"Flight Attendants please prepare for takeoff." The sound of the pilot's voice echoed out of the speakers and through the plane.

All of a sudden my breathing started to quicken, my hands started to shake, and my ribs felt like they were closing around my lungs. I couldn't breathe. The sound of a bell rang through my ears consuming my thoughts.

If there was one thing that I hated, it was flying. I hated heights. I hated the change in pressure. I hated it all and not to mention all the things that could go wrong while so high in the air. The thought of it all flushed panic through my veins.

"Hey, Alora are you okay?" I felt Chris's hand make contact with my shoulder, and I flinched looking over at him, but his hand didn't move from my shoulder.

"Chris can you please open the front pocket of my backpack and grab the pill bottle," I said trying to keep my voice as steady as possible.

His hand never left my shoulder as he grabbed my bag and found the little orange bottle. He popped it open and gave me one of the pills. I popped it into my mouth and grabbed my water. The pill was quickly drowned as it went down my throat, but it wouldn't help right away.

So there I sat my body shaking, my breathing not slowing, and Chris's hand still on my shoulder.

"You write music right?" Chris asked.

I nodded, "yeah, yeah I do." I spoke looking over at him. I didn't even question how he knew. I didn't necessarily expect him to know considering the look on his face when I mentioned recognizing him.

"Which one of your lyrics is the most meaningful to you and why?" He didn't break eye contact as he questioned.

"I want to be alone, hate it that no one knows, you're good to everyone, all them but me, are probably my favorite lyrics I've ever written. I haven't released the song that they are in, but that whole song so far has the most powerful lyrics in my opinion," Suddenly I wasn't fighting to breathe, and my hands were still once again.

It seemed that Chris noticed it too when he gave my shoulder a squeeze and removed his hand.

"I didn't mean to ask a question that was invading, but I thought it was the best one to ask to release you from your thoughts."

"No no, you asked the perfect question. I'm sorry about that though. I normally remember to take my meds before I get on flights, but the last three hours were quite something." I said suddenly feeling like I was speaking too quickly.

"Don't apologize. You couldn't do anything about it. It was just a response to the environment you're in. There is never a reason to apologize for something you can't control." I nodded appreciating the words he let roll off his tongue.

When I looked past him and out of the window I realized that we were already in the air, and I could feel the panic start to build again, but as soon as it started it stopped. Chris seemed to have followed my line of sight and when he realized what I was looking at he shut the window immediately.

"You never answered the second part of my question," I looked over to see that Chris's eyes were back on me. "Why are they the most meaningful to you?"

"I wrote the song about my boyfriend." I sighed. "If I released the song I think it would create a lot of unnecessary problems. Maybe one day when the time is right I'll show it to the world, but for now, it's kept away and hidden in my notebook."

"Shit, I'm sorry. But if he's causing you to be able to write lyrics like that why are you still with him?" He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say.

"Honestly I couldn't tell you. We have our good moments, but they seem to get rarer and rarer as each day passes. But in my head, those good moments outweigh the bad. We've been together for some time and I think it's just a matter of attachment at this point." Speaking to Chris was oddly easy. For someone I met just 20 minutes ago, I felt like I could say a lot to him without the fear of being judged. "I love him, I really do, but I just hate how he treats me."

Well if this wouldn't push the awkward stage of meeting people out, I don't know what could.

"Well fuck that, and fuck him. No one deserves someone like that. Yeah, it may be hard to walk away, but I can bet you $20 that you'll thank yourself in the future." Part of me knew that Chris was right but it was hard to admit that to myself. I've spent 18 months with Cillian. For the last 18 months, I've called him my boyfriend. How was I supposed to turn the page and start a new chapter...one without him in it?

"Yeah I'm sure you're right but like I've told everyone else who has brought it up it's really not that easy."

"I want to say I understand that, but I've never been in a relationship so I have no clue how you really feel."

"You've never been in a relationship?" In all honesty, I was surprised. Chris wasn't ugly in the slightest, and for him to have never been in a relationship was something I most definitely wasn't expecting.

