Vodka does not ease back pain.

But it does get your mind

—Fuzzy Zoeller

____________________________________

KATIE

JANUARY // WEEK 6

To say Ava Castleton was the topic of conversation for the day would have been a pretty accurate statement. Everyone had heard about how she walked out on an important family dinner, threw one the best impromptu parties of the year, and trashed her step dad's new BMW—all in one night. Let's face it: Ava Castleton wasn't a badass, she was the badass.

I walked out of my Calc class only to be ambushed by her. I was thankful that it wasn't Mr. Crowley, though I wasn't sure how I felt about Ava either.

"Hope you've recovered from Thursday night," she said, and I knew she wasn't just talking about the party.

"Nope, those scars are gonna be permanent." I shrugged, trying to shake off the horrible, hazy memories of the almost dinner with my father.

"Eh, nothing a little alcohol can't fix," Ava readjusted her tote bag so she could flip her hair over her shoulder. "As you found out the other night." She couldn't stop a smile from forming on her face as some guy I've never seen before walked past us.

He stopped, and turned around, looking at me. "Katie, I've never seen someone balance so many cheese doodles on their forehead before! You fucking rock!" He pointed a finger at me before walking off.

I turned to Ava in shock. "I did what?"

"That, among many other things," she laughed as we walked into the cafe. I started walking to the left, towards my usual spot, but Ava had other ideas. And Ava Castleton is not a person you say no to.

"We have a lot to talk about, K-Dawg," she tugged my by my sweatshirt towards one of the centre tables.

People were already there—and I could tell they were the popular kind, with their makeup looking like it was professionally done, outfit picked out by their personal stylist and scarves expertly wrapped around their neck. They were basically walking perfection. And then there was me: ripped jeans that I'd had since 8th grade, ratty, stained sweatshirt, and my hair haphazardly pulled back into a pathetic excuse for a ponytail. I noticed people looking me over, sizing me up, then discarding me like a loaf of bread they wouldn't dare eat.

"Katie, Jules. Jules, Katie. She held your hair back for you while you were throwing up." Awesome. Jake Roswell's girlfriend and I bonded.

"Still alive?" Jules asked me before popping a red grape into her mouth.

"Barely," I mumbled, and it was the complete truth, yet somehow the entire table found it hilarious.

"Next time you probably shouldn't take so many shots," some kid said to me.

"How many did I have?" I was almost afraid to ask.

"Like... five?" The boy said, who I finally recognized was Derek. I could only nod. Ava took a seat and whispered a few words into Derek's ear and everyone scooted down to make space for me.

"So, you're like, Coach Hawthorne's daughter, right?" Jules asked me.

"Yeah," I tried to respond in a neutral tone.

"On a scale of one to shoot me, how much does it suck?" Ava asked quietly, so only I could hear.

"Drown me." I rolled my eyes.

"Glad we're on the same page." My response was once again, a nod.

This totally wasn't like me, but at a table full of strangers, I spoke up. "Derek, how'd that Enviro presentation go?" I asked him.

"Fantastic!" He winked at me.

"Yo, what's it like being the Coach's daughter?" another person asked me. "I'm Calum by the way. I'm on the hockey team with Derek. I promise I don't bite," he told me after seeing my probably shocked face.

"Remember Calum?" Ava asked, as she slid a container of apples over to me. I got that feeling that it wasn't really an option for me—one way or another, I was eating those apples. I took a bite out of one, silently thanking Ava. "He works as a valet at my grandfather's hotel.

"Oh yeah, must be a blast." I couldn't resist rolling my eyes.

"You know it. I get to see Aves more and the pay is good, so I can't really complain." Calum smiled at Ava as he leaned across the table to take some of her grapes. She didn't even protest. "So care to share about being Coach's daughter?" he brought the conversation back to topic. "I mean, I hear all about it from Ava's perspective, but we all know she's exaggerating."

This was it. I could drop the bomb on what it was really like, expose him for what he really was. But would it be worth it? Like, truly worth it? What would I gain from telling these people who were basically strangers? I wanted to tell them. I wanted to tell everyone, but something—or, well someone—held me back. I looked over my shoulder to see Isabel sitting at our usual table, alone. We made eye contact and I mouthed "help me," desperately wanting to be anywhere but here.

△

"Thank you for saving me when you did!" I clung to Isabel as we walked down an empty hallway.

"We're soul mates for a reason, Katie." She gave me a point blank stare as if there was no other acceptable answer. "So..." she began. "What exactly do you remember from Friday night?"

I felt light and floaty. Like a leaf. Or a bubble. Walking was fun because the ground kept moving. It was like a challenge, which I fully accepted. I saw Ava and felt everything inside me light up like a Christmas tree. We stopped getting one after my dad left.

"Friend!" I said leaning on her. "Where have you been?" I was thoroughly curious. Ava put her arm around me like we had been best friends for forever and a day.

"I just want water!" Some girl was sitting on the floor, with her back against the wall, crying. I almost felt bad, but I laughed. "Water!" She cried again.

"I got this one, Aves," some girl said with a small smile. "Because I'm the goddam sober sister tonight!" Jules complained.

"You're gonna be for a while, babe!" Jake strolled by carrying a bottle of something or other.

"Yeah, well you're sex life is gonna be nonexistent for a while!" she crossed her arms.

"Still sober!" he called out over his shoulder.

"Fuck you, Jacob!" Jules screamed, before bending down to the girls level. "Come on, let's go get you some water, Nikki," she helped the girl up and headed towards the kitchen.

