Memories are so precious.

They are like a part of you that may or may not be hurtful, but still, you want to carry them along, till your grave and perhaps beyond, because in so many ways, these memories are what make you.

Every moment, every single second, that turns into a memory, is a cauldron that has your past rippling like water in the ocean as you look back.

And today, when I try to do the same, only darkness greets me in return.

Yes, I am Avni.

Avni Ayesha.

In all senses, today as I stand in my room in Neela Maa's house, I can get a dive into the pool, the ocean of memories that life has given me, most of which are as toxic as poison, but I still chose to and choose to look at the beautiful ones, which albeit rare gave me so much to cherish forever.

Yes, I never got a name that I was entitled to.

Yes, I never got a family that I desired from the bottom of my heart.

Yes, I never got a normal childhood, which is a right of every kid in the world.

Yet, I know life could have been even worse, but here I am.

Surviving death for the second time in just one life.

.

.

The scar that Dayavanti Mehta gave me when I was barely 12-years old, was perennial. But at least I was content now that the world had got to know what a charade and façade this woman and her family had been weaving throughout her life.

In all this, what makes me gleam with pride is I have gotten my Aman back.

Although I tried endless times to reach him by visiting him in jail in the last one week that I got my discharge from the hospital, Neela Maa said that Aman had given his sake that I shall not visit him, not until he had completed his punishment for at least a year.

A part of me wanted to pay no heed to his sake and just go see him. After all, he was my little brother. The only blood relation I had. But then I remembered all the times I had preached about words, promises, honesty, penance, and so, no matter how hard it was for me, I decided to wait. Wait until he was ready to face me. This time not as anyone else, but his Didi.

His Avni didi.

.

.

I was feeling so much better now than what I had been feeling ever since I woke up from coma after that nearly fatal accident that Neela Maa told me about. Yet I just couldn't deny that there was some part of me that was constantly trying to echo something out loud, as if there was a part of me, part of my life that was missing, and I didn't even have an inkling of it.

I knew the doctor had said whatever had been erased from my mind, would come back to me, in the form of episodes, and that I had already started experiencing, since the past three days.

Each flash, each moment, each vague memory—and a thousand questions would rise in my mind, the answer to which I won't have, and Neela Maa wouldn't even tell me anything, saying I would unveil it all on my own since that is what the doctor had suggested.

While I understood the threat to my health if something went cuckoo, but it was an excruciatingly painful journey that I had embarked on yet again in my life, wherein I had lost the most precious thing of mine—a part of my memories.

Yes, I was glad that I still remembered my Neela Maa.

I still remembered my brother.

And most importantly, the memories of my Ayesha Maa were still untouched, unharmed in my mind.

Then what was this feeling of void clouding my head, as if I was missing out on a very, very important aspect of my life?

Rather, a very, very important person?

.

.

I didn't know why but at that conjecture, a sudden sight flashed in front of my eyes, a pair of hazel orbs, from exactly seven days ago, when I had woken up from my slumber at the hospital.

''Neil?''

The name just escaped my lips and I didn't even know why.

The guy had always shared a hate-cordial rapport with me, and if not anything I knew at least one thing and that was, he meant no harm to me.

I could never forget how he had helped me during the time Neela Maa was kidnapped, the time when Rhea misbehaved with me, and so many more such instances.

I also remember how he had always had his suspicions on me, regarding my alter life, where I was not just Ananya Verma, but also a thief.

Thankfully, I could recall the day I had evaded his suspicion when he had forcefully tried to check my pendant.

I was happy he didn't know I was the Case 123 he had been chasing all that while.

.

But back to the present, whenever I would recall that day from the hospital, all I would remember were his eyes looking intently at me, as if they held so many questions for me, as if they were trying so hard to tell me something, convey something to me, but alas, in the end they just held disappointment.

And that disappointed me!

And the worst thing was, I didn't even know why!

Here, I hardly remembered anything from last year, and out of everything, it was ACP Neil Khanna and his pair of eyes that were bothering me to the point of no return.

