"So let me get this straight," Jennie says, "your favourite show is one about teenage girls swimming."

"Uh-huh."

"And it's not even live action, so it's not like your excuse can be that they look hot. They're cartoon."

"Well it's anime."

"You're weird," Jennie replies simply, "but hey, you like what you like."

"You should watch it," Lisa says, rubbing her eyes gently.

"What's it called?"

"Waves," Lisa's reply is muffled by a yawn.

"And it's about swimming?"

"It's a sports anime."

"What the hell are you getting me into Lili?"

"I think you'll like it."

"You also thought I'd like pecan ice cream," Jennie says teasingly.

The reminder is enough to make Lisa's stomach drop and she has to bite her tongue to stop herself from apologising repeatedly yet again, she's pretty sure Jennie is sick of hearing her say sorry by now.

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

"Well no, because if you forget then you might nearly kill me again."

Lisa remains silent for a few moments before giving in.

"Sorry," she says quietly.

"I've told you, you don't have to apologise anymore," Jennie tells Lisa.

"I know, but I still feel like I have to."

For a moment Jennie doesn't reply, and then Lisa can hear her sigh through the phone.

"You need to stop apologising for things that aren't your fault," Jennie says and Lisa gets the feeling that Jennie isn't just talking about the ice cream incident, "nobody blames you."

"I still feel bad."

"Well stop. I bet your inner peacock doesn't feel bad about that."

Lisa forces herself to let out a laugh but she doesn't mean it and she can tell that that fact is obvious.

"Seriously Lisa," Jennie says, "you're an amazing person and you need to realise that. So stop blaming yourself for things that you have no control over, stop telling yourself that what my bitches ex-friends say about you defines who you are and stop beating yourself up about the fact that you didn't know I had an allergy, there was no reason for you to know, I should have told you, so technically it's my fault. I'm over it, you should be too."

Lisa can sense that the conversation is straying into dangerous waters and into a place she really does not want to go. Lisa has noticed that recently Jennie has been trying to get Lisa to talk about her feelings more. Of course Jennie is not the first person to try, but he is the first person that Lisa has actually considered going along with. But not tonight, it's not the right time. Not that Lisa knows when that will ever be.

"Okay, okay," Lisa replies, desperate to deflect the attention away from her, "so you don't like coffee unless you're hung-over, you're desperately obsessed with music and you're a closet directioner. What else should I add to my list of Jennie Kim facts?"

"I still find it weird that you have a list."

"Yeah right, you secretly love it, just admit it."

"You're right, I do, I'm too self-centred and I adore the fact that you have a list about me."

"Go on then," Lisa urges, "tell me more."

The line falls silent for a few moments before Jennie begins to speak. Lisa can picture Jennie thinking over the phone, head resting on her pillow and brow furrowed with thought. There's still a tiny part of Lisa that wishes she could be there with Jennie, but she squashes that thought and locks it away in the back of her mind.

"I can only click my fingers with my right hand, not with my left," Jennie begins, "I cried at The Notebook, the only book series I've ever completed is Percy Jackson because I got bored halfway through the Goblet of Fire. I hate flies and if I could get rid of all bugs without disturbing ecosystems then I would. If I was a boy the first thing I'd do would be to hook up with someone to see how bad girls are in bed and if I was a Disney Princess then I'd totally be Rapunzel from 'Tangled' because a frying pan is easily my favourite weapon. Is that enough for you?"

Jennie takes a deep breath when she's finished having not stopped the entire time she was talking.

"That's plenty," Lisa says, "but I was hoping for something more interesting. Like who do you fancy?"

"What are we?" Jennie asks. "Twelve?"

"I think you're avoiding the question," Lisa replies teasingly, "come on, who is it? Are you embarrassed to tell me?"

"I don't like anyone."

Lisa knows why her heart falters slightly and she hates herself for it. She's not entirely sure what she was expecting, it wasn't like Jennie was suddenly going to confess her undying love to her after all. But Lisa is still stupidly holding onto the hope that one day Jennie might discover that she likes her back. Lisa is pretty sure that it is never going to happen, that the kiss was nothing more than a fluke, but that doesn't stop her from holding onto the thin thread of hope that maybe not. That maybe Jennie is just taking longer than most to realise she likes someone, that maybe, against all odds, that someone could be Lisa.

Even Lisa knows that it's hopeless wishing for any of that. And so she closes her eyes, focuses her thoughts and tries not to let her emotions seep into her words.

"You sure?" She asks teasingly.

"Well Jongin Kim has been looking pretty good recently, I guess."

