“You OK, Babe?” Beth asked as she quietly entered the hospital room.

Jess had been placed in a private room and she lay quite still, as small as a child in the white sheets, dwarfed by the vast hospital bed. Her skin was pale and her delicate features accentuated her porcelain appearance. She opened her eyes slowly and smiled weakly

“How long have you been here?” she asked, “What time is it?

Beth looked up at the clock on the wall and walked over to the bed, “It’s 6.35am, Jess. I’ve been outside but your parents said I could come in to say goodbye before I left.

Jess nodded and closed her eyes, “I’m so tired, B. They’ve had me hooked up to this thing for ages,” and she waved her hand towards the drip.

“You lost a lot of blood, Jess. They’re topping you up.”

“I remember the blood,” Jess remarked, eyes opening and her face contorting with the memory, “I could smell it around me in the toilet. That metallic smell. I just felt so helpless, it just kept seeping out of me.”

Beth shuddered at the memory, “But the bleeding has stopped now?” she asked nervously.

“Yeah, stopped a couple of hours ago. I’m just anemic now so they’re sorting my blood out. They’ve scanned me and have said I can go home later today.”

Beth sighed, “So … did they tell you why? W-What made you, lose …”

“They said it just happens. As it’s my first pregnancy, it’s not uncommon to miscarry. I’m a little underweight, but they think the baby was small and probably had some developmental problems which is why I miscarried.”

Jessica’s voice was monotone, like she was reading lines she’d been given. They had obviously told her all of this but it had little meaning to her.

Jess looked down to her tummy and eased the sheets down below her waist. She wore a hospital gown and her legs looked really thin like a child’s. She placed her hands over her tummy and tears welled up in her eyes, “I just … I just feel so lonely without … without it being there. I know it sounds stupid, but even when I was alone, I wasn’t alone because baby was there, growing inside me. Now my baby is gone, I feel … empty … lonely. The one thing I should be able to do … and I failed.”

Beth sat on the edge of the bed and put her arms around her. She felt so weak and vulnerable in her arms as she quietly sobbed.

“You should speak to someone, Jess. Like a grief counsellor.”

Jess sniffed and nodded, “They passed mum a handful of leaflets. After the scan they said they could see …. Nothing left … they said I could go home today and I could see someone next week. I think dad will look into me seeing someone before then but privately. He’s being practical, exams start in a few weeks and he doesn’t want me too messed up for them.”

Beth nodded and held Jessica’s hand.

“What now?” Beth asked quietly.

“I think I’m supposed to get on with my life. There’s no funeral. Nothing to mark it ever happening. If baby had been with me longer, they do that then.” Jessica’s voice broke, “I heard one of the nurses talk about my age and I heard her say “lucky escape” and how I’ll be relieved when all of this dies down. How can I, Beth? I had life in me … then it went away. Oh God … all those people!”

“What people?” asked Beth.

“At the party, what a scene! Oh God … Michael was there. Oh God and Lucy and Claire. Oh … they must be thinking this is all very funny. Ha ha, look at Jessie, ha ha!” and Jessica laughed cynically.

“Well all I saw of them was concerned faces, to be honest. I think Lucy had been crying. And Michael … well, Miles intervened and … well I don’t think you need to worry about him anymore, Honey.”

Jess turned her head on the pillow to face Beth fully, “What do you mean?”

Beth shook her head, “nothing to worry about now. But Michael was … well, being Michael – his usual shitty self and Miles didn’t like it. So Miles, being the hot head my boyfriend apparently is, he … um … reacted … with his fists.”

Jessica managed a weak laugh, “Well, I hope he knocked the fucker out, B. At least I can say now that I have no more ties to Michael. Part of me would always be linked to him via the baby … so … um… nope, I thought that would bring some relief. I’m still gutted.”

“Are you still in pain?” Beth asked, “I’ve just never seen anyone in so much pain before. You looked really different. It changed your face so much.”

Jess shook her head, “I’m sore, but nothing compared to what, well, what labour was like. I suppose I have the right to call it that. It felt like I was being crushed, like unbelievably squeezed in a small area. It’d come in waves so I could catch my breath in between them, but I thought I was going to die towards the end. I … Oh Beth, I could feel it, I could feel losing my baby…” and she started to sob silently again.

They lay on the bed together, Jess with her head on Beth’s shoulder.

“Jess,” Beth began softly after a few minutes of silence, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but … I love you. Not in a pervy, let’s have mad gay-sex kind of way, but I love you like a sister kind of way.”

