Moving away was supposed to be the goal that she had earlier planned, fully determined to live it. But now, she was broken beyond repair. A damaged soul! Everywhere she looked, turned grey, every object she gazes on was colourless without life.

As she boarded the bus to Lagos, she plugged in her ear piece and recollects the previous day leading to her travel, beginning with the conversation she had with her mother on the phone.

"You be wicked pickin I swear. I nor know how I take born you. So you mean say after that boy do for us, you get mind break up with am. Ha! Onome na winch you be. You know how many millions he give your papa to take build this house when we dey stay?" She ranted.

"Mummy I didn't do anything. He cheated on me." Onome begged on the phone.

"You dey craze!!You dey hear me?Onome, me your mama say you dey mad"!!!. Mrs Igho continued.

"Mummy please I beg of you, calm down and listen to my side of the story." Onome pleaded with tears gathering in her eyes.

"Shut up that your smelling mouth for there. Who you be? When them nor dey cheat on?" Mrs Igho screamed at her daughter.

"Mummy please try and hear my own side of the story, let me tell you what happened" Onome insisted.

"Which side?You nor get anything when you want tell me. I nor wan hear anything from your useless mouth". Her mother brushed her off with a hissing sound.

"Mummy I think Tega is tired of me." Onome pointed out.

"You be stupid girl for that word!! Why e nor go tire for you. When you be ungrateful person, pride wan kill you because you go school? You done stress that boy over and over again". Mrs Igho stated.

"Ha! Mummy" Onome exclaimed sympathetically and the tears began to flow. It was obvious her mother hated her so much. Her mother was oblivious to whatever emotional torture she was going through.

"You go call am tomorrow, you go beg am make he forgive your stupid character because na small pickin sense dey worry you and una go fix date for the marriage. Nor let me swear for you." Mrs Igho instructed.

"Mummy do you even care about me? " Onome struggled to ask amidst her tears.

"Shut up that your mouth, I nor care about you na I born you? Abi nor be me take care of you till you big so.?" Mrs Igho replied her.

"Mummy please tell papa am going to Lagos tomorrow." Onome said trying to be bold.

"You go no where!!! See this girl o. You done graduate, you done get wings. When you dey hawk bread for Afiesere, you nor know Lagos. This pickin you nor get sense at all. You be big disappointment.!!!" Mrs Igho attacked her daughter.

"Mummy why are you attacking me like this, I did not do anything wrong?" Onome said her mother crying profusely.

"Shut up your mouth with your yeye english. All this your cry na fake cry for my ears, you dey hear me so? Tega send you go school, now you done finish, you dey pay am with bad thing. You know wetin that boy done do? Na me and your papa you wan disgrace for Afiesere abi?" Mrs Igho questioned her sobbing daughter.

"Mummy I have always been grateful to Tega." Onome spoke out gently.

"Infact eh, you go pay am all the money when he done spend for this family, if not, I nor want use eye see you at all. Nor be me, you go give bad name for Afiesere." Her mother ended the call.

The tears came down as they should and she wailed out as though mourning the death of a loved one.

The phone call demoralized Onome more than she could bear. It destroyed every thing that Mrs Tolulope Asigho had built in Onome. Her self worth, boldness, jovial demeanor was all gone in a second. She felt like a worthless piece of human existence. She contemplated suicide but was restrained knowing her death would not make a difference to her mother. She might actually rejoice over it, Onome thought.

Picking up her phone, Onome called Mrs Tolulope who came visiting in less than an hour. She came worried, due to the tone of Onome's voice on the phone. On entering the apartment that Onome left the front door opened, Mrs Tolulope saw her curled up on the cushion wearing a long brown sweater. Her eyes were red and sore from too much tears.

Urging Onome to sit up, she rubbed her shoulders gently.
"Why are you this broken dear?, What happened?"

Onome wailed loudly with more sorrowful teardrops.

