I couldn't focus all day for the life of me. At four o'clock I would have all the answers. I would finally learn something real about Malfoy. And what if it was true? What if Malfoy meant it when he said he was totally in love with me? What would I do, what would I say? I think i would just have to yeet myself off a building.

"Potter"

I look about. I feel stupid. Do I look stupid? Probably. "Zabini," I manage to respond.

"You're on time. I'm surprised," He sits across from me, calmness radiating off of him.

I just nod.

He clears his throat, "Well, I'll get to the point. Drunk Draco never lies. And if he does, it's like a child, painfully obvious and he quickly gives in to guilt and says the truth. So, you can keep overthinking all you want"

"That's all you're gonna say?!"

"Sure," He stands, epitome of calm, "and I'll say that he thinks you hate him with every fiber of yourself"

"I do," Is my instinctual response.

He scoffs, "Sure you do. You hate him so much you fail potions staring at him. And you hate him so much that you always sit in the dining hall where you have a perfect view of him. And you hate him so much that you respond to all his stupid comments and you memorize every detail about him. You hate him so much that you helped him get dressed, right?"

I flush bright red. "Whatever".

He smirked and left.

I took a shower hoping the cold water would snap me back into reality. the reality where Malfoy was a disgusting pale slytherin bully who chose to be evil and was rich and spoiled. the reality were harry Potter was confidently chasing Cho Chang, the girl of his dreams. but stepping out the shower, i felt none of that. in fact, i found myself thinking about the smell of Malfoy's expensive soap and the way his hair had fallen in his face that night. His eyes glossed over and his smile sliding off his face. even drunk he had a sophistication about him. I sighed and crawled into bed. my hair was still damp and it sent chills up my spine.

I couldn't help rolling over to watch Dean and Seamus. they were so sure of who they were and what they wanted. from what i could tell, anyways. I sighed again. it seemed to be something id done quite often already this year. I laid in my bed with my eyes closed but i all i could see was the grey-blue of Malfoy's eyes, glistening as the steam from his potion glazed over his eyes. and as much as i tried to ignore it, i admitted to myself that he was an attractive sight to see. he gave me a feeling that i hadn't felt since Cedric had been around. I hit my head with a pillow then sat up and faced Dean. Seamus had just got up and walked to his bed. he didn't notice me, but Dean did. He waited until Seamus' breathing was steady and he was asleep and then walked over to me.

"what's wrong, mate?"

"Nothing" i shook my head.

He sat on the end of my bed with a stern but somehow joyful look. "We've shared a room for 5 years, i know when something bothers you."

"how did Seamus-" i stopped searching for what i wanted to say.

"know he was gay?" Dean suggested.

i nodded feeling the heat creep up my neck and cheeks again.

he smiled and tilted his head. "Well i know for Seamus, it started with just the fact that girls didn't make him nervous or giddy or blush, but the boys did" he stopped and watched me. "are you thinking about..."

i hesitated but the vulnerability of what Dean had shared made me feel guilty so i nodded. Surprisingly, Dean got up and hugged me.

"It takes time and courage, Harry. If you need someone to talk to" he shrugged letting go of me again "i'll be here"

"thanks, Dean"

he nodded and went back to bed. I laid there for a while considering what Dean had said. His experience had almost sounded... familiar. like, i was there too.

i fell asleep around midnight but was awake again at 5: 41. I got dressed and threw my gloves deciding to go for a walk. i was tired but not enough to go back to sleep. my hand ached from the cuts and when i made a fist, the cut reopened. i growled and looked around. there was nothing i could do. Hermione's words came back to me. Malfoy probably has some... she had said. I couldn't just go up to Malfoy and ask. i would freak out and stumble and embarrass myself. so how would i manage? the tutor. Snape said if i failed again, he would be forced to give me a top-of-the-class tutor. and Snape hated me so the chances he gave me Malfoy...

The day we had potions rolled around and as i was finishing our potion, i dropped some extra pine. the mixture turned purple and started to boil. i poured a little in a vial, muttering to Ron about how we messed up somehow. Snape scowled at it.

"What did I say about your incompetent potions last class, Potter" he glared at me.

'that if i failed again i would need a tutor" i said.

