Author's Note:

Thanks for the notes yesterday, folks.

That was a chapter I always wanted to write.

And this, here, is a chapter I've been waiting to write, also.

It's a little treat for the readers, thank you all for following along.

I know this is a slow-burn. I hope you haven't given up now.

Have a good day, and without further ado, enjoy.

Bobbiejelly

Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly . NOW RATED E FOR EXPLICIT. You're welcome :)

Chapter 34: Dream a Little Dream of Me

Chapter Summary: Addison has an interesting dream. Meredith hears all about it. Rated E for explicit. Do with that summary what you will. Other stuff happens but that's the main point.

By the time Meredith Grey gets to Seattle Grace Hospital, she's stressed out to the nines because she's taken so long to arrive in the patient room she's almost sure somebody has died by now.

But luckily for her, and everyone else, the death part is only a symptom of Meredith's overreactive imagination, and the emergency part of the page was actually, ironically, about her patients' parents' love lives.

"We want to have sex," the parents of the twin pyloric stenosis babies inform her as she walks in the door.

"Excuse me?!" Meredith says in surprise as she thinks they must have been expecting someone else to walk in the room at that time.

"We want to have sex; so we paged you here so we could and we wouldn't feel guilty about leaving the twins alone..." They trail off a bit sheepishly.

"Oh," Meredith says in surprise.

"Uh-" Meredith says because she apparently can't come up with something better than 'Uh-" at this time of night.

Or rather, is it that she can't come up with something better than "Uh-" after HER love life clearly fell through the sky and now this happy couple wants her to let them have SEX in a hospital and she's just a bit bitter at them because she wishes it was HER having the sex with-

"Of course, umm, just let me put some scrubs on and I'll watch your babies, do they have any names yet?" Meredith flips the chart up and tries to answer that one for herself.

"Not yet, we're calling the boy "Y" for "Y-Chromosome" and the girl "X" for "X-Chromosome"; they are fraternal twins but they have the same birth defect," the parents explain to her.

"X and Y it is!" says Meredith with purposeful enthusiasm.

"My name is Anna," says the woman, "and this is Emmett," she continues while pointing to her partner.

"Well, thanks and let me know if you have any questions..." Meredith says to them.

"Oh, we have three more questions for you," Emmett says to her cheerfully.

"Yes?" Meredith gets out a pen to fill out the blanks in the chart.

"Oh, I don't think you'll need that to answer the questions-" Emmett smiles at her.

"Where is the best place to have sex here, how soundproof are the walls, and how long do we have alone?" Anna asks all of the questions at once.

"Ohhhh," Meredith finally understands and smiles a bit sadly.

"Are you alright?" Anna asks her. "I didn't want to upset you, but I figured you doctors would know and-" Anna cuts herself off there.

"Oh, no, sorry I was thinking about myself I'll give you answers so long as you never tell my boss that I said this," Meredith says to the nice couple.

"Love problems?" Emmett asks her.

"Like you wouldn't BELIEVE," Meredith says in a huff.

"But this is about YOU, you won't have much time to yourselves once the babies go home with you, and I can't imagine you've had much time alone since you've had children..." Meredith finally recovers.

"The on-call rooms are best, I'll let you into one on my pass. They are pretty soundproof, so you might need a pillow to yell into only if you are shy. And I'm on-call for the evening, but that being said I do have work tomorrow early morning and I'm supposed to be resting so I guess since I'm doing you this favor, all I ask is that I get a few hours' sleep..." Meredith asks for their mercy.

"Oh, of course, it shouldn't take too long for-" Emmett starts to say before Anna cuts Emmett off.

"Here, I'll show you. Just let me change first as I said then the room is all yours."

And Meredith changes from her nightclothes into her hospital clothes and lets the couple into the on-call room and teaches them how to lock the door.

And also where the laundry bin is, and asks them to politely strip the bed and throw the used sheets and pillows in there once they are done.

She puts an 'out of order' sign she found in the janitor's closet over the door on the room, and she hopes this will keep people away, despite it being unusual for a bedroom to have something 'out of order' in it...

And Meredith sighs as she heads back to the patient room and packs up the form-fitted blue dress and the kitten heels into her backpack and the necklace back into her pocket.

The one thing she keeps on is the 'elevator love letter' lipstick, which she reapplies as she watches the babies sleep and starts thinking of Addison all over again.

A nurse gives her a fifteen-minute break after an hour, so Meredith decides to finish her project from earlier.

She had been making a mixtape for Addison, and she wanted to finish this before she no longer had the keys to Addison Montgomery's office.

Meredith still thinks that perhaps Addison was having a relationship/affair with someone who was not her... Or had some other dirty little secret to tell.

