The spectators' cheers echo in the gym as the players enter. It's been years since the incident at Hyogo, but this is the first time all four of them met as a coach and players of their national teams.
"Are you ready?" Iwaizumi turns to Kiyoomi and sees him nod, "Yeah, you?"
Iwaizumi nods. He gives Kiyoomi a small smile and squeezes his shoulder, "it's time we finally fix the problems we made,"
"Right,"
They walked into the court, their eyes set on the players entering from the other side. They can feel their hearts racing as they watch Tooru and Atsumu enter with a smile on their faces. They made eye contact with each other, but it didn't last long, which was expected considering the history they share.
The game proceeds with all four of them prioritizing the game instead of their pasts, and despite the changes that happened to them in the past years, there's one thing that didn't change, and that's their love and skills for volleyball. Though they were never there for each other when they returned to volleyball, all four of them couldn't help but feel proud when they saw each other doing well.
The game ends with Argentina's win. The crowd cheers, and Sakusa and Iwaizumi watch Atsumu and Tooru accept their gold medals on the podium, "what now?" Sakusa can hear the anxiety in Hajime's voice.
"We talk to them," Sakusa answers as casually as he could, "won't they run away?" Sakusa shrugs his shoulder, "we won't know unless we try,"
Atsumu and Tooru were talking to their teammates when Tooru gently elbows Atsumu, "what's wrong?" Tooru points towards the two men approaching them, "it's happening," Atsumu clicks his tongue and nods, "yeah,"
Iwaizumi and Kiyoomi stop in front of them. They stared at each other with awkwardness until Kiyoomi decided to break it, "it's been a while,"
"Yeah," Atsumu doesn't know how to respond. He's sure none of them knows how to act in this situation.
Iwaizumi takes a deep breath. He can't let things end up with them not talking. This talk was something they all needed for closure. A talk that needed to happen for them to close the horrible chapters of their lives because even if they decide to cut each other off their lives, they're still shallowly connected through volleyball, "we wanted to talk to both of you, separately,"
Tooru turns to look at Atsumu to ask him if he's okay with it. Atsumu takes Tooru's hand in his and gives it a tight squeeze as reassurance that he's fine talking to Kiyoomi alone.
"Sure," Atsumu and Tooru smile before they part with Tooru following Hajime and Atsumu following Kiyoomi. They didn't stray far from each other. They made sure to choose a crowded area of the gym to make sure Atsumu and Tooru would feel secure.
"So, how are you?" Tooru asks, making Iwaizumi turn his gaze towards him. He gives Tooru a small smile, "fine, I guess, how about you?"
Tooru smiles, "great,"
Silence follows after the small talk. Tooru didn't want to carry the conversation. Iwaizumi wanted to talk to him, so he should be the one to keep the conversation going. Tooru keeps his mouth shut and waits for what Iwaizumi wanted to tell him.
"I'm sorry," Iwaizumi stares straight into Tooru's eyes as he apologizes, "I know I've said this before, but I really mean it this time. I'm sorry,"
Oikawa smiles, he could feel the sincerity in the way Hajime looks at him, and this time, it felt like forgiveness was something he could give, "Apology accepted, but that doesn't mean I'll forget everything you did to me,"
Iwaizumi nods. He understands. He wasn't apologizing to erase whatever fault he has. He's apologizing to let Tooru know that he regrets what he did, "your forgiveness is enough,"
"I read the letter you left for me at home," Iwaizumi freezes. He didn't expect Tooru to read it. He thought he'd rip it apart or burn it, "oh,"
"What's with the 'oh'? Did you honestly think I'd throw it away?" Tooru was laughing as he asks, making Iwaizumi look at the ground while rubbing his nape in embarrassment, "yeah, I didn't think it's something you wanted to read,"
"I honestly almost threw it away," Iwaizumi would be lying if he said he wasn't hurt. He was expecting it, but hearing Tooru admit to it was painful. He doesn't say anything and lets Tooru say whatever he wants, "but I thought about it and realized that it's better to read it instead of wondering what it contained,"
"Thank you for reading it," Iwaizumi doesn't know what else to say besides thank you.
