Darkness...

It's really dark to where I am right now. I can't see anything in here. I don't even know that a place like this existed. The last thing I remember is that...I fell into the floor while blood were streaming down my legs as there is an excruciating pain in my stomach. Pero ngayon ay wala na 'yon...wala na akong maramdaman na kahit na anong masakit sa aking katawan ngayon.

“I'm sorry...”

My lips parted slightly as I heard a familiar voice from somewhere. It's Brent's voice...but I can't pinpoint where exactly it came from. I can't...see him.

“I'm s-sorry, Angel...”

Nangunot ang noo ko ng marinig na nabasag ang boses niya. Is he crying? But why?

“I'm sorry that I wasn't able to protect this family...”

Wala akong kahit na isang maintindihan sa mga sinasabi niya. Why and what is he sorry for?

After hearing Brent's sorry, I then heard my angel's voice. Her soft and sweet voice...that I missed so much.

“M-mommy...” My heart instantly broke when I heard her quivering voice. Umiiyak din siya...my baby's also crying right now.

“Wake up na po. I miss you so much, Mommy, we miss you already.”

I miss her so much too. I miss the both of them a lot. And I want to be with them also. Gusto ko na rin silang makasama ulit. And in order for that to happen, I need to get out of this dark nowhere and find my way back.

I started walking without any direction. I just walked and walked forward until I am slowly seeing a mere light at the end of the track that I am into. As I walk near it the light were getting brighter and brighter making close my eyes due to the intolerable luminance.

My sight were a little bit vague as I slowly open my eyes. I was greeted by a bright light coming from above. When my eyes adjusted to the brightness and the surroundings that's when I saw the white walls of the room I was in. Iyong maliwanag na nasilayan ko kanina ay iyong ilaw sa kisame.

I've been into a place like this before kaya alam ko ng nasa ospital ako ngayon. The white walls of the room and the machines beside me were enough proof for it.

I look around the whole room but I didn't see anyone. Nanunuyo ang lalamunan ko at gustong-gusto kong makainom ng tubig ngayon.

I tried to get up and move my hand but I was too weak to move even a little. Hindi ko kayang suportahan ang sarili ko para makaupo ng maayos sa kama.

Mahina akong napadaing habang sinusubukan na bumalik sa dating puwesto kanina.

Agad akong napalingon sa pinto ng kuwarto ng bumukas iyon. Maliit akong napangiti ng pumasok doon si Brent habang dala-dala ang dalawang plastic bag na may mga lamang pack foods. Abala siya sa pagaalis ng mga dala sa plastic at paglalagay nito sa maliit na mesa doon sa gilid kaya hindi niya napapansin na nagising na ako.

I stared at him. Nakagat ko ang labi at saka mahinang napabuntunghininga habang nakatitig sa kabuuan ng mukha niya. Sa pagtitig pa lang sa mukha niya ay alam ko na agad na malaki ang ipinayat niya. I can also see some dark circles underneath his eyes. Stubbles are also growing on his jaw and chin. Even so...he still looks breathtakingly handsome as ever. His stubbles make him look a little more mature.

I kept on staring at him and I guess when he felt the stares at him...he turn his head to me.

I smiled at him. “H-hi,” namamaos ang boses na ani ko.

He stilled before his eyes widen a fraction when he saw me. Mahina akong natawa dahil sa naging reaksiyon niya.

“Fuck...” Mahinang mura niya bago nagkukumahog na lumapit papunta sa gawi ko.

“Fuck...baby...” Parang hindi niya maintindihan kung ano ang unang gagawin...kung hahawakan niya ba ako o yayakapin. “You're awake,” nakangiting anas niya at saka maingat na hinawakan ang mukha ko.

I smiled at him before slowly nodding my head. “C-can you get me...some...w-water?” Nahihirapang ani ko.

Agad itong tumalima papunta sa may gawi ng mesa at saka ako ipinagsalin ng tubig. Inalalayan niya rin akong makaupo para makainom ako ng maayos. After drinking some water to satisfy my dry throat he put the glass down on the bed side table.

“I'll c-call the doctor,” ani niya at saka nagmamadaling lumabas para tumawag ng doctor.

Nasundan ko siya ng tingin ng lumabas siya ng pinto. Mayamaya ay muli na naman itong bumukas at pumasok siya muli sa loob.

Nakagat ko ang labi habang nakatitig sa kaniya at nang maupo siya sa gilid ng kama.

“Damn it...I was so scared that I might lose you.” He held my hand before slowly caressing it. When our eyes met there are unshed tears in his. I smiled at him before slowly reaching for his face.

“I'm sorry that I made you worried,” mahinang ani ko habang maliit na nakangiti.