But after the initial panic and running off, Meredith wanted to keep being Addison's 'secret admirer' at least, and to continue to be nice for the redhead and possibly ask her out all over again.

Meredith selects the colored pencils from Addison's art supplies and takes out the CD she already burned from its generic case. She'd hidden it right in the box with the new ones, with only a post-it note to show which one she had selected.

Meredith takes the post-it note off of it now, so she can take out the currently blank front cover and make her own CD art.

She decides to draw her potted plant and put a date and a label on it. Because sure it wouldn't be so secret anymore. But that didn't matter much because Meredith still had Addie's keys, so she knew Addison wouldn't be able to open her gift until after she'd returned them.

So in the meantime, if everything went to shit and Addison rejected her or had some other lover lying around (literally...) then Meredith could always pull the plug on the gift and never hide it for Addison, anyhow.

Meredith took all this art supply stuff to the patient's room, where she resumed looking up at the monitors every two minutes, listening to the baby's heart rates and coloring the petals on the drawing of the flowers of the potted plan on the CD cover.

Meredith hummed the tune to "Turn To Stone" by Ingrid Michaelson as she did this, as it was the only track she burned to the disc. That was the song she sang Addison to sleep to, and she seemed to find it soothing enough.

So Meredith figures that the least she can do is provide a copy of it for Addison to dream of if she's having trouble sleeping in the nights that will follow.

(Once Meredith finally gives Addison her keys back... Meredith thinks to herself.)

The parents, to their own credit, do not take that long to, erm, finish...

And they are relieving her of her duties shortly before midnight.

So Meredith nods to them and asks if it 'went well', to which they said that 'it really did'.

And Meredith doesn't ask them any more than that at all.

They see her CD cover in her hands, though, and they ask her about it as they set themselves up for baby watch for the rest of the evening.

"Oh, it's for a friend..." Meredith half-lies to them without very much conviction.

"Your 'special friend' you mean?" Anna teases her lightly.

"Whoa-" Meredith yelps, not realizing Anna had just been able to read the label she'd written.

"Well, I don't generally make 'just my friends' gifts from their 'secret admirer' that's all," Emmet clarifies the reason for Meredith's confusion.

"Oh," Meredith says again.

(She's been saying 'oh' a lot these days when she has nothing else better to say.)

"Is this the person you've been having love problems about?" Anna asks her very gently.

"Yeah," Meredith sighs to them.

"Well, we're here to talk if you ever want to," Emmett says to her graciously.

"Thanks," Meredith says.

"I don't wanna talk about it now, but If I do thanks for being around," Meredith says.

"Always, we never found the love to be easy," Emmett says.

"It was work, building the trust, it took a while but we managed," says Anna.

"Thanks," Meredith says again.

"If you want to go to sleep now, I understand," Emmett says.

"Thanks, I think I will if you don't need me for anything else," says Meredith.

"Of course, you need your rest to be a good doctor, and also if you're having those love problems!" Anna says.

"Alright, well, thanks again, you're all lovely, and the other doctor, Doctor Montgomery, will tell you more about the surgeries tomorrow..."

Meredith says, trying not to sound different in her voice when saying Addison's name...

"But also could you please NOT tell anyone at the hospital I'm having love problems? ESPECIALLY DOCTOR MONTGOMERY!" Meredith says to them loudly.

"AND DO NOT TELL HER OR ANYONE ELSE ABOUT THIS MIXTAPE DO YOU HEAR ME!" Meredith is saying a bit louder, realizing that the patients share her and Addison as a doctor and her 'secret admirer' identity could be gone in two seconds because of all this.

"We won't tell a soul," Anna promises as Emmett nods along with her.

"Goodnight, Doctor Grey," Emmett says to her kindly.

"Goodnight Anna and Emmett," says Meredith with a sigh of relief.

As Meredith leaves the patient room, she gathers all her things and slides the completed mixtape into Addison's locked drawer in her desk.

Her eyebrows lift slightly at the opened bottle of Bombay Saphire Gin, but she's hardly surprised given what she's seen growing up here.

She hides the mixtape behind that bottle and slides the remainder of the discs back into their case and puts them in the desk drawer as well. Then Meredith locks it all up, replaces the art supplies where she found them, takes Addison's keys with her as she leaves, and closes the door behind her.

She wanders around, finding the closest on-call room to Addison's office, but NOT the one she had shown to Emmett and Anna.

Meredith checks in her backpack, and smiles when she remembers that Addison had packed her toothpaste and a toothbrush and pajamas.

So she gets ready for bed and gets a glass of water and takes one of the aspirins before she finally settles in for the night.

