Autumn, a symbol of the burning fields; it's the time where nature paints the vegetation red to welcome the cold and gloomy breeze of winter. Koyo season might bring wonder and enchantment to the people but for me this is supposed to be a celebratory event which turns out to be melancholic. Blood, it is what I could remember. The stain of blood similar to the crimson leaves that fall at this moment makes me loose all the hope that I have during that time. Our unborn angel, I should have met her now but why? Why it is that fate has been so cruel to me? I can't understand. Have I done something wrong? Am I a promiscuous woman in my past life? Or have I killed someone before? I don't know why, oh God, whoever you are, why are you so cruel to me? Why have you forsaken me like this? Why?

"Su-san?" I hear Yui's voice. She used to visit me in our new home here in an urban part of this prefecture to nurse me. Only she and Moa knows where I and Yuuya transferred after our marriage. I never told my parents or anyone from the entertainment industry about our new address. I want to be isolated from my previous life and live peacefully on my own with my husband and best friends.

"How are you?" She hugs me from my back. Much as I want to say something but I just caress her arms in response. I could feel her chubby cheeks press in my face. Yui is so sweet to me. She even took practical nursing after graduating high school just to take care of me. I'm so lucky for having a friend like her. She's even as close as a sister for me and I can't find someone like her and Moa who could take care of me much as they can do. Sure Yuuya is also sweet towards me but I understand why he couldn't be always in my side because of the nature of his work.

Yui drags my wheel chair back to our house and prepared our lunch. She cooked steamed rice, tonkatsu (breaded deep fried pork cutlet), and miso soup for our lunch. I love her cooking but sometimes she could be clumsy at the kitchen, though Moa is the worse. The girls are really a great help for me especially in my present condition. I can't move almost half of my body. Indeed I was right about this head pain I used to experience before. It's a blood clot and now I'm reaping its effect. I could hardly be functional and I feel like a burden to the people around me. What's my use by the way? As a sentient trash not to be disposed because I have a sentimental value to these people taking care of me? Sometimes I want to end this misery but I don't also want to leave these people crying over my lifeless body. Before, my greatest fear is frog but now my greatest fear is to disappoint these people, to make them suffer because of my condition. And now the clock starts ticking for me. I am just waiting in this seat until this coagulated blood in my head would take away my life.

"Itadakimasu!" Yui says thanking the food that we're going to eat. She picked a bite size of rice with her chopsticks and feed it to me. I take a bite from it and slowly chew the foodstuff. Yui is getting better in this. I believe she will be a good nurse someday. She is really caring and has that aura that can cure every hurting patient that she would take care off. I really feel so relieved every time I see her nursing me.

"Uuuughhh..." I grunt to tell her I need to drink something, water perhaps, to moisten my mouth.

"What is it? Soup?" She asks. I shake my head to disagree. I move my functioning right elbow and stroke the kanji for water (水) on the table since it's the easiest way to communicate to her that I need something to drink.

"Water? You need something to drink?" I nod in response. She pulls a bottle of drink at her bag. It's a mint-flavored drink. Have she forgotten already? I don't like mint-flavored drinks. Yui, of all the people, why do you forget the things that I dislike? I swipe the already opened bottle which she held near to me to drink.

"Shit! Why did you do that?" Yui says shockingly. I accidentally spilled the drink in her clothes. I honestly didn't mean that and I genuinely feel sorry for it but I see Yui's face turning from pale skin white to angry reddish color. She stands up and stares at me with piercing eyes. That nurturing aura is suddenly vanished and replaced with displeasure and irritation. I've never seen her like this before. What have I done that I turned Yui like this?

"Don't you know I am not supposed to waste my time feeding a disabled person like you now and should be with my classmates having our review study for our upcoming exam this afternoon?" She says angrily. I just bow my head out of guilt for what I've done.

"You know what Suzuka? I'm so fed up taking care of you. Instead of having a normal life as a college student I have to travel almost every day for almost an hour just to visit and nurse you, and you're not even cooperating with me? You are being so unfair Suzuka, so unfair." She yells at me which really degrades me to the pieces. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want to tell her she doesn't need to be bothered about me because I could just tell Yuuya to hire some professional nurse to take care of me. But I can't. This incapability hinders me to communicate to her and even comfort her for the trouble that she's experiencing because of taking care of me.

"Yui! Why are you yelling at Onee-chan?" I suddenly hear Moa's voice. I raise up my head and see Moa confronting Yui.

"I'm so tired of this situation Moa. I can't be patient about this anymore. This set-up is ruining my studies and life."

PAAAKK!

That was a crisp hit which makes Yui's cheek redder. I've never seen them in this situation before. Yui touches her slapped cheek and look at Moa with a shock on her face.

"Have you heard yourself Yui? You are giving up on the person who teaches us to dream? The person who comforts you on the saddest point of your life? Your childhood hero? She needs you now Yui? It's time to pay back all the sacrifices that she has done to us. Why are you that ungrateful?"

"Yah, you're right she needs me. But she also needs you Moa! You're not even always here to visit her. Do you think a once a week visit is enough? No! I could see on Su-san's eyes how much she misses the two of us every single time she still had. She longs seeing us together, the three of us! And now you're making an excuse that your college course won't allow you to give a lot of time for Su-san? Heck I'm even also busy at school yet I still manage to give time for her! You are unfair Moa, so unfair."

"You know that I took up medicine for Suzuka's sake right? Hoping that if I would be a doctor, I could find a way to cure her. That's the very same reason why you took up nursing right? So that you can take care of her while she was on that condition. We are doing these life decisions for Su and just for her because we owe her gratitude so much."

"Stop blaming me for being ungrateful! You are the one who don't even show any act of gratitude to her since the time she became paralyzed."

"You can't see it because you only see yourself doing service for her. You even don't notice me doing chores in this house for Su-san. Stop being so egocentric, Yui!"

It hurts so much seeing them quarreling over me. Heck this is even more painful than the physical pain I'm experiencing in my head every time the blood clot hurts. It seems like I'm ruining everything. I'm not just ruining their lives but also our friendship. I hate this. I hate this so much that I want to kill myself. If only I have enough strength to stop them. If only I can tell them what I really feel and that I really appreciate their sacrifices just for me. If only.

"P..pp..please, s...ss..sto..opp" I force myself to speak. The two girls stop their argument and transfer their sight to me. I could see it in their eyes the astonishment upon what they heard.

"Su-chan, you can..." Moa says.

"...speak properly." Yui added.

I even didn't realized what I have done until they told me. I am also shocked upon what I did. I thought I can't speak any longer. I thought I would forever be unable to convey myself through words. Tears flow in the faces of the two girls. They throw themselves to me and give me a tight hug. For the second time, I cried in front of these girls. We howled together out of joy because of the restoration of hopes in our hearts.

"We really miss your voice Su-san." Moa says.

"We really thought we won't hear it again." Yui says.

"Yyyuu..iii-chan, Mmmoo..mo..a-chan, Gomene. Sorry for troubling you so much."

"No! It's nothing Su-chan. We are doing this because Yui and I love you."

"It's not about repaying you Su-chan it's about us being a family. You are our Onee-chan and as our onee-san we must help you stand up."

"Arigato Yui. Arigato Moa. I love you two soooo much." I weep out of joy and hug them as tight as I could with my right arm which is still not paralyzed.