He shook his head before closing his eyes. “I love you, Angel. I love you so damn much.” Nakagat ko ang labi at saka napapikit ng dumukwang siya at patakan ng halik ang noo ko.

I smiled. “N-nasaan nga pala si B-bree?” I asked before looking around the room.

“She's at school. Hinatid siya doon nina Tito and Tita,” he said. Napanguso ako ng hawiin niya ang mga buhok na nakaharang sa mukha ko at saka iyon ilagay sa likod ng aking tainga. “She went her before going to school with your parents.” He slowly caress my cheek.

Nakangiti akong tumango. I can't wait to hug my angel. I miss her so much. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari wala akong ibang gusto kundi ang umuwi at makasama ang pamilya ko.

“How about...Angelica?” I asked. With only the mention of her name hindi ko mapigilan na makaramdam ng takot. “W-where is she?”

Tumiim ang bagang ni Brent at saka nagliyab ang apoy sa kaniyang mata dahil sa matinding galit.

“She's in jail,” he murmured. “And the guy who's with her is dead.”

Saglit akong natigilan. Angelica's in jail and Lucas is dead. Knowing about it, I can't help but to feel relieve. At least now, we can be finally free and safe from the both of them.

“Kung p'wede lang na pareho na silang mamatay,” mariin na ani Brent habang nagtatagis ang bagang. “Kulang pa ang mga buhay nila para sa lahat lahat ng ginawa nila sa 'tin.

I held his hand before slightly squeezing it. “Brent...what matters right now is that safe na tayo. Hindi na nila tayo magugulo at masasaktan kahit na ano'ng mangyari.”

He stared at me for a moment before averting his gaze. My brows furrowed slightly. Para siyang may gustonv sabihin pero hindi niya itinutuloy.

I was about to ask him about it but then the door swing open and the doctor came in.

“Hi...how are you feeling, Mrs. Ajero?” Nakangiting tanong ng doctor sa akin habang naglalakad ito papalapit sa gawi ko.

Mrs. Ajero?

I turn to Brent with a questioning look but he only raise his brows at me.

“Hindi pa tayo ikinakasal,” pasimpleng bulong ko sa kaniya.

“Pero ikakasal tayo kaya ganoon na rin 'yon,” he defended.

The doctor check up on me. He did something to the machines beside me before smiling at me.

“We still need to run some test and monitor you for a couple of days,” he said. “Then after that if you're results shows that you are okay then you're free to go home.”

“For now, I suggest you take a rest.”

“Thank you, doc.”

Brent escorted the doctor outside the door before he went inside the room again. Muli siyang naupo sa sa gilid ng kama bago kinuha ang kamay ko at saka mahigpit 'yong hinawakan.

“Do you want to eat?” He asked softly. “Soup or something?”

I smiled before slowly shaking my head. “Maybe later.”

He nods his head before sighing. I slightly chuckled. Para kasing hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin siya kumakalma at patuloy pa rin na nag-aalala.

“Relax, Brent...gising na ako. I'm okay now,” I assured.

He shook his head then close his eyes as if he remembers a certain nightmare.

“I was so dead worried about you, Angel. I almost lost it the moment you fell down on that fucking floor,” he murmured, fear can be seen on his eyes as he stares back at mine. “I was so scared of losing you again...” Nakagat ko ang labi ng makita ang pagtulo ng luha mula sa kaniyang mata. “I was so scared that you might leave me again.”

I smiled at him. “I won't go anywhere far away from you, Brent,” I assured.

“By the way...” I trailed off when I suddenly remember about Zach. I remember seeing him there and I saw him even before I fell unconscious.

“Where is...Zach?” Nagtatakang tanong ko. “Naaalala ko na...nakita ko rin siya bago ako nawalan ng malay...” I trailed off again.

Mas lalong nangunot ang noo ko sa pagtataka nang bumalik sa isipan ko kung bakit ako nawalan ng malay. I am sure that I wasn't shot kasi wala naman akong nararamdaman na masakit na sugat sa katawan ko ngayon. But I fell unconscious due to the excruciating pain I felt in my stomach and then...blood came out, streaming down my legs.

“A-and then...there's a lot of blood...” Naguguluhan akong tumingin kay Brent. Umawang ang labi ko ng makitang namumula na ang mga mata niya. There are a lot of unshed tears in his eyes making me wonder why?

Upon seeing his reaction, hindi ko maiwasang kabahan. Did something bad happened to Zach? Bakit bigla na lang akong dinugo? Ano'ng nangyari?

“B-brent...ano ba talaga ang nangyari?”

He shook his head before looking down. Mas lalong nangunot ang noo ko.