Beth lay there, feeling vulnerable and exposed.

“Ditto,” Jessica answered finally, “No one makes me laugh like you and I think you’re the first girl I know I can trust. I didn’t want you to leave me tonight, thank you for staying with me.”

Beth smiled and rubbed Jessica’s hand reassuringly.

“Have you used the L-word with the big guy yet?” Jess asked, her eyes looking tired and her voice sleepy.

“Nope. It’s like my throat blocks up. I NEARLY did, just as the ambulance was about to leave and Michael had stormed off. The words were about to come out …”

“And what happened?” Jess interrupted.

“The ambulance needed to go, so I didn’t get a chance.” Beth replied flatly. “And I’ll tell you about the whole Michael and Miles thing when you’re up and about, OK?”

Jess nodded, “I forgot to tell you how wonderfully you sang yesterday, B. I was so proud of you. Sing for me now, will you? I’m so tired, sing me to sleep, Beth.”

Beth blushed a little, but the request from her broken best friend couldn’t be refused. If it brought some ease to her pain, a little embarrassment was a small price to pay to give her just a moment of calm.

Beth thought for a moment what would be an appropriate song. Nothing with the word “baby” in it, something soothing and sweet. At once she remembered a song her grandmother taught her, “The Man in the Moon,” and they always sang it together when they peeled potatoes at the kitchen sink or mixed cakes together.

“He’s there in the evening,

he never comes late,

all day he spins around,

but never makes her wait.

The man in the moon is smiling,

‘coz he’s in love,

the man in the moon is smiling,

‘coz he’s in love with the girl in the world.

Jess lay back, her eyes closed and the pain and discomfort in her face ebbed away, “They should put you on prescription!” she smiled, eyes still closed and as Beth continued singing quietly, she could see Jess slipping into a restful sleep. By the time the song was finished, just a minute later, Jessica was sound asleep, resting like a porcelain doll.

Beth eased herself off the bed and left the room, closing the door quietly and turning to her parents.

They both smiled weakly at her and Penny patted the chair next to her, “Thanks for that love, she adores your singing so it’s no wonder she wanted you to sing to her this morning. Is she asleep?” Beth nodded, exhausted and sat next to Jessica’s beleaguered looking mother. Her dad looked unkempt. He was unshaven and a little frayed at the seams. He smiled down at Jess, “Thank you. I hear you were brilliant with her before the ambulance arrived. Many a kid your age would have panicked.”

Beth shook her head, “I did panic. I didn’t know what to do, so the moment they came in, I just told them everything. I remember Jess telling me she got tonsillitis when she was small and got really sick after the penicillin, so I told them that. I just felt so useless. I couldn’t do anything. She was so brave.”

Her dad’s skin looked pale and the rings under his eyes were deep. Tiredness etched in his voice, “I just … oh God when she was calling for me on the phone … she’s not called me daddy for years … I thought we were losing her.”

His voice broke and Penny grabbed his hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

“I’ve asked her if she’s going to see a counsellor,” Beth remarked, “I think she’ll need to talk to someone about this.”

Her parents nodded and Penny put her head on Frank’s shoulder. He instinctively threw his long arm around her shoulder and held her tight, “Not going to be grandparents, just yet!” Penny commented dryly.

Beth looked up as she heard footsteps echoing down the hospital corridor. It was her mum. She looked solemnly at Beth and took a seat next to them all. Her dad followed soon after and her mum waited until her dad sat down before introducing themselves. Beth wondered for a second how her mum would behave and she momentarily panicked about how her mum’s big personality would fracture the fragile atmosphere. In stead her mum spoke softly.

“Hello there, I’m Lydia and this is Bill. We’re Beth’s parents. We are so sorry for you. Jess may be at the epicentre of this, but you’re affected too. If there’s anything we can do.”

Penny smiled meekly at Lydia and Frank got up to shake their hands.

“Well your daughter has made quite the difference in Jessica’s life and last night she really came through for her,” Frank commented as he sat down, smiling over at Beth. “You must be really proud.”

Beth’s dad said, “We are, and the same goes for your daughter. We have seen a transformation in Bethany and it’s quite remarkable the change we’ve seen in her since becoming friendly with your daughter.”

Penny leaned forward and said, “We were concerned about the group she had at school. They had quite a hold on her and an influence. Since she’s distanced herself from them and has spent time with Bethany here, it’s like we’ve had our daughter back.”

Beth smiled appreciatively at her and they sat in silence for a few moments.

“Have the doctors said she’s staying in today?” Beth’s mum asked.