"Nope. " He said emphasizing the P. "Since we're being honest, I am terrified of having a girlfriend."

"So you're scared of women?" I tried not to laugh

"Oh absolutely not. I love women, but something about a girlfriend scares me."

"Interesting...Do you think there's any reason behind why?" I was intrigued to hear his answer.

With a simple shrug of his shoulders, he spoke, "If there is a reason I haven't figured it out yet."

Chris and I maintained small and simple conversations for quite some time, but somewhere during that, I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back Chris was dead asleep with his head leaning up against the window.

My eyes slowly started to close as I settled myself into my seat, letting go of the worry I'd been carrying for the past few hours. I hadn't realized how tired I had been until my brain stopped running and all I saw was the darkness.

The sound of the pilot's voice over the intercom broke me out of my nap, and suddenly all my worries rushed back into my brain when I heard the words, "We are experiencing some major turbulence. Everyone please get back to your seats, and buckle your seatbelts."

I tightened my seatbelt to the point where it was hurting my stomach. I looked above me to make sure there were no signs of the overhead bin opening. The plane shook with power and I quickly gripped both armrests forgetting that Chris's hand was sitting on top of the one that divided our seats, and he jumped awake at the sudden contact and looked around.

"Alora are you alright?" His voice was quiet.

"Yeah sorry, the turbulence scared me."

He nodded his head and shut his eyes once again. I sat there for a few minutes with my hand still gripping Chris's but if he had a problem he didn't mention anything. Then again that could be because he was back and sound asleep.

The seatbelt sign turned back off and a wave of relief washed over me. I scrolled through the movie options I had before settling down on watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Before I knew it we were preparing for landing, and Chris was still asleep so I tried to go back to sleep to avoid any panic.

Not much time passed before Nick's voice snapped me out of my sleep, "Alora? Chris? Can you guys wake up? We are pretty much the only people left on the plane."

My eyes were opened to find Nick and Matt hovering above me.

A simple "Huh" was heard from beside me and I turned my head to find Chris rubbing his eyes.

"C'mon man we gotta get off the plane before they rip us out of here," Matt said while grabbing our bags from the overhead bin.

"Shit sorry I didn't know we had landed," Chris grumbled while unbuckling his seatbelt and standing up.

I followed his lead and thanked Matt as I grabbed my bag from him and went down the plane aisle.

Even at 1 in the morning LAX was still buzzing.  

"God I'm so tired of California," Matt mumbled next to me

"You and me both Matt. You and me both." I felt as if every time I was in LA a part of me was missing. There was something about LA that drained you. No matter how many times you come and no matter how much fun you have while here it's never quite the same. 

We were walking towards the baggage claim when Nick spoke up, "Wait Alora where are you going and how are you getting there." I had completely forgotten my situation. I didn't have anywhere to go and no one to take me anywhere.

"Uh, actually I have no clue. My apartment isn't ready yet and Cillian is in Vegas so I was just planning on getting a hotel for tonight."

"Okay but no." I turned around to fully look at him.

I assumed he had read the look on my face when he said, "Just come stay with us tonight! We have the space and plus this will be our chance to finally hang out and all that," Nick spoke with excitement radiating in his voice.

"Nick you guys are just getting back too. I don't want to be a bother."

"Alora we don't mind having you," Chris said and Matt nodded along agreeing with what his brothers were saying.

"Perfect then it's settled. Alora you're staying with us whether you like it or not!" I didn't even bother arguing. This may have been my first time meeting Nick but I knew him well enough from all our back-and-forth texts. Nick was persistent, and if Nick wanted something he'd get it.

Before I knew it my bags were loaded in the back of the iconic Sturniolo van, and we were slowly pulling into the jumble of LA traffic.

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and i'm back. this chapter is kinda ass, but i needed to write something to get me out of this shlump i have found myself in. the next chapter is gonna be a good one i promise. 

as always please correct me if you find any mistakes.
i love you all and i hope all is well💋