John

A lot of things this past month have led me here. Alex is back, sort of, he hasn't woken up yet. Frances Eleanor was released from the hospital finally last week, I had her back. Most of my friends weren't free though, they were still trapped, and some of them were never going to recover from their wounds. Nathan would never be able to 100% control his arm again, Angelica's stomach had to be operated on and now she had a smaller stomach meaning she couldn't eat as much and could lose weight fast, Herc had to be careful when he ran or exercised, and Alex....well, Alex might not even wake up.

All of those things led me here, in an alleyway, with a phone in my back pocket, and a knife up my sleeve. This isn't who I am, I'm not the kind of person, I'm not the kind of person who bugs a phone and murders somebody in cold blood. But, I guess I am now. Is this what happens when somebody's family gets threatened? Gets hurt? Is this how they feel? Is this what they do?

I had gotten Tori to hack into my dad's phone and Alex's dad's phone and from there I watched their messages until I knew exactly where they were going to be and now, I'm here. It had taken a month to get into their phones and for them to be close enough for me to confront them. Here I was, a murder plan in my mind, I never would've done this ten years ago as a freshman in high school; I'd be disgusted with who I am now. However, freshman me isn't aware of just what I'd do for Alexander Hamilton, he doesn't know, but he will.

The car pulled up and I pulled my hood up, bringing the knife into my hoodie pocket. I waited for him to step out and away from the car before stepping forward, "I know you're expecting passports." I growled and then looked up, "Henry Laurens."

"John," He spat. He reached for his usual gun in his pocket but I ran forward, placing the knife on his throat.

"Try it," I told him quietly. I kept the knife where it was but stepped back to look directly into his cold eyes, "I fucking dare you, try it. You hurt me three years ago, a whole three years ago, and think I'm going to allow it again? You hurt my family. My daughter, my boyfriend, my brothers, my sisters. I would never allow you to bring me down again."

"So what will you do?" Henry asked I wouldn't allow him the title of father anymore, "My prodigy of a son?" He smirked, "Hmm? Kill me? Why don't you go ahead and end me?" It was then I knew what he really wanted.

"What's wrong with you?" I almost pulled away but doing that would give him the opportunity to draw his gun, "Do you want to die? Do you want me to push this knife into you?" The confusion was running deep but true.

Henry smirked, "Perhaps." He replied vaguely and I could feel his piercing gaze before I saw it, "Of all my children you always had the most potential. You could become like me, you could continue my work."

"What?" Processing this was making my head hurt. Quickly I reached into his pocket and grabbed the gun, backing up with it. I stared into his eyes before shaking my head, "You want me to kill you so I could become you? How long did you know about this? How long did you know we had your phone tapped? That I would be here? You weren't trying this entire time, were you? You knew I would be here, that's why you didn't grab your gun quickly."

He shrugged and everything seemed to feel hollow, I couldn't even do this one thing for my family. He knew he knew the entire time. Shakily I lifted his gun, he had to go. He needed to go. Henry smirked, "Ready, son?"

My arm moved and then my head did, I lowered the gun instead of pulling the trigger. I looked up at him, "No. I'm not you and I never will be. I don't hurt others, I don't ruin lives, I don't maim people, I don't kill people. I'm not you. Now you, let my mother and siblings go. Tell them the truth, let them leave. Don't drag them down with you."

"You'll have to kill me," He responded. I took a deep breath and shook my head slowly, looking away, "Even after all these years you still embarrass me. A disappointment, you've always been such a disappointment."

I just took a deep breath and turned, walking away and leaving. Would freshman me be disgusted with me still? As I let the man who caused so much pain and suffering live? Would he be happy just knowing I hadn't committed a hateful act? Would he be happy knowing I had looked our father straight in the eyes and disobeyed him?

"Get back here!" As he yelled that I knew it would be. He'd be pleased to know I had done this, "Get back here and look at me like a man! Fight me like a man! You quivering pussy!" He was screaming now.

I didn't stop, how could I? After all these years I had the higher ground, and the higher ground happened to be one I hadn't expected walking into this. I planned to end that man's life when I entered this alleyway, the knife in my pocket had just been joined with a gun, and yet I walked away with them both.

Maybe it wasn't just because I refused to become my father, I refused to turn into the monster that is Henry Laurens, maybe I also did it for me and for the people I had entered this alleyway for. I had walked in to avenge my family and now I was walking out knowing I hadn't betrayed them, knowing I hadn't destroyed myself which would hurt them, I was walking away and somehow...I feel liberated. Like a huge weight which has been dragging on my shoulders, my stomach, my heart has been lifted. Was this what people called freedom? Was I free?