Day 3 of Haikyuu Angst 2020
Tier 1, 2, and 3: Photographs, Defeat, and "I can't lose you too."

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Being married to a Miya was never going to be easy. Osamu knew that ever since he fell in love with Miya Osamu and when the soldier climbed the ranks as a dai-gensui (grand marshal) along with his brother Miya Atsumu, he asked Suna if he was willing to become a Miya, even if it means having to fear for Osamu's life daily. Truth be told, Suna was scared, but the time Osamu gave him to think just made him understood that he loves Osamu so much that letting go of him would be more painful than the consequences he has to deal with once he changes his name to Miya Rintarou.

Rintarou had been married to Osamu for five years, and when his husband told him that marrying him would mean having to fear for Osamu's life daily, he meant it. Rintarou could never get used to sending Osamu off to war, and he never will be. So, whenever Osamu would come home, Rinatrou would always take his camera and snap a photo of his husband. Osamu never smiled in any of the photos Rintarou took, because who would be happy coming home from war?

Rintarou was silently listening to the radio as he cooks his dinner. Osamu was sent to fight another was a month ago, and Rintarou was expecting an announcement of their arrival by tomorrow. He had his full attention on the radio as he waits for the time when Osamu would come home, but Rintarou froze after hearing the news.

"The Japanese soldiers are expected to arrive home early after suffering a miserable defeat from the Chinese Military. Sources claim that one of the Miya's had lost their lives during the battle, and for the first time since the twins had led the Japanese armies, they have tasted bitter defeat."

Rintarou gulped, and he started feeling, his heart was racing, and he couldn't stop himself from thinking of Osamu's dead body. He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath before going to their room to read all the letters Osamu had sent him during the past days. Rintarou developed a habit of reading Osamu's letters whenever he felt lonely. The letters stashed in a small box kept underneath their bed had always brought a smile to Rintarou's face. But after hearing the news, the letters didn't bring him joy, because as he reads through the recent ones, he noticed a change in the way Osamu writes to him.

In Osamu's old letters, he would mention how the battle and how they won every single time. He would also write about the banters and arguments he had with his twin or how he would train in preparation for battle. Most of the letters contained stories of their battles, training, and wins. But the letters he received that month contained Osamu's emotions. The soldier would always write how he felt about Rintarou. He wrote how much he loves him, misses him, and wants to be at home instead of on the battlefield. Before the news, Rintarou thought that Osamu was just sappy because this was the longest time he spent deployed. But after hearing that they lost the battle, Rintarou suddenly felt like the letters were Osamu's way of saying goodbye.

The next day came, and Rintarou didn't have the heart to visit the military base. He was too much of a coward to go. He wanted Osamu to come home and complain about why Rintarou didn't come to meet him. But when nighttime came, and Osamu never came home, Rintarou decided to go to the military base despite his fears.

Rintarou arrived at the base, and after a few minutes spent on verification for security purposes, he was allowed to enter and was guided to the Miya's office. Rintarou felt his heart racing when he knocked on the door. His palms were sweaty, and his heart was beating erratically as he listens to the approaching footsteps. The door opened, and Rintarou couldn't explain the relief he felt when he saw Osamu.

"You're alive," Rintarou whispered as throws himself to his husband, his arms wrapping around Osamu's neck to envelop him into a tight hug. He felt his husband's arms snake around his waist as he cries into Rintarou's shoulder.

"He's gone, Rin," Osamu whispered. Rintarou could feel his shoulders shaking, and he could hear the sobs that came from his husband's lips. Rintarou could feel his heart breaking at the sight of his husband crying on his shoulder, and he felt bad for wanting to say that, I'm just glad you're alive. Rintarou didn't hate Atsumu in any way. It was just that if he to choose who would live and who would die, he'd choose his husband over his twin.

"He protected me," Osamu whispered, and all Rintarou could do was comfort his husband by running his hand through his hair and rubbing his back because he knows no words could ever make Osamu feel better. As they went home, Rintarou noticed that Osamu was limping. He furrowed his eyebrows and pointed to his husband's leg. "What's wrong? Why are you limping?"

Osamu turned to him and mouthed an 'oh' before answering, "it got shot. I don't know how far the bullet reached."

Rintarou was annoyed at how calm Osamu was despite the injury, but he decided to let it slip. Osamu was grieving, and he didn't want to be insensitive, "check in the hospital after Atsumu's burial,"

Osamu nodded, and they proceeded to go home in silence. That night is a night Rintarou could never forget because that night was spent with Osamu crying himself to sleep.

The following day was spent remembering Atsumu Miya. The entire army was there to pay tribute to the fall of one of their brethren. Aside from the entire army, Miya Kiyoomi was there too; his eyes were bloodshot, puffy, and dull. He stood in front of Atsumu's casket like a lifeless doll beside Osamu and Rintarou. The three remained until Atsumu's casket was buried near their house (as per Kiyoomi's request and Atsumu's last letter), and when the burial was over, Osamu was sent to the hospital for treatment.

Osamu was confined as they keep an eye on his wounds. Apparently, his leg wasn't the only thing that suffered an injury because after running an x-ray, they saw that he had a fractured arm and a broken collar. Rintarou had to stay in the hospital with his husband for an entire week. In one of the nights he spent there, an order from the prime minister had arrived, demanding that Osamu go back to war and command the army Atsumu had left behind. Rintarou was infuriated after reading the letter. He can't have Osamu go back to war when he's in such a condition, so he decided to take Osamu's spot.