She selects the bed that's further from the door and closer to the window and crawls into the top bunk bed. She lays out her scrubs for the morning and places her pager at the ready.

She takes out her phone, realizing it's dead and has been for a few hours. Meredith shrugs as she plugs it into the outlet to charge, and sets the alarm on the alarm clock next to her instead of the one on her phone.

She sets her bag at the shelf at her feet and tucks herself in. Meredith sighs as she wishes Addison were there to tuck her in again and brush her soft hair away from her face.

Meredith crinkles the blankets closer to her body, imagining it's Addison's hands that are doing the same.

Meredith falls asleep humming to herself, not the song "Turn to Stone" that she sang for Addison, but "Broken" by Lifehouse, the one that was always playing in Addison's car, which, she has grown to love more and more, as she feels that it brings her somehow closer to Addison.

Meanwhile, at Joe's

"Addison!"

Addison hears a voice screaming her name from behind her.

She doesn't turn around right away though, because it's not the voice of the person she wants to hear most, from right now.

"ADDISON!"

Addison hears the voice yelling louder and louder.

"ADDISON FORBES MONTGOMERY!"

Addison hears more of her names now, so she finally concedes and turns around to face a soaking wet Cristina Yang, who is begging for her to come inside out of the rain.

"She's not coming back for me," Addison says to Cristina sadly.

"She had a patient at the hospital, Addison, it's probably not actually about you," Cristina reassures.

"Can you call her?" Addison asks Cristina hopefully.

"I will just come out of the dark and into the bar, you're going to catch a cold if you stay outside!" Cristina exclaims compassionately.

So with one last cry of "MEREDITH" into the bitterness, Addison sulks her way to the door, as Cristina tries to dry her head off with paper towels from the bar, and Addison laughs as this task is near hopeless.

"We can call her if you want," Cristina offers.

And she hits the call button for 'Meredith Grey' on Izzie's phone because hers is still dead.

And Addison is too drunk to think to try to memorize Meredith's number, not that she could have, because Cristina was pressing the 'speed dial' button with only a picture of Grey from Izzie's contacts.

But Meredith never picks up (because her phone is now dead, but Addison and the interns have no way of knowing that,) so Addison leaves a sort of intelligible message for Meredith.

She says for her to "call me and let me know that you're safe, and I'm so sorry and I just want to talk to you because I do want to say yes to you to go on that date because that restaurant reeeeeeealy sounds something delicious. Nothing's gonna stop us now, and I really miss you Merediffffffffff!"

Addison slurs a little at the end of it all, and Cristina cuts the call short before Addison can say anything at all more incriminating.

And as Addison pouts at her a little, Cristina offers more water and ice chips as she calls them all a cab to get them back to the hospital.

"Can you tell us the story? While we wait for the taxi?" Izzie asks Addison rather expectantly.

"Only if you promise not to tell Meredif" Addison makes them promise to her.

And as they nod, Addison starts to tell them the story, from the very beginning.

Joe and Walter are around her now, too, passing her a cloth time to dry herself off as she recounts, in sort of a rehearsal, the monologue she knows she will have to deliver to Meredith within forty-eight hours or else suffer the consequences.

The interns listen intently, not asking any questions, not during, and not even when the whole thing is all over.

And when she's finally finished, and she's taken a series of deep, deep breaths, Addison looks up at George O'Malley, the most unlikely yet not unlikely at all, to ask her the question that they all must have been wondering.

"What is she, to you?" George finally asks her all softly.

"She's a friend, I guess," Addison says sadly, looking down now.

"She's more than a friend to you. Trust me, we know, we're her friends. And you're more," George says to her hopefully.

"We think that you love her. Or at least, I do," says Izzie.

They ask Addison if she loves her, if she loves Meredith, now.

And Addison says that she does.

She doesn't know why she's admitting this, to her students and bartenders of all people.

But she is, in the middle of the Emerald City Bar, at eleven-something in the evening, on the night of her divorce to Derek Christopher Shepherd...

Addison Montgomery is admitting just how damn much she loves Meredith Grey.

And she's saying it for the first time, to anyone in the world, she didn't even confess THAT much to Derek.

She has never told any interns much less anyone ever in her life but they're special to her.

The words taste cool on her tongue, and her admission is final.

She doesn't wish it weren't so. She doesn't wish it were different.

The only thing she wishes now is for Meredith to be right beside her.

But Meredith is at the hospital now, where Addison will end up eventually, also, anyhow.

And then she pauses because she feels like she needs to ask them for something.

She asks for their blessing, which she realizes is an odd thing to do, seeing as they haven't even agreed to go on a date yet at all...

And Derek certainly did not ask for any of Meredith's friends' approval before he dived right in and slept with the blonde intern.