"I'm glad I read it," Tooru smiles at him, "you were a part of my life. You were there even when we were babies. I don't know what pushed you to do all those, but I'm glad you're better,"
Iwaizumi feels tears pricking in his eyes. He can feel these overwhelming emotions of gratitude, relief, and happiness all at once, and he doesn't know how to handle them. He looks back at how miserable and guilty he felt when he realized that they left the country. He remembers going back to Miyagi, thinking about what he took away from Tooru.
-*-
Iwaizumi couldn't believe that it took Tooru leaving for him to reflect on everything he did. He sat in his room, his head full of thoughts. He thinks back to how he took away the one thing Tooru loved more than life itself, volleyball. He grits his teeth in anger towards himself when he thinks back to when he completely shattered Tooru's dream by stopping him from playing volleyball.
"Pathetic," Iwaizumi whispers to himself and pulls his knees closer to his chest, "fucking pathetic,"
Iwaizumi tried to continue with his life without Tooru. He didn't leave their apartment but he finally took Kiyoomi's advice of going to therapy for his anger. It was hard to admit to himself that he was the problem and not Atsumu, that everything that happened was because of his choices and actions and not because of Tooru. He was aware of it ever since he started to hurt Tooru, but it was a hard pill to swallow, so he turned all the rage and blame to Atsumu and Tooru because it was easier.
"So, how's therapy going?" Kiyoomi asks him. It's been a while since they met up, but nothing much changed in their relationship. They're still the same, "it's hard,"
Kiyoomi nods. He takes a sip of his tea and gives Iwaizumi a small smile, "no one said it was going to be easy, but it's something you have to bear with if you want to better yourself,"
"I know," Iwaizumi takes a deep breath, "I should've listened to you when you told me to go get it checked. Maybe if I did, Tooru would be playing for the National Team,"
"There's nothing much you can about the past. There's no point regretting now. It's already too late. The least you can do is get better, so you don't repeat the same mistakes you made with Tooru," Kiyoomi was so calm as he says those to Iwaizumi.
"You're right,"
That night, he goes home and goes into Tooru's room. It's hard living in the same apartment where they shared the same memories together. The apartment reminds him of all his faults. But if he wanted to learn to accept and live with everything he did. He wanted to leave the apartment when he's finally okay.
Iwaizumi sits on Tooru's bed. He runs his hand through the sheets before standing up to keep Tooru's belongings in a box. He was silently fixing all of Tooru's things when he found a ring and a letter hidden deep in one of Tooru's closet drawers. He takes a deep breath and braves himself to open and read the letter. Iwaizumi was trembling as he reads through it. He could feel how much Tooru loves him through that short letter. But what made him realize just how much Tooru loved him were the lines, "It hurts that you keep doubting my love for you but despite everything you're doing to me. I still want to marry you because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,"
Iwaizumi goes to his room after reading it and takes out a piece of paper. He knows it's too late, and he wasn't sure if Tooru had any plans of reading it, but he wanted to write down all of his emotions. He wanted to tell Tooru how much he regrets what he did. He wanted to tell him that he found the letter and the ring Tooru had kept in his drawer. He wrote that he wanted Tooru to find someone who could make him feel loved, who would take care of him because he failed to do all those. He wrote down his wishes for Tooru and told him how much he loves him.
After hours of writing, Iwaizumi finds himself wiping away his tears. He laughs when he sees the paper wet with his tears. He contemplated if he should change it and replace it with something new, something a bit neater, but decided to go against it. He wanted to give Tooru a heartfelt letter, and changing it doesn't feel genuine. So, he visits Hyogo and tells Tooru's family what happened between them.