Penny shook her head, “No, they are confident she can go home. They’ve scanned her already and she’s had … well, she won’t need a procedure. Her body has done its job.” Her voice trailed off and Beth realised that she too was reciting the medical rhetoric they had obviously been told in the small hours of that morning.

“I’m glad she’s been spared a further medical intervention,” Beth’s mum offered, “I had a miscarriage before falling pregnant with Bethany, I was a little further along as well, only by a few weeks though. I had the miscarriage confirmed by scan but … well, they needed to do a procedure as well and I was quite unwell.”

Beth stared at her mum. She had never heard this story and so shook her head in amazement, “Mum, I didn’t know …”

“Oh hush,” she said quietly, “Why would I tell you? It’s history now, Bethany and a few months later, I found out we were pregnant with you and I was overjoyed.” She turned to Penny, “But if Jessica did want to talk to someone, other than a counsellor, I’m happy to speak to her, if you like.”

Penny smiled and nodded, “I had one too, I was 7 weeks pregnant and it was long before Frank and I got together. I was 19 and it was a mistake, obviously. I remember that empty feeling afterwards. Relief and then guilt at feeling relief, followed closely by remorse and grief.”

The two women briefly shared their common experiences and Beth was amazed at how empathetic and understanding her mother was. She realized that despite the unorthodox fashion choices and forthright personality, her mother had hidden depths that, as a teenage girl Beth would be blind to. But here, in this very adult and alien environment, having witnessed her best friend have a miscarriage, Beth did not feel anything like a teenager.  

“You ready to go, love?” She heard her mum say and Beth realized she must have been falling asleep as her dad was already standing up.

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah. Ummm, Mr and Mrs Halliwell, would you please call me if … well, if there’s been any change? I’ll wait for Jess to contact me. I don’t want to impose…”

Jessica’s parent’s both stood up and shook hands with Beth’s. Her father walked up to her looking weary but with a tired smile on his face, “Thank you, Bethany. Jessica will be wanting to know where you are I dare say the moment she wakes up. We will be in touch later today once she’s home, OK?” and then he hugged Beth, quite out of the blue taking Beth by surprise. Then it was Penny’s turn. Her hug was weaker as she wasn’t much taller than Jessica but she whispered in Beth’s ear as she hugged her goodbye, “Thank you. Thank God for you, you lovely, lovely girl.”

Beth, cheeks flushed with embarrassment grabbed her little bag and walked away with her parents, Miles’ father’s blanket clutched to her chest like a security blanket.

As the cool morning air hit Beth’s face as they got outside, so did the tiredness. She slumped in the back of her dad’s car and pulled the blanket over her. Images from the previous night’s events flitted into her mind, but thankfully sleep overpowered them and she only awoke when her father opened her car door in their drive.

“Thank goodness I didn’t have to carry you in sleeping, like we did when you were a toddler,” he laughed as Beth wearily got out of the car.

“Want some breakfast, love?” Her mum asked as they walked into the hallway.

Beth shook her head numbly and pointed upstairs as she dropped the blanket, her shoes and her bag in the hallway. She trudged upstairs, pulling her dress off, leaving only her slip on and climbed into her cool bed. With her head on the pillow, her thoughts briefly turned to the previous day’s events – winning the singing competition, being introduced to Jez and asked to join a band, spending an hour in the dressing room with Miles, feeling his warm skin next to hers and feeling the ecstasy of his touch, then the horror of the seeing Jessica, face distorted in pain, the angry exchange between Miles and Michael … and then blackness as she fell into a deep, dream-free sleep.

“Beth! Beth! Wake up lovely, it’s mid afternoon!”

Beth opened her eyes, they felt heavy and the sun in her room was now shining through the top right of her window, the way it did around 3 in the afternoon.

Her mum had placed a tray of tea and toast on her dresser and opened the curtains to let air into the room. Beth yawned and swung her legs over the side of her bed, blinking away the sleepiness in her eyes.

“Your mobile has been pinging every five minutes. I hope you don’t mind but we checked it because they were being persistent and we thought it might be Jessica’s parents. They are lovely, aren’t they? Anyway, your mobile was in your bag and I’ve brought it up for you. Nothing from Jessica’s parents yet, but I dare say she’s being discharged around now. The messages are all from Miles apart from one unknown number, but the text says it’s from “Jez” wanting to know how Jessica is. I don’t know Beth, all these calls, texts and having a boyfriend, I’m going to have to write their names down. We go from nothing, to all these people ….” And he mother continued chatting away as she pottered around Beth’s room.