“I-i'm sorry, baby...” Yumugyog ang mga balikat niya senyales na umiiyak na siya. Mayamaya pa ay naririnig ko na rin ang mahihinang hikbi niya.

Umawang ang labi ko. When I held my face, tears where already streaming down. For some reason...my heart is breaking into pieces.

“I'm so sorry...”

“B-brent...I can't understand you,” naguguluhan na ani ko. “Why...are you sorry?”

Napatingin ako sa magkahawak na kamay naming dalawa ng humigpit ang pagkakahawak niya doon.

“W-we lost them, Angel,” he murmured before staring back into my eyes.

Umawang ang labi ko at saka natigilan. Naging sunod sunod ang pagtulo ng mga luha mula sa aking pisngi.

“We lost Zach and our...baby.”

Tulala lang ako habang nakatitig sa kawalan. Tears keeps on streaming down my face. Parang isang bomba na sumabog sa mismo sa aking harapan ang sinabi ni Brent kanina.

Zach...is dead. He sacrificed his life for me. He took the bullet that was supposed to be for me. It was too late even before they took him to the hospital because he already lost a lot of blood. Zach is such a good friend and now...he's gone.

A lone tear fell from my eye as I look down on my now empty stomach. I was clueless. Hindi ko alam na may buhay pala sa loob ng sinapupunan ko. Hindi ko alam na bukod sa sarili ko ay may isa pa pala akong dapat na naalagaan. Hindi ko alam...hindi ko alam na may baby ako... The doctor said that I was two weeks pregnant. The baby's not that develop yet but still...it's a life, a life that I lost. Ngayon ay wala na siya...wala na siya. He swim right out of my womb. Ni hindi ko man lang siya nahawakan. Ni hindi man lang ako nabigyan ng pagkakataon na makita siya. 

Kasalanan ko...I should have took care of him better. If only I knew I shouldn't have let anyone hurt him. Sana man lang naprotektahan ko siya...sana hindi siya nawala.

Sana...sana hindi nawala ang baby ko. Sana nandito pa rin siya kasama ko.

Naitaklob ko ang dalawang kamay sa aking mukha at saka doon napahagulhol ng iyak.

I'm sorry, baby...sorry hindi kita naalagaan ng maayos. Sorry dahil hindi ko alam. I'm sorry, because of my own stupidity and ignorance I lost you. I'm so sorry... Mommy's very sorry baby.

“Baby...”

Narinig ko ang boses ni Brent at ang mga yabag niya papalapit pero hindi ako nagabala na mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. Lumabas siya ng kuwarto kanina para puntahan ang doctor. Kanina kasi noong nalaman ko...I lost control over myself so the doctor had to inject something on me para kumalma ako.

A set of arms envelop me into a tight embrace. I felt him place a kiss on my head.

“Tahan na,” he consoled. “I'm sorry, Angel...sorry.”

I shook my head, still crying. “I l-lost our baby, Brent... I lost him.” I am such a bad mother.

He held my face with both of his hands before wiping my tears. “It's not your fault, baby. It's not your fault,” he murmured before placing a soft kiss on top of my head.

Mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi ko. Mahigpit niya akong niyakap. I know that he's trying to console and comfort me but...I am just too hurt right now. I am too disappointed with myself.

“I'm sorry for not being able to protect this family.” I heard him whispered but I can only answer with my cries and whimpers.

I know that even if I cried a river, it won't bring back my baby. Hindi ko na siya maibabalik...kahit na ano'ng gawin ko, wala na talaga siya.

Nang kumalma na ako at tuluyan ng tumigil sa kaiiyak ay nagpaalam muna si Brent na saglit na susunduin si Bree sa school. Sabi niya ay nasa cafeteria lang naman daw ng ospital si Kuya Damon kasama si Dad. Sasabihan niya na lang daw na umakyat dito sa kuwarto ko para may kasama ako dito kung sakali man na mayroon akong kailanganin.

“Are you sure that you're going to be alright in here?”

Napatitig ako sa kabuuan ng mukha ni Brent. Bakas sa mukha niya ang magkakahalong pagod, antok, at pag-aalala. Bigla ay nakaramdam ako ng guilt at awa. Napapabayaan niya na ang sarili niya kaaalaga at kaaasikaso sa akin at pati na rin kay Bree.

I smiled at him a little before I held my hand out to him. Nagbaba siya ng tingin doon bago muling tumingin sa akin. He sigh before taking my hand and walking closer to me.

“You can go home pagkatapos mong sunduin si Bree sa school,” I suggested. Obvious naman kasi na hindi siya nakakatulog ng maayos dito sa ospital kaya ganoon na lang kalaki ang mga kulay itim sa ibaba ng kaniyang mata.

