Children begin by loving their parents. As they grow older they judge them, sometimes they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

***

March 29th

***

The last week had felt unreal, an unknown feeling of terror as we faced our newest set of obstacles. And we had fought probably 20 times since that phone call, but they weren't really fights at all...they were just reactions to the other person being scared. Spencer was scared because he knew his mother was slowly forgetting him and he hated the fact that I was too scared to leave the twins alone now. 

After their seizures, I had started thinking about what would happen if something were to happen to the both of us in the field. Who would have to tell them that their parents were dead, who would be tasked with taking care of them? So, I made an executive decision that from now on when we have a case one of us stays behind and works it from behind, hell I offered for it to be me every time. But that's what started the first of the many arguments, as he said that wasn't fair since he knew how much I loved being in the field. 

It was currently 3 am and I was sitting up in the library reading, instead of in bed next Spencer. I wanted to be next to him, don't get me wrong but I just couldn't right now. His earlier words kept echoing throughout my head, so I had to drown him out using some of my 1st edition German poetry books. 

"Don't walk away from me Spencer," I begged.

"There's no point in staying here if you won't even negotiate with me." I shot him irate look at his words.

"I'm not an unsub, you don't need to negotiate with me!" I didn't mean to raise my voice so loud, no doubt the children had heard us now.

"We are both frightened and you have chosen now of all times to start shutting me out? My mother has dementia and is going to forget me and our twins had several febrile seizures without their parents around to tell them it would be okay." I didn't want him profiling me nor did I need it. But nothing that he said was wrong. 

"I'm just trying to give you space, Spence. I'm not shutting you out or making decisions without you. We have almost lost our children too many times and I can't afford any more risks. I don't know how to help you with this, I'm not the genius here. I love you and I'm scared. So, I'm not shutting you out I'm just not sure how to help you." He stepped forward and tried to pull me into his arms, but I just shook myself free. I looked into his sad eyes and knew that he understood but it didn't help the pain.

"Come to bed, let me hold you please..."

I didn't sleep much these days because of certain nightmares that have made a comeback, so as much as I wanted to be held by him I just couldn't do it. I loved that man with everything in me, but I had to love him from afar. The fear was crippling as I thought about our children and...and Diana. How the disease was only evolving as we agreed to more testing, and how she had been showing signs for the last 6 months but because of her schizophrenia they hadn't looked into it any further. 

My husband was scared to death of the thought of his mother forgetting him and I couldn't blame him. I knew what it was like to forget a loved one and see them crumble before you. She was going to forget me much sooner than him and I was secretly dreading the day since I know it was going to destroy me. I didn't know of any words that could soothe him right now, so instead, I stayed away. 

"Mama?" I turned my head to see a very sleepy Simon making his way over towards me. I opened my arms and let him crawl into my lap, his body curling into mine. 

"What are you doing awake, my little nebula?" He rubbed a fist into his eye as he yawned. 

"Are you and papa upset with each other because of me and Brenna?" I looked down at him and ran a hand through his curls. A soft frown tracing my lips. 

"Oh no, no baby boy. Grandma is umm...she has a disease called dementia, do you know what that is?" He nodded at me. "Papa and I are just really scared because we love so much. This job can get really scary sometimes, and sometimes we have to make difficult decisions."

"Well, I don't like it when you are upset, cause it makes me upset. So, please go to bed and makeup with papa. I love you, mama." I kissed his forehead and stood up with him in my arms. I carried us to his room and laid him down in his bed. I pulled back his royal blue and gold covers so he could get comfortable. I tucked him in and handed him his stuffed elephant as I kissed his forehead. 

"I love you too, Simon. I'll be okay and so will papa. Get some sleep kiddo." I turned and started to leave the room, I made sure his starlight projector was on before closing his door. 

I edged the bedroom door open and silently padded into the room. I slipped my yellow cardigan off my shoulders and let it hit the floor. I pulled the covers back and as quietly as possible crawled into bed, my back facing him. I settled into the bed and let my breathing settle as my mind calmed. 

Two arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back towards their warm body. I sighed in content as I curled into his touch. 

"I love you..."

"I love you too."

***

Today was our first day back after our week break, and as usual, we were running late. But it was because of Simon and me this time. Spencer had let me slept in, which meant Simon slept in. 

We were rushing to get everything ready in time to get out of the door in time. I handed the kids their backpacks as Spencer handed me a large travel mug of cold brew coffee. We got downstairs and into the SUV. I watched the buildings pass by us as we drove to the private school. I wasn't tired, I was just a little drained. 

We got the kids out and raced to get them into the school, making it with 2 minutes to spare. I signed them in while Spencer said his farewells. 

"See you later sweethearts, be exceptional and do something good. I love you both so much." They came and wrapped their arms around my neck before I stood up and turned to leave. I took the warm outstretched hand and walked to the SUV. 

***

Today was a paperwork day and the silence that filled the bullpen did little to calm the buzzing of nerves that manifested inside Spencer and me. Sure it wasn't complete silence but what else do you call the sound of keyboards, paper turning, and staplers? I mean technically that was white noise but to me, this was mind-numbing silence and I was going stir crazy. I needed some form of noise to distract me from the boiling pot of variables in my head. 