"Crying has never solved any issue Onome and you know it! You can cry from now till next year but the problem will still remain. Talk to me dear."

"Tega.... Tega.." she stuttered.

"What happened to Tega? Did he hurt you?" Mrs Tolulope asked.

Onome nodded in the negative.

"Then what is it? Did something happen to him?" She asked.

Onome nodded in the negative.
Seeing that Onome was not ready to have a conversation as her mouth seemed shut. Mrs Tolulope stood up.

"Where's your kitchen, let me make you a cup of tea."

With that, Mrs Tolulope got up and went in the direction Onome pointed to make two cups of beverages. She wanted the grieving girl to brighten up. Onome's disposition was heart breaking but she didn't want to her to know it. This has nothing to do with a man and a woman's relationship. Whatever was hurting Onome was something bigger.

"Here, drink this and you will feel so good" Mrs Tolulope urged her.

Onome sat up and took a sip. The warmth sweetness from the cup saturated her senses in no time as she began to take more sips.

"Now can you please tell me what happened? Please do not stutter my dear".

"Ok ma".

"I guess you're feeling better now right? the tea has warmed you up a bit huh?"

"Yes ma. Thank you ma. It tastes so good".

"You're welcome! So, what has gotten you broken down like this?"

"It's..... it's my mum"

"What happened to your mother?"

"Nothing happened to her but I don't think my mother ever liked me. I think she regrets having me as a child".

"Dont say that Onome. Whatever may be happening. it's not your fault you were born. You must understand that every child is a blessing from God and am sure your mother knows this".

"My mother regards me as a burden, she sees me as a worthless child. I know you would tell me "don't say that". But I know what I am saying. You would not believe all the despicable things she said to me this morning. Infact it is not just today. It has always been like that. All my teenage life, I spent taking care of my siblings, trying to please my mother and failing woefully everytime."

"Slow down Onome. What happened between you and your mother?"

"It's about Tega. We broke up".

Onome went through all the details from the house opening to the next stay at his office when she visited the resort and what she saw.

"Have you stopped to consider that there's no cheating involved?. Have you imagined that something else could have happened, since you said Tega was unmoved. You know you told me that he has never cheated on you, not even once in all these years?"

"I don't know what to think anymore ma. Deep down after spending some time alone I thought in this same direction as you have pointed out, that maybe there was no cheating involved."

"So how did your mother fit into this equation?"

"I called to tell her about my results and she asked me about the Bride price!"

"So you told her you guys are no more together?

" Yes ma"

"And she was angry right?"

"Being angry is an understatement! My mother acted as though she was not my mother. She behaved like a volcano waiting for an eruption".

"Your mum cannot be all that bad dear. What do you think makes your mum treat you this way?"

"I honestly don't know. But I know that my mother is selfish. she thinks only about herself and my other siblings. She has never stopped to think to show me a little bit of care even if it is just for a second."

Mrs Tolulope was sympathetic at this point. She could picture Onome lacking the tender love of a mother.

"Am so sorry my dear". She reached out and gave Onome a hug.

"From a young age, I was my mother's house help. She just kept giving birth to children and I was caring for them. We were poor and it didn't matter to her. My father was struggling to provide but she would not even listen to stop giving birth until she had a difficult time birthing Collins, our last born. He's such a blessing and I love him so much." Onome cried.

"I know you feel deprived of the emotional connection of your mother, but you have to pull yourself together."

"It was Collins birth that made her do family planning. If that was not the case, I'm sure we would have been up to 15 by now". Onome added.

Mrs Tolulope bursted into laughter, unable to hide the humour in the statement.

"You are so funny. I can see that your sense of humor is unabated."Onome smiled.

"I know its funny ma but I also know that I'm being true and sincere".

"let's stop for a second and imagine your mother was here what would you say to her? Be free, release all your emotions and communicate that deep hurt that you want her to be aware of". Mrs Tolulope urged her.
The wells of tears starts to gather again around her eyes.