“Doon ka na muna matulog mamayang gabi para makapagpahinga ka ng maayos.”

“I am only at home when I am with you,” seryosong ani niya habang direstong nakatitig sa mga mata ko. “Besides, hindi rin ako mapapalagay na hindi kita nakikita at saka kasama...so I'll stay here with you.”

“Uuwi lang ako kapag uuwi ka na rin,” he added before leaning towards me and claiming my lips into a soft and slow kiss.

“My house won't be a home until you're living with me in there.”

I close my eyes when he rested his forehead on mine. I sighed and smile a little. My chaotic thoughts suddenly became calm with his touch and kisses. How magical.

“I love you, Angiela,” he murmured.

I slowly open my eyes only to meet his intense ones. I smiled at him.

“I...love you too, Brent.”

As long as he is here...I'll get by. As long as we have each other, we will get by with this tragedy.

I am currently on my phone and typing my reply to Shiela. Nag-text siya sa akin kani-kanina lang at sinabing pupunta silang tatlo dito bukas ng umaga bago magpunta sa wake ni Zach. Gusto ko ring sumama doon bukas kaya lang hindi pa ako sigurado kung papayagan na ba ako ng doktor na lumabas.

“Mommy!”

Nabaling ang atensyon ko sa may pinto nang bumukas 'yon at saka patakbong pumasok si Bree mula roon. Nakasuot pa siya ng school uniform niya.

Napangiti ako at saka bahagyang natawa ng agad siyang yumakap sa may bewang ko at isinubsub ang mukha sa aking leeg.

“M-mommy...I'm so glad na gising ka na po.” Napabuntunghininga ako at saka gumanti ng yakap sa kaniya ng marinig na mabasag ang kaniyang boses.

“I miss you so much, Mommy.” Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin. Her eyes were a bit red with tears. My heart clench at the sight of her crying.

I held her face before placing a kiss on her cheek. “Namiss ka din po ni Mommy,” I said. “Miss na miss din kita, Bree,” nangingilid ang luha na ani ko.

Muli siyang yumakap sa akin pero sa pagkakataon ngayon ay mas mahigpit na. Napatingin ako sa may pinto ng pumasok doon si Brent na dala-dala ang backpack at lunch box ng anak niya.

I smile at him when he smiled at me.

“I'll stay here with you po, Mommy.”

Napatingin ako kay Bree ng marinig ang sinabi niya. My brows furrowed a bit. “Mommy...would love to stay with you, anak pero...wala kang matutulugan ng maayos dito.”

“It's okay po, Mommy.” She sounded so determine as if she won't consider anything I say. “I need to stay here with you so you won't have to be sad anymore.”

Umawang ang labi ko at saka napatitig sa kaniya ng bigla na lang siyang humikbi. Nakagat ko ang labi at saka siya niyakap.

“Mommy's okay now,” naiiyak na rin na ani ko.

“N-no po, Mommy,” she said, her voice were shaking. “Sabi po ni Daddy sad daw po kayo kasi...you lost our brother.”

“Sad din po kami ni Daddy...pero dito lang po kami kasama mo,” dagdag niya pa para tuluyan na naman akong maiyak.

Nakita ko ang pagtayo ni Brent mula sa inuupuan na sofa at saka naglakad papalapit sa gawi namin ni Bree. Nang makalapit ay yumakap din siya sa aming dalawa ni Bree.

“Sure po ako na nasa h-heaven na ngayon si baby kasama ng mga angels, Mommy.” Kahit umiiyak ay pilit pa rin siyang nagsasalita. Pilit niya pa ring sinusubukan na pagaanin ang loob ko.

“K-kaya hindi po tayo dapat ma-sad kasi mababait naman po ang mga angels. Sure po ako na aalagaan nila si baby doon.”

Mas lalong bumuhos ang mga luha ko. I am just so lucky and fortunate to have this kind of family. I have a very loving and caring husband-to-be and a very sweet and kind daughter.

Siguro nga may nawala pero hindi naman ibig sabihin noon ay nawala na ang lahat. Nandito pa sila...nandito pa si Bree, na anak ko rin. Everything happens for a reason. Everything is happening on His will to teach and give lessons that will be forever be remembered. Just like our baby...even if we lost him, he will always be remembered.

“I'm sorry,” umiiyak na ani ko at saka pinatakan ng halik ang noo ni Bree bago bumaling kay Brent.

I tried to smile but failed. “S-sorry...”

He only shook his head before smiling at me. “I love you, baby.”

“And I promise, I'll try harder to protect and take care of you and our future children. This time I'll do it right, I won't fail again, never again.”

Ipagpapatuloy.....