Therapy

"Madellaine you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are my favorite Perosn in the whole world, you are the most important thing in my life. You will win the fight, I know you will. You will get out of the hospital healthy, and if you do, come and find me, we will live a happy life forever. I am so happy that you came into my life, I have many problems at school and also at home but when I am with you I can forget all these problems. Don't forget me and come and find me."

"Myle where are you going ?"

"Come and find me..."

"Myle ?"

"Myle!?"  I woke totally sweaty from my dream up. Fuck why did I got this dream. My head likes apparently to play with me, only I don't have time for this today, because guess what, I have my first therapy lesson today.
I'm so excited. Not

I get out of bed and went to the bathroom that is connected to my room. A quick shower, brushing teeth, sticking hair up and you feel much fresher. I kept my outfit totally simple, I mean I go to therapy, there is hardly anyone who will be interested in what I look like.

"Madellaine come down, breakfast." my mother called from below.

I jogged down the stairs and saw my mother cooking at the stove, my father was already sitting at the dining table and reading the newspaper. I also took a sit at the table and after a few minutes my mother came with a plate of pancakes in her hand. She put it in the middle of the table so that everyone can take some. I took two and poured maple syrup over it. I cut the pancakes into bite-size pieces and was just about to put them in my mouth when my mother interrupted me.

"Don't you like whipped cream with it ? We have some in the fridge, you can get some. Or do you know what, I'm going to get it." My mother said with a smile. She got up and went into the kitchen, I looked at my father, who was also wondering what's wrong with her. He shrugged his shoulder to signal to me that he had no idea what was going on with my mother.

If someone is confused now, my mother has forbidden me to eat whipped cream or other things with too much sugar content since my diagnosis. For this reason, I also wonder why she suddenly allows me.

"Here sweetie ", she put the cream on the table and continued with her food.

"Ehm mom, not that I'm not happy, but why do you allow me to eat cream, you said it is not allowed ?"

"Yeah I know, but since the doctors said that your condition has improved, we can make a small exception, right ?" She winkend at ne continued with her food.

"Right..."

———

We are currently in the self-help group. There are several different people to my right and left and everyone has brought someone with them. My mom decided she should come with me, she sits to my left and holds my hand while we are waiting for us to be divided into the groups. Madellaine Wilson, Jaden Michaels, Olivia Davids... the woman lists different names and everyone who hears his name stood up.

I don't know if that sounds mean, but no one who is in the room looks like they are doing so badly mentally. I can only see from a boy that he has several scars on his arm, but otherwise everything looks totally normal,*** like people you would see in public every day, who lead a normal life and are happy. I think these people here are also professionals hiding feelings and hiding how you are really feeling in the inside, like me...

The woman with short brown hair that goes to her shoulders and glasses that have also just read the names, greets everyone in the room and points with her hand to a door that we should enter. The relatives who were brought along should not go, but wait. We said goodbye and went into the room.

The middle of the room was filled with a circle of chairs and various pictures hung on the walls. Pictures of the sea, a city, animals, water and much more. Each of us took a seat, I sat and left to me sat the boy I had noticed before, he was wearing a gray hood and looking down. Everyone else looked up and just waited for the woman to speak.

"I warmly welcome you all, my name is Sophie Baker and I am your therapist for the next time. I am happy to see you all here and I am so glad that you are here." She said with a big smile.
She also took a seat and looked into the circle full of people.

"I would suggest that everyone briefly suggests and says why he or she is here today. Let's start with you," she pointed to the boy next to me, he raised his head and looked at us all.

"My name is Jaden and I am at risk of suicide."

"Alright, welcome Jaden, we are happy that you are here today, would you like to share with us why you are at risk of suicide." Sophie asked him and kept polite.

"My mom died of cancer and my father is an abuser towards me. I don't want to say more." He ended his sentence and continued to look back down.

"Okay thank you Jaden for sharing a part from your life with us. Hmm.. let's see who's next, what about you?"
She pointed to a girl with dark hair with blonde strands that were braided together. She had dark skin and beautiful blue eyes.

"My name is Olivia and I have an eating disorder." She said totally confident into the group.

I feel totally out of place, all these people have real problem and I'm just here because my mother is afraid that I could develop some of these problem. I feel like I'm taking the place from someone, I don't even belong here at all. "And you ?" Ms Baker looked at me and everyone else too.

"Ehmm my name is Madellaine and I have a heart disease." I said shy and silent, while playing with my hands.

"Would you like to tell us more about it?" She asked me with a smile.

"Umm well I don't know I feel like I don't belong here, I'm fine I'm only here because my mom insisted. I feel like I'm taking someone's place, someone who really need it, and I feel awful about it." I stood up and my chair tilted back and I jumped. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I think I-I'm going now."

I put the chair back up and left the room. My mother was already gone.

Shit where is she? Now I really need her.

I ran out of the building and onto the street. I just needed time for myself now, so I decided not to go home. It was 13 o'clock so there weren't many people on the streets.

I walked into a park and didn't look where I was walking, I just walked until I crashed into someone. The person grabbed my upper arms to make sure I didn't fall to the ground from the impact.

I know those hands...

I looked up and...

For fucking sak-

*** Just to make that sure, I do not mean that people who are struggling with disorders or any other problems are not looking normal !!!