"Max, hey I can feel you bouncing your leg from over here." I looked up at him as he whispered to me. I hadn't even realized I was bouncing my leg, but one look at him cause me to calm down. 

"We need to tell the team...and preferably before we get another case." I caught his hesitant gaze before he realized what I meant. He nodded and stood up, I followed shortly. We had agreed that we needed to tell the team before the next case, a decision that we had only recently agreed on. 

We gathered the team in the conference room, they all looked up at us in variations of worry, disbelief, and confusion. I caught my father's eye and his subtle nod, he had been extremely understanding of my decision. 

"Spencer and I have something to tell all of you, and we wanted to tell you before-"

"Oh my god, you're pregnant again," Garcia shouted excitedly. Everyone started to smile and cheer and I felt a little frustrated. 

"Err no, I am not pregnant." Their faces dropped. "After some recent events, we have decided that it would not be a smart decision for both of us to be in the field together. When we get a case one of us will go in the field and the other will work it from home." JJ seemed to be the only one out of the team who understood why we were doing this.

"What caused this decision?" Emily asked as she looked us over. I looked over at Spencer and hesitated to answer.

"We both don't want to miss any more of our children's lives or risk them getting sick and us not being here again," Spencer answered for me and I was thankful. I felt shaky as I thought about all of this again. 

A few members of the team narrowed their eyes, and I knew they didn't fully believe us. In a room full of profilers I wasn't really shocked that they didn't. But we really weren't ready to tell the team about Diana just yet. They didn't need to know that part of our lives just yet, especially since we weren't sure what the correct thing to do with her was yet.

***

April 20th

Why do Las Vegas cabs always smell so weird? That was the one thought I was using to distract myself as I got closer and closer to the sanitarium. The team was on a case in Tampa, Florida chasing your run of the mill serial sadist serial killer. We had gotten a new case only hours after landing from our previous one, so Spencer and I only had a few moments to hold each other and talk about the kids before he was racing to the jet. We didn't even have a moment to debrief in each other after the harshness of the last case, but this part of the package now. Empty beds and phones call instead of shared beds and warm moments.  

I had gotten a call from Dr. Valroy early this morning about Diana in which he had requested that I come out. He didn't go into much detail, only that I needed to see her condition myself. So, I booked the first plane ticket and left the kids with Beth. 

I stepped out of the cab and thanked the driver as I handed him some cash. I waited for him to drive away before I slowly let go of the breath I was holding in. I started walking into the sanitarium and met up with the nurse at the front desk. A look of recognition in her eyes left a sadness behind them. 

"Maxine Reid to see Diana Reid." She smiled at me as she handed me a visitor pass. I clipped it onto my green jacket and started to slowly make my way to her room. Was I taking my sweet time? Yes. But, only because I had a terrible feeling about what was about to happen. 

I knocked on the door and walked in. I saw Diana reading a large hardcover by her window. She hadn't seemed to hear me enter, but I wanted to take a moment to look at her. She looked skinnier, and her hair was in a messy tieback. Her brows were furrowed as she read the page, her finger trailing along the edge of the page. A habit I'm sure Spencer had learned from her. I finally stepped closer and cleared my throat. 

"Diana?" My voice was timid as it broke through the hidden barrier. She turned and looked at me, setting her book down. Her eyes scanned my body and then continued to just look at me. It was like she was seeing me for the first time. And the longer she stared at me the more I realized that I was 100% certain that she didn't know who I was.

"Is it time for lunch?" I had to step back as I felt my heart drop into my stomach. I slowly blinked as I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. Tears fought to break through the damn as I started to realize this was actually reality. 

"Diana, it's me your daughter in law. Do you remember your son, Spencer?" My tone was desperate, but that's because it was. She wasn't supposed to be devolving this fast.

"I have a son? Oh well, you are very pretty, what's your name?" She stood up and took my hand into hers and shook it. 

"Maxine Reid, I've been married to your son for 4 years now."

***

2 weeks later

After her sudden decline, we had decided to move Diana closer, as she was now living in the apartment next to us. She had around the clock care, well we were trying to find a nurse that she didn't hate. 

"Diana, will you please just come meet nurse Michelle?" I begged as I walked in front of her on the couch. She refused to meet my gaze and I sighed. The doorbell rang at that moment and I hurried to get to the door. I took a deep breath before opening the door. 

"Hi, you must be Mrs. Reid." I shook her hand and led her into the apartment.

"Please call me Max, thank you so much for coming on such short notice. It's just been so hard trying to balance all of this." We walked towards the living room and I saw Diana stand up. "Diana this is Michelle." I let the nurse step forward as she offered her hand. Diana simply looked at her and then looked away.

"I don't need any help thank you very much." And she stormed off to her room, the door slamming behind her. I raced to the door and banged on it. 

"Diana, please! I can't do this alone. Please think of Spencer!" I yelled through the door. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I turned to meet the kind eyes of Michelle.

"Just let her be, we can talk for now. You have to let her be when she's like this." I nodded and we took a seat on the couch. "So tell me, how have you been managing her condition so far?" I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. 