"Come on, I'm gonna teach you how to play Kings." Ava dragged me over to a table and sat me down. Someone put a can of beer in front of me. I took a few gulps. "Slow down, Eager Beaver. You only drink when you have to," she replied and then explained the rules to me. They rhymed. I liked that. Some kid picked a card and just pointed to the floor. I looked under the table to see what he was pointing at and almost fell off my chair. Ava pulled me back up. "You lost."

"I drink?" I asked excitedly, causing everyone at the table to laugh.

"Yes, you drink, Katie." She nudged my beer towards me. "Alright, Katie you pick a card."

I picked a card up and faced it towards everyone. "Five is for guys," a boy said.

"Drink up Calum," Ava bit her lip and look at the boy that just spoke.

"Hey, he's the guy that got your car, Ava!" I told her, hitting her arm.

Ava laughed taking my card and sticking it underneath the tab of a beer can that was in the middle of the table. "Yeah, you remembered. Nice job, Katie." She drew a card from the pile. "Nine, bust a rhyme." She told everyone. "There once was a bug," she began.

"He needed a hug," the kid next to Ava said and around the table it went.

"Nah, just a drug."

"I thought he was a slug."

"It was actually a she, guys and she wore a shrug."

"She crawled over to the rug."

"And gave it a tug."

"And she found a mug."

"No, it was a jug."

"But wait! The bug was actually a pug!" Calum said.

"Pugs are wicked smug."

"Yeah, this pug was a thug."

"Sometimes they shrug."

When it was my turn, I completely disregarded the game when I saw the most amazing thing ever. "Oooo cheese doodles!" I saw the bowl of orange squiggles in the middle of the table and reached over to get them, knocking my beer over in the process. I took a handful of them and shoved them into my mouth. "These taste amazing!" I said to her, orange dust flying haphazardly out of my mouth. I put one on my forehead.

"Put another one on!" Some kid told me as I stuffed some more orangey goodness into my mouth.

I was at six cheese doodles when I started to feel like consuming my weight in alcohol was not the best idea. I turned to Ava with a look of worry and regret plastered clear as day on my face. "Ava, I don't—" I began.

"I got her," Jules said. Where did she come from?

"She's been sitting next to you the entire night, Katie. You've been having a conversation with her for the past twenty minutes." Ava answered me. Did I say that out loud?

"Don't say I never did anything for you," Jules glared at Ava before tugging me away. "Come on, Katie," Jules guided me upstairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked, holding my stomach.

"To make you feel a helluva lot better." She held back a laugh.

"But—" I started to protest.

"Trust me," was all she said before kicking open a bathroom door and dropping me in front of a pristine toilet.

Watery mouth.

Churning stomach.

Pounding head.

Swirling everything.

Throwing up.

Cold toilet.

Much better.

Jake barging into bathroom.

Peeing in shower.

Throwing up more.

Feeling a whole lot better.

Black out.

How my night was:

4. The number of times I said "fuck" or a version of "fuck" in the restaurant.

8. The number of days since I had met Jake.

2. The number of times we had made out in the bathroom at Blackie's.

5. The number of shots I had.

90. How much money I had made tutoring so far.

3. The number of beers I drank before throwing up.

2. The number of encounters I'd had with my father.

0. The number of handstands I successfully did

6. How many cheese doodles I balanced on my forehead.

"And that's all I remember." I shrugged. "What happened to you on Thursday night?" I asked Isabel, generally curious.

"I met a guy, Katie." Isabel grabbed my shoulders and jumped up and down. "He's on the hockey team!" she screamed. I was thankful most of the student population was at lunch. I was about to ask what his name was, but Isabel was way ahead of me. "His name is Derek. I had class with him this morning." She jumped up and down excitedly. The bell rang a few moments later, and I don't think Isabel could have been more excited to go to her Environmental Science class. "Have fun in Spanish! And you're coming over tonight so we can watch The Vampire Diaries!" Isabel's words came out rushed. "Bye, KitKat!" She hurried before darting down the hall.

"Bye, Is," I laughed. Speaking of Vampire Diaries, Avelina Castleton herself was standing right beside me.

"You're friend has a lot of energy," she commented. "So, how was your weekend, Katie?" she asked me, but I had a feeling she already knew everything I had been up to.

"From what I've been told, I had a pretty good weekend." I smiled up at her as we walked through the door.

"Yeah, you did. You made a few new friends." Ava told before sitting down in her seat.

"Yeah I had the... pleasure," I searched for the right word, "of sitting with them at lunch." I mumbled.

"I noticed." She rolled her eyes. I got the feeling that Ava didn't exactly like some of my new friends, if that's what they were called.

"How come I didn't see you?" I asked her.

"At lunch or at the party?"

"The party," I decided. I wondered where she sat at lunch too because it wasn't in the middle of the cafe with all the other popular people. And she didn't sit with the hockey boys, either, so it was safe to say that Ava was a mystery.

"I was... preoccupied with... a boy..." She chose her words carefully. I was about to reply when our charming Spanish teacher finally made an appearance.

"Hola, Chicos!" Señora Marsala danced her way through the door wearing a sombrero.

"That was an accurate representation of you on Thursday night," Ava whispered over her shoulder. I let out a sigh and put my head in my hands. "But, tutoring this week? Same spot, same time?" Ava asked me.

"Yeah, of course." I answered. And just like that, I had had a conversation with Avelina Castleton that didn't start with tutoring. It ended with tutoring, but I was completely okay with that.