If Lisa's heart faltered slight before, she feels like it's been stabbed straight through now. She knows that none of this is Jennie's fault but Lisa still finds it difficult to find the right words to reply with.

"That's not what you said earlier."

"Well maybe I was in denial."

"Maybe you were."

xxx

The line has been silent for a few minutes now but Jennie doesn't want to put it down just yet.

Instead she simply listens to the sound of Lisa breathing down the phone, allows the rhythmic breaths to lull her into a nearly unconsciousness state; to the point where Jennie can see nothing but the dark behind her eyelids and can hear nothing but Lisa on the other side of the phone.

Jennie lies like that for a while and it's only when she opens her eyes briefly that she realises that Lisa and she have been on the phone for well over two hours. Jennie supposes that it's about time one of them ended the call but there's something keeping her tethered to the phone, something about spending time with Lisa - even if they're not talking or even in the same room - that Jennie likes. It's the simplicity, she realises, when she's with Lisa nothing ever seems complicated. Of course this is the precise reason why Jennie regrets the kiss, after all that seemed to do nothing but complicate things. But tonight seems like one of the first times since then where neither Lisa nor Jennie is skirting around the issue, instead it seems as if it never happened. And Jennie is pretty sure she likes it that way, although that's not to say that there's not still a small part of her that wants to do it again.

Jennie is ignoring that little voice though.

"Are you still awake?" Lisa asks.

It takes Jennie a few moments to reply, to realise that Lisa isn't right there beside her to see Jennie turn her head slightly towards the sound of Lisa's voice.

"Uh-huh."

"We should probably go to sleep."

"Uh-huh."

Jennie cannot manage much more or a response than that, she's too busy trying to keep her eyes open. Suffice to say that he's not at all opposed to Lisa's suggestion.

"I don't want to," Lisa says, her voice dropping quieter, "I don't think I can."

If it had been anyone else Jennie would have cursed, would have wished that they would have just let her sleep but there's something in Lisa's tone that Jennie has come to recognise as a disguised cry for help and she's sworn to herself that she's never going to ignore it.

"Why?"

It's a simple word, three letters, one syllable but Jennie's aware that it means so much more to Lisa than just that. So she takes Lisa's immediate silence in her stride and waits for Lisa to reply.

"I guess I just can't sleep."

"Why?"

Jennie is prepared for an continuous cycle of asking Lisa that one word question over and over again, it seems to be the only way for her to get an answer out of Lisa.

"I guess I just have too much to think about."

Jennie is caught between her standard answer and also asking Lisa why it's just a guess. She settles on the latter.

"Why do you only guess?"

"I don't."

"Then why did you say?"

"It's just a figure of speech Jennie," Lisa sighs sounding exasperated.

"Fine then. Why have you so much to think about?"

"Seriously Jennie, I think you can work that out for yourself."

"Yeah. But I want you to tell me. It changes everything when I hear the words come out of your mouth."

Jennie doesn't realise how true the words are until they come out of her mouth. Because sure, Jennie spends a surprisingly large portion of her time wondering if Lisa is okay, but she can almost fool herself into thinking that she's imagining it all until Lisa admits to it all being true. And Jennie needs Lisa to tell her that she's not okay, because the moment she does, Jennie feels like Lisa actually wants her help. Until then, Jennie's not sure that any offer of help will be accepted.

"Fine, I guess I'm thinking about school, and whether I'm ever going to get the courage to stand up to Chahee based on how well that went last time. And I'm wondering whether I'm ever really going to be comfortable in my own skin. And I'm wondering if..."

Lisa's tone is hushed and Jennie gets the feeling that she's listening in on a secret.

"Wondering if what?"

"Wondering if my feelings are reciprocated at all."

"Which feelings?"

Jennie holds her breath. She doesn't know why but there suddenly seems to be tension in the air, slicing between Lisa and Jennie even as they sit on opposite ends of the phone line.

"Unimportant ones."

Jennie knows she's not getting the entire story, gets the feeling that no matter how much pushing she does tonight she's never going to get the full thing and so she drops it.

"So have you replied to Nancy yet?"

It may not be an expected topic of conversation but that doesn't mean that Jennie doesn't sense Lisa's relief when the subject changes none the less.

"Yeah."

"And what did she say in reply to your rejection?"

"Well..."

"Lisa no."

Lisa is silent.

"Lili, please don't tell me that you didn't do what I think you did."

"Well what do you think I did?"

"Lili," Jennie says warningly, and when there's still no reply, "Lalisa Manoban."

"I said I'd meet her."

"Fuck Lisa. You're the biggest idiot I've ever met."