"I want to know why she doesn't like me? why everything I do or try to do to please her, does not get her satisfied! I want to know why she is so hateful towards me!" Onome cried out again.

"Oh my darling. Am so sorry. I wish you could tell her directly at this moment. No matter how harsh you put it, I know that you are speaking from a place of hurt. You've been bottling things for too long! You should have spoken up a long time ago."

"But she would never have given me a chance. She would not". Onome replied sobbing.

"My mother would never listen to me! she had always shoved me aside. She puts me in the background, expecting me to behave like a robot always taking her instructions and carrying them to the latter. She has never called to know how I am fairing in school, she doesn't even wish me a happy birthday!! Nothing for me!! Nothing for me at all! Not even a tiny bit of affection.  Everything is about them and their comfort". Onome narrated.

Mrs Tolulope wished she could record the session and have Mrs Igho listen to it, to understand how badly hurt her daughter was.

"I know you love your family Onome".

"Yes ma I really do!! I do love them a whole lot. I love my brothers and I love my sister but I just feel I don't belong there! I just feel I'm trapped!! I......I can't even express myself ". She stuttered.

"Sweetheart I understand you perfectly, I wish I could help you right now and make this hurt go away forever....."

As she spoke,her phone rang. Glancing at the screen, she held up her hand.

"Excuse me dear, I have to take this call". Onome nodded in agreement.

"Hello!!"
"Yes!"
"This is Dr Tolulope!"
"Oh I am so sorry!"
"I wasn't looking at the time!" "Alright I'll be there in the next 30 minutes!"
"Just give me some time!"
"Thank you!! thank you!!"

She ended the call, placing the phone in her purse.

"My dear, I have to go back to the office now. I have a client, a very important one from Abuja. The FMC medical director referred them to me and I had scheduled to meet them by this time."

She stood up and hugged Onome.

"I will call you as soon as I am through with them. Are you still going to Lagos tomorrow?"

"Yes ma, am all set". Onome replied.

"I don't want you to do anything rash, I want you to sit down and think about what makes you happy. Whatever decision you make, you know I will always support you. You have my unconditional support and you have my approval! Whatever it is that may not be well, we will fix it together as we always do".

Onome wished her mother could say these words of comfort. They made her want to weep for what she never had. Mrs Tolulope wrapped her in another big embrace and gave a kiss on her forehead.

"Stay safe dear". She whispered to Onome and she left.

Her absence made Onome more sad. Still broken and not knowing what to do that could erase this pain, she took her phone in her hand. Maybe telling her mother how she actually feels could help. But, she lacks the sort of boldness or bravery required to make the call.

However, she asked herself "what could be the worst that could happen?". Onome didn't even want to imagine it because she lacks the strength. So, she called the next person she thought would make her feel better. The phone rang twice and no one answered it. Trying for the third and final time she said to her self and it was answered.

"Hello!! a female voice sounded over the phone. Thinking it was probably a nurse, Onome asked to speak with Dr. Ola.

"Baby some lady is calling for you, excuse me what is your name?" The lady asked.

Onome was overwhelmed, shocked and surprised at the same time. She never knew that Doctor Ola was in any relationship! To imagine he has someone who calls him "baby" depicts that they must be intimate. She thought of ending The call but she didn't want to be rude. Oh what a people pleaser she truly was and she hated herself the more.

"Hello who's this?"
"Hi, it's Onome!"
"Hey Onome how are you?"
"I'm fine and you?
"Yeah I'm fine I'm sorry my fiancee Sandra picked the call, I was working in the other room".

"I didn't know you have a fiance, you never mentioned it?"

"Oh, am sorry, I guess it must have skipped my mind. Am hopefully getting married to her very soon! So how's school?"

Onome lacked what to say suddenly. She was speechless. To think that, all this while, she was having a crush on someone who probably never even thought of her in that light crushed her deeply.

"School is fine." She managed to mutter.
"I just wanted to let you know I was going to Lagos soon".