But Derek wasn't here right now, and Addison is.

And Addison has a fierce determination to do everything better than Derek did.

Especially with things related to Meredith Grey.

So she asks them outright if they're ok with her seeing Grey.

And she gets the most unlikely of people to step up to give her an answer.

"We accept the love that we think we deserve,' Doctor Montgomery," says Alex Karev, as George sort of smiles at him, having passed along that message to Alex himself, from Meredith, earlier.

Addison thanks them for that, as she says to all of them that "you deserve great love of your lives."

And they say sheepishly that they all are sort of pairing up.

Addison smiles at them, as they start to speak to her over again.

"And we all think you deserve her, as much she deserves you if she wants you," says Izzie Stevens to her, finally.

"And that is only for Meredith to decide on her own," Cristina says to her softly.

"But you have to tell her the truth," Cristina says to her, again, because she has to.

"Because if she doesn't want you back after you've been holding that back from her..." Cristina continues.

"You can understand how that might have pushed her away," Cristina says tenderly.

"If that's her choice, please don't chase her as your ex-husband did."

Addison promises she would never want someone to try to be with her that didn't want her, just like she didn't want to be with someone who didn't want her back.

"But if SHE chases YOU, there's absolutely no reason for you to feel the need to run away from all that..." Cristina finally smiles optimistically at her, and Addison wants to cling on to this smile for all her hopes and her dreams.

They say 'yes' "But if you hurt her, just remember that it's five against one!"

And that they will tell Derek, Burke, Bailey, and the CHIEF if she breaks Meredith Grey's heart in any way, friend or more than a friend or not.

And Addison says this headfuck breakfast club of all interns is the most MAGIC-al group of friends she's ever seen and she's honored to be accepted as a sort of mentor to them.

And they say something like "yeah well we're your friend now especially if you dare Mer but if it comes down to you or she remember whose side we're picking."

Cristina gives Izzie a look to make her ask a question she's been wondering for a while but didn't want to say:

"But who do you have, Addison, who do you have here to catch you if you fall apart completely?"

Because it couldn't be them, she probably wouldn't want it to be Derek. Burke was an ass (says Cristina,) and Meredith is Bailey's intern and Richard is sort of like Meredith's father.

Addison says she has Mark Sloan at home who she still calls if she needs to don't worry about that.

(She doesn't mention to them, that she'd sort of gifted Mark to Derek in their divorce, but she just couldn't come up with another name they knew...)

(If she actually ran into trouble she'd probably call her best-friend and person "Naomi Bennett," but she didn't want them to interrogate her about Nai, not now, anyhow.)

(So Addison just ends it all by saying she'll call Mark, and they seem to believe her.)

"And if worse comes to worst I'll spill my guts to John the pregnant patient or to nurse Bohkee or the psychiatrist Raj/Arthur," Addison continues with a bit of a chuckle.

They all laugh.

She says she's a big girl and she can stand up on her own two feet now.

She says that she thinks she's growing into someone they can trust, and hopefully she will eventually become someone Meredith can grow into trusting, again, after all of this.

(Even as she feels she wants to be 'new color on Meredith's bare walls' at the end of the day...)

When they say they all want to wingman for Meredith but also protect her,

Addison just says to them "I wouldn't want to have it any other way."

Addison is helped back to the hospital by the interns to her office.

She would have found the CD, then, already made if she'd gone into her drawer at that point.

But she didn't need any more Gin anyhow. And even if she'd wanted it, she didn't have her office keys at all.

Someone had to let her into the door so she could hang up her coat on her coat rack and get out her spare clothes (perks of being an Attending!). But there is only one copy of the desk drawer key and Meredith still had it.

Addison ends up crashing at the hospital because she's way too messed up to go home to a hotel room at the Archfield.

Plus she needs to be there too early and has rounds for the Pyloric Stenosis babies in the morning and so it's better just to be nearby, anyhow.

Addison slips into the on-call room next to her office, and she's way too tired to notice that someone's already in the far upper bed by the window.

So Addison just crashes in the lower bunk closest to the door and falls asleep without ever noticing that Meredith Grey is actually just six feet away from her.

Meredith doesn't wake up, either, in the shuffle of Addison opening and closing the door. She's asleep so soundly she's not even snoring tonight, and she never feels another person's presence in the room until many hours later.

What Meredith was about to experience she would never, ever, forget for as long as she lived.

Meredith woke up hours later into the limelight, but before her alarm, but rather, in alarm.

She was awoken by the sounds of someone moaning obscenely in the bed next to hers.

Meredith's head lifted up in alarm as her eyes shot down to the source of the sound, as she tried to figure out who the hell it was coming from, and why the hell it was happening.