Iwaizumi watched Tooru's sister and mother cry for Tooru, and he accepted the punches Tooru's father had given him. As he lies there, receiving all of the blows Tooru's father was giving him, all he could think of was, 'this must be what Tooru felt,'
Tooru's mother and sister calmed Tooru's father after a while. Iwaizumi sits up and wipes away the blood from his lips before standing up to grovel on the floor. He didn't hear them say anything. All he could hear was their sobs, and it was painful.
"I can't believe you'd do that to uncle Tooru," Iwaizumi presses his lips together to stop himself from crying, "I'm sorry, Takeru,"
"I shouldn't be the one hearing that," Takeru's voice was trembling in anger as he spoke, "I trusted you. I was rooting for you. I admired you and was happy that you and uncle Tooru were together. You told me you'd take care of him and make him happy. You told me you'll marry him and make him the happiest man in the world. But I'm glad that didn't happen. You're disappointing," Iwaizumi raises his head to look at Takeru, but he regrets it the moment he sees Takeru wiping his tears away.
"I'm sorry," Iwaizumi repeats even though he knows that it wouldn't bring Tooru back.
"I hate you. I wish uncle Tooru never met you," Iwaizumi freezes. He watches as Takeru runs out of the house with Tooru's sister chasing after him. He opens his mouth to apologize again, but all that escaped his mouth was a pitiful sob.
"I regret letting Tooru fall for you," Tooru's mother says, "you didn't deserve him, Iwaizumi,"
Iwaizumi's heart shatters. It hurts hearing Tooru's mother call him by his last name instead of the nickname she used to call him.
"I'm sorry, auntie, uncle," He bows his head, "I know this is going to be shameless considering everything that I told you, but please let me leave a letter in Tooru's room,"
"You-" Tooru's father raises his hand, ready to slap Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi closes his eyes, ready to receive it, but it never came. He opens his eyes and sees Tooru's mother stopping her husband, "I don't like what you did to Tooru, but I don't want to see you go through what you put him through. Put the letter in Tooru's room and leave. We don't want to see you anymore, Iwaizumi,"
Iwaizumi nods, "Thank you. Don't worry, you won't see me again after this,"
"I better not," Tooru's father harshly says, "now do what you need to do and leave before I accidentally kill you,"
Iwaizumi runs to Tooru's room. It's been years since they were both there. He never imagined that this will be the reason why he'd stand there once again. He places the letter and the ring he found in Tooru's drawer. Iwaizumi takes in Tooru's room. He lets himself reminisce for a while before leaving Tooru's room and walking out of the Oikawa family's life.
Iwaizumi didn't have any contact with Tooru's family after his visit to Hyogo. He decided that it would be best not to hurt them even more by showing up in Miyagi. He never heard anything about Tooru since then. He focused all of his attention on working out and reviewing to qualify as a coach for the national team. Months passed by with Iwaizumi sticking to his routine, and once he got the job, he asked Kiyoomi to go out and drink with him.
After his drinking session with Kiyoomi, he arrives home drunk and turns on the television, only to be greeted by Atsumu and Tooru's marriage announcement. He stares at the television with surprise. He feels his tears fall and his heart shatters, but at the same time, he feels happy and proud of them.
"Congratulations," Iwaizumi whispers as he wipes his tears away. Of course, he wanted to be in Atsumu's position. That was the plan, but he's already accepted the fact that it's impossible to fulfill the plans they made when they were still in love. But he's glad Tooru was able to find someone who would love him unconditionally.
-*-
"Thank you," Iwaizumi wipes his tears away, "for forgiving me, and I'm sorry for hurting you, auntie, uncle, your sister, and Takeru. I'm sorry for letting you down and hurting you. I'm sorry,"
Oikawa wanted to hug Hajime. He really did, but he goes against it. He watched Hajime break down in front of him. It hurts seeing Hajime cry and be full of regret, but he's glad that he finally learned his lesson, "I already told you that your apology's already accepted, and I'm glad you realized your mistakes. So, let go of your guilt and find the happiness you deserve, okay?"