"That's nice I think I heard my sister mentioned something about a catering training or so. That's important you know. Its the exposure we have been talking about and improvement."

"Yes yes that's what we talked about, I just wanted to let you know so it doesn't come as a surprise to you".

"I'm so happy for you, even if it had come as a surprise I will still be happy for you.  So how is your man friend Tega, how is he taking it?"

"Yeah he's fine. Yes he is taking it well. Am sorry I have to go. Please my regards to Sandra."

"Are you alright?"
"Yes I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"Ok, you take care, safe journey". Dr Ola said.

"Yeah thanks bye". Onome ended the call.

She wondered what sort of hypocrisy was this.  He called her every evening to talk to her, ask her about her family, tell her funny stories. Where was Sandra all this time. "I guess you were stringing me along" Onome muttered to herself.

As she pondered in thoughts, she wondered generally if Dr. Ola just wanted to be her friend. That was hurtful on it's own. She couldn't trust anybody. No one genuinely cares for her. All they want is to use her for themselves  Her trust was broken and she was in serious pain..

She knew she should talk to the one person who started it all. She knew she should call him but her mind was divided.

Why did she even break up with Tega?. She asked herself. She should have endured she thought. Maybe she should call him, then all will be well.

She did!

"Hello"
"Hey Onome how are you?"

"Am fine and you?"
"Am alright, please hold on," Tega said. She heard him speak to someone else. "Queen take a look at this and give Esther".

"Yeah Onome what's up.? Tega asked eturning back to the call
"Is Queen is with you?"

"Yeah she she is. Do you want to talk to her?"

Her world fell apart greatly. How did she get to this point. A break up hurts more when experienced than when told.

"Hmm no..I wanted to tell you that I have graduated".

"Okay congratulations that's nice!" How's your results?"

"It was good!"

"I trust you, I don't even have to ask to know that you aced everything. You are an intelligent angel."

"Thank you".

"You are a big girl now? When are you going to Lagos?"

"Tomorrow"

"Okay should I send someone to help you pack your things?"

Onome felt the pain again, Tega still wants nothing to do with her.

"No, I don't have things to park. They are all yours, just my necessary clothes and cooking utensils."

"Oh that's true, you have your cooking gig right.?

"Yeah"
"Are you driving.?"

"No, am using a public transport. I would leave your car here."

"Okay, although you know the car is yours and I do not need it.  However if you insist, I don't mind taking it back. Am sure, someone won't mind driving it here."

The tears poured out endlessly. Tega heard her sobs even when she thought they were silent.

"Onome are you okay?"

"I am fine."

"You know, I will always be here, just in case you need me."

"Thank you Tega. I appreciate everything you have done. I am sorry for...."

"Hey Onome what's wrong".
She broke down in tears ending The call abruptly. Onome cried herself into a brief nap feeling unwell. Her head hurts and she felt extremely nauseous.

Lying down on the living room sofa, she realized how messed up her life has been.

She should never have dated Tega. Her parents used her as their meal ticket and they were not remorseful or caring about her emotional health. At almost 22, she recognized that she missed certain emotional connection which has badly damaged her esteem.

Her phone rang, looking at the  caller id, she saw that it was Mrs Tolulope. She didn't want to sound like a broken record, hence she ignored the call. 

Lying down for almost two hours, she got up to pack the clothes in her room, that she would need for the next one month in Lagos and she heard the knock in the living room. She came out and listened to the voice.

"Onome is me Tega"
"Please open the door, I did not come with my keys".

Onome wiped her eyes but they were sore and bloodshot from the tears. She opened the door and he walked in, charming as usual. He wore a black jean trousers and a white t-shirt.

"What's wrong, why have you been crying?" He asked staring at her.

"Why did you drive that distance to come here?." Onome questioned.

"Oh please spare me the questions, I will always be worried about you."

"Then why did you cheat on me? She asked, crossing both armed in front of her. Tega thought she looked cute.