('JFC is somebody getting laid in this on-call room while I am still IN IT?!' Meredith freaks out and wonders.)

('Did they NOT SEE ME ASLEEP' Meredith wonders again.)

(Am I supposed to what - LEAVE now that my nap has been strangely interrupted by sex noises?)

(Am I supposed to just wait and try not to watch or try to watch or what?)

But before Meredith could answer all those questions, her eyes go wide as saucers when she recognizes the voice calling out "Oh, oh, oh...".

And holy hell on high water -

It's the voice of Doctor Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery, moaning.

And Meredith realizes this now, and at first, she thinks she's with someone and the jealous rages through her entire being.

She's tensing her tiny, ineffectual fists now, ready to punch out the whoever is sleeping with her boss-mentor-friend-crush-infatuation-enigma-crush-PersonSheLovesButNotHerLoverQuiteYet who had told her just earlier on that she had a 'secret' to share with Meredith that had the potential to change everything.

But before Meredith can go all 'say anything' on the nonexistent person who she thinks is screwing Addison Montgomery, Meredith peeks out from the top bunk bed to where Addison is.

And she sees in another surprise, that not only is Addison completely and totally alone - but that she's also completely and totally ASLEEP.

Addie's not even 'touching herself'!

Not in the masturbation sense, at least.

Addison is having a good dream.

A VERY nice dream.

A wet dream.

A fun dream.

A sex dream.

A very, very, good one too, judging by the sounds that Meredith is hearing right now.

Meredith wonders if she should leave or if she should stay...

And the gentlewoman part of Meredith is telling her maybe to go to leave Addie in private.

And the selfish and horny part of Meredith is telling her maybe to stay and enjoy this.

And eventually, the two parts of her being settle on staying because the last thing that would be helpful would be for Meredith to wake Addison up by trying to sneak off-

And thus, taking her away from her ultra-pleasurable-wet-dream.

And taking her away from her well-needed sleep to protect her from a devastating hangover.

And also to protect Meredith from having to face the personal and professional consequences of watching her boss-crush-person jerk herself off in her sleep-

Simply by rocking herself against a damn pillow, that she'd had between her knees anyhow.

Addison is moaning out "Yes, yes, yes" now and Meredith is secretly loving it.

And the scene is just so damn erotic right now that Meredith wants to touch herself, also.

But again, that would require moving, and moving would lead to noise, which would probably lead to waking up Addison.

So Meredith doesn't move a muscle, and instead, she just watches in fascination as Addison dry-humps herself on her pillow through her panties and all of her clothes.

And she hears Addison start to swear as she edges herself on. Addison sounds incredibly sexy as she calls out "fuck" and "goddamn" and "wow."

Meredith wonders what she is picturing, as she snaps back to her own sex dream about Addison from the other day.

She's wishing with all of her existence that Addison is imagining herself doing things with her - with Meredith Grey.

She's hoping that it's not someone else. Hoping that it's not Derek or Mark or anyone from her past. She's hoping it's not someone else random she's hooking up with, in Seattle.

Someone else who could have prompted her divorce from Meredith's ex-boyfriend. Someone else who could be pulling her as Meredith feels she's also trying to seduce Addison...

As she considers this, Meredith wonders just what Addison could be imagining, if, in fact, Addison is imagining herself in a sexy situation with Meredith.

Where would they be? What would they be doing?

Who would be doing what - to whom - and in what position?

Meredith is starting to have all of these wonderful and wild desires of her own, picturing herself being in between Addison's legs now, rubbing up on her instead of just a lame pillow.

And as Addison milks all the friction she can from the soft wedge between her knees against all the layers of clothing, she rocks and she rocks as she calls out more and more and louder and louder.

She's calling out intelligible words, sometimes, as Meredith can sometimes hear her begging for "more" and "harder" and "faster" and "stronger" and "yessssssss."

Addison must be heating up a lot now, as Meredith feels herself dripping wet again almost instantly.

Yes, Meredith was going to have to 'take care of herself' as soon as she could. After all the close calls to kissing Addison earlier, after having touched her on the shoulders and having Addison touch her back that way...

Meredith was wound right up like a tangle, needing another orgasm to detangle all of her sexual frustrations.

She then realized that at least maybe, maybe she could have maybe played a role in getting Addison into this situation from having wound her up earlier.

Wound her up right after narrowly NOT KISSING HER with her pressing her fingers right onto Addison's lips...

So Meredith keeps watching as Addison keeps thrusting over and over, raising herself higher and higher into the pleasurable sensations she was having inside her sleep.