Iwaizumi nods, "okay,"
"Just don't repeat the same mistakes you made with me," Iwaizumi nods again and watches Tooru walk away from him.
Oikawa walked away with a smile on his face. He didn't feel any regret or pity during his talk with Hajime, but it felt like he was finally free from the shackles that held him to his past. Others might think it's stupid for Oikawa to talk to Hajime and forgive him for what he did, but that simple talk and forgiving Hajime made him feel free, and that's all that matters to him.
Atsumu sat on the bench, his eyes locked on the floor as he waits for Kiyoomi to talk. It was awkward sitting with each other, and Atsumu couldn't take it. So, he decided to break the silence by asking, "so, what did you want to talk about?"
"I'm sorry," Sakusa starts. He clasps his hands together and chews on his bottom lip, "I'm sorry for doing that. It was stupid,"
"I'm glad you know, but I'm not going to accept your apology," Atsumu turns to look at Kiyoomi's expression and sees the pain in those dark orbs he used to love, "you should've trusted me when I told you that I love you. I did everything for you,"
Sakusa nods, he turns to Atsumu, and he could see the surprise in Atsumu's expression when he sees him crying, "I know. I was so stupid for doubting your feelings for me when you were the one who stuck with me. You were the only one patient enough to wait for me to be comfortable enough with skin contact. You followed me to Tokyo without question. You helped me be friendlier. You waited for me to finish my studies and bared with my attitude. You were perfect, Atsumu, and I'm so stupid for letting other people get to me. I shouldn't have let myself be pressured into proving your love for me,"
"You only realize all those now?" Atsumu couldn't hide the bitterness in his voice. Kiyoomi knew everything he did for him. All the sacrifices he made, and yet he lets the people he just knew treat him like shit, "I bore with your friends, Kiyoomi. They talked shit about me, but you never defended me. I should've left then, but I loved you so much that I couldn't leave even though it was painful,"
Sakusa wipes his tears, "I know, and I'm sorry. I should've put you first. I should've chosen your side over theirs. I should've defended you. I should've taken care of you instead of caring about their opinions,"
"I'm glad you know," Atsumu whispers. Atsumu wasn't going to say anything else until a memory comes to him, "I heard from Osamu that you've been helping him and Shinsuke,"
Kiyoomi nods, "yeah,"
-*-
The day they found out Atsumu and Tooru left the country, Sakusa and Hajime decided to leave and go back to Tokyo. Sakusa spent all of his time focusing on his studies. He also cut off his previous friends, made sure they deleted the videos and decided to go through college alone. He didn't trust himself with making friends, so he opted to be alone. The first few weeks he spent in Tokyo alone were lonely, he thought maybe it'll go away soon, but it never did.
It was lonely arriving home to an empty apartment and eating dinner alone. Sakusa tried to bear with it. It's his fault anyway, but the longer he felt lonely, the more it felt like he wasn't living anymore, that he was just going through the motions of life. He didn't have Atsumu to welcome him, eat with him, and spend time with him and now he doesn't even have friends to talk about the loneliness that's swallowing him alive. He always thought about contacting Hajime, but he knew he was going through things as well, so he'd end up sleeping the day away.
Every day passed by like a blur, and Sakusa doesn't remember anything except for their graduation. It's a memory he could never forget because that day, he found himself standing in front of Kita's house with no recollection of how he got there.
"Hey," Sakusa greets upon seeing Kita open the door. He gives him a small and awkward smile, "I don't know how I got here,"
Kita stares at him and sighs, "look, Atsumu's been gone for almost a year. I don't think he'll come back anytime soon,"
Sakusa doesn't say anything. He already knows that, and yet there he is, standing on Kita's doorstep. They both stood there in silence as the minutes' tick by. Sakusa doesn't know why he's still there.
