Summary : Joe is drunk and everything is confusing. Or the one where Caspar is in love with Joe and Joe messed everything up because he doesn't know how to deal with what he feels.

Words : 1,074

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It was a party, everything was supposed to be fine, everyone was supposed to have fun. But Joe wasn't. He wasn't having any fun, even after the several drinks he had gulped down his throat. He still wasn't enjoying the party. And on top of that it was his party, in his house. He had thought that maybe it would change his mind for a little bit. That after some drinks and drunk friends, he would forget every single one of his problems. But he didn't, his problems were still there, right in front of him, staring back at him.

" Joe you're alright ? " Caspar had asked against Joe's hear, for the smaller one to hear him above the loud music.

Joe didn't say anything, his mind was too clouded for him to even think of an answer. His head was spining and so was the room around him. Caspar's body pressed up agaisnt his own and his warm breath above his neck were certainly two of the reasons why.

" Joe ? " Asked Caspar again. Joe could clearly hear the worry in his voice. Even with the loud music and dozens of people shouting all over the place. Joe could still hear Caspar. Like every other sound was shut down, like everything else was a blur. Everything except Caspar.

" Let me get you somewhere else. " Had finally said Caspar.

When he took Joe by the arm to lead him to his bedroom, the older one didn't do anything. He didn't yelled at him to go away, as he used to. He didn't shove his hands away from his body, he didn't even protest. He only let Caspar get him to his room, he was exhausted of fighting, and also because he couldn't even stand on his feet. So he didn't do anything.

Caspar had sat him on his bed, like a child, still that worried look over his face. Joe didn't want to see that look, he didn't want to be pitied. He didn't want to look that pathetic. He closed his eyes, slowly, his head pounding. He knew that the morning after would be so painful.

" Do you need anything ? " Had asked Caspar softly. Joe didn't answer, all he wanted was for Caspar to go away. To stop talking to him like that, stop being soft and gentle with him. He didn't want that, he didn't want any of it.

" Joe, you know you can still talk to me. " Had said Caspar after a sigh, seeing the boy in front of him not responding. He had then slowly sat down in front of Joe on the ground and gently put his hand on the smaller one's knee.

Joe finally oppened his eyes to look down at Caspar's hand. He wanted Caspar to remove his hand and to go far away from him. He didn't want him to be here, taking care of him, worrying about him. But he didn't do anything. He let Caspar's hand stay on his knee, and skip to his tight. He let Caspar get on his knees and run both of his hands on his tights to finally rest on his waist. He had only breathed out, slowly, opening his legs for Caspar to come even closer. He didn't know why he was doing that, his mind was shouting for him to run away from these hands. To run away from the room, from Caspar. But he couldn't help it, his body was no longer listening to his mind. He couldn't help the rush of his heart and the warmth spreading in his body. A feeling he had been craving, he was craving Caspar's touch. Caspar's hands, his body, his lips. He couldn't help it, he wanted it.

" Joe, look at me. " Whispered Caspar, finally putting his hands on both sides of Joe's face. " Look at me. " He whispered again. And Joe did, he looked at him, their eyes locked. Joe couldn't help but noticed the way Caspar's eyes were shining, the way the reflection of the moon was brightening them. Those ocean eyes.

" What's wrong Joe, you know you can tell me. " Said Caspar still holding Joe's face in his hands.

" Please stop. " Murmured Joe, when he finally found the strength to talk. And it only send a frown all over Caspar's face. " Stop being that nice, and soft, and carrying. " Had pleaded Joe. " Just stop. "

" Why ? " Caspar's confused voice answered. " I'm your best friend Joe, if I don't, who's going to do it ? " He whispered while dropping his hands off of Joe's face. Wich made the latter let out a breath he didn't even knew he was holding.

" Caspar. " He whispered too. " I broke your heart. " Joe's voice broke at the end of the sentence. He couldn't even look at him properly. Every part of his body was aching. And only asking for one thing. Caspar.

" Joe I'm fine alright. " Had said Caspar adding a soft smile to his lips.
" I'm totally fine. " He added.

" I'm not. " Said Joe, shaking his head frantically. " I broke your fucking heart, Caspar. I treated you like shit, I told you horrible things. And then I ignored you and I avoided you when you needed me. You shouldn't be here, you should be hating me, as much as I did. " Anger was boiling in Joe, he was mad. Mad at himself, he acted like a jerk, a terrible friend, with his own best friend. When said best friend needed him the most. " You should be the one hating me. " He whispered.

" I don't hate you Joe, I never did. You needed time to accept it. To accept that I liked boys. And that I was in love with you. I understand. I totally do. " Had answered Caspar still so softly.

Joe had winced at those words.

" It happens sometimes that you love someone but that someone doesn't love you back, Joe. And I'll get over it. It happens everyday and everywhere. It's okay. "

After that Caspar stood up from his spot.

" You should sleep, Joe, good night. " He had said and then turned around to get out of the room. Joe almost shouted for Caspar to came back, to stay with him, to take him in his arms, to never let go of him. Almost. But he didn't, instead he pressed his lips together. Tight. And laid down in his bed. Finally obeying what his mind was shouting to him for hours.