Beth let her mother’s words wash over her as her eyes grew accustomed to the day. Her mum had dropped her mobile on the end of her bed, so Beth grabbed it and read each message in turn.

The first one from Miles was sent shortly after she’d left him and his father in the car park of the theatre. It read, “Thinking of u, Babe. Give Jess my love. M xx” Beth smiled and read the others, each one enquiring about them both and offering a lift home if she needed one. The texts stopped for a few hours and Beth guessed Miles had been sleeping but they restarted around 8am. Four messages later she saw the text from Jez and stored his number for the future. Miles’ last message, sent half an hour before her mum woke her up read, “Worried, miss u. hope all ok. Dad sends regards. So does mum. Can I c u today?”

Beth hurriedly texted him back, anxious that he didn’t think she’d been ignoring him. Her text explained the silence, how mobiles were asked to be switched off. How she’d been with Jess all night, how her parents collected her and how all she needed was sleep. She signed off with, “Just jumping in shower now. Need to c u. But not here. Want to get out. Can I come to u? Want to give your dad his blanket back and think it’s time I met them.”

Beth prepared to get in the shower while her mum continued fussing around upstairs. She examined her dress and saw spots of blood on the hem where she must have knelt next to a pool of blood. Stark images of the scene in the bathroom shot into her mind and Beth shook her head to try to dislodge them.

Her mum suddenly called from the landing, “Oh, your dad and I bought the local paper this morning while you were sleeping. Page seven is all about the competition yesterday. There’s a picture of you collecting the trophy.”

“WHAT?” Beth cried, “Of the choir or me?”

Her mum came into the bedroom with the paper in her hand, “We’re not 100% happy with the article and you will see why, but the picture is lovely. You look so, so happy. It’s of you and Mr Swales collecting the trophy and you can just see Jessica in the picture on the right hand side.”

Beth grabbed the paper from her mother, curious about the contents of the article, particularly after the reporter’s inappropriate line of questioning. She flicked through to page seven and her stomach lurched at the photograph, it was nearly the full length of the page.

The headline read, “St Anne’s Triumphs and New Star Is Born.”

“Oh lord, they’re not referring to me, are they? Jesus, mum it was ONE song, an easy one at that and the choir sounded amazing as well.”

Beth’s mum sat on the end of the bed and nodded, “Yep, he was most impressed with you, Bethany Evans, that reporter. There’s a definite focus on you, rather than the competition.”

Beth read the article’s opening few paragraphs and how it explained the background of the competition and how many schools competed. It then focussed on the winners and after the reporter made a cursory mention of the choir’s harmonies and the “fantastic and intricate arrangement by the talented Mr Swales” the article demonstrated where the reporter thought the story truly resided.  Wide eyed, Beth read on:

“Friends of Bethan Evans the lead singer of St Anne’s group say she’s quiet in school and has been the target of bullies because of her size, but Beth Evans really showed them tonight. With her sultry, rich tones and belter of a voice that packs some weight behind it, Beth really showed her bullies who’s boss. The competition didn’t stand a chance when this larger than life character took to the stage and owned it. Truly an awesome talent to be watched and nurtured, not ridiculed and ostracised because of her appearance. Beth was too upset to talk to The Herald about the victimisation she has endured and the sizest bullying, but she did tell the Herald of her love to sing and how this competition, sponsored by our paper provided her and others with the opportunity to express themselves. We look forward to hearing from Beth in the future as we are sure she is a star in the making.”

Beth looked at the paper again, mouth wide open, “I don’t believe that reporter!” she managed to squeak, “He was impossible!”

Beth’s mum nodded emphatically. “I know, he got your name wrong – Bethan! The stupid man!”

Beth looked up at her mum incredulously, “I didn’t mean my name, mum! The fact that he’s concentrated on my size. That’s it. That’s all he’s really concerned about.”

Her mum nodded knowingly, “Ah yes, that TOO!” she recovered, “But he did say your voice is excellent, love.”

Beth put the paper down and shook her head in disbelief again. She grabbed her hairbrush and was about to go into the bathroom when her mobile buzzed.

It was a text from Miles replying to her plea to see him.

“Oh thank god!” it read, “so glad u OK. Worried. Dad out at moment but he can come by yours about 4pm to bring u back here. U can meet Charlie and mum. They can’t wait 2 c u. I know u knackered, and they know this, but want u to meet them sooooo much!”

Beth’s stomach flipped, “Mum,” she whined, “What the hell do you wear when you’re meeting your boyfriend’s family for the first time?