He sighed and sat down on the cushion.
"Who said I did?"

"What is Queen doing with you?".

"She is working for me."

"With her shirt opened?"

"Oh my goodness". Tega shook his head, staring at her.

"Queen likes me but I didn't reciprocate her affection. As a matter of fact, I asked her and Regina to watch over you and let me know all about you when I discovered you preferred a certain company to my company."

Onome sat down beside him. Completely ashamed and speechless.

"Yeah I was updated about Dr. Ola, the man who caught your attention. I wondered what he had that I didn't."

"Am sorry Tega, nothing happened between me and the doctor. He has a fiancee". She added, hoping it would change everything.

"I never said anything happened. I realized that he was not choking you like I was, so I decided to give you space and it turns out that you really wanted the space."

Onome bowed her head remembering the previous weeks of his silent treatment.

"I love you Onome but I realized that we are caught in this circle of unreal affection because of our past. I was abusing you to keep you with me until you opened my eyes to see it."

Onome looked at Tega as though she had never met him before. He sounded calm and friendly.

"Now I would prefer you are with me, only, because you want to be with me. I want you to be with me, because you truly love me but right now, you do not." Tega added.

"I love you. I really do". Onome said in a hurry.

"Oh my Princess, you say you do, but it's because am here, when you are alone,"

"I think about you,". She hurriedly said .

"Don't please me. You seem to be doing that alot and you don't even like it. That is why, I want you to go to Lagos. I want you to do what you want for yourself. I want you to live for yourself, not your parents, yourself. Not, me but yourself. Don't feel indebted to me. That's not love. That's bondage."

The tears began to flow.

"Oh Tega please don't be angry. it's not that I don't love you." Onome pleaded.

"I am not angry with you. As a matter of fact. I am not angry at all. If you are mine, you will come back to me. I understand your situation when I realized you wanted to die by my hand."

"Am so sorry Tega for doing that. It was stupid of me. Please take me back, am ready for you to pay my bride price." Onome pleaded amidst her tears.

"Oh my world, you are not yourself. Onome what is it?"

"I don't want you to leave me." Onome blurted out painfully.

"Why? Because you feel you won't meet another person like me or because your parents are indebted to me and you want to sacrifice your happiness to pay the debt huh?"

He wrapped his arms around her shoulder and pulled her into his body.

"Onome remember when I first saw you, I saw an innocent, hardworking kid. Oh, I fell in love with your black skin and slender looks. I loved how quiet you were because you were shy.
But then, I got scared that others would take you away from me, I messed up. I began to yell at you, I took all manner of hard substances to keep me high and I ended up hurting you alot.".

Onome remembered the bad times and wished everything could change.

"You endured it all, pretending that it was okay not knowing you were being damaged in the process. Princess, I watched you slit your wrist, I watch you accept to die because you were tired of living. I don't want that for my wife."

"I am so sorry" She said.

"So when I got back, I began to see a psychiatrist too. I quit smoking which is very hard for me and I am learning how to be a better person too. I want to be your friend not your master." Tega said rubbing her shoulders.

She couldn't believe her ears. He continued rubbing her shoulders as he talked.

"Tega am...." Onome tried to speak

"I know you are confused and scared."

"I am grateful for all you have done for me. Thank you for giving my father millions to build his house! I am most grateful."

"If you are not marrying me, I would still do that for them. I love helping them." Tega smiled.

"I am still grateful. Please take me back." She pleaded.

This was not the lady he met last time. This was a broken down, scared little girl and he pitied her.

"Did you tell your parents that we broke up?" Tega asked.

"I told my mum"

"I'm guessing she did not take it well?"

"No she didn't.

She broke down again crying.

"Now I can understand why you looking like this. I was already getting used to the strong, bold brave girl I encountered the last time. You know you should stop thinking about what others think about you, it's their own opinion and it's their own head ache to think. All you have to do, is ensure you're doing what is right and what makes you happy".

"Being with you makes me happy". Onome stated.

