense, love is different, love is confusing. Love is the look in Bucky's eyes as he looks at Sam. Love is feeling that floods Sam when he hears Bucky laugh. Love is the unspoken tension hanging in the air. Love can shatter to ground like glass, and that's why the only thing they can do is yearn and hope until the next lifetime, when life becomes a bit easier. When love becomes a bit easier. When you know exactly where you wanna be. When the glass is mended back together with a sweet, soft feeling of forever. No lies, only promises that carry the weight of the world.