Warning: Mental Monster, Stress, Panic attacks 

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"Nothing will ever be enough for the monster." -Saltine 

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Nothing was ever good enough for the monster.

"You should break her arm."

You did it without question. 

People would say that I was never the same for more than 2 minutes. The monster wanted all the control but the monster never wanted to calm down enough to allow my friends to be less scared of me. 

Whenever the monster wanted something, it didn't stop until it had it. 

A sport? Break the star player's legs. 

A video game? Steal the game.

Didn't like someone? Make their life a living hell.

It never stopped. Every single time it took control, everything became... blurry. It's as if you just saw everything disappear. 

I've tried everything.

Nothing can keep the monster in. 

Now that I am in high school, I have learned to keep the monster in for long enough to get through the day. The other students have no idea what you have to go through every day. 

You have never been in so much pain. 

"Miss L/N! What is the answer to question 2e?"

"The answer to 2e is 2.4454 cm squared."

"Correct. Did you show your work?"

"Yes."

"Come up and teach it to the class."

"Alright." Going up to the board, you saw everyone staring at you. There it was, everything was fading but you remained in minor control. It was enough to teach in simple terms. "So once you take out your calculators you type in the measurements and divide it by 45. Once you do that you have to multiply it by 2.3. That is how you do it faster and efficiently."

"Very good job, Miss L/N."

"Thank you." Going to sit down and you were back in the controlled state. A controlled state is something that is almost hard to feel, feeling like this made you think that you weren't human. 

Wouldn't you know but you weren't alone. Some bright yellow's eyes were watching your every movement. Those eyes were watching you for so long. 

Eyes were watching your movement. 

The monster wanted those eyes.

Eyes. 

Your mother wasn't much help, she dealt with the monster before and wanted to make sure that yours was the same as hers. Her monster wasn't so violent, hers was much calmer. Yours lack the control to remain calm. Now your monster was a blur. 

A blur that doesn't quit. 

The blur.

That's what I'm going to call my monster.

The Blur.

You entered your class and felt eyes on you. Those eyes you could never pinpoint where they came from. 

You knew that those eyes watched you every day and you were planning on finding them. Finding those eyes. 

Eyes. 

EYES. 

Shut up Blur.

I hate my name. 

I hate you. 

<3

After school, you were left alone once more and you planned on finding those eyes. So you allowed Blur to pinpoint the location of the eyes. 

The monster came out of the hiding hole that is your mind. 

Blur was now in control. 

You are in the control panel that is your mind, it always felt kinda empty. The walls of your brain were torn apart, Blur must have done that again. 

The pictures of your memories were trashed. The cores of the brain were on the floor, you started cleaning up your mind. You were picking up the trash and taping the pictures. 

Then that's when you saw yourself on top of a classmate and he was injured by yourself. 

You had to put away Blur for now. 

You had your body back and now you got up and proceeded to help your classmate up. 

It was Bachira. 

Those eyes were familiar now. Those bright eyes held your mind in a hold. Next thing you knew you were on the ground being held by him. You couldn't hear a word he was saying as you were coming back from the mental transformation. 

"hey... HEY!"

"..."

"Y/N!"

"Oh, Bachira!" You both get up properly and you both just stare into each other's eyes. Your eyes looked like a pocket of wonders and his bright yellow eyes were filled with passion. You noticed something about those eyes as well. His eyes were also pockets of wonders, a clear tell of a hidden creature in your mind. 

"Your eyes..." You quietly said and brought your hands to his face. You rubbed your thumb close to his eyes to see his eyes. 

Those eyes. 

They were...

"So bright..." It was odd, but his skin was so soft. Then you brought your hand to his hair, it was soft. 

But something else was odd... Blur didn't say anything about killing or hurting Bachira. Blur was silent. The peace of having no worries about someone getting hurt calmed you. 

"Y/N, are you okay?" Bachira calmly asked, his monster was different too. You could see it, a being of shadows was behind him. It wasn't doing anything, it was sort of there. "Y/N, do you need to rest? Come with me, I can help you."

You just nodded your head and Bachira grabbed your bag and picked you up. He just started to walk and you were at peace. 

Peace

A feeling that seemed impossible to feel with the Blur in your mind. 

Then something strange happened. 

The Blur was out and exploring the world. You tried to grab it and yell at it to come back but, "Don't Y/N, it's not going anywhere. You can see it, but no one else can. I was in the same boat as you a while ago."

You brought yourself back from the panic that Blur was going to hurt someone, but you ended up seeing a different side to the Blur. 

Blur just wanted freedom. 

To do whatever it wanted, it wanted to see the world. The trees, birds, glass, dogs, cats, leaves, and people. It was a curious being. 

Once Bachira said that you were there, you saw how beautiful the world could be. 

A beautiful garden is where you were now. 

Once you stood up, Bachira asked you to dance. 

You two did, once you started dancing with him, it felt like everything was being lifted at once. 

You looked around and saw his monster and yours dance as well. 

What was once a horrible thing started to form into a being of light. It was no longer a monster, but a human made of light. 

You thought nothing of it until Bachira stopped dancing and you went with him to a river. 

"A lake?"

"No silly, a river."

"Oh." You looked around to see if there was anything that he wanted to show you, but it just ended up with Bachira going into the water and you just saw Bachira being human. He was in the water laughing. You jumped in after him and you ended up just having fun with someone like you.

Now your past was just a Blur.