"I know you say that now. I also know that it is not true at the moment. Yes, maybe at the earlier part of our relationship, you were happy but not right now, we need some time apart, you need time my darling. You need time to reinvent yourself!
You need time to be that woman that you truly desire to be and you have my support. Your parents are like my family I will talk to them so no one should attack you for rejecting me or for picking someone else. No one, I mean absolutely no one should dare it. I know it will hurt because I love you but I truly want the best for you and the best for you right now is to find yourself, not to be caught up in this family drama."

Onome held his hands crying, not willing to let go.

"Let's make a deal Princess."

"Go to Lagos, stay the entire one month. Don't call me, I won't call you. Live your life, take as much time as you would need. Go out on dates (don't have sex), yeah am serious and if you don't see anyone you truly like, come back and I will marry you but if you see, I swear on my parents grave, I would accompany you to your parents and urge them to give you their blessings."

Onome was confused.

"Look at me, I promise you that." Onome felt hope in her heart.

"Now I have to go. It's late and I don't want to drive in the night".

"Please stay the night. Please."

"No, if I do, I would end up having sex with you. I am still attracted to you my Princess. Sex is not what you need right now. You need a clear head not mushed up emotions".

"Please, I want to see you before I leave," she added.

"Then I will go to a hotel, I will be here by 6am". He kissed her cheeks

"Good night Princess." He said as he walked out.

That night she tossed up and down, barely catching any sleep either. She got up by 4am and took her bath, packing the two travelling boxes she had arranged, one with clothes, books, documents and another with the utensils. She couldn't eat anything as she was still nauseous that morning. She sat down waiting for the time to pass by till she could see his face. True to his words, he arrived at 6am.

Onome opened even before he knocked. Still in yesterday's attire. He hugged her and she savoured his embrace. Drinking in his fragrance, she let her hands roam across his broad back.
"Are you ready?"He asked.

"I want to take you to the park."

"Yes I am ".

"Call me for anything. He said as he picked up the luggage. Onome held his hand. He looked into her eyes and they were as inviting as ever. He dropped the suitcase.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. As first it was a light kiss on the lips but he held her head and deepened it. Reminding her of what they have had, she felt the desire to be consumed once again by him.

"Onome except you don't want to travel, please continue". He said against her lips. The wet pool of desire dripping on her pant increased and she pressed into him.

"Let's go please." He said smiling.
She looked disappointed but he didn't notice.

When they arrived at the park. It was early but the first bus which she was booked for was about leaving. Her luggages were checked into the bus and Tega kissed her forehead.

"Be safe" he said.

"Will you truly wait for me?" She asked.
"No I won't" he said smiling.

"Live your life Princess.Be yourself" he advised.

He held her hands as she walked towards the bus. The tears pooled around the eyes.

"I will always love you". Tega whispered. Walking away before she could reply.

She sat down nervous in the bus, afraid of what life holds for her.

Arriving in Lagos 7 hours after, she sent Tega a text that she was safe and she had arrived. She located the apartment that Mrs Tolulope informed her about and was giving the keys. It was a one room self contain and she was grateful not to spend much in accomodation..

The first day of the training was a Monday morning, enthusiastic about putting her troubles and worries behind her, Onome left the apartment by 5:30am as she had been previously informed about the Lagos traffic. She arrived at the venue by 7am just in time for checking in.
The classes began at 7:45am. Onome met alot of persons, from male, females, old and young who wanted to improve on their catering skill. She was glad she took the opportunity.

The training session ended by 2pm. Although they were giving free lunches to eat by 12:30pm, Onome packaged her own lunch from home. She enjoyed the class even though she was nauseous in between. She couldn't seem to understand why she was suddenly feeling unwell. At the close of the training, still unable to make a new acquaintance, she went home still sad feeling alone. She stopped by the pharmacy to get malaria medicines, as her entire body fell feverish.

She guessed it was her body negatively reacting to her new environment.