I didn't know what that intensity in his eyes meant.

And I didn't know why time and again, his face, his disappointment, his eyes, were flashing before me.

And again, the worst thing was, even if I tried to, I could never figure out.

If that wasn't all, of late the guy had just given me a whiplash, because in this last one week I had seen him visit this house at least four times, and none of the times he spoke even a word to me, but all he did was sit with Neela Maa over a cup of coffee and talk about god knows what!

It was also weird that Maa always treated these instances so trivially and never answered my question with a concrete answer whenever I asked her what the hell was that police officer always doing at our place.

She would dodge the question and just tell me to take some rest.

.

.

But the creepiest part for me was the unusual surfacing of all uncanny episodes related to my lost memories flashing before me, only when I would see this Neil Khanna before me.

It was becoming so weird that I found it absurd now.

My headaches would come out of nowhere and that minute all I would want is to be surrounded by darkness and fall asleep.

And when I would wake up, again only one question would haunt me for the rest of the day.

''What is it that I have forgotten? Or rather, who?''

But only deafening silence would embrace me in return.

.

.

I wiped off the lone tear that had trickled down my cheek without me realizing, and finally darted my eyes at the direction where my packed suitcase was ready.

Yes, I had finally made up my mind to leave this city for good, and start my life afresh.

When I came here, everything was a battlefield for me, where I was even prepared to die, if that's what it took to bring the truth of Dayavanti Mehta in front of the world.

I had lost so much already, from Mamma Papa, to my childhood, that now I honestly didn't have it in me to lose anyone else or anything else.

And now that the battle was long over, Dayavanti Mehta was gone, and my mission was successful, there was no reason for me to stay back.

I wouldn't be able to see Aman till the next six months, and I was sure Neela Maa would surely visit me whenever she wanted.

So, it was the right thing to do for me.

To move to New York. Pursue a course in criminal psychology and then get to work as a crime reporter; something that I had always wanted to do.

.

Until half an hour ago, I was fully headstrong about this decision of mine, and even now it looked like a legit thing to do, yet, something in my heart was pulling me to have second thoughts, as if my mind was playing this vicious game where it wanted to hold me back, but also know what I didn't know.

I could feel that inexplicable void in my chest grow deeper by the moment as I finally tried to clear all the haze from my mind, and walked over to pick my suitcase.

But that's when I heard Neela Maa's voice from behind.

''Bachcha? Kya tum sach mein jana chahti ho? Ek baar phir se soch lo?''

.

For the first part of her question, I honestly didn't have any answer, for I really didn't know what I wanted or didn't want anymore.

My emotions were being all over the place one minute and the other minute, I was as calm as the middle of the sea. My own mind was playing tricks with me, and my heart just felt like it was lacking something so much that it rendered me helpless.

And helpless I truly was, as for the second part of my question, I was indeed having second thoughts about leaving.

But I knew this change, leaving this city, was quintessential for me, because something too strong was holding me back, and my episodes were too brief to unravel the full story in front of me.

And I for once couldn't bear this torture on a daily basis.

And so I feigned courage and certainty as if they were my best friends, and told Neela Maa with conviction, ''Maa, don't worry! It's not like I am going forever. And you can visit me anytime! New York seems to be the right thing for me, now!''

''IT IS NOT, MISS. AVNI!''

The voice that echoed out loud out of nowhere caught me off guard, as I shifted my gaze towards the door and for some odd reason, my heart skipped a beat as I saw the very reason of my confusion, my episodes, the haze in my head, stand with a stern expression on his face.

Neil Khanna.

I couldn't make any head or tail of the audacity with which he was saying what he was saying, when he caught me by surprise for the second time in a row, as he said in the most authoritative tone, as if exercising some right on me, god knows how-

''You cannot leave at all Miss. Avni! After all, you are CASE 123, isn't it?''

My eyes went wide in shock as I saw him hold my pendant in one hand, while the other hand held his most prized possession—handcuffs.

**