Snape scoffed and looked around the room. He seemed particularly mad today which only added to my nerves that he would pick-

"Malfoy!" Snape waved him over. I mentally smacked myself. So much for forgot about it.

"Yes, professor?" he said with a polite tone and confident stance. how did he manage to be so elegant all the time.

"you will be tutoring Mr. Potter here" Snape drawled, gesturing to me behind him.

he opened his mouth to respond but Snape put a hand up. "You will partner with Potter, here, and stay that way until his grade reaches and E"

my jaw dropped. an E? How the hell was i going to manage that.

"What about my partner, Professor" Malfoy asked glancing back at Zabini, who seemed to glare daggers at me.

"Mr. Zabini will find himself in the same situation with Mr Weasley" Snape drawled. then he dramatically turned around and went back to his desk. Malfoy glared at me.

"I'll make you miserable, Potter" he spat.

"trust me, Malfoy, you already do" i said and tried to mimic his graceful strut as i went back to tell Ron.

"He's making us what?!" Ron practically yelled.

"Switch partners" i whispered.

"that-" but Malfoy cut him off.

"Weasley, will you shut up and move"

Ron glared at Malfoy and grabbed his stuff, dejectedly joining Zabini. Malfoy curled his lip and wiped the seat.

"Filthy poor blood traitor" he grumbled.

"Shut up, Malfoy" my ears were going red, i could feel it. this is was not a good idea...

"Its your fault were in this mess"

i rolled my eyes. "Just shut up"

Malfoy sat down and Snape started the next potion on the board.

"this'll be easy" he said and strutted to get ingredients.

i waited for him to get back, feeling antsy.

"stop fidgeting your shaking the whole table" Malfoy snapped.

"well maybe if i had something to do..." i glared at him.

Malfoy sighed and passed me a knife and a root. i stared at it. i don't know what were doing...

"Can't you read, Potter"

i ignored him and glanced at the board. Remove the veins of the root

what the hell... how do i cut the veins out of a root. i watched Hermione cut a thin line down the middle of hers so i did the same. My clumsy hand slipped and i accidentally cut the end off. Malfoy was not pleased.

"What are you doing?!" He gaped at the root in my hand.

"i- i don't know" i mumbled.

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Obviously. Just- give it to me"

"No"

"Don't be stubborn, just give it to me so we don't fail" Malfoy reached for the root and the knife.

"No!" i turned so he couldn't reach it.

"Potter!"

"Just- show me how to do it" i said, holding the items out of reach.

He sighed. "Fine"

i put the root back on the table and held the knife in my hand, waiting for Malfoy.

"you've already cut down the middle so extract the last of the juice then do the same on the other side"

i hesitated and glanced back at Malfoy.

"Don't tell me you can't do that either" he groaned.

"i-I can figure it out" i said, defensively.

"Figuring it out, is how you fail" He said.

I did what i always do and just copied everyone else but they were ahead of me and soon I'd be lost. "Done"

Malfoy looked at the root then nodded slightly. "Now just- remove the veins"

"and how do i do that"

Malfoy made a fist and took a deep breath. "Do you even know what the veins are" he asked, he sounded exhausted. I shook my head. he sighed and pointed to the wide strips of pale coloring in the root. To do this, he had to stand next to me and reach over my shoulder. i could feel his breath on my neck. i turned my head to say something but lost the words when our faces were inches apart. i blinked rapidly and Malfoy jerked awkwardly.

"Don't look at me at that. Just- don't be that close to me ever again"

i mumbled some more nonsense and picked up the knife. i awkwardly poked the veins a few times and Malfoy sighed. "you're so incompetent" he mumbled.

i rolled my eyes. "whatever" wow. way to go me. Comeback of the year.

Malfoy took the knife and showed me, then gave me the knife to do it myself. i repeated what he did to the rest of the veins and he added them to the potion. It looked like Hermione's. That was a first for me. Malfoy took the vial to Snape who praised him then looked up to glare at me. Malfoy came back and started gathering his stuff.

"See? that wasn't so awful" i said.

he looked at me exasperated but didn't say anything as we were given homework then dismissed.

"Library at 2 tomorrow to do the essay" Malfoy said then whipped around to join his posse and left. My heart was racing and my palms sweat slightly. but Ron's ranting snapped me out of it and we left.