This was a big day for me, for us, for all of us.

This was the day that our hospital would be merging once and for all with Mercy West. Not a whole lot of people were happy about that fact. I for one was neutral, I couldn't care less so long as they weren't a bunch of idiots.

My head was still reeling over the fact that Meredith kissed me.

She kissed me and told me she loves me.

That was yesterday, and I hadn't seen her yet. I wasn't avoiding her, but I wasn't sure how I felt about that either.

So much hurt had been caused between us. There was no way we could just let it go and act like it never happened. But did I want to let her go and act like she never happened?

She was the love of my life. And part of me felt like she still was.

I was confused.

And today I didn't want to be confused, I wanted to be focused. I'd done a clinical trial on a very rare form of brain tumors last year and it caused a lot of deaths but in the end was successful.

Today was my first patient since then that was having the still new surgery performed. And I was nervous. I had the formula down to a T, the patient was optimistic but knew the risks. But my hands still shook.

No one wants a surgeon with shaky hands.

I stood in the scrub room trying to remember how to breathe, I needed to breathe. Everyone had gone into the OR and they were all waiting for me. I knew the one thing, or person, that always managed to calm me down no matter what. But did I need to page her just for an ego boost?

I glanced to the door as I saw a blonde pony tail hop by the window. My feet dashed to the door and I threw it open.

"Meredith!"

She stopped and spun around, her expression expectant.

"Yes?"

"I need your help." I breathed, gesturing my head to the OR. "Do you have time?"

"For brain surgery?" she giggled, then rolled her eyes "Derek I'm a general surgeon, I don't know the first thing about brain surgery."

"Right." My heart sunk "Well thanks anyway."

I sulked back into the scrub room and turned on the sink and I sighed and tried to talk myself down. I heard the door burst open and looked up to see her walking in, she grabbed a mask.

"I still know how to hold a retractor."

"Thank you." I whispered. I chuckled when she tied on her scrub cap, or should I say my scrub cap. It was a fly fishing print she always used to steal from me "That one looks familiar."

"Well you never wear it so I might as well." She pointed out as she scrubbed in.

"I like my ferry boats." I smiled.

She smiled back. We walked into the OR and were dressed for surgery. It all went smoothly until I was getting ready to inject the virus, then my railing nerves returned to me.

"Ok um..." I stuttered "we need to inject the virus at the exact same time, so try to keep up with me."

"Alright." She nodded as she took the other syringe. "Ready when you are."

"On three." I said "One...two...three."

We both started pushing the syringe, my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I heard the monitors beeping and glanced up to see that I was going faster than she was, I started to panic, I couldn't' stop. I needed to slow down but my hands were shaking.

"Derek." She mumbled "Derek you're going too fast, slow down."

"I know I..." I stuttered.

"Ok look at me." She said, I did, I stared into her pretty green, captivating eyes and felt instant calm "You can do this."

And that I could. I did. I slowed down and we finished at the same time. The patient was still steady and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you." I smiled graciously.

"Any time."

I heard a beeper go off and we both looked up at the scrub nurse who picked it off a tray and looked at it.

"Dr. Grey, its you." She said.

Meredith turned to me apologetically; I nodded for her to go. She'd gotten me through the worst part, all I had to do now was close up and I was done.

That should've told me how I felt about her. That there was more than just the fact that I simply wasn't over her yet, but this is me we're talking about. I wanted to be sure.

I scrubbed out and entered the hallway, heading to the nurses station to begin my post-op notes when I saw her. She was standing there down the hallway from me laughing as she talked to some tall, broad shouldered kid with a buzz-cut.

I wanted to throttle him.

He was wearing detestable orange scrubs. So he was obviously from Mercy West, maybe they were seeing each other. My heart sank...I hated Mercy West.

"Dr. Shepherd?" I heard a soft voice clear behind me; I turned to see a familiar scrub nurse. I think her name was Rose.

"Yes?"

"It took me a while to build myself up to this, so please don't laugh at me." She said nervously as she fidgeted with her watch "But I was wondering, would you like to have a drink with me tonight?"

I gulped as I glanced down the hall...well if she was going to move on, maybe I should too.

"Yes, I think I'd like that."