"You can leave," Kita was about to close the door when Sakusa unconsciously stops him by putting his foot inside, "I want to help," Sakusa doesn't know why he said that, but he didn't think of taking it back.
Kita sighs, "look, if you're doing this because you feel bad for what you did to Atsumu, just leave. Helping me won't erase your faults,"
"I know," Sakusa gulps, he grips the edge of the door and stares straight into Kita's eyes, "but it's something I need to do,"
Kita shakes his head, "no, you didn't do anything to me. It was Atsumu you've hurt, not me. I'm not the one you should be showing how sorry you are,"
Sakusa bites his bottom lip and takes a deep breath to stop himself from crying, "I know, but I'm begging you to let me help you,"
Kita turns around without a word, leaving Sakusa standing on his doorstep. Sakusa stood there for almost an hour before he feels a hand grip his shoulder. He turns around and sees Osamu standing before him, eyes looking like he's ready to kill.
"Go away," Osamu pushes him away from Kita's house, but he doesn't move, "you've already fucked with Atsumu. I'm not letting you fuck with Shinsuke too,"
Sakusa gently holds Osamu's wrists to stop him, "I'm not here to fuck with anyone. I just want to help,"
"Help with what?" Osamu grabs Sakusa's collar. He could see the visible rage in his eyes, making him avert his gaze, "I don't know. I know I'm being selfish right now, but I just want to ease this guilt and loneliness a bit by helping you,"
Osamu scoffs, "you're more than shameless," he pushes Sakusa to the ground and turns around, "but if you really want to go through hell, then I'll let you go through it,"
Osamu wasn't lying when he said Sakusa would suffer hell. He made Sakusa do all the hard work while he and Kita watch from afar. It was hard to do everything by himself. The tasks were already taxing, but what made it harder was traveling from Hyogo to Tokyo every day. Ever since getting accepted in MSBY, he would wake up before the sun rises to travel to Tokyo and make sure to come back to Hyogo before midnight. He'd be exhausted from training when he arrives at Hyogo, but that wasn't enough to make Osamu lessen his work. Osamu still made him work despite seeing how exhausted he is. But sometimes, he would have mercy and let Sakusa laze around. He thought that'll make him feel better, but it did the opposite. It made him feel guilty for not working, so he would push himself and look for something to do until the guilt goes away. Sakusa listened to Osamu and Kita's demands, and fulfilling them made him feel a bit better. Though Kita and Osamu are cold towards him, they feed him and give him a room to stay in. Sakusa couldn't tell why serving Kita and Osamu gave him a sense of fulfillment. He felt like he was doing something good for once, and even if Osamu and Kita wouldn't talk to him, he didn't feel lonely anymore.
Atsumu never became a topic between all three of them until Osamu entered Sakusa's room one night.
"Atsumu's getting married in a few days,"
Sakusa stares at Osamu with disbelief, "to who?"
"Tooru,"
Sakusa presses his lips into a thin line. He wasn't surprised Atsumu's getting married to Tooru. They went through everything together. It wouldn't be a surprise to find out that they developed feelings for each other after all the time they spent together, "oh, congratulations to them,"
Osamu silently leans on the doorframe with his arms crossed as they let the time tick by. Sakusa doesn't really know how to react to the news. It hurts, but Sakusa felt like he shouldn't be hurting. He felt like he didn't have the right to. He wants Atsumu to be happy, but at the same time, there's still this selfishness inside of him that's stopping him from being completely happy because Atsumu told him he wouldn't marry if it wasn't him, and maybe deep down, Sakusa still clung onto that promise.
"I honestly don't know if I should be sorry for you or not," Sakusa raises his head and sees Osamu walking towards him, "you shouldn't,"
Osamu sits in front of him and holds his shoulder. Osamu's grip on this shoulder was different from the previous ones. This one was gentle, almost as if the way he was holding his shoulder was his way of sympathizing with him.