And the bitter part of Meredith wonders if this sex dream is at least better than any of the sex she'd had. And probably not recently had unless there really was a 'someone else' in their midst.

If Meredith hadn't been the 'secret admirer' herself, she would have worried all about that person. Idly, she wonders why Addison hasn't felt a fit of similar jealousy when she brings up the 'mystery person'.

Or maybe Addison was just much better at hiding it than Meredith is. And Meredith thinks that that might be the case because Addison did have much more experience with relationships than she did...

But Addison had NO experience at all with the ladies, whereas Meredith has a bunch.

She thinks again with a smirk all the ways she'd love to prove to Addison just how well a woman could fuck her.

She's had Derek, (Addison's had Derek) she'd known Derek (Addison's known Derek). And Meredith thinks she could beat Derek well at his own game. Meredith doesn't know this Mark Sloan person, but she'd seriously like to beat him out, too.

And then Meredith wants to stop thinking about these other boys altogether and wants to start thinking about the fact that Addison calls out like a whore when she's having sex with herself.

Her moans and her groans and her grunts are so loud Meredith hopes that Addison bothered to lock the door because the last thing they needed was for someone to walk in on Meredith watching Addison getting herself off and spreading hateful rumors about her.

Oh, but the way Addison is humming and purring and moaning now as her hair is all splayed out like sex and there are sweat beads running down on her face... Holy shit is it HOT.

And Meredith watches as Addison's eyes are pressed tightly shut. And Meredith sees how Addison is clutching the pillow to her center so she can bang her clit and her inner thighs off it harder.

And Meredith watches as Addison is panting, her breathing is so ragged and erotic as she's disheveled completely.

Meredith thinks Addison looks the most beautiful this way. All hot and wanting, not a care in the world except finding release.

Meredith would do anything, everything, to be able to be the one to bring Addison such pleasure for herself.

Meredith sits there thinking in the limelight she's about ready to hear Addison out if Addison asks her again to hear her out, then she will, for the chance Addison wants her, for the chance she could know one way or another, for certain, if there is or is not, anyone else on her mind...

Meanwhile, in Addison's Dream...

"Oh, oh, oh" Addison Montgomery calls out as she imagines Meredith Grey holding onto her wrist, leading her out from her own car and dragging her to her hotel room at the Archfield.

Addison is so turned on right now, just watching Meredith hold even that one part of her now, as she smirks. Then she reaches into Addison's pants pocket to grab her room key card.

Meredith reads the room number, room 2201 off of the card as she presses the button for the twenty-second floor.

During the agonizingly long elevator ride, Meredith pushes Addison to the door and she grinds her whole body against Addison's. She asks her how she makes her feel.

Addison calls out "oh" again, and Meredith smirks as she takes this as a hint to continue.

Meredith grinds herself into Addison and braces both of her hands on Addison's waist as Addison brings her hands to Meredith's back.

Meredith lets her dig her fingernails in a bit over all of her clothing, as Addison grips on for dear life when Meredith starts moving her mouth down to Addison's collarbone.

"Are you mine, and only mine, Addison?" Meredith asks with a husk.

"Yes, yes, yes" Addison moans out to her, confirming that there's no one else who can please her like this.

Meredith feels her up over her clothes, running her hands all down Addison's sides and caressing everything everywhere from her shoulders to her back to her stomach to her chest.

Meredith is about to latch her mouth to Addison's collarbone when the elevator "dings" and this signals that they have reached the floor for Addison's room.

So Meredith reluctantly lets go of Addison and takes her by the wrist again as Addison moans out "Oh," again, just like she had called out the first time.

Meredith motions for Addison to lead the way to her room, and Addison does, Meredith shoving the key forcefully into the door and swearing at it when it doesn't work the first time and this makes Addison chuckle.

The moment they are inside the hotel room, however, there are no more chuckles from Addison.

Meredith gives her a piercing and predatory look that makes Addison weak at the knees.

She puts out the sign that says 'do not disturb' and she clicks the lock shut.

Addison wants to say 'thank-you' or something.

She's silenced by Meredith tearing and ripping all of her clothes off.

Meredith starts with her top, which she flings over to somewhere, and then she reaches for Addison's bra which she unclasps and flings in the very same direction.

Meredith undoes Addison's belt in one go and flicks the button and the zipper of Addison's jeans.

She reaches right into Addison's damn pants before Addison could do anything to touch Meredith back.

Addison calls out a few expletives the first time Meredith succeeds at finding her clit over her underwear.

She screams out "fuck" as Meredith presses her thumb there and starts rubbing rough circles around it through her panties.

Meredith pulls down Addison's pants and her panties now, as she motions for Addison to step out of her remaining clothes and she helps her do this.