"We have her on medications, and since my husband and I take turns in the field we also take turns staying with her. We've tried to get her into clinical studies but not many places are currently running one and she doesn't fit the criteria. We live just next door, so it makes it a little easier." She nodded and wrote some things down on her notepad.

"So, tell me about your family." I smiled and looked down at my hands in my lap.

"I've been with Spencer for a little over 6 years now, and we have a set of twins who are 5 years old. Simon and Brenna Reid, they are my world if I'm being completely honest but so is Diana." She smiled and I noticed a small glint of something in her eyes.

"If that's the case then I would happily like to help you and your husband out. I'll be free to start tomorrow, but I'll send over all of my contracts tonight." I put a hand to my mouth and glee. 

"Thank you...thank you so much. I'll call Spencer right away." We both stood and I showed her out of the apartment, as soon as the door closed I pulled my phone out and dialed his number.

***

Reid's POV

"FBI put your hands where I can see them!" I shouted as I followed behind Morgan. The unsub had his hands wrapped around his knife and was paused above the chest cavity of the young woman. He looked at us and I saw the panicked look in his eyes. "Desmond put the knife down!"

He stayed still and made no move to drop the knife. I looked at Derek and we both nodded. 

"Desmond, I understand man you just want to make these women pay for what they've done to you. But they aren't your sister and killing these innocent women isn't going to fix what she did." He hesitated and I saw the knife begin to shake.

"That is an innocent woman on your table, not Marissa. If you come with us, then you can testify against her in court and make her pay." He looked at me as if to try and see if my words were lies.

"How can I trust some fed? You damn cops never had my back when my sister was selling me out to be molested, you all just lie and disappoint. Damn dirty feds." His arm raised and I knew what he planned to do, so I took the shot. In the seconds after a silence filled the air and the sound of the knife clattering to the ground. 

"We need medical now," I called into the mics, while Derek stepped forward and handcuffed Desmond. I untied Ally from the table and she wrapped her arms around my neck. 

"Thank you so much."

***

We were all asleep on the jet, this case although simple had worn us out. I was in the middle of a dream about Max and Gideon when I woke to the feeling of my phone going off. 

"Dr. Reid here." I yawned as I kept my eyes closed. 

"Hey sweetheart, did I wake you?" Her voice was like fine wine, and I was ready for every drop. 

"Oh, it was well worth it, what's going on?" I ran a hand through my hair. I heard a giggle erupt from her and I smiled. 

"Do you remember that nurse, Michelle? The one we looked at 3 days ago over facetime?" I nodded and then remembered in my sleep driven haze she couldn't actually see me. 

"Yeah, did you get her in for an interview already?" I was hopeful and sad that she was having to do this by herself.

"She just left actually. Spence, she said yes, she wants to help us." I could hear the joy in her voice and I grinned. 

"That's awesome, I'm so happy. We should be landing in about an hour and I'll be right over, alright?" I heard some commotion in the background and a sigh escape her.

"I've got to go, I love you bye." And the line went dead. I had a feeling my mom was having a bad day today, and that's what that was about. I let my head lie back against the window, and I willed myself to sleep. 

***

Max's POV

She had woken up from her nap and was extremely agitated. She had come out of her room and started accusing me of being a burglar and had called 911. When the cops showed up, I flashed my badge and explained her conditions to which an older officer smiled at me and said. 

"It takes a good woman to stand by her husband in sickness and in health, but it takes a good person to stand by her family in sickness and in health." He reminded me of Gideon and Rossi, the years of wisdom that helped aid me in times like this.

I read to her from her favorite book and made her some pasta, she had started to calm down now. 

"Diana, it's time to take your meds. Alright?" I stood up and unlocked the medicine cabinet. 

"NO! Absolutely not! It's poison its all poison. Why are you doing this to me?" I turned to her and saw her erratic eyes as she rushed to close the cabinet. 

"Diana, it's not poison. They are the medications that you've been on forever." I struggled to open the cabinet but she wouldn't budge.

"You evil bastardized woman, you just want my money." I heard the front door open and close. 

"Diana please..." I finally got her to budge and opened the drawer but when I grabbed out one of her pill bottles I was taken surprise by a sharp slap. My head turned sharply from the impact and I looked back at her with tears in my eyes. I let the bottle drop from my hand as I rushed from the room, Spencer tried to grab for me but I pushed past him and I was out the door before the first tear slid down my cheek.

***

Reid's POV

I wanted to scold my mother, hell I wanted to scream at her. But I knew that it would do nothing, so as soon as she had finally taken her medication I was out of the apartment and entering mine. 

The kids were already in bed, but if I knew my wife as well as I thought I did she would be in one of two places. Considering no lights were on up in the library, I knew she was in the bedroom. So, I silently crept into the room and heard her rough sobs. I got into bed and pulled her into my lap so she was straddling my lap, her head laying on my shoulder. 

"I'm so sorry baby." I placed kisses into her face while she sobbed. 

"Just hold me and don't let go..."

In youth we learn; in age we understand. - Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

***

Ahh, the famous slap scene. Was anyone else destroyed by that scene or simply just the whole Diana and dementia character arc?

***