"Let him go, Sakusa. He isn't yours anymore. Clinging onto him would bring you nothing but pain," Those were the only words Osamu told him before leaving him in his room to think.
Sakusa doesn't know how long it's been since his last talk with Osamu. He never talked to Osamu about it. He never asked about the wedding, and Osamu didn't bring it up around him. They never discussed anything about Atsumu. But Sakusa decided to talk to Osamu about him after seeing Atsumu and Oikawa's marriage announcement.
"I think I've already let go. It doesn't hurt anymore," Sakusa randomly blurts out when he's alone with Osamu.
"Are you happy for them?" Sakusa gives Osamu a small smile, "a little bitter about it. But yeah, at least I know Atsumu's in good hands,"
-*-
"Stop," Sakusa turns to Atsumu with surprise. He shouldn't be surprised, but he didn't expect Atsumu to tell him to stop helping Osamu and Kita, "why? I've been doing it for years. I never did anything bad,"
Atsumu releases a sigh and turns to look at Sakusa with pity, "I hate you for what you did, but I don't want you to waste your life,"
"It's not a waste of my life. I like doing it,"
Atsumu shakes your head, "you're doing it because it lessens the guilt you're feeling. But, Sakusa, don't waste your life doing something meaningless. You want my forgiveness, don't you?"
Sakusa nods. Atsumu gives him a small smile, "then leave Osamu and Shinsuke. I may not be able to forgive you now, and it'll be harder to forgive you if you keep on punishing yourself like this. I don't like the thought of you using Osamu and Shinsuke as a way to ease your guilt. So, go and live your life. Maybe I can forgive you if you do that,"
Atsumu stands up after that. He starts to walk away, but before he could completely walk away, he turns around gives Sakusa the brightest smile Sakusa has seen in a while, "thank you for the years we spent together and for leading me to Tooru. I'm happy with him, and it's time for you to find your own happiness too,"
Sakusa smiles back, "thank you for loving me, Atsumu,"
Atsumu smiles one last time before turning around to finally leave.
Atsumu and Tooru meet up with their teammates after their talk with Sakusa and Iwaizumi. They smiled at each other before hugging, "how was it?" Atsumu asks.
Tooru chuckles, "fine, I guess," Atsumu rubs his back and kisses his cheek.
"What about yours?" Tooru asks as they part and hold hands while following their teammates out of the gym, "it went great,"
"I hope they find happiness too," Tooru whispers, "me too," Atsumu agrees and gives Tooru's hand a squeeze, "anyway, what do you want to do tonight?"
Tooru chuckles and whispers in Atsumu's ear, "I want to spend it in the hotel with you," he then grabs Atsumu's waist and pulls him close, making Atsumu laugh, "okay, I want that too,"
Sakusa and Iwaizumi watched Atsumu and Tooru walk away hand in hand. They turn to each other and gives a small smile, "I'm glad to see they're happy," Sakusa nods. He is too.
"So, how was it?" Sakusa asks as they turn around to go to their own team. Hajime smiles, "he told me to be happy,"
Sakusa smiles and shakes his head, "I bet he told you the same thing," Hajime chuckles. Sakusa nods, "yeah, they're too kind,"
"They are," Sakusa stops and turns to Hajime, "maybe it's time to listen to them,"
Iwaizumi stares at Kiyoomi, "what do you mean?"
Sakusa smiles, "you already know," he answers and links their pinkies. Hajime smiles and tightens his pinky around Sakusa's.
"It's going to take some time," Iwaizumi whispers, knowing rushing things won't do them any good.
"I know, but it's one step to becoming happier," Kiyoomi smiles at him.
"You're right," Iwaizumi whispers as they take their first steps towards happiness.
-*-
It's finally done. Thank you for reading up to this point and for patiently waiting for updates. I'm grateful that you chose to spend your time reading this story.