Meredith throws the pants somewhere. Then she sets back to the task at hand.

Meredith presses Addison up against the wall of her hotel room and latches her lips to Addison's pulse point right away.

Meredith stops for a second, pulling back, asking Addison's permission before she starts to put on all the hickeys she wants to.

Addison pulls Meredith's hair in response and says to her "yes" before motioning with her hands something about her scarf which feels like an inside joke to the both of them, at this point.

So Meredith latches onto Addison's neck, and she sucks and she sucks and she's going to leave a hell of a mark.

And Addison doesn't mind at all because she loves the feeling of Meredith being so rough with her tongue.

And Meredith wants to mark her, to show the world that she's HERS.

And a fucked-up part of her wants to make their mutual ex jealous that she's a better lover than he was to her.

And to make the world jealous that SHE, Meredith Grey, had the hottest freaking girlfriend in town.

And Meredith moves up to Addison's ears, taking them into her mouth and devouring them. She leaves sloppy kisses and she nibbles with her lips and her tongue.

Addison is so soaking from just this that she starts to buck her hips off of nothing and Meredith makes fun of her for being so eager for her-

While her eyes say that she's so glad that Addison wants her with every inch of her being...

Addison eventually begs Meredith to do more, make her feel more.

So Meredith latches her hands to Addison's breasts and she feels the weight of them in her hands. She's always wanted to do this; to touch Addison here, and like this.

Meredith massages Addison's breasts with the surgical precision she's offered to Addison before to her massages.

But this is nothing platonic, nothing G-Rated, nothing PG-Rated, oh this is shaping up to be so much more.

Meredith then fastens her lips to one of Addison's breasts, and she takes the whole of it in her mouth for as much as she can.

Addison swears out "goddamn" as she presses Meredith further into her nipple.

She nibbles her nipple now, bites it a bit. Not enough for it to hurt too much, but enough for Addison to say "wow" as she can feel Meredith sense exactly what her body needed to feel alive.

Meredith teases her so much until she can't stand it anymore.

Eventually, Addison gives up with the formalities and takes Meredith's wrist in her hand and uses it to guide Meredith's fingers right in front of her center.

"Do you want me to touch you there?" Meredith asks.

Addison whimpers to her as she yells out a "YES!" At the top of her lungs.

And Addison gasps as Meredith cups her over her center.

She doesn't go inside, instead, she just presses the weight of her entire palm to Addison as Addison pumps her hips into her.

Meredith allows her palm to writhe around to feel all of Addison as Addison bucks up into Meredith's hand.

Addison calls out "more" as she wants Meredith to go faster or harder or SOMETHING.

And Meredith does offer more, she runs her free hand up and down Addison's thighs and she fastens her mouth back to Addison's breasts.

She licks them with her tongue as she strokes over all of the outside parts of Addison's center.

Addison cries out for "harder" as Meredith is being gentle.

Addison cries out for "faster" when she just can't get enough.

Addison cries out for "stronger" as the harder and faster can't send Addison flying over the edge yet.

And Meredith keeps going, keeps suckling Addison, keeps feeling her up, keeps circling her palm over Addison's white-hot core.

Addison squeals out "yessssssss." as Meredith edges her closer and closer to the inevitable climax.

And Meredith has her eyes locked on Addison now, showing all of the sex and all of the caring and all the emotion she wants to convey with her actions.

And the words go unspoken between them as Addison starts to come undone over Meredith's hand.

She has her back arched off the wall and she has her eyes pressed tight shut and her head thrown back in ecstasy.

And Meredith sends one last perfect stroke over all of Addison's center to make her scream out her name as she orgasms.

She shook with every bone in her being as she collapsed into Meredith's arms as she held her and brushed the hair off of her face as Addison called out to her.

She called out for her. She called out for HER, then:

"Mer, Meredif, Meredith, MEREDITH, MEREDITH GREY!"

"Mer, Meredif, Meredith, MEREDITH, MEREDITH GREY!"

Addison doesn't even wake up as she shouts this to high heavens in the goddamned on-call room inside of her sleep and inside of her dream but pouring out loud in the real world.

She's dreaming a little dream of Meredith, and Meredith Grey from her upper bunk bed has been watching her through the whole time.

Meredith feels she has a million happy tears swell up in her eyes as she hears this.

She hears Addison's unconscious confession to her, that SHE is the one that Addison wants.

And to hell on high water be damned if there was anyone else in her life tempting her.

Because Addison, as she orgasmed, as she came with everything she had in her slumber...

Addison had called out to HER, Addison had called out FOR HER.

Addison had called out every iteration of her name and her nicknames for HER, for Meredith Grey.