Rintarou never told Osamu that he took his spot as dai-gensui for the upcoming attack towards the Chinese military, but he did plan how he'd say goodbye. The night before his departure, Rintarou prepared the photos he had stashed away. He wrote small letters such as I love yous and what he loves about Osamu. He also added a few instructions on how Osamu should take care of himself, he knew his husband's a good cook, but he sucked at being clean. He told him to fold the blankets when he wakes up, change the sheets weekly, and do his laundry every Sunday.

Rintarou thought he could be brave. He planned out his goodbye for three days, and not once did he cry, but as he wrote the small notes, letters, and messages, his tears kept blurring his vision, and he needed to wipe it away every time. He left the box on Osamu's bedside table and kissed his husband's lips before walking out the door. Rintarou would be lying if he said that going to war didn't scare him, but he'd rather throw himself into battle than having Osamu joining while he was injured. Rintarou was wiping his tears as he walked down the hospital's empty hall when he heard his name echo. He turned around and saw an angry Osamu limping towards him.

"Osamu, what are hell are you doing here? You should be in bed," Rintarou said as he helps Osamu stand up properly, but instead of receiving an answer, he was met with a glare.

"What about you? What are you doing wearing a military uniform?" Osamu asked. Rintarou gulped, and his eyes went to the photo Osamu held between his fingers.

"You can't go to war, Osamu, especially when you're this injured," Rintarou answered. Osamu shook his head profusely as tears start to fall from his eyes.

"I can't lose you too, Rin." Osamu whispered, it broke Rintarou's heart, but he can't let Osamu convince him not to go, "I already lost Atsumu, I can't lose you too,"

Rintarou gulped and wrapped his arms around Osamu, "I'll come back, I promise. Kiyoomi will go with me in place of Atsumu, so I know I'll be fine. Kiyoomi was a dai-gensui too before he married Atsumu, right?" Rintarou asked in hopes of making Osamu feel a little better.

Osamu nodded, but he still refused to let Rintarou go, but Osamu finally gave up after about an hour of bickering and convincing.

"Just come back to me alive, Rin," Osamu whispered as he places his forehead on Rintarou's.

"I will," Rintarou whispered, and they let their lips touch one last time before Rintarou's deployment.

Rintarou spent three weeks in battle. He knew war battles are difficult and traumatizing. Still, fighting in one made him understood why Osamu would come home with a frown on his face despite earning a new Rikugun Bukōkishō (Badge for Military Merit). Seeing bloodshed every single day and randomly waking up to someone's agonized screams was truly terrifying. But being in a crossfire was petrifying. You could feel your heart beating with every pull of the trigger, and with every loud sound, you'll start to fear that you might be the one to receive the shot. Rintarou witnessed what the twins and Kiyoomi had to deal with every time they went to war. He saw how his friends would get shot and how their blood would splatter on the ground. He saw people get caught in a bomb attack, but the blood wasn't what haunted Rintarou. It was the look on their faces. The fear and helplessness in their eyes were what kept him awake at night. But despite all of these, Rintarou came home alive.

He was on his way to the hospital with a medal on his neck to visit Osamu when he saw nurses and doctors running down the hall. Rintarou just moved aside because and decided not to make a big deal out of it. He was in a hospital, and a person was dying every hour, so he didn't expect the floor of nurses and doctors in Osamu's room. Rintarou couldn't remember what was happening in that room. All he could hear was the line going flat. It was more deafening than any of the bomb explosions he's heard in battle.

"Name of patient, Miya Osamu. Time of death, 10:38 A.M." Rintarou ran to Osamu when he heard what the doctor said. He grabbed his husband's hand and knelt beside the bed.

"Osamu, Osamu, I'm back, don't do this to me," Rintarou begged. He could feel the warmth from Osamu's skin slowly going away, but he didn't want to accept it.

"Osamu, please, I won't go back to war. I'll stay here with you," Rintarou continued. He was trembling, and his voice was breaking, but it didn't matter to him. He just wanted to hear Osamu's voice. "Osamu, you can't do this to me,"

Rintarou turned towards the doctor, eyes throwing a piercing glare, "how could he die?! He was just injured?! He wasn't sick when I left! How could he die?!"

Rintarou could tell he was losing it, but it didn't matter. Nothing really matters if Osamu isn't with him anymore.

"A drug was found in his blood. The symptoms didn't show until last week. That's why it was left undetected. One of the bullets contained drugs, and the moment his fellow soldiers took out the bullet, the drug leaked and got into his bloodstream, slowly poisoning him and killing him." The doctor calmly explained. Rintarou stood up and grabbed his collar.

"How could it be left undetected?! He was here for an entire month!" Rintarou yelled. His vision was red, and nothing made sense to him. He was just so pained that he needed a way to bring out.

The nurses pulled Rintarou away, and he ran his hand through his hair. Tears were continually rolling on his cheeks, and he was at a loss with what to do. He sat on the floor and cried while holding Osamu's hand. He was sobbing, hiccuping even when one of the nurses tapped his shoulder and gave him a box. It was the same box he gave Osamu before he left for war. He furrowed his eyebrows and took it.

"Miya-san said I should give it to you," Rintarou opened it, and the nurses, along with the doctors, left to give him privacy. He opened the box, and he felt like he would die from the pain as he reads through all of Osamu's responses. But what broke him the most was the last one.

"I'm sorry I couldn't hold on any longer, Rin. I love you more than anything in this world, and I'm sorry if I couldn't show it to you every single day. I'm sorry you had to worry about my safety every time I got deployed. I bought a small farmhouse far in the countryside for us to move into after I retire, but it seems like that couldn't happen. But maybe you and Kiyoomi could keep each other company while my brother and I watch over you on the other side. I love you, Rin. And if circumstances were different, I would've chosen to spend every second of my life with you. I'm sorry I have to leave you alone, but I want you to take care of yourself, okay? And if you want to, you can find someone else to love you.

-Miya Osamu"