Addison had been picturing HER bringing her pleasure.

Addison had been picturing herself having sex with HER, her and nobody else.

And if that wasn't proof enough, Meredith didn't know what would ever be.

Proof of Addison's lust for her.

Proof of Addison's want for her.

Proof of Addison's need for her.

All of these lusts and wants and needs that Meredith felt for Addison, she now knew was not only one-sided.

They were at least two-sided in the deepest depths of Addison's subconscious mind.

And Meredith thinks to herself she thinks there's even more to it than that.

The way Addison had called out for her, with such reverence and joy...

It was how she felt about Addison every time she pronounces that damn name off her lips.

And Meredith decides, then, as she closes her eyes finally and pictures herself happy.

Meredith decides that she's not going to run anymore. She's not going to hide or give up.

She's going to listen if Addison asks her to.

And no matter what Addison Montgomery says to her...

No matter what her dirty little secret is-

Meredith Grey is going to try like hell and high water, to meet her halfway.

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***** END OF CHAPTER 34

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed this porn-with-plot sequence :D

And yeah, I wanted to leave this one at a happy-making cliffhanger.

Because we deserve it.

Yes, the chapter is slightly shorter than yesterday's, because that one broke the record and I can't keep doing that if I want to keep up with this.

But I still care just as much, and I care what you all think so let me know!

In the last chapter, and this one, there have been several instances of Addison drunkenly calling Meredith "Meredif" and I wanted to acknowledge that I got the idea from "What Happens Here" by Seattlerain879 on Ao3. There were also mentions of "I've missed you," in a sentence and that's an allusion to that work by TheNetflixGal, and "Can I Go Where You Go" a work by lightningmaystrike.

The many Truth or Dare games are fun but they cannot compare to the whole "Truth or Dare" fanfiction by Emylilas. As well as "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by IllegalKittens. A few chapters ago there was the use of "NO WAY" and "Gladly another time," both phrases from "Heavy Rain" by Lydialyn and these are all other great modern fanfics.

Another allusion in this chapter is to "New Color (On My Bare Walls)" by mammothluv and the many many mentions of caring and sex nearby in a sentence are of course allusions to "Sex and Caring in Seattle" by Bluefall. And last, but not least for the classical allusions are the many times the title of "I Think I'm Growing Into Someone (You Could Trust) by StephIsInsanity. The letters are also a feature that is explored much more in depth in "Letters to A.M" by aymr.

Another partial allusion was to "Black and Blue, and a Little Bit Broken" by AliceSloane13 on Fanfiction, whose story "Christmas Lights" I am also addicted to and that's where I sort of stole the idea of one of them leaving their card at the bar for the other, from. Anyways, I recommend checking those two stories out, too, though they are VERY heavy and that's why they're breathtaking, but just a heads-up.

And also from Ao3: Hime_no_Kowai_Shumi, LordofLezzies, WhatwouldagentScullydo, Shadowlions_yeet, Kristin_Aubrie,,bg3929, skidney, MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse, Anna, MissLuthor506, becarefulcontentspriceless, Dragon_QueenMorri, Seldom_naughty, olivia, souvenirscar, LarisUSB, Mbufton12, ... probably more I missed - SORRY! have been around commenting/writing on Ao3 the past while and it's been a real pleasure.

On Fanfiction: Spritti21, bran tregare, Melissagirl, mandagirl79, MysticSong1978, VFBFan, artiethecat, NathalieRae, Mford473, and a bunch of lovely guests.

On Wattpad: addiesbaby, author4all, itslexipedia, XXGreysAnatomy, outlawqueenpercabeth, Kennas_Backup00, danielaperezsurga, and MANY MORE but these few always seem to read the chapters literally the second I post them and it's actually magical !

Soo, that's a shortlist of works and users that I have decided to honor so far (in addition to the ones from last night). If I forgot you in the copy/paste shuffle I am so sorry thinking of you!

Also, sometimes readers ask how I got better at writing, and the answer is mostly from reading a heck tonne of fanfiction, commenting on every damn chapter (yes, commenting makes me a better writer from analyzing other people's work and interacting with authors!), and eventually picking up on how fanfiction writing works, as well as styles from the ship in itself, and just writing as much as I can. I also publish at 80% perfect, and often back-edit with help from readers. Hope this helps those folks who are considering just getting started! :D

So, to MerAdd and everything else writers out there, again, this work is especially in recognition for you as well as to the commenters out there. Hope you'll reach out and take care!

Enjoy the next approximately 48 hours before the next installment. I do update almost daily now, like clockwork. But if I have enough written and I get enough reviews I MAY POST EARLY!

THANK YOU FOR READING! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D

Much love, bobbiejelly